ATTENTION JULY FILERS!

[*julez* 124]

Ok - not the best place for it perhaps but I trust you guys so thought I would unleash my dilemma here!

Invited best friend to wedding (have known each other 21 years). She is chief bridesmaid along with my other best friend of 18 years. They don't get on. Only other people invited (on my side) are close family and respective partners (trying to make this brief!).

Best friend's partner can't come but I wanted to avoid the +1 issue by leaving the invitation open to him in case he was able to make it. Best friend calls me and wants to invite her mate. I said I'd have to think about it (I don't really want her there - nothing personal, just doesn't fit with the close family/partner guest list). Best friend throws a hissy fit saying she doesn't see why she can't bring her friend if she was going to bring her boyfriend anyway.

I wouldn't mind if she had approached me in a different way and we could have compromised but I feel like it has been dumped on me and now I am in a really awkward position which I am angry about. I don't want to upset my friend but at the same time I want my guest list to be on my terms not hers.

To make it worse, she is using excuses like needing "emotional support", "not knowing anyone", "it's a long flight", she "doesn't know how she will get from the airport to the wedding" and she "doesn't know the area". All valid reasons for being a bit apprehensive about the trip perhaps except for the fact she has travelled around Asia for three months on her own and through Central America with her partner. She's been on long flights alone, made her way through countries where people don't even speak her language and I have *never* known her to turn down an excuse for meeting new people as she is a very bubbly friendly person...

Have aliens taken over my best friend's body? Am I being unreasonable? Or is she out of order? I feel sick at the thought of losing her as a friend but at the same time I don't want to have my wedding on her terms...

Well, I suppose I can understand how you both feel. On the one hand, you don't want her calling the shots. But on the other hand, she probably feels like she needs someone with her for support. As we all know, weddings can be pretty stressful for everyone involved! If she doesn't get along with the other bride's maid and her partner can't accompany her, I, personally, would allow her the security of her friend. It will keep your friend happy and feeling like you value her friendship. And in the grand scheme of things one non-hand chosen guest isn't going to ruin your day, unless you let it. You have to decide if its worth trashing a 21 year friendship over this issue. Good luck!

[janaus 0]

Ok - not the best place for it perhaps but I trust you guys so thought I would unleash my dilemma here!

Invited best friend to wedding (have known each other 21 years). She is chief bridesmaid along with my other best friend of 18 years. They don't get on. Only other people invited (on my side) are close family and respective partners (trying to make this brief!).

Best friend's partner can't come but I wanted to avoid the +1 issue by leaving the invitation open to him in case he was able to make it. Best friend calls me and wants to invite her mate. I said I'd have to think about it (I don't really want her there - nothing personal, just doesn't fit with the close family/partner guest list). Best friend throws a hissy fit saying she doesn't see why she can't bring her friend if she was going to bring her boyfriend anyway.

I wouldn't mind if she had approached me in a different way and we could have compromised but I feel like it has been dumped on me and now I am in a really awkward position which I am angry about. I don't want to upset my friend but at the same time I want my guest list to be on my terms not hers.

To make it worse, she is using excuses like needing "emotional support", "not knowing anyone", "it's a long flight", she "doesn't know how she will get from the airport to the wedding" and she "doesn't know the area". All valid reasons for being a bit apprehensive about the trip perhaps except for the fact she has travelled around Asia for three months on her own and through Central America with her partner. She's been on long flights alone, made her way through countries where people don't even speak her language and I have *never* known her to turn down an excuse for meeting new people as she is a very bubbly friendly person...

Have aliens taken over my best friend's body? Am I being unreasonable? Or is she out of order? I feel sick at the thought of losing her as a friend but at the same time I don't want to have my wedding on her terms...

If it's easier to let her bring a friend rather than to lose a friendship, then let her.However, she should also be more understanding about ur situation. AFterall, it's your wedding and you have the right to invite whomever you want. Not to mention, weddings have become sooo expensive. It largely depends on how much you value your friendship.

[weedebz 0]

I'd probably let the friend come. As others have said, you have a long friendship with this girl, I don't think it's worth trashing a friendship. She has been unreasonable, time for you to be the better person.

[Jeraly 4]

I value it a lot but I feel there is more to this issue than she is letting on - I have been expecting this for a long time and a lot of her reasons don't stand - it is so not like her it isn't even funny so I am left wondering what the real root of the problem is. I don't see why there can't be a compromise - for the whole morning and the ceremony she is going to be with me (and my other bridesmaids like it or not) then the reception is from 3pm-7pm and I have said I have no problem with her bringing her friend to the evening reception from 7pm onwards - that makes four hours where she would be without her friend but with my family who she has known as long as she has known me!

I've had an e-mail from her saying she feels that I haven't given her enough support in getting to the wedding because she doesn't know how all the transport works (again I refer you to the travelling through Asia she has done on her own) or where to stay. I have tried to write a diplomatic e-mail (currently being proof-read by mum and fiance) explaining that I am not planning holidays for 30 people on top of my emigration and wedding but that I am more than happy to help her browse online should she have asked...

Oh there is just so much it isn't even funny - there are so many things that just don't seem to stand and I don't understand what has happened to my best friend...

[Jeraly 4]

Ok... am working on a new idea with my OH... think it should all be ok...

[weedebz 0]

At the end of the day, your wedding is your (and Jeremy's) special day. Think of yourself, you are allowed to. I haven't even told most of my friends I'm getting married as I didn't want the hassle of helping them with transport/accomodation. Non of them invited, would have been different if all my family coming but as it stands my wedding is going to be 20people max...including me and Nick (at least it's cheap).....best bit so far....Nick's mammy has found me a bagpiper!!! YEY!!!

[English Muffin 59]

Oh there is just so much it isn't even funny - there are so many things that just don't seem to stand and I don't understand what has happened to my best friend...

I'm wondering if your friend is subconsciously angry with you? Perhaps somewhere deep in her subconscious mind she sees you getting married and moving away as 'deserting' her so she is trying to make your wedding difficult. I don't mean in an intentional way - something much deeper than that.

I'm no expert on this kind of stuff but maybe she's going through some kind of 'abandonment issues' right now. She's going to miss you a lot and she sees the wedding as part of what is going to be taking you away.

I hope you work it out with her.

[Jeraly 4]

Oh that is soo cool! Still waiting on dress pics as well!!!

I know it is my day - I really was annoyed that she kind of expected me to organise her trip for her - like it's my job!! I don't even have my own flights and things booked yet! Jeremy and I are discussing waiting to see who can or can't make it then maybe extend the invitation to a few choice friends... it's something at least - I think it's just the idea of all these close friends and family and then one random person... it just didn't sit well I'm sure things will work out

But yeah - dress!!!! And bagpipes - really not my choice of music but very very cool ;D

[Jeraly 4]

YAYAYAYA!!! My projected approval date has gone from 5th Dec to 26th Nov again!!! I couldn't believe my eyes!!! I know it is still subject to change but it is nice to see it moving the other way for a change

[weedebz 0]

YAYAYAYA!!! My projected approval date has gone from 5th Dec to 26th Nov again!!! I couldn't believe my eyes!!! I know it is still subject to change but it is nice to see it moving the other way for a change

woohoo.....mine has changed too.......12th November...... Come on CSC you can do it....keep em coming!!!

[*julez* 124]

YAYAYAYA!!! My projected approval date has gone from 5th Dec to 26th Nov again!!! I couldn't believe my eyes!!! I know it is still subject to change but it is nice to see it moving the other way for a change

woohoo.....mine has changed too.......12th November...... Come on CSC you can do it....keep em coming!!!

Mine went from Nov. 18th to Nov. 24th. Made even worse by the fact that it was initially Oct. 1st.

[weedebz 0]

YAYAYAYA!!! My projected approval date has gone from 5th Dec to 26th Nov again!!! I couldn't believe my eyes!!! I know it is still subject to change but it is nice to see it moving the other way for a change

woohoo.....mine has changed too.......12th November...... Come on CSC you can do it....keep em coming!!!

Mine went from Nov. 18th to Nov. 24th. Made even worse by the fact that it was initially Oct. 1st.

at the start mine was 11th oct so only 32days later

[Jason-Sasha 1]

We started with October 9th....now November 13. But it has been as late as November 16th before.

[done 0]

We started with October 9th....now November 13. But it has been as late as November 16th before.

Hey all - I am sorry if this is a "repost" but I just checked my case online at USCIS and the CSC has changed it's processing times now. They are no longer processing "files with a receipt date of February 13th"

now the processing times are listed as "6 months"

Now, again this is CSC, not VSC or whatever the others are - it would be useful info for anyone who filed in July and also is filing for a spouse in a country known for long processing times - apparently Russia is lately, grrr! (I have read here that places like Cuba take alot less time).

Anyway, carry on folks

Best wishes to all

Edited September 4, 2007 by gonlaz

[Jeraly 4]

Mine started at Nov 24th I think and has been as late as Dec 5th - no doubt it will all change again but it is nice to see the dates moving both ways *checks again as is sure it has gone back to Dec now...*

LMAO (in a not-good way)

In the space of... 11 hours? My projected date has now moved to Dec 6th from 25th Nov... the latest it has ever been! Knew I was getting excited too early... ah well, such is life... just have to keep praying I guess

Edited September 4, 2007 by Jeraly