Need HELP with your opinions!!!!!!

[Shub 78]

To play devil's advocate to my own post above, it may be worth mentioning that Russian women may have a very skewed concept of wealth, and think that asking for a $1200 dress is not insane. She may not realize that $1200 is still a lot of money for an average American.

But regardless, you don't owe her anything and her being displeased with you not getting her something (regardless of its nature or price) says a lot about what she has in store for you in the future if you keep this relationship running.

Edited March 15, 2007 by Shub

[wissooner 0]

genem,

My fiance is Russian as well. I can tell you that this women is using you to get her and her son to the States. She is looking for a 'mule' and I'll wager that she thinks she has found one. I also wager that as soon as she gets her 10yr green card you will be served divorce papers. If this is ok with you then by all means bring her over. You will be in for a couple of years of hell, or worse. If you are looking for a real lady then drop this women and continue looking. There are real Russian ladies out there, they are just getting harder to find. I suggest looking for someone closer to your own age. Anyway good luck to you...

[Dean/Gra 0]

Reading the post in some topics, i decided to ask for help. I met my Fiancee 6 months ago on the internet. She was wanting badly to come to the USA. I was very lonely and looking for romance and companionship but i am 62, she 41. With that said, i met her in Russia for 4 days in 11/06. We hit it off. I met her again in 02/07. We talked, i gave her $1,000 in cash for expenses. She later asked some questionable questions & said she wanted a marriage agreement. I went to bed, she slept on sofa. I am laying in bed thinking this is our 1st sex & because i am a diabetic & don't perform very good, she is unhappy, plus i didn't buy her a $1,200 dress she wanted so she is unhappy, plus i am a diabetic, etc. I decided i should ask for the $1,000 back until i was more sure about her. So i got out of bed & got my money back. The next morning she left 2 days early so i asked for my ring back but she wouldn't give it. When i got home, i emailed & apologized, she accepted, but has been very cool since. Currently, i am needing a copy of her divorce papers for RFE1 but she hasn't faxed a copy to me in 3 days. In your opinions, was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed? Should i continue to try to make this work when i am wondering if she cares?

Signed, sad & worried

I'm sorry to hear about your problems there buddy, but there are red flags everywhere. Next time you might take a little more time before you decide to buy all that stuff. In another post one old guy at this stuff says, "if she asks for money, you need to find someone else." Most of these girls could use the money, but they were surviving before you came along, so a little while longer, until you get to know her won't hurt.

[s2convt 0]

Reading the post in some topics, i decided to ask for help. I met my Fiancee 6 months ago on the internet. She was wanting badly to come to the USA. I was very lonely and looking for romance and companionship but i am 62, she 41. With that said, i met her in Russia for 4 days in 11/06. We hit it off. I met her again in 02/07. We talked, i gave her $1,000 in cash for expenses. She later asked some questionable questions & said she wanted a marriage agreement. I went to bed, she slept on sofa. I am laying in bed thinking this is our 1st sex & because i am a diabetic & don't perform very good, she is unhappy, plus i didn't buy her a $1,200 dress she wanted so she is unhappy, plus i am a diabetic, etc. I decided i should ask for the $1,000 back until i was more sure about her. So i got out of bed & got my money back. The next morning she left 2 days early so i asked for my ring back but she wouldn't give it. When i got home, i emailed & apologized, she accepted, but has been very cool since. Currently, i am needing a copy of her divorce papers for RFE1 but she hasn't faxed a copy to me in 3 days. In your opinions, was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed? Should i continue to try to make this work when i am wondering if she cares?

Signed, sad & worried

Something is not right with your relationship with your fiancee as others have stated. Please don't mistake LUST for LOVE.

My fiancee is from VN a third world country. She adamantly says no to me when I tell her I want to send money to VN and support her with the expenses for the K-1 Visa and our wedding. Instead, she went out and found a job to support herself and not become a burden to me. She is only 20 years old......

I would send her money in a heart beat but also respect her independence.

Edited March 15, 2007 by s2convt

[genem 0]

"Something is not right with your relationship with your fiancee as others have stated. Please don't mistake LUST for LOVE.

My fiancee is from VN a third world country. She adamantly says no to me when I tell her I want to send money to VN and support her with the expenses for the K-1 Visa and our wedding. Instead, she went out and found a job to support herself and not become a burden to me. She is only 20 years old......

I would send her money in a heart beat but also respect her independence."

Sounds like you found a jewel. Good for you & hopefully she has found one also. Good luck and thanks for the reply.

Edited March 15, 2007 by genem

[TimsDaisy 0]

Um, excuse me all but the OP said:

"In your opinions, was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed? "

I find both parties here disturbing. She may have been looking for a sugar daddy - but he treated her like a #######.

This is the same guy who was concerned about "marriage agreements" before, as well. (http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=56271&st=0)

I suppose marriage is whatever two people believe it to be - and however they choose to live out the kinds of promises they make when they sign the contract. But this kind of situation and story disturbs me greatly. Am I culturally insensitive? Overly romantic? Perhaps both. But there's a ton wrong with both of the parties here - that's the impression I get from the information the OP provides. And age has nothing to do with it.

And yeah, I'll say it - the thought of his application taking up space and time in front of mine and a lot of others makes me angry. This is a guy who is only close to loving this woman that he clearly doesn't trust anyway - and he has said he thinks she isn't as close to loving him. See this post: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&p=744673

A K1 isn't for testing a relationship. And coming or not coming to bed IS NOT grounds for monetary compensation.

Edited March 16, 2007 by TimsDaisy

[DA BOMB 1]

Um, excuse me all but the OP said:

"In your opinions, was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed? "

I find both parties here disturbing. She may have been looking for a sugar daddy - but he treated her like a #######.

This is the same guy who was concerned about "marriage agreements" before, as well. (http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=56271&st=0)

I suppose marriage is whatever two people believe it to be - and however they choose to live out the kinds of promises they make when they sign the contract. But this kind of situation and story disturbs me greatly. Am I culturally insensitive? Overly romantic? Perhaps both. But there's a ton wrong with both of the parties here - that's the impression I get from the information the OP provides. And age has nothing to do with it.

And yeah, I'll say it - the thought of his application taking up space and time in front of mine and a lot of others makes me angry. This is a guy who is only close to loving this woman that he clearly doesn't trust anyway - and he has said he thinks she isn't as close to loving him. See this post: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&p=744673

A K1 isn't for testing a relationship. And coming or not coming to bed IS NOT grounds for monetary compensation.

Thats weird. I dunno - does the K1 need evidence of "love" or just that there's a mutual agreement that takes place to marry. Why the hell anyone would want to enter into marriage under those artificial terms is beyond me. This guy is either ignorant to whats happening to him or he just doesnt care that she's using him for a ticket into the US.

[JoeMama 0]

This is sad when you there are people who are such animals and try to take advantage of people like in this situation. It is sad to see when lonliness causes desperation like this in people. The fact of the matter, is that it is not just women in Russia who do this. Women like this are EVERYWHERE! Even here in the good ol' USA! Money is usually the driving force behind most evil in the world. I could go on and on about this. But, in reality, who is really going to give a rat's #######?

[Niels Bohr 72]

Sometimes when a woman refuses money offer, they have in mind that you want something from them. That's instinctively understandable. Offering money to someone you know for awhile, and she refuse it would be a sign of guilt that she acquired either by hiding things from you or cheating on you. That's from experience. Not saying all woman are like that. I don't want to be attack by woman, especially on this forum!

Edited March 16, 2007 by consolemaster

[Turboguy 6]

Wow, First off, yes, you don't have a good woman. I have gone to Russia tons of times. I had one K-1 with a Russian gal that did not work out and am currently working on my second K-1 with another Russian gal. I am going to come back to this.

First the age difference. Some seem to feel that dooms it, I don't. I have had a bigger age difference with both my Russian Fiancees. Age differneces far in excess of that are common with asian gals and with Russian ones, less than 10 years is rare and 10 to 20 is pretty normal. We did a poll at a discussion site I go to that is most all American Men dating or married to Russian woman and 11-16 years and 16 - 21 years difference were the two most common.

Next, the problem you had with sex. Most gals won't look at it as a big deal. Being a guy, I know we all are very sensative about it and if it doesn't work it can be very discouraging. With a new relationship, nerves get thrown into the equation just as often. Most of my life I worked just fine but like most men, I have had a few times I was a total flop. (flop seems like a pretty good word for it, doesn't it) even when I was young. It can happen to anyone. don't sweat it. If it is never going to work that is something that two people need to deal with. Many women can accept that just fine and some can't.

Yes, there are a lot of Russian women who are motivated by the wrong goals but there are some good ones and they more than make it worth what we have to go through to find them. Flat out you don't have a good one.

I know you were looking for advice about your K-1. I don't think the K-1 forum is a place to go too far into relationships. Perhaps the regional section for Russia at the bottom of this site or someplace I would recommend very highly is russianwomendiscussion Just add the usual internet stuff to that and you will find one of the most helpful sites on realtionships going. Be sure you spell it women and not woman or you will go the wrong place. They can be a little tough on people sometimes but you can learn a lot that you really should know. I have sent people from there to visajourney a million times, now I hope I can help you and send one the other way.

Good luck but drop the K-1. She is not worth it.

[TimsDaisy 0]

Thats weird. I dunno - does the K1 need evidence of "love" or just that there's a mutual agreement that takes place to marry. Why the hell anyone would want to enter into marriage under those artificial terms is beyond me. This guy is either ignorant to whats happening to him or he just doesnt care that she's using him for a ticket into the US.

No, there is no requirement for love in a marriage - but that's the whole problem with the system, isn't it? They want proof that you aren't marrying JUST to get into the country - but pretty much any other reason will cut it, and the easiest shorthand is a "bona fide" relationship - you've met in person, you will marry.

It's nuts trying to regulate based on people's states of mind, but that's what most of our laws are about. While I tend to focus on just the laws here on VJ, sometimes, comments make me angry about the practical realities and the people-aspect of the process and this guy pisses me the h*ll off.

Come on - people are only coming down on the woman here? She doesn't sound like a peach, but I can't believe no one else seemed to raise an eyebrow over "was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed?"

Just linking those two concepts: money + bed - that screams "wrong" to me. Perhaps she had no problem trading one for the other, if not, then hey, lady, have a ball. But neither of them seems worthy of respect and, perhaps needlessly if no one else takes umbrage, but on behalf of the hundreds/thousands/however many in-love, desparate to be together, love-don't-cost-a-thing, slogging-through-it-all couples here on VJ and everywhere else, I'm offended.

I'm not the marriage police checking the legitimacy of anyone's marriage. I don't have a say in their pairing. But when it comes to visas, we aren't independent of each other because of the mounds and mounds of applicants - we're all vying to get to the front of the line. This guy bugs me. But what can you do.

Edited March 16, 2007 by TimsDaisy

[s2convt 0]

Thats weird. I dunno - does the K1 need evidence of "love" or just that there's a mutual agreement that takes place to marry. Why the hell anyone would want to enter into marriage under those artificial terms is beyond me. This guy is either ignorant to whats happening to him or he just doesnt care that she's using him for a ticket into the US.

No, there is no requirement for love in a marriage - but that's the whole problem with the system, isn't it? They want proof that you aren't marrying JUST to get into the country - but pretty much any other reason will cut it, and the easiest shorthand is a "bona fide" relationship - you've met in person, you will marry.

It's nuts trying to regulate based on people's states of mind, but that's what most of our laws are about. While I tend to focus on just the laws here on VJ, sometimes, comments make me angry about the practical realities and the people-aspect of the process and this guy pisses me the h*ll off.

Come on - people are only coming down on the woman here? She doesn't sound like a peach, but I can't believe no one else seemed to raise an eyebrow over "was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed?"

Just linking those two concepts: money + bed - that screams "wrong" to me. Perhaps she had no problem trading one for the other, if not, then hey, lady, have a ball. But neither of them seems worthy of respect and, perhaps needlessly if no one else takes umbrage, but on behalf of the hundreds/thousands/however many in-love, desparate to be together, love-don't-cost-a-thing, slogging-through-it-all couples here on VJ and everywhere else, I'm offended.

I'm not the marriage police checking the legitimacy of anyone's marriage. I don't have a say in their pairing. But when it comes to visas, we aren't independent of each other because of the mounds and mounds of applicants - we're all vying to get to the front of the line. This guy bugs me. But what can you do.

TimsDaisy,

If I am reading the OP's post correctly, he gave his fiancee $1000 for expenses involved in the K1 process. After much thought and uncertainty about the relationship, he asked for his money back. He want's to know whether his actions where correct based on the feelings he had after their first sexual encounter.

IMO if he questions the validity of her true feelings for him, then he has the right to ask for the K1 money back if he isn't going to proceed with filing the petition.

[Turboguy 6]

He said expenses but he did not say for the visa expenses but I would guess that was the deal. If he was giving her money for the expenses of that meeting it would be really cheap to take it back.

A lot of the gals there watch something like dyansty and think all the roads in the USA are paved with gold. Maybe she just has false illusions about his finances. There is not enough of the story being told. If he hinted he was rich then she should expect expensive clothes. To me it just sounds like people who rushed into something without knowing each other well enough. He was captivated by her youth and looks and she was captivated by the chance to come to America and live the lifestyle of the rich and famous first hand.

You are supposed to have things worked out ahead on a Fiancee visa. You should be in love and compatable and have a real relationship. I can't see that as having happened here. He should withdraw the petiton and go see her again for a longer period of time and really get to know each other, or they both should just move on.

[DA BOMB 1]

Thats weird. I dunno - does the K1 need evidence of "love" or just that there's a mutual agreement that takes place to marry. Why the hell anyone would want to enter into marriage under those artificial terms is beyond me. This guy is either ignorant to whats happening to him or he just doesnt care that she's using him for a ticket into the US.

No, there is no requirement for love in a marriage - but that's the whole problem with the system, isn't it? They want proof that you aren't marrying JUST to get into the country - but pretty much any other reason will cut it, and the easiest shorthand is a "bona fide" relationship - you've met in person, you will marry.

It's nuts trying to regulate based on people's states of mind, but that's what most of our laws are about. While I tend to focus on just the laws here on VJ, sometimes, comments make me angry about the practical realities and the people-aspect of the process and this guy pisses me the h*ll off.

Come on - people are only coming down on the woman here? She doesn't sound like a peach, but I can't believe no one else seemed to raise an eyebrow over "was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed?"

Just linking those two concepts: money + bed - that screams "wrong" to me. Perhaps she had no problem trading one for the other, if not, then hey, lady, have a ball. But neither of them seems worthy of respect and, perhaps needlessly if no one else takes umbrage, but on behalf of the hundreds/thousands/however many in-love, desparate to be together, love-don't-cost-a-thing, slogging-through-it-all couples here on VJ and everywhere else, I'm offended.

I'm not the marriage police checking the legitimacy of anyone's marriage. I don't have a say in their pairing. But when it comes to visas, we aren't independent of each other because of the mounds and mounds of applicants - we're all vying to get to the front of the line. This guy bugs me. But what can you do.

This is one of those threads where I'm just kind of awestrucken. Even more so at the link to his earlier thread you posted. I'm like "are you for real?" He's a 62 year old guy from Texas and he gave a Russian chick he met off the internet a thousand bucks and his thingie dont work and he was pissed off cause she slept on the couch. She wants a $1200 dress but settles for a $300 blouse then she doesnt put out but will get married no problem as long as its ASAP. I mean - COME ON!! I cant stop laughing long enough to argue the point.

[DA BOMB 1]

TimsDaisy,

If I am reading the OP's post correctly, he gave his fiancee $1000 for expenses involved in the K1 process. After much thought and uncertainty about the relationship, he asked for his money back. He want's to know whether his actions where correct based on the feelings he had after their first sexual encounter.

IMO if he questions the validity of her true feelings for him, then he has the right to ask for the K1 money back if he isn't going to proceed with filing the petition.

He's the USC....she didnt pay for nuthin. Even if she did it would only be $170 and the cost for paperclips and paper. He was kindly offering cash for "services rendered" and wanted it back after she decided to sleep on the couch. (cracks me up)