Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[Shemmy 4]

Hey Maria, how are you??? Good to see you.

hi how u been? im in florida. so hows my hometown?

Everything is good on this end. No complaints. Check your PM.

[nyseness 0]

I even delivered him two sets of those pills that help clear out your system - he took one before each test.

Hmm. Might need some of these. Where would I get them?

I got them at a local store near me. You could probably check online for stores in your area.

Okay, thanks. But what kind of store, health food store, drug store? How would I know what they are? (I'm sure they don't advertise this use. ) I know that some use golden seal tea. I think there's also a golden seal pill, is that what you're talking about?

I don't recommend golden seal anymore. A lot of doctors are testing for it b/c it was so common. Have your fiance look at something in JA...they have tons and tons of cleansers.

[jlvr 1]

I even delivered him two sets of those pills that help clear out your system - he took one before each test.

Hmm. Might need some of these. Where would I get them?

I got them at a local store near me. You could probably check online for stores in your area.

Okay, thanks. But what kind of store, health food store, drug store? How would I know what they are? (I'm sure they don't advertise this use. ) I know that some use golden seal tea. I think there's also a golden seal pill, is that what you're talking about?

I don't recommend golden seal anymore. A lot of doctors are testing for it b/c it was so common. Have your fiance look at something in JA...they have tons and tons of cleansers.

Not for my fiance, a friend.

[brownnskinn 0]

But during the time that you were not with your husband he was doing his own thing.

Interesting B/C my husband and I have some serious talks. I have learned about some very disterbing things about what he was doing in JA, and yes, he was doin his own thing. Just like you said. Things were not what I thought they were, even after he arrived. He was sooo perfect. I was on top of the world. I could not believe. But I learned he was doing all these things b/c I thought he "owed" me somthing. I had to set him straight. I did what I had to do to learn weather not you were the one for me. What I did, I did for me not you. I'm not Ms sava hoe. So You don't "owe" me nothing but the truth, and I'm not putting up with this SHITTTTTTT! He came clean. He wasn't in "love" with me like I thought he was. He came here with one foot in the door and other one who knows where. We learned there was no way we could have made the descision to become husband and wife, without truely knowing who each other are. We have descided to do just that. Learn who we are. Maybe we'll stay together maybe we won't. Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with me, and I can work with you. Otherwise take your green card and get to stepping. Talk and work through your problems.

[Minfay 0]

I have learned about some very disterbing things about what he was doing in JA, and yes, he was doin his own thing. Just like you said. Things were not what I thought they were, even after he arrived. He was sooo perfect. I was on top of the world. I could not believe.

Very well put, Dee....

Here's the thing -- the whole immigration process DOES NOT allow us to really get to know the person as well as we (or they) might like. No bulls*&$ here..... My question is.....would ANY of you marry someone HERE, in America who you met and only saw face-to-face a limited amount of time?

Me -- NO WAY!!! But -- that being said -- I also believe that life is too short to not take chances. You are only given one opportunity here -- what you do with that opportunity is all up to you.

So, what makes me think that Roy is perfect in every way? NOTHING!!

Has he been a good husband? Yes, he has.

Has he cheated on me? I have no clue.

Do I think he is capable of it? Of course I do........AND this comes from knowing that he wasn't "Mr. Perfect" when he was in JA waiting for the whole K1 process to come through. I know that. I got over that. What happens in Jamaica stays in Jamaica.......I could never prove anything but I'm not stupid.

Believe me -- after hearing stories here on VJ (and NOT just in this forum) I have become very aware of my surroundings.....and will continue to be aware. You never know what is going to happen once your fiancee/husband gets here.......

[Minfay 0]

..sorry for the double post....

Edited April 13, 2007 by Minfay

[*JG* 2]

You ladies are very strong and I applaud you for your strength. It's just not something I could do. If I thought my SO, whether BF, fiance, or spouse and whether in JA or USA was cheating, I would not be as nice as you all are being.

[brownnskinn 0]

I have learned about some very disterbing things about what he was doing in JA, and yes, he was doin his own thing. Just like you said. Things were not what I thought they were, even after he arrived. He was sooo perfect. I was on top of the world. I could not believe.

Very well put, Dee....

Here's the thing -- the whole immigration process DOES NOT allow us to really get to know the person as well as we (or they) might like. No bulls*&$ here..... My question is.....would ANY of you marry someone HERE, in America who you met and only saw face-to-face a limited amount of time?

Me -- NO WAY!!! But -- that being said -- I also believe that life is too short to not take chances. You are only given one opportunity here -- what you do with that opportunity is all up to you.

Soo true Sista girl!!!

[Jonesie 1]

Unnu can chat so? Unnu naah no work fi tend to tideh?

I am gonna respond to this tonight. Gotta put in my last 2 hours then I'm outta here!

Nannygirl, hang in there

[brownnskinn 0]

You ladies are very strong and I applaud you for your strength. It's just not something I could do. If I thought my SO, whether BF, fiance, or spouse and whether in JA or USA was cheating, I would not be as nice as you all are being.

I hope it never has happens to you. I wouldn't call it being "nice"....More like "couragous"...It's what allows a person to experience danger and difficulty with firmness and resolve, instead of fear and resentment. Courage comes from God, Fear comes from the devil.

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration, but be of good cheer:meaning be confident, cerain,undaunted! For I have overcome the world. I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you......(John 16:33 and J. Myers

[luvtravlin 0]

he cant have friends.

Heeeeelllll NO, NOT "NEW" female friends !!!!! now if he knew them and "I" was aware of them BEFORE he came here, different story......but no not acceptable to go out and meet "new" female friends....for ???? There's only ONE thing that a "new female friend" would be there for!!!

I found 7 different numbers, in his pants pockets and wallet (yep, he was that stupid for me to find them and yes I looked BECAUSE I did not trust him !!!) and when his cell phone bill came.... within the 1st 2 months. He doesn't know that I have his password to get into his phone, he had a message from one chic at 6:41 AM on say a Monday morning. We were at my sons soccer game and he left me a note saying he was at the movies ..........HE LIED !! He was at this chics house watching a movie !!! and I called her to find out the real deal!!!!

I love how you guys have been supportive. Yes, if he was an american shiiiiiiiittt he'd be SOOO gone by now, but I am MARRIED to him, 1st marriage and I'm 41 ....and I've put a TON of energy, time and money into this and as Kelly (jomo...) said.....I EXPECTED the same in return !!!!!!! and that's what he "promised" me CONSTANTLY !!!! Where's the MAN that I fell in love with ?? and "I" do NOT fall easily !!!

Now for the past 2 days he hasn't spoken to me. He went off on a MAJOR tangent yesterday and it's like having a roommate. I asked him yesterday to talk to me and let me know what's REALLY on his mind and he said "nothing" was on his mind...........yeah right !!! My son is spending the night at my parents tonight and I'm going to try to see what the deal is.

Craig and I have MANY MANY "REAL" TALKS !!!!! We talk about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING and yes, I truly felt like I knew him!!! Since there's no trust in our relationship any more, I try I really try to believe him, but EVERY time I take a step forward, he gets into it with me about something REEEEALLY petty and that brings me back 15 steps.

One of his MAJOR MAJOR hang-ups is that I do the travel for our professional (indoor) soccer team and the owner....have been for the past 10 yrs. It drives him absolutely NUTS when I work "past 5pm" or on weekends to provide customer service to this account. It's a HUGE account for me. He does NOT support the fact that I work from home and the fact that my job does NOT end at 5pm !!!! Plus, being that I do work 2 jobs, I have alot of catching up to do when I come home. If he was working....that would NOT be a problem !!!! Since he's not working right now, he does absolutely NOTHING to "help" around the house....the laundry sat in the washing machine for 5 days....got that nice smelly smell to them, so I did them before I went to work today and MOST of them were his clothes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I got a email from a client --that I had never met in person, at 1pm and he asked if he could swing by and pick up his documents....at 2pm. I was on-hold with an airline at the time. Meanwhile, hadn't showered cause I was really busy, house was a mess. Dishes in the sink, place needed to be vacuumed. I asked NICELY to Craig as he was sitting there watching TV....could he possibly help me straighten up the house because I have a client (new one) coming over in 45 min. He acted like I NEVER said anything !!!!! I asked him again nicely....and he acted like he NEVER heard me....so I got pissed and just walked away!!!

I'm going back to read more....

[*JG* 2]

You ladies are very strong and I applaud you for your strength. It's just not something I could do. If I thought my SO, whether BF, fiance, or spouse and whether in JA or USA was cheating, I would not be as nice as you all are being.

I hope it never has happens to you. I wouldn't call it being "nice"....More like "couragous"...It's what allows a person to experience danger and difficulty with firmness and resolve, instead of fear and resentment. Courage comes from God, Fear comes from the devil.

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration, but be of good cheer:meaning be confident, cerain,undaunted! For I have overcome the world. I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you......(John 16:33 and J. Myers

Courageous is not the word that is coming to my mind at this point.

I'd say you are much more patient then I would ever be, Kelly.

[luvtravlin 0]

I don't agree. We all know the trials and tribulations of this truly difficult and long process. It isn't only the Jamaican who gives up everything they know. I have had to rearrange my life more times then I like to count during this process. As I expected Jomo to do everything he could along the way to make it go smoothly, I still expect the same. I expect his love and attention. I expect him to adjust. I expect him to work hard. And, I expect him to respect me and work out our differences in an adult manner. I would be babying him if I didn't. He is a man, not a child. I don't baby him.

I have to agree whole heartedly with this

While I do have grace, patience and compassion for all the adjustment and changes that are going to be happening I still expect him to behave as a man and not a child. I expect him to handle things maturely and to act as the head of our household. Life isn’t easy not matter what situations are thrown your way but it is still your choice how you react and respond. I signed up to be the wife not the mommy.

AMEN SISTAS!!

TRIPLE AAAAAMEN to both of you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did NOT sign up to be a mom to ANOTHER child !!!! Craig does NOT "act" the same way he did when he was in Jamaica, ie being a MAN !!!!!!!

You guys said it so nicely !!!

[Yaads 0]

You know what...I think it all comes down to your individual breaking points whether it be mentally, phyically, emotionally, spiritually or a combination of any number of them. Some of us obviously have higher tolerance levels or had lower expectations. Not saying either is right or wrong...just stating that some of us can tolerate a lot more or a lot less than others. Overall I believe that you have to look out for your health and if anything is being jeopordized or in bad shape then you need to make arrangements or come up with a solution that will work for you. Marriage and relationships are a TON of work...TONS! You need to be of sound mind, body and spirit to be able to handle it all. While you do have a committment in a marriage it is also important to remember to take care of yourself. Things can not get better if you yourself are unhealthy.

Disclaimer: Not talking about anyone specifically but a general "you"

[Yaads 0]

I think I am going to try and put a disclaimer at the end of every post I am really enjoying it