For Brazilian Immigrants

[andrea&roberto 1]

I've (the USC) been so caught up with the excitement of bringing my husband home, and how happy we are to finally be together, that I really haven't thought about how my husband's family feels about him "deserting" them for a "better" place...far from home. But honestly, I haven't really thought about or been concerned about his family.... I'm not sure if this is selfish or not...or if I should feel so bad, beacuse this is everything we've been waiting for. This is OUR choice. OUR life. He can't always be mama's little boy. He's mine now. So my question to the Brazilians who came here......how did you feel leaving your family, friends, basically, everything, your whole life, to be here in America, with your husband or wife? Was it easy? Did you feel concerned for your family? How did your family feel about you leaving?

[joeyjoey 1]

andrea&roberto,

My Fiancee is Brazilian. She is "mine" now, but she will always be a Brasileira first! There is strong national pride in Brazil. You have to be careful when you say things like "better place". In some cases it may be true, in other cases it can be considered offensive. Americans are no better than Brazilians. Don't make the mistake of making your husband think that you believe the American way is better or you'll have a problem you didn't plan for. Always consider his feelings before you speak. Take the middle ground and let him draw his own conclusions and paint his own picture of life in America. My Fiancee taught me that!!

One thing that I fully understand is the shock of being out of her element that she'll experience. All the things in life that she knows, that made her the woman that she is will be distant. Family, language, church, community, music, TV, food, culture, knowing the streets and where she is and more will all be replaced by American preferences and locations. Her internal compass will need some serious adjusting! I know that she'll get homesick. I know that she will have good days and not so good days as she does her best to adjust in this foreign place call America. But I know that in time, she will adjust and we will do it together.

Her family is very positive about this. They are planning a big party when we get the Visa! After a court house wedding here, we'll return in a few months for a BIG Brazilian wedding. Fernanda admits that she will miss her family and I know she'll be missed. It is only normal! But that is where we have to step up and go the extra kilometer to make every moment special. We have to make sure that we are in sync with their needs, their fears and try to bring them into this new comfort zone. For some, it may be a fairly easy transition. For others, it's a mixed bag. You know your man, I know my Fernanda. And I know that she'll need a support network in order to make that transition smoothly. Fortunately, we have a Brazilian community here and I have already notified them that "she's coming".

The advice I received from Brazilians in my city was to get her involved in things. The sooner she can get her feet planted firmly on the ground, and establish the new normal, the better. Her English teacher is ready for her. I have a job that is 5 minutes from the house, so I can take lunch at home with her. In my mind, the key is to minimize the time she has to spend alone. To know that she is willing to walk away from all that she knows, to come to a country where she does not speak the language, will not be working for sometime, and to know that she puts 100% of her trust in me is absolutely awesome. She trusts me fully. Never have I experienced this level of trust and love. I owe it to her to give all that I can to make her "whole" again and I will.

joeyjoey

Edited January 23, 2007 by joeyjoey

[Ladylethal 12]

Being the brazilian I must say I miss home and sometimes feel that I've "abandoned" my family, as we're very united and always supported each other. If I could I'd have stayed there with Luis, but we can't always have things exactly as we want and this was easier for us to start our lives together. He understands my sadness days when I miss them too much, and supports me in anyway he can, and I am glad he does 'cus it's tough to go through this.

[andrea&roberto 1]

I just wanted to clarify myself that I do NOT think of America as a "better" place; my use for this is merely only the impression that some may think that WE think it is... Sometimes I feel as if my mother in law might think it is....and I by no way want to demean her country, or situation.....

[Thatchi 0]

With me it was really hard in the beginning being away from my family and still is, not knowing for sure when i can go there again. My dad passed away and i couldn't go to his funeral and it really really hurt me and the worse part is not being able to be there for my mom...this has taken a toll on me...thank goodness my hubby is an angel, but it is really hard but it also makes the relationship stronger because all you have is each other...and i know he is worth it!!

Just be there, and do the best you can to understand what he is going through...

[joeyjoey 1]

I just wanted to clarify myself that I do NOT think of America as a "better" place; my use for this is merely only the impression that some may think that WE think it is... Sometimes I feel as if my mother in law might think it is....and I by no way want to demean her country, or situation.....

Andrea,

I understand what you are saying. And I know that you do not think that way! In the past, sometimes I would complain to Fernanda about how slow it is to get something done in Brasil. Guess I did it too much. And one day, she ripped into me! Then I understood what she was "hearing" vs what I was "saying". I learned to change my approach a little. When he arrives, it will be very different for him. Just don't want you to hit the same "bump" that I hit!

[Priscila and Christopher 0]

I've been here for 6 months now and I miss my family and country very very much! I confess to you that sometimes I think I won't be able to live in here for many years... Besides the fact that my family is very close, what hurts me more is that I miss the cheer and informality of brazilian people. Man, these festivities in the end of the year in here were so depressing for me... People doesn't celebrate!

I keep closing my eyes and I can hear people playing songs and dancing in the beach in a warm night...

And what makes me feel very sad too is that my husband doesn't show he's interested about my culture... Sometimes the idea that maybe he would never live in Brasil makes me go crazy! I love him too much and I want us to always be together, but my heart gets divided.

Well... I just hope I can deal better with this pain with some time. But I can really say for sure that it's not easy for many brazilians to get used to the life in here. Cultural differences use to have a great weight and many times for us it doesn't matter if we can have a better financial situation or a more comfortable life by living in here... In Brasil, we have things that money can't buy.

Sorry... I'm not saying that USA is a bad place to live or that Brasil is better. I'm just trying to show how we brazilians feel when we are in here!

I wish your future husband to get adapted easily, dear!

[Ladylethal 12]

I know how you feel Priscila, and I am lucky that Luis loves Brazil and is totally willing to move there one day. We agreed to go with the tide, where the opportunities are for us to build a family, we'll go together. Be it here in Puerto Rico, the US or in Brazil.

[bora bora 1]

Eliton and I talked about this for a long time last night. He is nervous, although very excited and very ready to come. We met while I was living in Brazil and he never thought about coming to the U.S. and even preferred for me to stay and live there. I asked him to consider it and try living here. He now believes it is a better idea and has been ready for a long time now - but it was not always that way. He loves Brazil and has spent his entire life there - never thought about leaving.

Then he met a gringa from New York

Eliton has heard bad stories about Brazilians living in the U.S. as well as heard friends say they'd love to move here. He doesn't quiet know what to expect.

I lived in Brazil for a year and loved it, but I don't want to settle down there at this time. I have told Eliton that this move does not need to be forever. I've asked him to try it for a year (like I did) and that we can move to Brazil some day in the future. We agree though that financially his moving here is more beneficial than me leaving my job here to move to Brazil.

I do believe that the adjustment will be difficult - Eliton does not speak English - but that living in Florida will be better than were I still living in NY. I have a great support system here and because I'm a teacher I do not have to work during the summer. I will be able to devote my time to him.

Culture shock is difficult to go through, but for most people time does the most good. Good luck to you all.

[andrea&roberto 1]

You know my husband has been dying to move the US. He can't wait. He's lived away from his family, (in another part of the country) for 2 years, where he didn't have contact with his family, but maybe once or twice a year. I think more than anything, he's just so excited to be here, or anywhere for that matter, with me....(and not to forget to mention again, the US) and he has several friends here in the US, that he met in Brazil, eventhough he's never been here to the US. So he's excited to see them all again. And maybe in 10 years (maybe less, who knows) or when the time is right, I can't wait to live in Brazil. So, we'll move back at some time, for some time....But where ever we are in the world, whether it Brazil or the US, BOTH cultures will always in our home. We'll celebrate every US and Brazil holiday! (And there are A LOT of holiday's in brazil.) I want my kids to know the country their daddy is from, and their dual citizenship. I want them to pride themselves that are first brazilian immigrant generation US citizens. And Portuguese will be the main language at home, and english outside the home. Although I wasn't born a brazilian, I feel just as much Brazilian as my husband really is. And I want to make sure that I pass that on to our children.

[Priscila and Christopher 0]

You know my husband has been dying to move the US. He can't wait. He's lived away from his family, (in another part of the country) for 2 years, where he didn't have contact with his family, but maybe once or twice a year. I think more than anything, he's just so excited to be here, or anywhere for that matter, with me....(and not to forget to mention again, the US) and he has several friends here in the US, that he met in Brazil, eventhough he's never been here to the US. So he's excited to see them all again. And maybe in 10 years (maybe less, who knows) or when the time is right, I can't wait to live in Brazil. So, we'll move back at some time, for some time....But where ever we are in the world, whether it Brazil or the US, BOTH cultures will always in our home. We'll celebrate every US and Brazil holiday! (And there are A LOT of holiday's in brazil.) I want my kids to know the country their daddy is from, and their dual citizenship. I want them to pride themselves that are first brazilian immigrant generation US citizens. And Portuguese will be the main language at home, and english outside the home. Although I wasn't born a brazilian, I feel just as much Brazilian as my husband really is. And I want to make sure that I pass that on to our children.

Way to go, girl!!!! That's exactly what I would like to happen to me and Chris... I still hope so!

[alix 20]

This thread is really interesting!!

I feel a bit different than some of the other brazilians here. I have lived here before (as an exchange student in 1993 for a year) and lived in other countries also (Holland and Japan), so I have been away from my family and friends several times. I guess I've gotten used to it. But I have to admit that it's not always easy.

It's pretty difficult in the beginning when you don't know anyone and can't do anything (work, drive, study, etc...). It's hard to meet people and most people you meet in the beginning are your spouse's friends. And if you don't speak the language it's also very challenging. The support of your USC spouse is key to a smooth adjustment. But after you meet new people, make your own friends and start working things get easier. At least in my opinion!

About living in Brazil, I am the one who does not want to live there again. I really have no desire to go back to live in Brazil, despite the fact that most of my family and friends live there. I lived there most of my life and I've had enough. Scott would like to live there someday for a couple of years to be able to experience the culture and learn the language. But I am totally against it mostly because of the violence. I know that there is violence everywhere, but there it is tooo much on your face all the time. I hated to live looking over my shoulder to see if someone was coming to rob me. Or looking around the whole time when your car is stopped on the red light to prepare if someone decides to carjack you. I've been robbed a few times, one at gunpoint. I've seen shootings and stray bullets and people getting carjacked in front of me. Sorry if I am only talking about the bad side of it, but that's what keeps me from wanting to live there again. Don't get me wrong, I love my country and I'm very proud of it. I love going there. I miss my family, my friends, and a lot of other things. Still, I prefer to live here. When I have kids, I want to take them there, show them where I came from and have them experience the culture. But I much rather raise them here. Fortunately my husband agrees with that.