Applying for K1 - Will I need parental consent to bring my 4 year old

[ShaunaH 0]

Hi all.. I would love some help here

I'm a Canadian in the process of getting all of the paperwork together so that my US fiancee and I can get our K1. Now, a big question for us is whether or not I will need a letter of consent from my 4 year old son's biological father to make the move. I have documented sole custody (through the courts).. and his father has already stated that he won't have a problem with me leaving with him, however I am worried about going through all of this and then possibly at the last minute him not signing a consent form as some sort of power move.. or under pressure from his parents. They desperately want him to step up to the plate to become the father they think he should be.

Do I need this? I have an appointment to see my lawyer on Monday but thought I'd ask here first. I would love to hear some of your stories on this topic.

One more thing.. If I get him to sign a consent for now while he's amicable will I still be able to use that next year when our K1 comes through?

Thanks so much!

[GandE 0]

Hi ShaunaH,

My now-husband and I did the K1 Fiance Visa process. He has a 13-year-old son who is still in Argentina and not immigrating here with him at this time. He did not have to have any written "permission/concent" form from the mother of his son. When you tell the immigration group that your son is not immigrating with you, they shouldn't ask any further questions (as it is none of their business either ).

Hope this helps.

[Ontarkie 14,145]

Get the letter of consent!

Edited May 2, 2014 by Ontarkie

[DMX 1]

Sure get the consent and put dates starting today till next couple of years. Get it notorized as well. It costs about 20$. And if you are in Toronto I know a person who will do it for 5$ or 10$ as long as you can meet him in down town. The person giving the consent have to sign in front of the lawyer. You can google the format of the letter or PM me and I will send over a copy.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

100% agree - better to have it than not.

Get the letter of consent!

[carocaro 22]

Absolutely need the documented letter of consent giving his agreement for you to move your son to the USA.

Caro

[ShaunaH 0]

Thanks so much, everyone! I am meeting with my lawyer in a half hour to discuss with her, but I've talked to my son's father and he says he's willing to sign. I just want it signed ASAP.. will it still hold for next year when our K1 will come through? Ugh. so nerve-wracking!

[ShaunaH 0]

So, now my son's father is refusing to sign. SO FRUSTRATING. Somehow he's done a complete 180 and doesn't want to let us go. To be trapped here to support the extremely intermittent relationship that he has with my son is heartbreaking to me. Does anyone reading this have experience with fighting in court for the consent to leave? His father sees him maybe twice a month at the most --sometimes not at all in an entire month. He's lately been stepping up to the plate more and spending a bit more time with him, but it still only amounts to two or three sleepovers a month.. sigh.

I have another appointment with my lawyer to discuss what my next move will be.. but curious if there are others who've been through the same.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

It can be very complicated - what you want from your life and then the impact that has on the relationship your child has with his father are 2 very different things. I assume you're moving far enough away that you're not just over the border and a short ride away? If that was the case it might be more palateable for the father since monthly visits could continue.

In the case of K1 (and your K2 child) there would be period where you are waiting on your GC/AP that you wouldn't be able to go back to Canada - it can be 6+ months or more and that would mean that your child's father would not have access to him physically.

I certainly am not judging and I don't know your situation and although you have sole custody courts can be reluctant to permanently take away the other parent's ability/rights to see their child. You just have to go through the courts and see what happens.

So, now my son's father is refusing to sign. SO FRUSTRATING. Somehow he's done a complete 180 and doesn't want to let us go. To be trapped here to support the extremely intermittent relationship that he has with my son is heartbreaking to me. Does anyone reading this have experience with fighting in court for the consent to leave? His father sees him maybe twice a month at the most --sometimes not at all in an entire month. He's lately been stepping up to the plate more and spending a bit more time with him, but it still only amounts to two or three sleepovers a month.. sigh.

I have another appointment with my lawyer to discuss what my next move will be.. but curious if there are others who've been through the same.

[ShaunaH 0]

Just an update and another plea for advice of those going through the same thing...

The father of my son, now 5, has said on numerous occasions that he has no problem with me moving permanently the US. Unfortunately, his family sees it differently. They want my son to remain here (even though in an almost 2 year period they saw him twice!) and to top it all off, the lawyer representing my ex is his sister. So, he's in a situation now where his family is fighting for something that even he does not want --he just doesn't have the backbone to admit this to them. Ugh.

I have no intention of removing my son from his life. I have a successful business in Canada that is seasonal and would run during the summer months (having our son in Canada for at least 2 months of the year and at Christmas) His father now sees him a -maximum- of 30-40 times a year.. I would be willing to make up for these days during the summer months --though I can't imagine him every wanting to have his son for such an extended period of time. I would also be willing to allow him extended access during Christmas and Spring Break as well as regular skype or facetime visits throughout the week. Again, as it stands now, he doesn't talk to his son for sometimes a month.. so it would definitely take effort on his part, but I am up for the challenge. I want my son to have a good relationship with his father, but at the same time is it fair for our lives to be put on hold? My fiancee has a fantastic relationship with my little guy and is an absolutely wonderful father to his own son.

So, as it stands I am waiting to hear back from their camp as to how they want to proceed. This whole process is so nerve wracking. I so don't want to fight him in court.. I fear that it will destroy our relationship altogether --which most certainly is not in the best interest of our child. He has been an absolutely horrible father.. but don't want to drag him through the mud or air all his dirty laundry (which I feel I will have to) in order to be granted permission. I am at my wits end with all of this.

At the moment my fiancee and I aren't sure whether or not we should get married and apply for Cr-1 (will that be better in court?) or remain engaged and go the K1 route.. not knowing all this time whether or not I will ever be granted permission to leave with him. My lawyer wants to fight for permission now.. but I feel like we should wait until we are closer to ready for the move to take place.

Any advice or personal stories would be appreciated.. thank you!

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe that you must go through the courts regardless of custody to move the child away. The judge needs to see the reason, proof of where the child would attend school, financial support etc.

[Ontarkie 14,145]

You don't need a lawyer for your ex to give permission to move. If he wants to keep his family out of the loop have him write the letter sign it. It would be better if he could get it notarized but a copy of his driver licence with the letter would help. You just need a letter.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe that you must go through the courts regardless of custody to move the child away. The judge needs to see the reason, proof of where the child would attend school, financial support etc.

Wrong, a consent letter is all that is need when parents agree.

[Rob & Monika 87]

It depends on what is in the custody agreement. Mine says if my ex moves more than 1 county away the whole agreement has to be renegotiated, and she's not allowed to move out of the state. It may be OK for US immigration for a consent letter, but if you don't do it legally as far as the terms of the previous agreement, the ex can make a lot of trouble if you leave the country and you haven't updated your custody agreement. Think of it this way, you leave, get married, then he files for custody because you moved. You are stuck in the US and cannot appear in court without screwing up your K-1 process. Don't take this lightly.

I'll be quite honest, given that I am a divorced father who constantly sees mothers bashing their ex's parenting. I wonder if it's not that they don't want to see their children, but rather that they don't want to see their ex during the exchange process. I have my daughter almost every weekend, and I do the best I can with the time I have over the weekend, I still get flak from my ex about how I'm not good enough. I feel so much anxiety every time I'm around her or I get a text from her. I will give her some credit though, she has made it clear to any potential suitors that she will not move too far away from me.

From what you have described, it sounds like he is afraid of you, and is resisting through his family. As much as I hate that people tear their own families apart, my advice is this, divide and conquer. Talk to his mother. Your goal is not to get permission for the move, your goal with her is how to get him to be a better father. It could take a few months of taking her out on the town once a week, or just regular conversations. You want him to be a better father, start there. Don't point fingers or blame, don't let it turn into arguing. She want's her son to be a good father too. If she nags him enough, he'll give you what you want...he'll either step up to the plate or cave to the pressure and give you your freedom. If she see's that her son is not living up to the task, and you can show her your future husband will be a good stepfather, you may not need to go through a court battle. Not only did my ex meet my wife before I proposed, but her mother did too. You battling an entire family, start working with the ones you can relate to the most.

[Ontarkie 14,145]

Btw you don't need to wait till the last minute to get him to do a letter. I had mine 10 months before I moved. So get it done as soon as he is willing.

[Texas22 50]

Oh Shauna, I feel for you.. I really do - been there, done that.

I was in the same situation - only with 2 children. When my ex and I split we went through mediation to discuss the custody agreement, visitation and child support. I would not settle for anything less than sole custody and he caved on that so I got it.

But when I knew I would be moving - we had to again, go to mediation to negotiate a new agreement based on the move. My ex wanted the kids to decide (at the time they were 12 and 10) and I refused to put them through that at that young age, and the mediator agreed with me - they were too young to make the decision of who they wanted to live with. It took a long time and several visits to the mediator to hash out an agreement - but he eventually gave in and let me move and take them, but we changed visitation to two months every summer and one more visit each year - either Christmas or Spring Break.

But I had to have that written into the custody agreement. That was immensely important. Because not only does it satisfy the law in Canada, it also satisfied U.S. Immigration - and trust me - at the interview - they definitely wanted a copy of the custody agreement.

One thing that you didn't mention is child support. Is your ex paying it? And if so, is he paying it on time? That is something the courts hold in high regard. Regardless of the type of father you say he is... usually child support can play a big factor in the judge's decision. My ex is so far behind in child support and was from the beginning - perhaps that was why he did not fight me as much as he could have. If he couldn't show that he could support his children, then was it really fair for him to block me from making a life for them with my fiance, as opposed to struggling as a single parent?

I don't honestly think that a CR1 vs a K1 is going to make a difference. Either route, the intention is the same - to move to the US.

We applied for our K1. As soon as we sent in the application - I started the mediation process with my ex. Don't wait - start now. The process is stressful and time consuming. The good thing is - your son is still young, so a move like this right now will be a lot easier on him than it was for my kids at 12 and 10.

I wish you the best. If you need to vent, inbox me.