My wife is sad

[Kevin and 10]

Totally agree with tway22! In addition, Viet Kieu would be stupid to act and throw their money around like it’s trash. I personally never spent money on anything that someone else already did, like going out for breakfast/lunch/dinner, Vietnamese love to prove that they have more money than you by paying for your lunch/dinner where we Americans would just share the build evenly if not paying for our own meals. I wouldn’t reach for my wallet unless it was my idea and invitation to have dinner, then I’ll pay for it. Most of the friends I know, are now wealthy and would consider them are a lot richer than me. Business is opening up to the people in VN, they make money, a lot of it. So with your few extra dollars from America, barely buy them a “BIA OM” session. Not that I know anything about it

But the point is to take it easy with the spending spree, you are NOBODY in Vietnam. Viet Kieu or not, you are just another Average Joe in Saigon. 10 – 20 years ago, yeah maybe you were somebody to the Vietnamese in VN, but not now, and never will be again. Remember, there will always be someone is a lot richer and wealthier than you in VN.

KDragon, you still can back out if you feel this is not right! Just to be franked!

1. Good girl from good family would not move out her parents’ home without her husband.

2. Decent and honorable family would not have their engaged-daughter moves out on her own when her husband is not here for “traditional value” and “economic reason”

3. Asking for money directly or indirectly is a shameful act for any self-respecting Vietnamese parents

4. It is a duty and responsibility of the SON of a Vietnamese family to support his parents, not the daughter. Daughter gets married and she belongs to her husband’s family.

5. Her friends “think” she is now rich because she is engaged to a Viet Kieu. How do you know if she doesn’t believe it also?

6. Remember you can not buy love, there are other men out there with a lot more cash than you who would be interested in taking over your wife once she gets here. If this marriage based on love and MONEY as a condition for it to work! Beware!

7. She should and MUST work. Free times to seat around and being around her family while waiting to come to America will do her more harm than good.

8. She lives with her family her whole life, why changes because she’s engaged and her husband is not here.

9. You are NOT paying for other’s free-lunch/dinner

10. Buying lunch/dinner for others only when it’s special event (i.e. successful interview and Visa in hand)

11. Your money is NOT theirs or HER, not yet. You need to set the rule up and have them understand you will not paying for anyone anything if you don’t see it justify according to your standard.

12. No, you are not marrying her whole family although sometimes it does seem that way.

13. On and on with the money issue would ruin your marriage.

1. She isn't moving out. I worded it wrong . You said exactly what I was thinking

2. They are a very honorable family, but everyone knows what happens behind closed doors. Every family has issues.

3. They never asked for money. People (whether it was her parents or her friends) were critcizing her and I over me not sending money for HER.

4. Her Brother is a USC and send money to them from the US.

5. I have explained this to her a number of times. I am going to have to explain it again.

6. Money has nothing to do with our relationship. If money was it then your right someone with a heck of a lot more money than me would be married to her. It is just one of the issues that comes up in a marriage. She feels bad because people are criticizing her and I about money.

7. She is going to get a job. I just didn't want her to miss out on being with her family before she gets here. With her going to classes for english and working it was hard for her before. She quit her other job because she did not have time to do everything

I am going to VN in May for our anniversery. I didn't want to yet but I might have to sit down with her and show her my finances so she understands. I don't care if anyone else understands, as long as she knows. She should have to feel bad because people were criticizing me not sending her some spending money.

[Kevin and 10]

Thanks for the advice guys. I'm going to see my sweetheart in May for our first Wedding Anniversary . I hope going though this isn't as stressful on her as it is for me.

[chuckandkim 0]

Are these people paying any of your bills? People are jeolous of your woman being with you, they will say anything to tick her off and get on your nerve. Just tell your girl be nice and nod and smile at those unconstructive criticism. Remember, not to scare you but some of you know me on this board, as long as your woman is still in VN and NOT here in the US yet, anything could happen which has a very negative impact on your K-1. For example: hateful friends just want to mess with your case, calling the Consulate to report some false information about how she was married to some random guy. Stop the interview and Visa issue! Relative wants extra cash to keep it quiet or blackmail you with the local police. (hassle!) my thoughts to you, keep her family happy to a level. Take care of your girl's basic needs according to your standard, not anyone else's. Keep low profile while you're there and while she's still there, nobody should know when and what is up with her case (people in her village or ward, or neighbor, even relatives).

Basically, keep yourself off the radar for blackmailing and crazy friends and relatives. Enjoy your trip, focus on the task and ask a lot of question while you're here in VJ

Love,

chuck and kim

[Kevin&Loan 0]

Yes yes yes ... Your fiancee must cool down a bit. Keep a low profile.