Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[*JG* 2]

MY GUY IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF, ITS SO HARD TO GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND WHEN I SAY I AM TIRED I JUST WANT TO REST ,AND ITS LIKE HE ALWAYS TRYING TO COMPARE HOW THINGS ARE DONE IN JAMAICA TO HOW WE DO THINGS IN THE USA DO ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PROBLEMS.

everything he want to compare like how we raise our children to the way they raise there children its really getting on my nerve

Sorry, but this makes me laugh.... because this stuff will continue to be like that even AFTER he gets here!!!!! Doesn't matter (as we've posted on several times in past posts), they don't "get it", "feel it", "know it" UNTIL they get here!!!! Craig STILL throws in my face.....even last night......well, in Jamaica we did it .....that way!!!! I have to remind him (15 months later) that you are IN THE US OF A !!!! We do NOT do that here !!!

Just to comment on how these antics may continue when your SO gets here...I think thats all well and true cause just cause they get to the US doesnt mean that they are all of a sudden "American" and checked their Jamaican identity at the door.

I think the adjustment is better depending on how un-selfish your SO is, and how much they are willing to compromise with you. I sometimes think that we as Americans are so used to many people of different countries and cultures coming here or living here but we like the fact that those people "melt" into our pot rather than just get "tossed" in. So don't hold on to the idea that he will be the same way when he gets here. Let him know how you feel and how the two of you should begin working on your compromising skills now cause you are both coming from 2 different cultures and societies so BOTH your ideas and notions are valid and correct its just that they dont always agree with each other. You can't really bash him for having a different opinion than you cause his opinion is all he knows.

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also. I think these are all just the BASIC concepts that come into a marriage whether from 2 different cultures or not. I think some of us on here have more problems cause of how fast the marriage came before the discussion of these types of compromises....so you just have to work a bit harder in the beginning. Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

Well, I now know that "immaturity" has a HUGE factor one that was brought out in FULL FORCE after he got here. Never saw that person, ever before. I mean in my situation, pure stupidity is the reason for his lack of adjustment. Trust me, I've been patient, I have compromised to the fullest extent....now LEARN from your mistakes and grow from the experience !!!

Talking and doing ....easier said than done (in alot of cases) !!!!

Bash him....shoot, that's just tooo darn funny !!!

Then again, I think my relationship is different from all the others??

Question for those that have their SO's here AND have been here awhile........how many can say their SO "changed" when they got here?

In my case, oh absolutely. But, I think for the better. And, mostly cause he sees things differently now. He's adapted well to married life, step-kids, and all the new situations he's faced.

I think your situation, while not unique, Kelly, is definately different then most on here. I get exactly what you are saying, yet I have a heard time imagining it. Probably cause I am not in that same situation. I know I respect you for being a better person then I would ever be able to be in that situation. He would not have lasted in my household. You are wonderful for putting up with it all.

And, yah, I agree, some things are easier said then done. Until you are actually in the situations, you just don't know.

[nannygirl82 0]

MY GUY IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF, ITS SO HARD TO GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND WHEN I SAY I AM TIRED I JUST WANT TO REST ,AND ITS LIKE HE ALWAYS TRYING TO COMPARE HOW THINGS ARE DONE IN JAMAICA TO HOW WE DO THINGS IN THE USA DO ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PROBLEMS.

everything he want to compare like how we raise our children to the way they raise there children its really getting on my nerve

Sorry, but this makes me laugh.... because this stuff will continue to be like that even AFTER he gets here!!!!! Doesn't matter (as we've posted on several times in past posts), they don't "get it", "feel it", "know it" UNTIL they get here!!!! Craig STILL throws in my face.....even last night......well, in Jamaica we did it .....that way!!!! I have to remind him (15 months later) that you are IN THE US OF A !!!! We do NOT do that here !!!

Just to comment on how these antics may continue when your SO gets here...I think thats all well and true cause just cause they get to the US doesnt mean that they are all of a sudden "American" and checked their Jamaican identity at the door.

I think the adjustment is better depending on how un-selfish your SO is, and how much they are willing to compromise with you. I sometimes think that we as Americans are so used to many people of different countries and cultures coming here or living here but we like the fact that those people "melt" into our pot rather than just get "tossed" in. So don't hold on to the idea that he will be the same way when he gets here. Let him know how you feel and how the two of you should begin working on your compromising skills now cause you are both coming from 2 different cultures and societies so BOTH your ideas and notions are valid and correct its just that they dont always agree with each other. You can't really bash him for having a different opinion than you cause his opinion is all he knows.

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also. I think these are all just the BASIC concepts that come into a marriage whether from 2 different cultures or not. I think some of us on here have more problems cause of how fast the marriage came before the discussion of these types of compromises....so you just have to work a bit harder in the beginning. Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

Well, I now know that "immaturity" has a HUGE factor one that was brought out in FULL FORCE after he got here. Never saw that person, ever before. I mean in my situation, pure stupidity is the reason for his lack of adjustment. Trust me, I've been patient, I have compromised to the fullest extent....now LEARN from your mistakes and grow from the experience !!!

Talking and doing ....easier said than done (in alot of cases) !!!!

Bash him....shoot, that's just tooo darn funny !!!

Then again, I think my relationship is different from all the others??

Question for those that have their SO's here AND have been here awhile........how many can say their SO "changed" when they got here?

ok i just re-read this....mike and i had LONG talks on what i wanted from him and what he wanted from me way before he got here...i told him there were a lot of things that were going to be differnt here and that he needed to get that into his head before he got here...example....not being to hang out on the streets, having to save money for things...money doesn't grow on trees...there are not taxi cabs everywhere people will not stop for you...i would like some help out around the house i work 10 hour days with likkle kids....and his response was that is fine as long as i am with you i don't care about that stuff and will all work out....i thought we had talked and compermised on certain things and that he was going to get when he got here....fast forward a year later....we are STILL STILL STILL working on everything we talked about before he got here...yes i think his age has a lot to do with....when he got here he was a kid in the freakin candy store....with everything he saw he wanted....

Edited October 18, 2007 by nannygirl82

[*JG* 2]

MY GUY IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF, ITS SO HARD TO GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND WHEN I SAY I AM TIRED I JUST WANT TO REST ,AND ITS LIKE HE ALWAYS TRYING TO COMPARE HOW THINGS ARE DONE IN JAMAICA TO HOW WE DO THINGS IN THE USA DO ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PROBLEMS.

everything he want to compare like how we raise our children to the way they raise there children its really getting on my nerve

Sorry, but this makes me laugh.... because this stuff will continue to be like that even AFTER he gets here!!!!! Doesn't matter (as we've posted on several times in past posts), they don't "get it", "feel it", "know it" UNTIL they get here!!!! Craig STILL throws in my face.....even last night......well, in Jamaica we did it .....that way!!!! I have to remind him (15 months later) that you are IN THE US OF A !!!! We do NOT do that here !!!

Just to comment on how these antics may continue when your SO gets here...I think thats all well and true cause just cause they get to the US doesnt mean that they are all of a sudden "American" and checked their Jamaican identity at the door.

I think the adjustment is better depending on how un-selfish your SO is, and how much they are willing to compromise with you. I sometimes think that we as Americans are so used to many people of different countries and cultures coming here or living here but we like the fact that those people "melt" into our pot rather than just get "tossed" in. So don't hold on to the idea that he will be the same way when he gets here. Let him know how you feel and how the two of you should begin working on your compromising skills now cause you are both coming from 2 different cultures and societies so BOTH your ideas and notions are valid and correct its just that they dont always agree with each other. You can't really bash him for having a different opinion than you cause his opinion is all he knows.

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also. I think these are all just the BASIC concepts that come into a marriage whether from 2 different cultures or not. I think some of us on here have more problems cause of how fast the marriage came before the discussion of these types of compromises....so you just have to work a bit harder in the beginning. Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

Well, I now know that "immaturity" has a HUGE factor one that was brought out in FULL FORCE after he got here. Never saw that person, ever before. I mean in my situation, pure stupidity is the reason for his lack of adjustment. Trust me, I've been patient, I have compromised to the fullest extent....now LEARN from your mistakes and grow from the experience !!!

Talking and doing ....easier said than done (in alot of cases) !!!!

Bash him....shoot, that's just tooo darn funny !!!

Then again, I think my relationship is different from all the others??

Question for those that have their SO's here AND have been here awhile........how many can say their SO "changed" when they got here?

ok i just re-read this....mike and i had LONG talks on what i wanted from him and what he wanted from me way before he got here...i told him there were a lot of things that were going to be differnt here and that he needed to get that into his head before he got here...example....not being to hang out on the streets, having to save money for things...money doesn't grow on trees...there are not taxi cabs everywhere people will not stop for you...i would like some help out around the house i work 10 hour days with likkle kids....and his response was that is fine as long as i am with you i don't care about that stuff and will all work out....i thought we had talked and compermised on certain things and that he was going to get when he got here....fast forward a year later....we are STILL STILL STILL working on everything we talked about before he got here...yes i think his age has a lot to do with....when he got here he was a kid in the freakin candy store....with everything he saw he wanted....

That is almost exactly what I was trying to say, girl. You can talk till you are blue in the face and they will agree with you on all kinds of issues. But, until you actually live it out, you just don't know.

I feel very lucky with Andre in that he acts very mature. But, there are still things that drive me crazy that we work on.

It is a neverending thing.

[Shemmy 4]

Well, I now know that "immaturity" has a HUGE factor one that was brought out in FULL FORCE after he got here. Never saw that person, ever before. I mean in my situation, pure stupidity is the reason for his lack of adjustment. Trust me, I've been patient, I have compromised to the fullest extent....now LEARN from your mistakes and grow from the experience !!!

Talking and doing ....easier said than done (in alot of cases) !!!!

Bash him....shoot, that's just tooo darn funny !!!

Then again, I think my relationship is different from all the others??

Question for those that have their SO's here AND have been here awhile........how many can say their SO "changed" when they got here?

In my case, oh absolutely. But, I think for the better. And, mostly cause he sees things differently now. He's adapted well to married life, step-kids, and all the new situations he's faced.

I think your situation, while not unique, Kelly, is definately different then most on here. I get exactly what you are saying, yet I have a heard time imagining it. Probably cause I am not in that same situation. I know I respect you for being a better person then I would ever be able to be in that situation. He would not have lasted in my household. You are wonderful for putting up with it all.

And, yah, I agree, some things are easier said then done. Until you are actually in the situations, you just don't know.

I agree with Jomo's girl. Damien changed for the better. He stepped up to the plate and handled his business. I never have remind him of his responsibilities. His overall adjustment has been well...no major complaints. It's tough sometimes but nothing prayer and patience can't handle....

[Marlita 0]

MY GUY IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF, ITS SO HARD TO GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND WHEN I SAY I AM TIRED I JUST WANT TO REST ,AND ITS LIKE HE ALWAYS TRYING TO COMPARE HOW THINGS ARE DONE IN JAMAICA TO HOW WE DO THINGS IN THE USA DO ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PROBLEMS.

everything he want to compare like how we raise our children to the way they raise there children its really getting on my nerve

Sorry, but this makes me laugh.... because this stuff will continue to be like that even AFTER he gets here!!!!! Doesn't matter (as we've posted on several times in past posts), they don't "get it", "feel it", "know it" UNTIL they get here!!!! Craig STILL throws in my face.....even last night......well, in Jamaica we did it .....that way!!!! I have to remind him (15 months later) that you are IN THE US OF A !!!! We do NOT do that here !!!

Just to comment on how these antics may continue when your SO gets here...I think thats all well and true cause just cause they get to the US doesnt mean that they are all of a sudden "American" and checked their Jamaican identity at the door.

I think the adjustment is better depending on how un-selfish your SO is, and how much they are willing to compromise with you. I sometimes think that we as Americans are so used to many people of different countries and cultures coming here or living here but we like the fact that those people "melt" into our pot rather than just get "tossed" in. So don't hold on to the idea that he will be the same way when he gets here. Let him know how you feel and how the two of you should begin working on your compromising skills now cause you are both coming from 2 different cultures and societies so BOTH your ideas and notions are valid and correct its just that they dont always agree with each other. You can't really bash him for having a different opinion than you cause his opinion is all he knows.

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also. I think these are all just the BASIC concepts that come into a marriage whether from 2 different cultures or not. I think some of us on here have more problems cause of how fast the marriage came before the discussion of these types of compromises....so you just have to work a bit harder in the beginning. Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

Well, I now know that "immaturity" has a HUGE factor one that was brought out in FULL FORCE after he got here. Never saw that person, ever before. I mean in my situation, pure stupidity is the reason for his lack of adjustment. Trust me, I've been patient, I have compromised to the fullest extent....now LEARN from your mistakes and grow from the experience !!!

Talking and doing ....easier said than done (in alot of cases) !!!!

Bash him....shoot, that's just tooo darn funny !!!

Then again, I think my relationship is different from all the others??

Question for those that have their SO's here AND have been here awhile........how many can say their SO "changed" when they got here?

ok i just re-read this....mike and i had LONG talks on what i wanted from him and what he wanted from me way before he got here...i told him there were a lot of things that were going to be differnt here and that he needed to get that into his head before he got here...example....not being to hang out on the streets, having to save money for things...money doesn't grow on trees...there are not taxi cabs everywhere people will not stop for you...i would like some help out around the house i work 10 hour days with likkle kids....and his response was that is fine as long as i am with you i don't care about that stuff and will all work out....i thought we had talked and compermised on certain things and that he was going to get when he got here....fast forward a year later....we are STILL STILL STILL working on everything we talked about before he got here...yes i think his age has a lot to do with....when he got here he was a kid in the freakin candy store....with everything he saw he wanted....

How old was he when he got here?

It would be interesting to know the ages of ALL our SO's when they arrived here.

I don't know how old my guy will be when he gets here...so we'll see as time progresses.

[luvtravlin 0]

Well, I now know that "immaturity" has a HUGE factor one that was brought out in FULL FORCE after he got here. Never saw that person, ever before. I mean in my situation, pure stupidity is the reason for his lack of adjustment. Trust me, I've been patient, I have compromised to the fullest extent....now LEARN from your mistakes and grow from the experience !!!

Talking and doing ....easier said than done (in alot of cases) !!!!

Bash him....shoot, that's just tooo darn funny !!!

Then again, I think my relationship is different from all the others??

Question for those that have their SO's here AND have been here awhile........how many can say their SO "changed" when they got here?

In my case, oh absolutely. But, I think for the better. And, mostly cause he sees things differently now. He's adapted well to married life, step-kids, and all the new situations he's faced.

I think your situation, while not unique, Kelly, is definately different then most on here. I get exactly what you are saying, yet I have a heard time imagining it. Probably cause I am not in that same situation. I know I respect you for being a better person then I would ever be able to be in that situation. He would not have lasted in my household. You are wonderful for putting up with it all.

And, yah, I agree, some things are easier said then done. Until you are actually in the situations, you just don't know.

I agree with Jomo's girl. Damien changed for the better. He stepped up to the plate and handled his business. I never have remind him of his responsibilities. His overall adjustment has been well...no major complaints. It's tough sometimes but nothing prayer and patience can't handle....

That's awesome and trust me, I envy both of your relationships!! Dag, I WISH Craig was the person (mature & responsible) man that he was "before" he got here..... but....Kelly, "my" situation is SOOOOO not unique, because "I" know that there are a TON more yardies (past and present) on VJ whose men/women ....well, lets just say Craig is a good boy !!!!! Ya know, I just chose to tell "my story" outloud while others keep it to themselves.

As we've said a trillion times before on here, we respect that they do that.........but...........knowing that they are NOT alone, helps tremendously !!!

MY GUY IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF, ITS SO HARD TO GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND WHEN I SAY I AM TIRED I JUST WANT TO REST ,AND ITS LIKE HE ALWAYS TRYING TO COMPARE HOW THINGS ARE DONE IN JAMAICA TO HOW WE DO THINGS IN THE USA DO ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PROBLEMS.

everything he want to compare like how we raise our children to the way they raise there children its really getting on my nerve

Sorry, but this makes me laugh.... because this stuff will continue to be like that even AFTER he gets here!!!!! Doesn't matter (as we've posted on several times in past posts), they don't "get it", "feel it", "know it" UNTIL they get here!!!! Craig STILL throws in my face.....even last night......well, in Jamaica we did it .....that way!!!! I have to remind him (15 months later) that you are IN THE US OF A !!!! We do NOT do that here !!!

Just to comment on how these antics may continue when your SO gets here...I think thats all well and true cause just cause they get to the US doesnt mean that they are all of a sudden "American" and checked their Jamaican identity at the door.

I think the adjustment is better depending on how un-selfish your SO is, and how much they are willing to compromise with you. I sometimes think that we as Americans are so used to many people of different countries and cultures coming here or living here but we like the fact that those people "melt" into our pot rather than just get "tossed" in. So don't hold on to the idea that he will be the same way when he gets here. Let him know how you feel and how the two of you should begin working on your compromising skills now cause you are both coming from 2 different cultures and societies so BOTH your ideas and notions are valid and correct its just that they dont always agree with each other. You can't really bash him for having a different opinion than you cause his opinion is all he knows.

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also. I think these are all just the BASIC concepts that come into a marriage whether from 2 different cultures or not. I think some of us on here have more problems cause of how fast the marriage came before the discussion of these types of compromises....so you just have to work a bit harder in the beginning. Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

Well, I now know that "immaturity" has a HUGE factor one that was brought out in FULL FORCE after he got here. Never saw that person, ever before. I mean in my situation, pure stupidity is the reason for his lack of adjustment. Trust me, I've been patient, I have compromised to the fullest extent....now LEARN from your mistakes and grow from the experience !!!

Talking and doing ....easier said than done (in alot of cases) !!!!

Bash him....shoot, that's just tooo darn funny !!!

Then again, I think my relationship is different from all the others??

Question for those that have their SO's here AND have been here awhile........how many can say their SO "changed" when they got here?

ok i just re-read this....mike and i had LONG talks on what i wanted from him and what he wanted from me way before he got here...i told him there were a lot of things that were going to be differnt here and that he needed to get that into his head before he got here...example....not being to hang out on the streets, having to save money for things...money doesn't grow on trees...there are not taxi cabs everywhere people will not stop for you...i would like some help out around the house i work 10 hour days with likkle kids....and his response was that is fine as long as i am with you i don't care about that stuff and will all work out....i thought we had talked and compermised on certain things and that he was going to get when he got here....fast forward a year later....we are STILL STILL STILL working on everything we talked about before he got here...yes i think his age has a lot to do with....when he got here he was a kid in the freakin candy store....with everything he saw he wanted....

How old was he when he got here?

It would be interesting to know the ages of ALL our SO's when they arrived here.

I don't know how old my guy will be when he gets here...so we'll see as time progresses.

Craig was 27 ....now 28.....going on 10 !

[*JG* 2]

Andre was 25. Today, he's 27.

Kelly, while I haven't read back too far cause I'd just get a headache, Mindy has given me the short version of your story (the parts you haven't re-written for me to see). That is why I said, I respect your patience.

I have been vocal on telling the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think we can all learn from everything. If not how to watch for infidelity or stupidity or avoid being used, but also how to cope with things we have faced and others may face. I believe those who say they have not issues at all....never had, never will.....well, they are just lying to us and themselves as well.

[Marlita 0]

Well, I now know that "immaturity" has a HUGE factor one that was brought out in FULL FORCE after he got here. Never saw that person, ever before. I mean in my situation, pure stupidity is the reason for his lack of adjustment. Trust me, I've been patient, I have compromised to the fullest extent....now LEARN from your mistakes and grow from the experience !!!

Talking and doing ....easier said than done (in alot of cases) !!!!

Bash him....shoot, that's just tooo darn funny !!!

Then again, I think my relationship is different from all the others??

Question for those that have their SO's here AND have been here awhile........how many can say their SO "changed" when they got here?

In my case, oh absolutely. But, I think for the better. And, mostly cause he sees things differently now. He's adapted well to married life, step-kids, and all the new situations he's faced.

I think your situation, while not unique, Kelly, is definately different then most on here. I get exactly what you are saying, yet I have a heard time imagining it. Probably cause I am not in that same situation. I know I respect you for being a better person then I would ever be able to be in that situation. He would not have lasted in my household. You are wonderful for putting up with it all.

And, yah, I agree, some things are easier said then done. Until you are actually in the situations, you just don't know.

I agree with Jomo's girl. Damien changed for the better. He stepped up to the plate and handled his business. I never have remind him of his responsibilities. His overall adjustment has been well...no major complaints. It's tough sometimes but nothing prayer and patience can't handle....

That's awesome and trust me, I envy both of your relationships!! Dag, I WISH Craig was the person (mature & responsible) man that he was "before" he got here..... but....Kelly, "my" situation is SOOOOO not unique, because "I" know that there are a TON more yardies (past and present) on VJ whose men/women ....well, lets just say Craig is a good boy !!!!! Ya know, I just chose to tell "my story" outloud while others keep it to themselves.

As we've said a trillion times before on here, we respect that they do that.........but...........knowing that they are NOT alone, helps tremendously !!!

MY GUY IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF, ITS SO HARD TO GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND WHEN I SAY I AM TIRED I JUST WANT TO REST ,AND ITS LIKE HE ALWAYS TRYING TO COMPARE HOW THINGS ARE DONE IN JAMAICA TO HOW WE DO THINGS IN THE USA DO ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PROBLEMS.

everything he want to compare like how we raise our children to the way they raise there children its really getting on my nerve

Sorry, but this makes me laugh.... because this stuff will continue to be like that even AFTER he gets here!!!!! Doesn't matter (as we've posted on several times in past posts), they don't "get it", "feel it", "know it" UNTIL they get here!!!! Craig STILL throws in my face.....even last night......well, in Jamaica we did it .....that way!!!! I have to remind him (15 months later) that you are IN THE US OF A !!!! We do NOT do that here !!!

Just to comment on how these antics may continue when your SO gets here...I think thats all well and true cause just cause they get to the US doesnt mean that they are all of a sudden "American" and checked their Jamaican identity at the door.

I think the adjustment is better depending on how un-selfish your SO is, and how much they are willing to compromise with you. I sometimes think that we as Americans are so used to many people of different countries and cultures coming here or living here but we like the fact that those people "melt" into our pot rather than just get "tossed" in. So don't hold on to the idea that he will be the same way when he gets here. Let him know how you feel and how the two of you should begin working on your compromising skills now cause you are both coming from 2 different cultures and societies so BOTH your ideas and notions are valid and correct its just that they dont always agree with each other. You can't really bash him for having a different opinion than you cause his opinion is all he knows.

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also. I think these are all just the BASIC concepts that come into a marriage whether from 2 different cultures or not. I think some of us on here have more problems cause of how fast the marriage came before the discussion of these types of compromises....so you just have to work a bit harder in the beginning. Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

Well, I now know that "immaturity" has a HUGE factor one that was brought out in FULL FORCE after he got here. Never saw that person, ever before. I mean in my situation, pure stupidity is the reason for his lack of adjustment. Trust me, I've been patient, I have compromised to the fullest extent....now LEARN from your mistakes and grow from the experience !!!

Talking and doing ....easier said than done (in alot of cases) !!!!

Bash him....shoot, that's just tooo darn funny !!!

Then again, I think my relationship is different from all the others??

Question for those that have their SO's here AND have been here awhile........how many can say their SO "changed" when they got here?

ok i just re-read this....mike and i had LONG talks on what i wanted from him and what he wanted from me way before he got here...i told him there were a lot of things that were going to be differnt here and that he needed to get that into his head before he got here...example....not being to hang out on the streets, having to save money for things...money doesn't grow on trees...there are not taxi cabs everywhere people will not stop for you...i would like some help out around the house i work 10 hour days with likkle kids....and his response was that is fine as long as i am with you i don't care about that stuff and will all work out....i thought we had talked and compermised on certain things and that he was going to get when he got here....fast forward a year later....we are STILL STILL STILL working on everything we talked about before he got here...yes i think his age has a lot to do with....when he got here he was a kid in the freakin candy store....with everything he saw he wanted....

How old was he when he got here?

It would be interesting to know the ages of ALL our SO's when they arrived here.

I don't know how old my guy will be when he gets here...so we'll see as time progresses.

Craig was 27 ....now 28.....going on 10 !

Wow well he's a good 4 years older than my husband. But I swear my huband is 50! He doesnt even have friends in their 20's. All his friends are 30something and older, even to the point where they could be our parents age!!

[nannygirl82 0]

Well, I now know that "immaturity" has a HUGE factor one that was brought out in FULL FORCE after he got here. Never saw that person, ever before. I mean in my situation, pure stupidity is the reason for his lack of adjustment. Trust me, I've been patient, I have compromised to the fullest extent....now LEARN from your mistakes and grow from the experience !!!

Talking and doing ....easier said than done (in alot of cases) !!!!

Bash him....shoot, that's just tooo darn funny !!!

Then again, I think my relationship is different from all the others??

Question for those that have their SO's here AND have been here awhile........how many can say their SO "changed" when they got here?

In my case, oh absolutely. But, I think for the better. And, mostly cause he sees things differently now. He's adapted well to married life, step-kids, and all the new situations he's faced.

I think your situation, while not unique, Kelly, is definately different then most on here. I get exactly what you are saying, yet I have a heard time imagining it. Probably cause I am not in that same situation. I know I respect you for being a better person then I would ever be able to be in that situation. He would not have lasted in my household. You are wonderful for putting up with it all.

And, yah, I agree, some things are easier said then done. Until you are actually in the situations, you just don't know.

I agree with Jomo's girl. Damien changed for the better. He stepped up to the plate and handled his business. I never have remind him of his responsibilities. His overall adjustment has been well...no major complaints. It's tough sometimes but nothing prayer and patience can't handle....

That's awesome and trust me, I envy both of your relationships!! Dag, I WISH Craig was the person (mature & responsible) man that he was "before" he got here..... but....Kelly, "my" situation is SOOOOO not unique, because "I" know that there are a TON more yardies (past and present) on VJ whose men/women ....well, lets just say Craig is a good boy !!!!! Ya know, I just chose to tell "my story" outloud while others keep it to themselves.

As we've said a trillion times before on here, we respect that they do that.........but...........knowing that they are NOT alone, helps tremendously !!!

MY GUY IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF, ITS SO HARD TO GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND WHEN I SAY I AM TIRED I JUST WANT TO REST ,AND ITS LIKE HE ALWAYS TRYING TO COMPARE HOW THINGS ARE DONE IN JAMAICA TO HOW WE DO THINGS IN THE USA DO ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PROBLEMS.

everything he want to compare like how we raise our children to the way they raise there children its really getting on my nerve

Sorry, but this makes me laugh.... because this stuff will continue to be like that even AFTER he gets here!!!!! Doesn't matter (as we've posted on several times in past posts), they don't "get it", "feel it", "know it" UNTIL they get here!!!! Craig STILL throws in my face.....even last night......well, in Jamaica we did it .....that way!!!! I have to remind him (15 months later) that you are IN THE US OF A !!!! We do NOT do that here !!!

Just to comment on how these antics may continue when your SO gets here...I think thats all well and true cause just cause they get to the US doesnt mean that they are all of a sudden "American" and checked their Jamaican identity at the door.

I think the adjustment is better depending on how un-selfish your SO is, and how much they are willing to compromise with you. I sometimes think that we as Americans are so used to many people of different countries and cultures coming here or living here but we like the fact that those people "melt" into our pot rather than just get "tossed" in. So don't hold on to the idea that he will be the same way when he gets here. Let him know how you feel and how the two of you should begin working on your compromising skills now cause you are both coming from 2 different cultures and societies so BOTH your ideas and notions are valid and correct its just that they dont always agree with each other. You can't really bash him for having a different opinion than you cause his opinion is all he knows.

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also. I think these are all just the BASIC concepts that come into a marriage whether from 2 different cultures or not. I think some of us on here have more problems cause of how fast the marriage came before the discussion of these types of compromises....so you just have to work a bit harder in the beginning. Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

Well, I now know that "immaturity" has a HUGE factor one that was brought out in FULL FORCE after he got here. Never saw that person, ever before. I mean in my situation, pure stupidity is the reason for his lack of adjustment. Trust me, I've been patient, I have compromised to the fullest extent....now LEARN from your mistakes and grow from the experience !!!

Talking and doing ....easier said than done (in alot of cases) !!!!

Bash him....shoot, that's just tooo darn funny !!!

Then again, I think my relationship is different from all the others??

Question for those that have their SO's here AND have been here awhile........how many can say their SO "changed" when they got here?

ok i just re-read this....mike and i had LONG talks on what i wanted from him and what he wanted from me way before he got here...i told him there were a lot of things that were going to be differnt here and that he needed to get that into his head before he got here...example....not being to hang out on the streets, having to save money for things...money doesn't grow on trees...there are not taxi cabs everywhere people will not stop for you...i would like some help out around the house i work 10 hour days with likkle kids....and his response was that is fine as long as i am with you i don't care about that stuff and will all work out....i thought we had talked and compermised on certain things and that he was going to get when he got here....fast forward a year later....we are STILL STILL STILL working on everything we talked about before he got here...yes i think his age has a lot to do with....when he got here he was a kid in the freakin candy store....with everything he saw he wanted....

How old was he when he got here?

It would be interesting to know the ages of ALL our SO's when they arrived here.

I don't know how old my guy will be when he gets here...so we'll see as time progresses.

Craig was 27 ....now 28.....going on 10 !

yes mike is/was 24...he will be 25....but more like going on 5.....here is a good example...last night whinning that he doesn't have everything he wants...he wants this and that...and wants someone who can buy him whatever he wants...blah blah blah keeping ME up till 12 am...complaning...singing just being a jerk...and then like a little child asks me if i am mad at him when we got up....it just never ends

[Shemmy 4]

How old was he when he got here?

It would be interesting to know the ages of ALL our SO's when they arrived here.

I don't know how old my guy will be when he gets here...so we'll see as time progresses.

Damien was (is) a baby...he came here 22 years-old...3 years ago. We're almost 11 years apart.

[luvtravlin 0]

How old was he when he got here?

It would be interesting to know the ages of ALL our SO's when they arrived here.

I don't know how old my guy will be when he gets here...so we'll see as time progresses.

Damien was (is) a baby...he came here 22 years-old...3 years ago. We're almost 11 years apart.

Someone raised him right !!!!

[Marlita 0]

yes mike is/was 24...he will be 25....but more like going on 5.....here is a good example...last night whinning that he doesn't have everything he wants...he wants this and that...and wants someone who can buy him whatever he wants...blah blah blah keeping ME up till 12 am...complaning...singing just being a jerk...and then like a little child asks me if i am mad at him when we got up....it just never ends

Well good Lord does he have a job? Does he say these things cause he expects you to buy them for him. I find this to be a Jamaican trait. LOL. I thik it comes from the misperception of how much money American make or have.

[Marlita 0]

How old was he when he got here?

It would be interesting to know the ages of ALL our SO's when they arrived here.

I don't know how old my guy will be when he gets here...so we'll see as time progresses.

Damien was (is) a baby...he came here 22 years-old...3 years ago. We're almost 11 years apart.

Oh he was a baby! Lord knows I didn't have a clue at 22. I just graduated college at that age. Oh to be 22 again!!!!

[*JG* 2]

I put Andre on an allowance type system. We each get the same amount of "mad money" every paycheck. If there is extra left over, we can decide together what to buy. And, he's found if he can compromise and be patient, we can each get what we want eventually. He's also learned to bargain shop. It's been a real learning experience.

Of course, on occassion, I still have to lie in order to put a little money aside for that rainy day.

[Shemmy 4]

I put Andre on an allowance type system. We each get the same amount of "mad money" every paycheck. If there is extra left over, we can decide together what to buy. And, he's found if he can compromise and be patient, we can each get what we want eventually. He's also learned to bargain shop. It's been a real learning experience.

Of course, on occassion, I still have to lie in order to put a little money aside for that rainy day.

Damien put me on allowance We have a joint account and seperate accounts at different banks. He manages money better than me That's all he talks about bills, money, bills, money....it drives me crazy...especially at midnight .