Personal Attacks?

[thkcmp 0]

I don't care about being attacked, really. And I also don't care about the thread being closed, whether it be at my request, or another's.

I realize that there are people out there in the world that will be cruel, or maybe just sound like they are because they aren't sure how to say what they really mean. I am not here to judge anyone, or to justify anything. I just don't understand how you can get so mean and nasty with a person you don't even really KNOW. Yes, I understand that everything we post here is put up for the whole vj world to see, and I realize that there are those who would take a comment and run with it. I have never, nor will I ever, post anything that is "too personal" here, or anywhere else that would be open to the public. There are those that do, and who am I to make fun of them? Or to critisize them? Or to tell them if they are right or wrong? Maybe they just want to know what someone else would do in the same situation? Maybe they are just asking for a new view on it? I don't know. I do know that no one WANTS to be attacked,and it seems that it happens a lot here. Sometimes I think I had to many guy friends and don't think along the same lines as some Catty women do! LOL And, Yes, I know that I am opening myslef up for a LOT of potential nastiness, but ya know what? I am tough enough to take it, AND I don't care! LOL

Or maybe they just want someone to hold their hand in silence.

Good post....well said!!

[sarah and hicham 3]

I don't care about being attacked, really. And I also don't care about the thread being closed, whether it be at my request, or another's.

I realize that there are people out there in the world that will be cruel, or maybe just sound like they are because they aren't sure how to say what they really mean. I am not here to judge anyone, or to justify anything. I just don't understand how you can get so mean and nasty with a person you don't even really KNOW. Yes, I understand that everything we post here is put up for the whole vj world to see, and I realize that there are those who would take a comment and run with it. I have never, nor will I ever, post anything that is "too personal" here, or anywhere else that would be open to the public. There are those that do, and who am I to make fun of them? Or to critisize them? Or to tell them if they are right or wrong? Maybe they just want to know what someone else would do in the same situation? Maybe they are just asking for a new view on it? I don't know. I do know that no one WANTS to be attacked,and it seems that it happens a lot here. Sometimes I think I had to many guy friends and don't think along the same lines as some Catty women do! LOL And, Yes, I know that I am opening myslef up for a LOT of potential nastiness, but ya know what? I am tough enough to take it, AND I don't care! LOL

Or maybe they just want someone to hold their hand in silence.

Good post....well said!!

Oh that's a good idea. When a woman is beat by her husband and posts about it here we can all just hold her hand and tell her everything will work out between her and her husband.

Sorry but Jean's post is a cry for help and I think it is absolutely wrong to give Jean hope about being with a man who hit her. I don't think anyone here knows enough about her situation to tell her that everything will be ok. I still don't understand the "nastiness" that you are talking about towards Jean. Do you honestly think that people giving her advice to leave her husband is nastiness? Everyone who told her not to stay with Mohammed only want the best for Jean.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Based on the number of Personal Attacks on vj lately, I would like to post my opinion. If you don't want to hear them, don't read this Post!

Everyone of us has our own reasons for doing what we do. Some of those reasons we make public here, most of them we don't. I don't think any of us are here looking for approval for the choices we make. We are here to learn about the immigration process and to share our experiences. In the past two weeks I have seen two people ran off of vj, and to me it just doesn't seem fair. These people were here to share their experiences with us, so that we could all learn from them, not so that we could pass judgment on them!

Julianna with her quips about waiting for her husband and all the things she was doing to make his adjustment to life here. How could any of that been considered bad? The fact that she could still make jokes about it was amazing to me!

And Together4 Ever? How I feel for her! That anyone could attack her when her life had taken such a momentus turn for the worse, I cannot imagine. No one who has not lived through it can imagine her heartbreak. But to make nasty comments about it, when she was so obviously just looking for someone to understand, what does it say about us as a person? What would we do in the same situation? So sad.

And now, there seems to be another round of attacks going on, and her role of mother is being questioned? Why? Who are we to judge a persons qualities of being a mother? Does being a mother qualify anyone to tell anyone else how to be a "good mother"? I know I am not the one to do it. I have been a single mother for 12 years, and everyday I look at my sons and wonder if my choices in life, my decisions, have been the right ones for them. Are they going to be well adjusted adults, or are they going to have emotional issues? Will they respect all women because of what they have witnessed in my life? Or will they just take it all for granted on the assumption that it was the choice I made for myself? Kind of like you made your bed now sleep in it?

The choice I made when I married my husband, was my choice to make. I asked for no ones opinions, and tried not to be disheartened when I was questioned if he could have married me for a green card. I have to say that I don't think that was the reason. But how do we ever really know what is in anothers heart and mind? Life and love don't come with any guarantees, no refunds, and no exchanges.

I guess my whole point in this post, is simply this.

We make our decisions, based on what is right for us. I am sure we all stop and take into consideration, that not only will we be affected by our choices, but those of us closest to us. Based on that, we make the choice to do what is the best in the long term. Maybe there are those that will not agree, maybe there are those that will not understand, but they don't make the choice for us. They do not live our lives for US.

Edited June 9, 2007 by sarah and hicham

[thkcmp 0]

I don't care about being attacked, really. And I also don't care about the thread being closed, whether it be at my request, or another's.

I realize that there are people out there in the world that will be cruel, or maybe just sound like they are because they aren't sure how to say what they really mean. I am not here to judge anyone, or to justify anything. I just don't understand how you can get so mean and nasty with a person you don't even really KNOW. Yes, I understand that everything we post here is put up for the whole vj world to see, and I realize that there are those who would take a comment and run with it. I have never, nor will I ever, post anything that is "too personal" here, or anywhere else that would be open to the public. There are those that do, and who am I to make fun of them? Or to critisize them? Or to tell them if they are right or wrong? Maybe they just want to know what someone else would do in the same situation? Maybe they are just asking for a new view on it? I don't know. I do know that no one WANTS to be attacked,and it seems that it happens a lot here. Sometimes I think I had to many guy friends and don't think along the same lines as some Catty women do! LOL And, Yes, I know that I am opening myslef up for a LOT of potential nastiness, but ya know what? I am tough enough to take it, AND I don't care! LOL

Or maybe they just want someone to hold their hand in silence.

Good post....well said!!

Oh that's a good idea. When a woman is beat by her husband and posts about it here we can all just hold her hand and tell her everything will work out between her and her husband.

Sorry but Jean's post is a cry for help and I think it is absolutely wrong to give Jean hope about being with a man who hit her. I don't think anyone here knows enough about her situation to tell her that everything will be ok. I still don't understand the "nastiness" that you are talking about towards Jean. Do you honestly think that people giving her advice to leave her husband is nastiness? Everyone who told her not to stay with Mohammed only want the best for Jean.

I think this is an example of what Tammy Sue and others have been saying. Seems you saw Jean's name in the statement of holding someone's hand. You automatically thought that Jean was the person being referred to. Did you even think that someone else was in mind? From your reply....obviously not.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I don't care about being attacked, really. And I also don't care about the thread being closed, whether it be at my request, or another's.

I realize that there are people out there in the world that will be cruel, or maybe just sound like they are because they aren't sure how to say what they really mean. I am not here to judge anyone, or to justify anything. I just don't understand how you can get so mean and nasty with a person you don't even really KNOW. Yes, I understand that everything we post here is put up for the whole vj world to see, and I realize that there are those who would take a comment and run with it. I have never, nor will I ever, post anything that is "too personal" here, or anywhere else that would be open to the public. There are those that do, and who am I to make fun of them? Or to critisize them? Or to tell them if they are right or wrong? Maybe they just want to know what someone else would do in the same situation? Maybe they are just asking for a new view on it? I don't know. I do know that no one WANTS to be attacked,and it seems that it happens a lot here. Sometimes I think I had to many guy friends and don't think along the same lines as some Catty women do! LOL And, Yes, I know that I am opening myslef up for a LOT of potential nastiness, but ya know what? I am tough enough to take it, AND I don't care! LOL

Or maybe they just want someone to hold their hand in silence.

Good post....well said!!

Oh that's a good idea. When a woman is beat by her husband and posts about it here we can all just hold her hand and tell her everything will work out between her and her husband.

Sorry but Jean's post is a cry for help and I think it is absolutely wrong to give Jean hope about being with a man who hit her. I don't think anyone here knows enough about her situation to tell her that everything will be ok. I still don't understand the "nastiness" that you are talking about towards Jean. Do you honestly think that people giving her advice to leave her husband is nastiness? Everyone who told her not to stay with Mohammed only want the best for Jean.

I think this is an example of what Tammy Sue and others have been saying. Seems you saw Jean's name in the statement of holding someone's hand. You automatically thought that Jean was the person being referred to. Did you even think that someone else was in mind? From your reply....obviously not.

Oh that's right, we're not naming names here. Except for the names Jean, Jess, and Julianna.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

Oh that's right, we're not naming names here. Except for the names Jean, Jess, and Julianna.

actually, you're pretty much the only one naming them

[babybunny 2]

Based on the number of Personal Attacks on vj lately, I would like to post my opinion. If you don't want to hear them, don't read this Post!

Everyone of us has our own reasons for doing what we do. Some of those reasons we make public here, most of them we don't. I don't think any of us are here looking for approval for the choices we make. We are here to learn about the immigration process and to share our experiences. In the past two weeks I have seen two people ran off of vj, and to me it just doesn't seem fair. These people were here to share their experiences with us, so that we could all learn from them, not so that we could pass judgment on them!

Julianna with her quips about waiting for her husband and all the things she was doing to make his adjustment to life here. How could any of that been considered bad? The fact that she could still make jokes about it was amazing to me!

And Together4 Ever? How I feel for her! That anyone could attack her when her life had taken such a momentus turn for the worse, I cannot imagine. No one who has not lived through it can imagine her heartbreak. But to make nasty comments about it, when she was so obviously just looking for someone to understand, what does it say about us as a person? What would we do in the same situation? So sad.

And now, there seems to be another round of attacks going on, and her role of mother is being questioned? Why? Who are we to judge a persons qualities of being a mother? Does being a mother qualify anyone to tell anyone else how to be a "good mother"? I know I am not the one to do it. I have been a single mother for 12 years, and everyday I look at my sons and wonder if my choices in life, my decisions, have been the right ones for them. Are they going to be well adjusted adults, or are they going to have emotional issues? Will they respect all women because of what they have witnessed in my life? Or will they just take it all for granted on the assumption that it was the choice I made for myself? Kind of like you made your bed now sleep in it?

The choice I made when I married my husband, was my choice to make. I asked for no ones opinions, and tried not to be disheartened when I was questioned if he could have married me for a green card. I have to say that I don't think that was the reason. But how do we ever really know what is in anothers heart and mind? Life and love don't come with any guarantees, no refunds, and no exchanges.

I guess my whole point in this post, is simply this.

We make our decisions, based on what is right for us. I am sure we all stop and take into consideration, that not only will we be affected by our choices, but those of us closest to us. Based on that, we make the choice to do what is the best in the long term. Maybe there are those that will not agree, maybe there are those that will not understand, but they don't make the choice for us. They do not live our lives for US.

I dont think ANYONE on VJ attacked "Together4 Ever ". I think you got VJ and her husband confused. it was her husband that attacked her 5 times. so lets be clear here. what I have seen on VJ was NOTHING but support in her getting the hell out of the relationship and moving on. If you have ever been in a life threating situation then you would be the first in extending a hand to pull her to safety! if you feel like she has been attacked on VJ then its your perception. All I do see is Together4 Ever looking for validation on her reasoning for going back to her " attacker".

REALITY CHECK

What would happen if you saw Jean in the NEWS found beaten to death?

this my friend is what we all are trying to prevent.

[babybunny 2]

I don't care about being attacked, really. And I also don't care about the thread being closed, whether it be at my request, or another's.

I realize that there are people out there in the world that will be cruel, or maybe just sound like they are because they aren't sure how to say what they really mean. I am not here to judge anyone, or to justify anything. I just don't understand how you can get so mean and nasty with a person you don't even really KNOW. Yes, I understand that everything we post here is put up for the whole vj world to see, and I realize that there are those who would take a comment and run with it. I have never, nor will I ever, post anything that is "too personal" here, or anywhere else that would be open to the public. There are those that do, and who am I to make fun of them? Or to critisize them? Or to tell them if they are right or wrong? Maybe they just want to know what someone else would do in the same situation? Maybe they are just asking for a new view on it? I don't know. I do know that no one WANTS to be attacked,and it seems that it happens a lot here. Sometimes I think I had to many guy friends and don't think along the same lines as some Catty women do! LOL And, Yes, I know that I am opening myslef up for a LOT of potential nastiness, but ya know what? I am tough enough to take it, AND I don't care! LOL

Or maybe they just want someone to hold their hand in silence.

Good post....well said!!

Oh that's a good idea. When a woman is beat by her husband and posts about it here we can all just hold her hand and tell her everything will work out between her and her husband.

Sorry but Jean's post is a cry for help and I think it is absolutely wrong to give Jean hope about being with a man who hit her. I don't think anyone here knows enough about her situation to tell her that everything will be ok. I still don't understand the "nastiness" that you are talking about towards Jean. Do you honestly think that people giving her advice to leave her husband is nastiness? Everyone who told her not to stay with Mohammed only want the best for Jean.

I agree with you!

I don't care about being attacked, really. And I also don't care about the thread being closed, whether it be at my request, or another's.

I realize that there are people out there in the world that will be cruel, or maybe just sound like they are because they aren't sure how to say what they really mean. I am not here to judge anyone, or to justify anything. I just don't understand how you can get so mean and nasty with a person you don't even really KNOW. Yes, I understand that everything we post here is put up for the whole vj world to see, and I realize that there are those who would take a comment and run with it. I have never, nor will I ever, post anything that is "too personal" here, or anywhere else that would be open to the public. There are those that do, and who am I to make fun of them? Or to critisize them? Or to tell them if they are right or wrong? Maybe they just want to know what someone else would do in the same situation? Maybe they are just asking for a new view on it? I don't know. I do know that no one WANTS to be attacked,and it seems that it happens a lot here. Sometimes I think I had to many guy friends and don't think along the same lines as some Catty women do! LOL And, Yes, I know that I am opening myslef up for a LOT of potential nastiness, but ya know what? I am tough enough to take it, AND I don't care! LOL

Or maybe they just want someone to hold their hand in silence.

Good post....well said!!

Oh that's a good idea. When a woman is beat by her husband and posts about it here we can all just hold her hand and tell her everything will work out between her and her husband.

Sorry but Jean's post is a cry for help and I think it is absolutely wrong to give Jean hope about being with a man who hit her. I don't think anyone here knows enough about her situation to tell her that everything will be ok. I still don't understand the "nastiness" that you are talking about towards Jean. Do you honestly think that people giving her advice to leave her husband is nastiness? Everyone who told her not to stay with Mohammed only want the best for Jean.

I think this is an example of what Tammy Sue and others have been saying. Seems you saw Jean's name in the statement of holding someone's hand. You automatically thought that Jean was the person being referred to. Did you even think that someone else was in mind? From your reply....obviously not.

Together4 Ever is JEAN .. go back read the TAMMY SUEs statement again!

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

To clear things up a litte, yes I did mention Jean, and Julianna, but I was only using them as examples. As far as being there, well let me tell you I HAVE been there. I WAS the victim of abuse for over 4 years in my first marriage. It all started with just a slap. It escalated to me being fist punched, strangled, my teeth knocked out, kicked and raped. Yes, I said raped, by my husband. Do you know what this does to a persons mind? Possibly, some of you do. All the advice in the world could not convince me to leave, he was my HUSBAND for GOD's sake. MY HUSBAND! That was what was in my mind. There was a reason why he was doing these things, there had to be. Right? People called me a fool, stupid, all sorts of things. Some gave me advice, but how could they know what I NEEDED to do? My husband was a well respected and well liked man, so all of this HAD to be my fault. Right? Don't you see that this is what an abused woman begins to believe? It's all HER fault. Laying in a hospital bed from my last round of abuse, it was a few simple words from a nurse that turned my life around. Those words have stuck in my head for 20 years. Even a dog doesn't deserve this. That's all she said. No words of advice, no telling me what I should do, she didn't judge me for staying. She didn't preach to me, or tell me what could happen if I went back to him. She didn't give me examples of other patients she had cared for, other women who had been abused. She gave me no scenarios of what had happened to her cousin, or her friends who had been through this.

Sometimes, it's not the words that we hear, it's the delivery of those words. If I have offended anyone with my words, I am truly sorry. It was not my intent to do so. On the other hand, if I have touched ONE person, made them feel better about themselves, made them THINK, then I am happy. I never started this thread to intentionally point out any one person, or to make them feel bad about themselves. Just the circimstances that seem to have gotten out of hand with comments that may not really help, but be detrimental in the long run. My grandmother always told me," Pretty is as pretty does". Based on that I can honestly say that I believe I am a beautifull person, as some others that post here can testify to. LOL

[irahaymeh 0]

Very well said! I wholeheartedly agree. VJ has been very supportive and most encouraging for me during the visa process. I don't know how I would have maintained my sanity if it had not been for the support of people like WOM, JP, Jacque, Prena, Wendy, Julianna, Maureen, Angie, Ainfante, Dawn, Angie, Julianb and many other VJ members. The support was outstanding for me! And, the slumber party was awesome - to see so many wellwishing friends stop in the chatroom wishing us well and staying until they could no longer keep their eyes open. WOM stayed with me till I got the call at 2:40 am after Tawfiq's successful interview!

Those who have nothing good to say, should SAY NOTHING AT ALL!

[~Jackie~ 30]

I can share a little of the future with you.....my next MENA slumber party will be invite only and private. So watch your messages for your personal invitation. No way will I let a select few ruin our support group and our good time.

Jackie

[Marry American 0]

I remember the abuse thread and offered my opinion as well. I also remember that it was closed/locked. I do not know if the thread even exist today, but what I do know is that sarah continued to bring up the abuse and what should be done on almost ever post thereafter. she even brought it up on daily threads. If that is not harassment, then what is? Futhermore, people are still offering (only select individuals) their opinion about what should be done. How in the h%&^ would you know what should be done in Jean's situation. Before select people answer that because I know that they will. How can you even answer properly by saying that 'i have been in that situation' or 'i know someone that has been in that situation'. But are you currently in Jean's situation-NO! Also, did she say time and time again, that she did not want people to comment on it again.

Tammy starts a thread about the nastiness on VJ-MENA particularly, then people still talk about Jean and her situation and that she should not stay with her husband.

sarah stated that people that gave her different advice from what she gave are sick people, is that not a TOS violation?

I know all of sarah's friends (surprised she still has any, especially since she stated in another thread that she has nothing in common with MENA women) will come to the rescue. But guess what I stated my opinion and I'm done.

Have a great weekend everyone. I'm off to the Shedd aquarium with my family. BTW-my husband has a job interview Monday for a very good job opportunity. Send some prayers his way that he gets it.

Edited June 9, 2007 by i adore you

[Caladan 19]

And thus dies the site, not with a bang, but with private invitations.

If you re-read Together4ever's thread, it's 70% of people saying "we love you and we'll pray for you", 25% people saying "we love you, you need to get out" and 5% expressing those same sentiments vehemently. I can't imagine it was fun for Together4ever, but on the other hand, no one attacked her. If there was a mistake, it was in adopting the 'tough love' role that doesn't come across well on the Internet. Of course, one can't exactly sit in silence and hold someone's hand over text either without soundingn like an enabler for abuse. There is no silence. There are no hands.

[Together4ever 1]

I am still waiting on Ewok to disable my account which I have been asking for the last 3 days. Hopefully today will see the end. After checking my personal messages I saw this thread. Since my name is being dragged around repeatedly I have something I want to say. I will do what I am able to do at this time. That is the only defense I can and will give myself. I posted my original post for the purposes of my own healing. It was taking a step to put the truth out there and not hide in shame. I requested no advice, although I knew it would not be respected. Abuse can be verbal as well. Being called a fool and stupid and all the other lovely thing the self-righteous love to hurl with their "good intentions of tough love", or hearing your husband called a monster (remember a husband is a man you love dearly and have betrothed your life too... most do not marry with a throw-away mentality) is not easy, especially when you are struggling to make sense of what is happening to you. Some of the things I have read said on here have hurt me far deeper then his hands ever could. Words do carry weight, whether they are in person or on the internet, especially to a person that hurts. I have been professionally advised to remain away from people who do such things at this time because it is causing more damage and confusion then it is anything positive.

If anyone wants to remain in contact with me, you can email me at touchingthemoon@peoplepc.com. I however am not seeking advice or more insults. I am also not seeking an enabler or someone to rose color things or whatever else the hell people on her love to call compassion. Its just nice to not feel alone in the world and I think a lot of people can understand that. Friendship.

Now I would REALLY appreciate it if people would PLEASE stop dragging my name around. You have no idea what are you doing to me. Thank you.

Edited June 9, 2007 by Together4ever

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

It is out of deep respect for Jean that I am asking that this thread be closed. I appologize deeply for any injury you may have suffered from this post, it was never my intention to harm you, or any one else that may have been mentioned. Jean, you have my deepest respects. May God Bless You and Guide You.

Respectfully;

Tammy Al Theeb

Please, let this thread be CLOSED