Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[jawi876 2]

Jawi....you just made me chuckle a little. I wonder if my husband would be smart enough to hire two ladies to pretend to be his crazy mother and sister and 9 little kids to run around the yard, just to fool me. Knowing them, I know the devil spawned all of them. Otherwise, it would've been a good trick.

Not knocking you.......Good points, though. And, I agree with most.

When I met my husband, I was involved with someone else. I got to know him in a friendly manner and I, too, watched how he interacted with others. We were platonic for a very long time. And, when I was in the process of deciding to break up with my BF, I told him I didn't know if I would or could. It was never about him. One of the first things I told him was that I would not have any more children either. I gave him some tough words from the start. He handled them like a trooper.

The thing is there are no clear cut "red flags" to look for. If it all came with some sort of set rule-book, this LDR life would be so much easier. But, there are things that happen, that if they make you pause, need to be heeded. Sometimes they slap you so hard in the face, you have to pay attention.

Of course I'm not implying that my opinion or theories are true for everyone. I posted his story only to point out that meeting "family" is not nearly enough proof that he loves you. My point was that you shouldn't take everything he tells you as the absolute truth and gospel. Challenge him and force him to delve deeper in his professions of love.

Jomo from what you post here, you definitely keep your husband on his toes at all times. I like that you stay true to yourself first and foremost. I am the same way, in that, I have to stay true to myself first. If I can manage that, then I don't have any regrets. But, I refuse to deny my truth to help a man fool me just because I want to feel love.

The gigolos don't know how to deal with a woman that truly loves herself IMHO.

Jawi....I was not arguing with you in any way shape or form. If I came across that way, at all, I am sorry.

You have no idea how many people have told me I'm not easy. I know it. And, like I always say, I am what I am...and one thing I am is a person who respects herself. I do keep my husband on his toes. He's used to it and he actually respects that he can't walk all over me. While he's calmer then me, he's just as pig-headed. We make a good match.

I just told Mindy that one of my main things is I do not accept cheating. If I found out my husband was cheating on me or HAD EVER cheated on me in the past, no matter where we were in our relationship, he would be gone. There are too many men out there and too many communicable diseases.....and I respect myself. It's my one non-negotiable point. Everything else you can work through.

It never crossed my mind that we were arguing in the slightest. We are simply exchanging ideas, I don't even think we are debating. Essentially, we are saying the same things. No need to apologize girl!

I hear the same thing that I'm not easy, and my temper and mouth can be fierce (ask Shawn) LOL. I have unleashed my fury on many a Jamaican male thinking I'm a pushover. Jonesie thinks that I am too friendly (so does A)...but they both know that I am a force to reckon with if need be too. I am a Libra through and through and I often see both side of the story. I can be very opinionated, but usually after I have weighed both sides over and over again. Even in my opinions, I will give merit to the opposite side as well.

What is a dealbreaker for one person may not be a dealbreaker for the next person. I can't tolerate a liar, a man using the f word or being disrespectful to me, or a man that hits. My personal truth allows me to accept human nature, and cheating is not necessarily a dealbreaker to me. I know that in this lifetime, both A and I will both find ourselves attracted to other people. How we deal with the attraction and communicate with each other about the attraction means more to me. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't condone cheating at all. But, the details of the infidelity would hold more weight for me than the actual deed.

[luvtravlin 0]

Jawi....you just made me chuckle a little. I wonder if my husband would be smart enough to hire two ladies to pretend to be his crazy mother and sister and 9 little kids to run around the yard, just to fool me. Knowing them, I know the devil spawned all of them. Otherwise, it would've been a good trick.

Not knocking you.......Good points, though. And, I agree with most.

When I met my husband, I was involved with someone else. I got to know him in a friendly manner and I, too, watched how he interacted with others. We were platonic for a very long time. And, when I was in the process of deciding to break up with my BF, I told him I didn't know if I would or could. It was never about him. One of the first things I told him was that I would not have any more children either. I gave him some tough words from the start. He handled them like a trooper.

The thing is there are no clear cut "red flags" to look for. If it all came with some sort of set rule-book, this LDR life would be so much easier. But, there are things that happen, that if they make you pause, need to be heeded. Sometimes they slap you so hard in the face, you have to pay attention.

Of course I'm not implying that my opinion or theories are true for everyone. I posted his story only to point out that meeting "family" is not nearly enough proof that he loves you. My point was that you shouldn't take everything he tells you as the absolute truth and gospel. Challenge him and force him to delve deeper in his professions of love.

Jomo from what you post here, you definitely keep your husband on his toes at all times. I like that you stay true to yourself first and foremost. I am the same way, in that, I have to stay true to myself first. If I can manage that, then I don't have any regrets. But, I refuse to deny my truth to help a man fool me just because I want to feel love.

The gigolos don't know how to deal with a woman that truly loves herself IMHO.

Jawi....I was not arguing with you in any way shape or form. If I came across that way, at all, I am sorry.

You have no idea how many people have told me I'm not easy. I know it. And, like I always say, I am what I am...and one thing I am is a person who respects herself. I do keep my husband on his toes. He's used to it and he actually respects that he can't walk all over me. While he's calmer then me, he's just as pig-headed. We make a good match.

I just told Mindy that one of my main things is I do not accept cheating. If I found out my husband was cheating on me or HAD EVER cheated on me in the past, no matter where we were in our relationship, he would be gone. There are too many men out there and too many communicable diseases.....and I respect myself. It's my one non-negotiable point. Everything else you can work through.

Absolutely!!! That to is my breaking point. I cannot and will not tolerate it in no way shape form or fashion. Its just not acceptable because I know I won't do it to him and for sure don't want him to do it to me. My SO is really good looking but sh"t so am I. As quickly as he could get someone else so could I and that is something he is reminded of regularly (not over the top with it though). LOL!

A physical whatever with another woman....he'd be gone!! Although there was a TON of the getting of phone numbers because women are just WAAAY to easy to give them out when there's a "smooth talker". The *thinking* that was okay and the fact that he was never going to be caught.....yeah, okay....but he did. He hasn't done that for quite some time, learned his lesson that it was stupid and it was getting him absolutely NOwhere!! Like Kelly, I don't play and I've said to Craig on numerous occassions that "I" don't need a man to make me feel good about myself. You HAVE to feel good about your OWNself and have self respect !!! Challenge or no challenge, those days are LONG gone !!!

[*JG* 2]

Jawi....you just made me chuckle a little. I wonder if my husband would be smart enough to hire two ladies to pretend to be his crazy mother and sister and 9 little kids to run around the yard, just to fool me. Knowing them, I know the devil spawned all of them. Otherwise, it would've been a good trick.

Not knocking you.......Good points, though. And, I agree with most.

When I met my husband, I was involved with someone else. I got to know him in a friendly manner and I, too, watched how he interacted with others. We were platonic for a very long time. And, when I was in the process of deciding to break up with my BF, I told him I didn't know if I would or could. It was never about him. One of the first things I told him was that I would not have any more children either. I gave him some tough words from the start. He handled them like a trooper.

The thing is there are no clear cut "red flags" to look for. If it all came with some sort of set rule-book, this LDR life would be so much easier. But, there are things that happen, that if they make you pause, need to be heeded. Sometimes they slap you so hard in the face, you have to pay attention.

Of course I'm not implying that my opinion or theories are true for everyone. I posted his story only to point out that meeting "family" is not nearly enough proof that he loves you. My point was that you shouldn't take everything he tells you as the absolute truth and gospel. Challenge him and force him to delve deeper in his professions of love.

Jomo from what you post here, you definitely keep your husband on his toes at all times. I like that you stay true to yourself first and foremost. I am the same way, in that, I have to stay true to myself first. If I can manage that, then I don't have any regrets. But, I refuse to deny my truth to help a man fool me just because I want to feel love.

The gigolos don't know how to deal with a woman that truly loves herself IMHO.

Jawi....I was not arguing with you in any way shape or form. If I came across that way, at all, I am sorry.

You have no idea how many people have told me I'm not easy. I know it. And, like I always say, I am what I am...and one thing I am is a person who respects herself. I do keep my husband on his toes. He's used to it and he actually respects that he can't walk all over me. While he's calmer then me, he's just as pig-headed. We make a good match.

I just told Mindy that one of my main things is I do not accept cheating. If I found out my husband was cheating on me or HAD EVER cheated on me in the past, no matter where we were in our relationship, he would be gone. There are too many men out there and too many communicable diseases.....and I respect myself. It's my one non-negotiable point. Everything else you can work through.

It never crossed my mind that we were arguing in the slightest. We are simply exchanging ideas, I don't even think we are debating. Essentially, we are saying the same things. No need to apologize girl!

I hear the same thing that I'm not easy, and my temper and mouth can be fierce (ask Shawn) LOL. I have unleashed my fury on many a Jamaican male thinking I'm a pushover. Jonesie thinks that I am too friendly (so does A)...but they both know that I am a force to reckon with if need be too. I am a Libra through and through and I often see both side of the story. I can be very opinionated, but usually after I have weighed both sides over and over again. Even in my opinions, I will give merit to the opposite side as well.

What is a dealbreaker for one person may not be a dealbreaker for the next person. I can't tolerate a liar, a man using the f word or being disrespectful to me, or a man that hits. My personal truth allows me to accept human nature, and cheating is not necessarily a dealbreaker to me. I know that in this lifetime, both A and I will both find ourselves attracted to other people. How we deal with the attraction and communicate with each other about the attraction means more to me. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't condone cheating at all. But, the details of the infidelity would hold more weight for me than the actual deed.

Oh, those other things are on my list too. You are much more forgiving then me. I would hear "I cheated on you" and nothing but the blood pounding in my ears after that and maybe me slamming the door after I threw his stuff on the front lawn. He needn't try to even explain anything after that.

[Forever Young 1]

**********FRIDAY CHUCKLE**********

WE MADE IT!!! Sorry, I'm late today...I'm on JA. time!

Hope everyone has a GREAT WEEKEND!!!

Bless ,

Gill

****************************************************************

Dinner Bill

There were three men living together in London, a Trinidadian a Barbadian and a Jamaican who were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food. However, upon coming close to a posh restaurant they came up with a plan.

The Trinidadian went in first. After being seated he ordered a three-course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal the waiter came by with the cheque.

"But I paid you" the Trinidadian shouted.

The waiter was very confused as he could not remember being paid, but as he did not want to cause any trouble...he let the Trinidadian leave.

Five minutes later the Barbadian walked into the restaurant and ordered a five-course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for food.

"But I paid you" The Barbadian shouted.

This time the manager came and had to calm down the Barbadian, and as he did not want anything to upset the other customers he let the Barbadian go.

Ten minutes later the Jamaican walked in, sat down, lit a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu plus two Red Stripe beers. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal and before asking for it, the waiter said, "Sir... I have been having a sort of problem all day and I can't understand it. Other people like you came in earlier and ate and they said that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them, so........

"Before he could finish, the Jamaican chimed in loudly, "Hear mi nuh boss, that ah fi yu problem dat? jus gimme mi change!"

[luvtravlin 0]

Jawi....you just made me chuckle a little. I wonder if my husband would be smart enough to hire two ladies to pretend to be his crazy mother and sister and 9 little kids to run around the yard, just to fool me. Knowing them, I know the devil spawned all of them. Otherwise, it would've been a good trick.

Not knocking you.......Good points, though. And, I agree with most.

When I met my husband, I was involved with someone else. I got to know him in a friendly manner and I, too, watched how he interacted with others. We were platonic for a very long time. And, when I was in the process of deciding to break up with my BF, I told him I didn't know if I would or could. It was never about him. One of the first things I told him was that I would not have any more children either. I gave him some tough words from the start. He handled them like a trooper.

The thing is there are no clear cut "red flags" to look for. If it all came with some sort of set rule-book, this LDR life would be so much easier. But, there are things that happen, that if they make you pause, need to be heeded. Sometimes they slap you so hard in the face, you have to pay attention.

Of course I'm not implying that my opinion or theories are true for everyone. I posted his story only to point out that meeting "family" is not nearly enough proof that he loves you. My point was that you shouldn't take everything he tells you as the absolute truth and gospel. Challenge him and force him to delve deeper in his professions of love.

Jomo from what you post here, you definitely keep your husband on his toes at all times. I like that you stay true to yourself first and foremost. I am the same way, in that, I have to stay true to myself first. If I can manage that, then I don't have any regrets. But, I refuse to deny my truth to help a man fool me just because I want to feel love.

The gigolos don't know how to deal with a woman that truly loves herself IMHO.

Jawi....I was not arguing with you in any way shape or form. If I came across that way, at all, I am sorry.

You have no idea how many people have told me I'm not easy. I know it. And, like I always say, I am what I am...and one thing I am is a person who respects herself. I do keep my husband on his toes. He's used to it and he actually respects that he can't walk all over me. While he's calmer then me, he's just as pig-headed. We make a good match.

I just told Mindy that one of my main things is I do not accept cheating. If I found out my husband was cheating on me or HAD EVER cheated on me in the past, no matter where we were in our relationship, he would be gone. There are too many men out there and too many communicable diseases.....and I respect myself. It's my one non-negotiable point. Everything else you can work through.

It never crossed my mind that we were arguing in the slightest. We are simply exchanging ideas, I don't even think we are debating. Essentially, we are saying the same things. No need to apologize girl!

I hear the same thing that I'm not easy, and my temper and mouth can be fierce (ask Shawn) LOL. I have unleashed my fury on many a Jamaican male thinking I'm a pushover. Jonesie thinks that I am too friendly (so does A)...but they both know that I am a force to reckon with if need be too. I am a Libra through and through and I often see both side of the story. I can be very opinionated, but usually after I have weighed both sides over and over again. Even in my opinions, I will give merit to the opposite side as well.

What is a dealbreaker for one person may not be a dealbreaker for the next person. I can't tolerate a liar, a man using the f word or being disrespectful to me, or a man that hits. My personal truth allows me to accept human nature, and cheating is not necessarily a dealbreaker to me. I know that in this lifetime, both A and I will both find ourselves attracted to other people. How we deal with the attraction and communicate with each other about the attraction means more to me. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't condone cheating at all. But, the details of the infidelity would hold more weight for me than the actual deed.

Oh, those other things are on my list too. You are much more forgiving then me. I would hear "I cheated on you" and nothing but the blood pounding in my ears after that and maybe me slamming the door after I threw his stuff on the front lawn. He needn't try to even explain anything after that.

Yeah, but Kelly.........those are "his friends". I'm like NOT !!!! If "I" don't know them, they are NOT your friends!!! He knows ALL of my friends and has a hard time believing that women CAN be *just* friends with men. 99% of my friends are men and even in Jamaica, that has been an issue we dealt with for months.

Never ever have I heard the words out of his mouth........I cheated on you! He *thinks* that women that will talk to him, at work, on the bus, in the grocery store and that give him their number are HIS friends. That was a lesson on stupidity at ITS finest !!! and patience to...in training what's right and NOT acceptable !!!!

[*JG* 2]

Andre has never had an issue with my guy friends. He likes all of them, even the two who are gay (oh, boy the conversations we had about him being nice to them before he got here!), and we hang out regularly with all of them. I sometimes go to dinner alone with them. No problems. And, he's just not like that with women.

We did have this very discussion after some posts I think you made on here Kelly about this very subject before. He was like, I can't call girls I meet who are friends? I said, let me put it this way, I am walking down the street and some guy whistles and says I look nice and we start chatting. He gives me his number and we start calling each other. Would you be okay with that? He was like NO. But, he's just my friend, I say. OMG....he says but you just met him. He doesn't want to be just friends that soon. He wants more. I'm like, then I suppose you see my point. Friendship takes longer to cultivate then that. Issues with long term friends or friends in similar situations like the YMCA classes we take or work are one thing and acceptable. But, come on, someone you meet on the fly while walking down the street or hanging out at the mall......if it acts like a duck and walks like a duck..............

[jawi876 2]

Jawi....you just made me chuckle a little. I wonder if my husband would be smart enough to hire two ladies to pretend to be his crazy mother and sister and 9 little kids to run around the yard, just to fool me. Knowing them, I know the devil spawned all of them. Otherwise, it would've been a good trick.

Not knocking you.......Good points, though. And, I agree with most.

When I met my husband, I was involved with someone else. I got to know him in a friendly manner and I, too, watched how he interacted with others. We were platonic for a very long time. And, when I was in the process of deciding to break up with my BF, I told him I didn't know if I would or could. It was never about him. One of the first things I told him was that I would not have any more children either. I gave him some tough words from the start. He handled them like a trooper.

The thing is there are no clear cut "red flags" to look for. If it all came with some sort of set rule-book, this LDR life would be so much easier. But, there are things that happen, that if they make you pause, need to be heeded. Sometimes they slap you so hard in the face, you have to pay attention.

Of course I'm not implying that my opinion or theories are true for everyone. I posted his story only to point out that meeting "family" is not nearly enough proof that he loves you. My point was that you shouldn't take everything he tells you as the absolute truth and gospel. Challenge him and force him to delve deeper in his professions of love.

Jomo from what you post here, you definitely keep your husband on his toes at all times. I like that you stay true to yourself first and foremost. I am the same way, in that, I have to stay true to myself first. If I can manage that, then I don't have any regrets. But, I refuse to deny my truth to help a man fool me just because I want to feel love.

The gigolos don't know how to deal with a woman that truly loves herself IMHO.

Jawi....I was not arguing with you in any way shape or form. If I came across that way, at all, I am sorry.

You have no idea how many people have told me I'm not easy. I know it. And, like I always say, I am what I am...and one thing I am is a person who respects herself. I do keep my husband on his toes. He's used to it and he actually respects that he can't walk all over me. While he's calmer then me, he's just as pig-headed. We make a good match.

I just told Mindy that one of my main things is I do not accept cheating. If I found out my husband was cheating on me or HAD EVER cheated on me in the past, no matter where we were in our relationship, he would be gone. There are too many men out there and too many communicable diseases.....and I respect myself. It's my one non-negotiable point. Everything else you can work through.

It never crossed my mind that we were arguing in the slightest. We are simply exchanging ideas, I don't even think we are debating. Essentially, we are saying the same things. No need to apologize girl!

I hear the same thing that I'm not easy, and my temper and mouth can be fierce (ask Shawn) LOL. I have unleashed my fury on many a Jamaican male thinking I'm a pushover. Jonesie thinks that I am too friendly (so does A)...but they both know that I am a force to reckon with if need be too. I am a Libra through and through and I often see both side of the story. I can be very opinionated, but usually after I have weighed both sides over and over again. Even in my opinions, I will give merit to the opposite side as well.

What is a dealbreaker for one person may not be a dealbreaker for the next person. I can't tolerate a liar, a man using the f word or being disrespectful to me, or a man that hits. My personal truth allows me to accept human nature, and cheating is not necessarily a dealbreaker to me. I know that in this lifetime, both A and I will both find ourselves attracted to other people. How we deal with the attraction and communicate with each other about the attraction means more to me. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't condone cheating at all. But, the details of the infidelity would hold more weight for me than the actual deed.

Oh, those other things are on my list too. You are much more forgiving then me. I would hear "I cheated on you" and nothing but the blood pounding in my ears after that and maybe me slamming the door after I threw his stuff on the front lawn. He needn't try to even explain anything after that.

Yeah, but Kelly.........those are "his friends". I'm like NOT !!!! If "I" don't know them, they are NOT your friends!!! He knows ALL of my friends and has a hard time believing that women CAN be *just* friends with men. 99% of my friends are men and even in Jamaica, that has been an issue we dealt with for months.

Never ever have I heard the words out of his mouth........I cheated on you! He *thinks* that women that will talk to him, at work, on the bus, in the grocery store and that give him their number are HIS friends. That was a lesson on stupidity at ITS finest !!! and patience to...in training what's right and NOT acceptable !!!!

Excellent point Luv. I told A that I do not have a problem with him having female friends, but I should know them and vice versa. I don't think many men truly believe that a woman and man can be just friends. If you are attractive, that male friend has thought about you in ways that he would not think of his MALE friends. LOL. Women determine the true nature of the relationship, meaning that if a woman knows that she has no interest in a man in a sexual manner, then they can become true friends. A man can call a woman a friend, but if that "friend" is open to a sexual relationship, he will sleep with her and think that he has the best of both worlds. I have lot of male friends as well, and they have all told me that if I hadn't set the precedence early in the relationship, they would have "worked" me. It's sad, but true.

I told A that I naturally enjoy male friendships, and he should consider that whatever he wants me to find as acceptable for him, he should find it acceptable for me as well. He reconsidered a lot of things in that context. LMAO. I am not of the mindset that a woman can't do what a man does and still be considered a lady. I will not ####### myself out, but I will not sit at home and sulk while he is out and about with his new "friends" either.

I have also had men tell me that they are not interested in cultivating a friendship with women they don't find appealing. Of course, they will be polite for the most part, but the friendship would never evolve past simple pleasantries either. Go figure.

You should use his own theories and disbelief that men and women can be "just" friends against him the next time he tells you that the new phone number is a FRIEND. LOL. LOL.

[*JG* 2]

I'm out of here. I hope all of you ladies have a good weekend.

I've got jury duty on Monday and believe it or not, I am really excited about spending all day reading and having lunch with my friend. Plus, being a Law & Order junkie, I always hope to get picked for a case. One of these days!!!! Suppose I will have a whole lot to read when I get back.

[clairern 0]

off topic - mr jengles did his sugar test this morning and his reading dropped 40 points. i'm so relieved his spike this week was all stress related,

Very happy to hear that. You should also have him watch his diet. This can be diet controlled but he has to be very careful about the things that he eats. JA food especially. Lots of carbs in it and can increase his sugar levels. Did they say what type of DM he has? Does he have to use insulin or not? That could be a very big determining factor on how it is managed. Please tell him to ask a lot of questions because as Jamaicans, when we go to the doctor we do not ask questions. We rever the docs and take their word as law and not question them as to their rhyme or reason. Did they do a fasting blood glucose test? If his blood sugar showed high and he had just had a high sugar or carb meal that could be a false positive reading. Enough already Claire. LOL Just looking out my girl.

Much love

[clairern 0]

Hi everyone. I guess I made it through. I'm still very groggy, and still experiencing some pain.

I was so saddened by what happened to Nicky and Lily, and the resulting "discussions" here. Both women are hurting and coping with their "life changing" ordeal in their own way. Each person goes through the grieving process at their own speed and in no particular order. It doesn't make one person right or wrong. Nor does it make Lily smarter or Nicky crazy. Nicky is probably in between the stages of bargaining and denial. Lilly is closer to anger and acceptance. Each of them will probably make several trips through the grieving process before they truly move on, this is human and totally normal. I pray God's favor and mercy on you both during this transition.

If any advice needs to be given, it should be that there is no way to know a man well enough to marry or plan a future together in a month or two months. Even a year or two may not be enough time. If the relationship is all rays of sunlight and welcoming arms from his entire family and all his friends, I would be wary. There is no WAY possible two people with different cultural views, upbringing, etc will know each other well enough to make a decision of forever. Both people are putting their best foot forward in the early stages, and this is much easier to accomplish in LDRs. Phone calls very rarely touch on the bad things because the time is so precious and short. I have heard people saying that you should stay at his home, meet his mom and get to see him in his natural enviroment. I agree that those are important, but by no means do that mean he is being forthright in his interactions with you. You need to see how he handles traumatic events. How he reacts in anger and sorrow. You need to see how he manages whatever money he has. You should listen to his views on politics, on America on the world in general. In other words get to know him as a person, not the man you love.

I personally run a mile from a man in Jamaica pursuing me, he can be Beenie Man himself and I would loose all interest. I do NOT want to meet your mother three days after I meet you. I do not want to hear that you love me at the end of my week long vacation, and I just met you on that trip. I don't believe that he was alone and waiting for his soul mate until he met me. Why are you alone? Why are you not currently in a relationship? What did you notice in me that made me the one? I asked a man that was in heavy pursuit of me what made me special. He answered about my looks, that my vibes were nice, that I smelled sweet like a rose. When I told him thank you, but go deeper than the superficial aspects of me, he was at a lost for words. I asked him how he would feel if I told him that I had AIDS after I let him have sex with me. I asked him how he would feel if I told him that I stabbed my last boyfriend, or I like to pick pocket people. He was speechless. I said now tell me again what makes me so appealing? He chuckled uneasily and told me that I was deep. Trust me, you can be the most beautiful woman on the face of this Earth, but in those early stages you are only special because of the opportunity you represent. It doesn't have to be an opportunity of a greencard or financial gain. But, we all represent an opportunity in the beginning stages of any relationship even outside of an LDR.

I approached A after watching his interactions with people in Jamaica, and mainly tourists in Jamaica. A stayed to himself ALL the time, and he was aloof an totally disinterested in tourist women. Jonesie and I thought he was rude and mean at first. But, realized that he had the mentality of a Jamaican woman...he didn't beg a friend. In other words, he didn't pursue friendships loosely. He still does not have an interest in being friends with everyone. He is very particular about who he calls a friend. He did not know that I had interest in him at all until about a year in a half of us talking occasionally. When I started conversing with him, it was on a purely platonic level (at least he thought so ). It gave us time to get to know the other without the complications of lust and sex. We could be frank and honest with each other because we weren't auditioning for the leading role in the other's life. A and I are having difficulties right now because he is a loner, he is grieving for his daughter's heart condition, and trying to solve it on his own. He is still not comfortable leaning on someone else, including me, and he is pushing me away. I'm sure it's not on purpose, but it hurts nonetheless. He doesn't want me to take on his burdens, he is a man, and he has to take of this as a man (his words).

One "opportunist" I talked to on a regular basis told me that he will take women to his home and he introduces the woman he rents a room from as his mother or aunt depending on the situation. He told me that he regularly tells the women that he has no desire to come to the States, that he loves Jamaica. He also said that he knows that women are afraid of being used, so he doesn't ask for money or gifts. He said if he can talk enough good game, the gifts and money usually come with little to no persuasion on his part. Trust me, most of the things we consider as red flags, they know that we consider them red flags, and they know how to circumvent them.

Be careful ladies. Love with your entire heart, but keep your eyes and ears open and your mind sharp. Don't be afraid to stop the process just because you have invested time and money. Don't be afraid to make him explain himself until you are satisfied with his answers. Don't be afraid to trust and love. Time will reveal all things. Trust me time is definitely your friend in these relationships.

I will continue my fictional story soon to all my waiting "fans". LOVE YOU ALL!

Jawi girl, you are "deep" You are a true writer. Please, Please pursue this thing. You have me siting here with tears coming out of my eyes. I had all those questions and heard all those words, but love won out and I have not regrets.

Love you too, tons.

[jawi876 2]

Awww shucks Claire...

[Marlita 0]

For anyone that has gotten married over in JA...when you signed the marriage ledger thingy (like 3 times), what was the name the pastor/judge told you to sign?

I signed my birth name cause that was my legal name at the time. My husbands name is not my name unless I want it to be so they had me sign with my legal first and last name. Is that what your are asking?

Yes that's what I'm talking about. I signed my birth name as well. I asked the pastor what to put and he told me my birth name. I just thought it was weird because I thought you were supposed to sign your new married name on the marriage ledger. So if you sign your birth name, then when do you sign your new married name?

Well when you get married your name doesnt automatically change. You have to do that paperwork on your own. So when you marry you marry as a spinster to a bachelor. You both hold your respective names when going into the union....and hold them once you are legally united.

So I was Miss Marlita Fabulous marrying Mr. Evan Right. Once I signed the marriage certificate I am Mrs. Marlita Fabulous. If I want to change my name "legally" to Mrs. Marlita Right I have to do that at the DMV and SS offices where I reside. So currently Marlita is still Fabulous and not planning on becoming any different.

[Yaads 0]

I don't know how it is when you get married in JA but when we got married here in WA the whole name thing was different. When we signed the marriage license it had a part that asked if you were going to legally change your name. I checked the box and signed one part of the license as my old name and then another part as my married name. So as soon as the auditor got it (we hand delivered it so we could get a copy for AOS) and it was stamped, my name was legally changed. I then had to go change it on all my documents but legally I was my married name as far as the WA govt was concerned.

[nannygirl82 0]

Hi everyone. I guess I made it through. I'm still very groggy, and still experiencing some pain.

I was so saddened by what happened to Nicky and Lily, and the resulting "discussions" here. Both women are hurting and coping with their "life changing" ordeal in their own way. Each person goes through the grieving process at their own speed and in no particular order. It doesn't make one person right or wrong. Nor does it make Lily smarter or Nicky crazy. Nicky is probably in between the stages of bargaining and denial. Lilly is closer to anger and acceptance. Each of them will probably make several trips through the grieving process before they truly move on, this is human and totally normal. I pray God's favor and mercy on you both during this transition.

If any advice needs to be given, it should be that there is no way to know a man well enough to marry or plan a future together in a month or two months. Even a year or two may not be enough time. If the relationship is all rays of sunlight and welcoming arms from his entire family and all his friends, I would be wary. There is no WAY possible two people with different cultural views, upbringing, etc will know each other well enough to make a decision of forever. Both people are putting their best foot forward in the early stages, and this is much easier to accomplish in LDRs. Phone calls very rarely touch on the bad things because the time is so precious and short. I have heard people saying that you should stay at his home, meet his mom and get to see him in his natural enviroment. I agree that those are important, but by no means do that mean he is being forthright in his interactions with you. You need to see how he handles traumatic events. How he reacts in anger and sorrow. You need to see how he manages whatever money he has. You should listen to his views on politics, on America on the world in general. In other words get to know him as a person, not the man you love.

I personally run a mile from a man in Jamaica pursuing me, he can be Beenie Man himself and I would loose all interest. I do NOT want to meet your mother three days after I meet you. I do not want to hear that you love me at the end of my week long vacation, and I just met you on that trip. I don't believe that he was alone and waiting for his soul mate until he met me. Why are you alone? Why are you not currently in a relationship? What did you notice in me that made me the one? I asked a man that was in heavy pursuit of me what made me special. He answered about my looks, that my vibes were nice, that I smelled sweet like a rose. When I told him thank you, but go deeper than the superficial aspects of me, he was at a lost for words. I asked him how he would feel if I told him that I had AIDS after I let him have sex with me. I asked him how he would feel if I told him that I stabbed my last boyfriend, or I like to pick pocket people. He was speechless. I said now tell me again what makes me so appealing? He chuckled uneasily and told me that I was deep. Trust me, you can be the most beautiful woman on the face of this Earth, but in those early stages you are only special because of the opportunity you represent. It doesn't have to be an opportunity of a greencard or financial gain. But, we all represent an opportunity in the beginning stages of any relationship even outside of an LDR.

I approached A after watching his interactions with people in Jamaica, and mainly tourists in Jamaica. A stayed to himself ALL the time, and he was aloof an totally disinterested in tourist women. Jonesie and I thought he was rude and mean at first. But, realized that he had the mentality of a Jamaican woman...he didn't beg a friend. In other words, he didn't pursue friendships loosely. He still does not have an interest in being friends with everyone. He is very particular about who he calls a friend. He did not know that I had interest in him at all until about a year in a half of us talking occasionally. When I started conversing with him, it was on a purely platonic level (at least he thought so ). It gave us time to get to know the other without the complications of lust and sex. We could be frank and honest with each other because we weren't auditioning for the leading role in the other's life. A and I are having difficulties right now because he is a loner, he is grieving for his daughter's heart condition, and trying to solve it on his own. He is still not comfortable leaning on someone else, including me, and he is pushing me away. I'm sure it's not on purpose, but it hurts nonetheless. He doesn't want me to take on his burdens, he is a man, and he has to take of this as a man (his words).

One "opportunist" I talked to on a regular basis told me that he will take women to his home and he introduces the woman he rents a room from as his mother or aunt depending on the situation. He told me that he regularly tells the women that he has no desire to come to the States, that he loves Jamaica. He also said that he knows that women are afraid of being used, so he doesn't ask for money or gifts. He said if he can talk enough good game, the gifts and money usually come with little to no persuasion on his part. Trust me, most of the things we consider as red flags, they know that we consider them red flags, and they know how to circumvent them.

Be careful ladies. Love with your entire heart, but keep your eyes and ears open and your mind sharp. Don't be afraid to stop the process just because you have invested time and money. Don't be afraid to make him explain himself until you are satisfied with his answers. Don't be afraid to trust and love. Time will reveal all things. Trust me time is definitely your friend in these relationships.

I will continue my fictional story soon to all my waiting "fans". LOVE YOU ALL!

Jawi girl, you are "deep" You are a true writer. Please, Please pursue this thing. You have me siting here with tears coming out of my eyes. I had all those questions and heard all those words, but love won out and I have not regrets.

Love you too, tons.

you are a great writter....just remember us when you become a famous writer.....and Ja English as well....

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Awww shucks Claire...

hope you`re feeling better!