Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[Jonesie 1]

For those that procrastinated (like I did) and need US passport, I wanted to let you know that I applied for mine regular service on Oct. 3rd and it was delivered yesterday, Oct. 18th. I could not believe how on top of things they are! Take advantage of it now while there is no backlog and apply!

[luvtravlin 0]

I saw a question that I thought would be a good one to ask here in this particular forum.

How would you feel about your SO viewing a gay porn website?

Gay porn..........um, can someone say RED FLAGS ??????????????????? Porn altogether on the computer should be a HUGE no-no, the millions of viruses you're putting onto the computer ....not worth it !!!

Craig has no clue how to use a computer, nor will I allow him to use the one that I have at home because it is my livelihood. Since I own my travel business and work from home, 98% of my work is done on my computer. I'm not having Craig (or my son) get on it and get into things that will f**k it up!!!! My son knows how to use the computer and he knows NOT to go into certain places, Craig on the other hand..... will !!

One time I had a neighbor watch Austin while I was in JA. He browsed and browsed and SCREWED up my computer like crazy....I was PISSED because it took me almost a week to clean it all out and that was a week of lost business, hence I didn't pay him for watching Austin because "I" lost money!!!!

If the computer was misused by my SO, than he would be LOCKED out of the computer !!!!! period...

[jawi876 2]

HAPPY EARTHDAY JAWI!

Tonks mi gyal! I'm trying to figure out right now how to trip my odometer reading back...say about 6 years or so...

lol! Well buss a wine fi mi if you go out tonite

Mi cyaan wine cuz mi waist line nuh stable...mi cyaan swing it awey...dutty whine...hot wuk...or tek wey miself. cha! Mi cyaan buss ile inna mi back eidda cuz mi hood dere a yaad...an mi inna Babylon. *kiss teet*

Dis time last year...mi buss ile...play dominoes...buss ile again...den head tuh de Jungle fe wine mi batty...den back tuh mi yaad fe buss more ile. Gosh mi his sad now. Sorry birthday....rainy and sorry.

[Jonesie 1]

HAPPY EARTHDAY JAWI!

Tonks mi gyal! I'm trying to figure out right now how to trip my odometer reading back...say about 6 years or so...

lol! Well buss a wine fi mi if you go out tonite

Mi cyaan wine cuz mi waist line nuh stable...mi cyaan swing it awey...dutty whine...hot wuk...or tek wey miself. cha! Mi cyaan buss ile inna mi back eidda cuz mi hood dere a yaad...an mi inna Babylon. *kiss teet*

Dis time last year...mi buss ile...play dominoes...buss ile again...den head tuh de Jungle fe wine mi batty...den back tuh mi yaad fe buss more ile. Gosh mi his sad now. Sorry birthday....rainy and sorry.

No Beyonce wine fi you, hun? LOL LOL do di Stookie

You're alive, and that's enough to be thankful for. If I were there (and not 8 mos preggie) we'd go out.

[luvtravlin 0]

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also.

Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

I know one of the "issues" my friend had when they had their baby was that he wanted to pierce her ears immediately after baby was born and she was totally against the idea. I guess it's very typical for little babies to get ears pierced in JA right away. Well, it was a big argument and they didn't do it. Now the baby is over 2 yrs. old and she wishes she would have gotten them done when she was a baby! Now she's at the age where she'll play with them or pull them out etc..

What do you ladies think? Since I'm having a girl, I'm sure this is going to come up soon in my house!

I don't know why there's a rush, yes it looks very cute...but, having to clean them everyday, make sure she doesn't pull them out, get stuck in something, lose them, swallow them, etc etc. I personally would wait until she was old enough to be able to take care of them herself. I wasn't "allowed" to get my ears pierced until I was in the 8th grade....my 1st pair.

With the circumcision.....since I was on assistance then and didn't get "approved" when my son was born, he was 18 days old !! It was crazy, he made no noise until they moved him from the warm table to the cold table.

[jawi876 2]

HAPPY EARTHDAY JAWI!

Tonks mi gyal! I'm trying to figure out right now how to trip my odometer reading back...say about 6 years or so...

lol! Well buss a wine fi mi if you go out tonite

Mi cyaan wine cuz mi waist line nuh stable...mi cyaan swing it awey...dutty whine...hot wuk...or tek wey miself. cha! Mi cyaan buss ile inna mi back eidda cuz mi hood dere a yaad...an mi inna Babylon. *kiss teet*

Dis time last year...mi buss ile...play dominoes...buss ile again...den head tuh de Jungle fe wine mi batty...den back tuh mi yaad fe buss more ile. Gosh mi his sad now. Sorry birthday....rainy and sorry.

No Beyonce wine fi you, hun? LOL LOL do di Stookie

You're alive, and that's enough to be thankful for. If I were there (and not 8 mos preggie) we'd go out.

Mi cyaan Stookie or Rum Rham eidda...cha. Mi his thankful same wey still...but mi bored tuh rass. Mi knoa preggers...mi knoa...LOL

[Sonshyne 2]

HAPPY EARTHDAY JAWI!

Tonks mi gyal! I'm trying to figure out right now how to trip my odometer reading back...say about 6 years or so...

Happy Earthday to yuh!!

Mi earthday was last week and wish I could reset mine by about 10 years

[Jonesie 1]

HAPPY EARTHDAY JAWI!

Tonks mi gyal! I'm trying to figure out right now how to trip my odometer reading back...say about 6 years or so...

Happy Earthday to yuh!!

Mi earthday was last week and wish I could reset mine by about 10 years

Happy belated to you!

[jawi876 2]

HAPPY EARTHDAY JAWI!

Tonks mi gyal! I'm trying to figure out right now how to trip my odometer reading back...say about 6 years or so...

Happy Earthday to yuh!!

Mi earthday was last week and wish I could reset mine by about 10 years

Happy Belated to you!!! LOL...you feel me??? Thanks.

Edited October 19, 2007 by jawi876

[Sonshyne 2]

HAPPY EARTHDAY JAWI!

Tonks mi gyal! I'm trying to figure out right now how to trip my odometer reading back...say about 6 years or so...

Happy Earthday to yuh!!

Mi earthday was last week and wish I could reset mine by about 10 years

Happy Belated to you!!! LOL...you feel me??? Thanks.

Thanks ladies!!

Girl yes I feel you

[luvtravlin 0]

Hello everyone!

First off...Marie I am so sorry for the loss of your uncle

Hope all my Yardie family is doing well

So as for the recent topic...

Andre was 27 when he got here and is 29 now. He has changed a lot since he first got here...I am sure I changed a lot as well. I think the biggest thing was going from a "vacation/no worries attitude" to a "real life/work/responsibility attitude". Andre has a hard time realizing that what people have didn't happen overnight and it won't happen overnight for him. I don't know how many times I have had to explain that they have ______ fill in the blank because they have worked hard for YEARS to obtain that and it is crazy to expect to have the same things in only a matter of months.

We also had a hard time with what I call the "kid in a candy shop" syndrome. There was just so many "new" things here to do and with the money he was making he liked to go out and buy tons of stuff and spend it on "wants" instead of "needs". He got caught up with the wrong crowd and reverted back to the "bachelor" life forgetting he was now a married man.

The adjustment for us has been brutal. It is still something we deal with almost daily 25 months later. I think each person adjust differently and each person will go through struggles...some more severe than others. All in all it takes a boatload of patience and understanding and sometimes some good couples therapy if you can get them there

Just my $0.02

This is a great post.

Seems the common thread is all of them is if the man gets caught up in the wrong crowd. I seem to see that over and over again. How do you ensure your SO doesn't get caught up in the wrong crowd? And, how do you tell them that even if they do, they are grown men and have to take responsibility for their actions?

Depending on the job your SO takes/gets. Craig started at a warehouse job. Loads of thuggy thug, no responsibility, come and go when they pleased, drugs and cigarette smoking. Craig lost focus on priorites, but he's with them more than he saw me. So trying to talk "sense" into him was a HUGE challenge. I've never met any of his so called "friends", no desire to. I remember one guy (african) picked him up and didn't bother to come in to meet me, he just honked his horn. I let Craig have it !!!!

There's a loser/goofball lookin (drug guy--weed) that walks around past out place in our neighborhood, Craig and this guy call to each other and I tell Craig EVERY time, and when someone sees you they all KNOW that "I" don't associate with that type of person, neither should you !!!

It's a lost cause sometimes, because it is that fine line.....they are "supposed" to be mature adults right ?

[*JG* 2]

Oh, Kel.....I had to have that conversation with Andre too. He met some guys "at the park" and not for friendship. After many conversations, I had to tell him not to frequent the park and what concerned me about the whole thing. I think the statement from me "if you get arrested for this and jeopardize this entire visa process, I will kill not visit you in prison" that got to him. After seeing my reasoning, he has since stopped going there altogether. I also feel very lucky that he did not want to befriend these guys. He said he's not into more people latching on to him and since they don't seem to have regular jobs, he can see where they would hinder him anyhow.

Edited October 19, 2007 by Jomo's girl

[Jengles 0]

Oh, Kel.....I had to have that conversation with Andre too. He met some guys "at the park" and not for friendship. After many conversations, I had to tell him not to frequent the park and what concerned me about the whole thing. I think the statement from me "if you get arrested for this and jeopardize this entire visa process, I will kill not visit you in prison" that got to him. After seeing my reasoning, he has since stopped going there altogether. I also feel very lucky that he did not want to befriend these guys. He said he's not into more people latching on to him and since they don't seem to have regular jobs, he can see where they would hinder him anyhow.

I think that was very mature of him to see that...and also to notice that the hang out thing is different here vs. in JA. mr jengles used to play "Ludy" not sure if i'm spelling it right, down in JA, but with guys who worked and after work would get together and play. but up here I wouldn't want him hanging out with guys who played dominos in the park at all hours. totally different kind of crowd.

[Yaads 0]

Oh, Kel.....I had to have that conversation with Andre too. He met some guys "at the park" and not for friendship. After many conversations, I had to tell him not to frequent the park and what concerned me about the whole thing. I think the statement from me "if you get arrested for this and jeopardize this entire visa process, I will kill not visit you in prison" that got to him. After seeing my reasoning, he has since stopped going there altogether. I also feel very lucky that he did not want to befriend these guys. He said he's not into more people latching on to him and since they don't seem to have regular jobs, he can see where they would hinder him anyhow.

I think that was very mature of him to see that...and also to notice that the hang out thing is different here vs. in JA. mr jengles used to play "Ludy" not sure if i'm spelling it right, down in JA, but with guys who worked and after work would get together and play. but up here I wouldn't want him hanging out with guys who played dominos in the park at all hours. totally different kind of crowd.

That is the key right there! Back in JA Andre hung out with people from work and in his neighboorhood and from church. He got a job here at a place that is "drug central" in our community - a processing/manufacturing job. It is a good job and he likes it because it pays well...but they hire any and everyone and they are always hiring. So he doesn't have the best crowd at work then the whole community/neighbor thing here is way different. It is nothing like in JA where everyone is friendly. They all stick to themselves. So no friends there. Then he couldn't find a church that he liked for all sorts of various reasons. So no friends from a church. So then the only place for friends was from work.

You can voice your displeasure in their choice of friends (I did very loudly ) but at the end of the day it is their decision and you can't play mama. Eventually the consequences of the poor choices caught up to him and in hindsight he sees the problems and how they arose. Sometimes you just have to step back and let them fall and get in trouble and NOT bail them out. Let them realize the magnitude of the problems they now have to deal with and no longer have someone (a spouse) to bail them out all the time. Once Andre had to start dealing first hand with the severe and painful consequences he wasn't so quick to do it again.

It is hard to step back and let your SO fail and falter to a degree...but in the end it made him realize a whole lot more than my cussing and nagging and tears ever did. I could talk until I was blue in the face but until it impacted him directly he just didn't see how bad it all was.

He learned that I was and always will be there to support and love him but I am not going to fix all the problems he finds himself in based on his bad choices.

Edited October 19, 2007 by Yardiewife

[*JG* 2]

Oh, Kel.....I had to have that conversation with Andre too. He met some guys "at the park" and not for friendship. After many conversations, I had to tell him not to frequent the park and what concerned me about the whole thing. I think the statement from me "if you get arrested for this and jeopardize this entire visa process, I will kill not visit you in prison" that got to him. After seeing my reasoning, he has since stopped going there altogether. I also feel very lucky that he did not want to befriend these guys. He said he's not into more people latching on to him and since they don't seem to have regular jobs, he can see where they would hinder him anyhow.

I think that was very mature of him to see that...and also to notice that the hang out thing is different here vs. in JA. mr jengles used to play "Ludy" not sure if i'm spelling it right, down in JA, but with guys who worked and after work would get together and play. but up here I wouldn't want him hanging out with guys who played dominos in the park at all hours. totally different kind of crowd.

That is the key right there! Back in JA Andre hung out with people from work and in his neighboorhood and from church. He got a job here at a place that is "drug central" in our community - a processing/manufacturing job. It is a good job and he likes it because it pays well...but they hire any and everyone and they are always hiring. So he doesn't have the best crowd at work then the whole community/neighbor thing here is way different. It is nothing like in JA where everyone is friendly. They all stick to themselves. So no friends there. Then he couldn't find a church that he liked for all sorts of various reasons. So no friends from a church. So then the only place for friends was from work.

You can voice your displeasure in their choice of friends (I did very loudly ) but at the end of the day it is their decision and you can't play mama. Eventually the consequences of the poor choices caught up to him and in hindsight he sees the problems and how they arose. Sometimes you just have to step back and let them fall and get in trouble and NOT bail them out. Let them realize the magnitude of the problems they now have to deal with and no longer have someone (a spouse) to bail them out all the time. Once Andre had to start dealing first hand with the severe and painful consequences he wasn't so quick to do it again.

It is hard to step back and let your SO fail and falter to a degree...but in the end it made him realize a whole lot more than my cussing and nagging and tears ever did. I could talk until I was blue in the face but until it impacted him directly he just didn't see how bad it all was.

He learned that I was and always will be there to support and love him but I am not going to fix all the problems he finds himself in.

I love how you worded that above. Very nice.

My only problem with it is the not bailing them out part. Depending on how bad the offense is, it may be necessary to bail them out. Maybe even literally!

I want Andre to learn on his own. And, I agree with you, I really feel most of the time they don't know until they experience for themselves. But, if there ever comes the time when he is really faltering and if I don't step in and do something he will end up in jail and this may result in deportation, I'm not going to sit back just so he learns his lesson. I'm going to step in and take care of things, all the while yelling my fool head off at the stupidity of it all.