Have you been MENA-ized by your SO?

[And_Sam 44]

Well I definitely haven't been Mena-ized as of yet. My husband is slowly but surely coming over to the "americanized" side, I think.

When he first came over here it was such a culture shock for him. He hated everything! Cooking, the way the house is layed out. You name it and he complained about it!

Then gradually, or more to the point, he started cooking foods that he wants to eat! No matter if I tried to make egyptian food for him, it just wasn't right so I made the stand of not cooking! And of course he loves to eat out anywhere that has "buffet" in the name!!

If he wants something special, we look up the ingrediants and go shopping and he makes it! In fact, he is cooking so well that he now is training at an actual egyptian/arabic restaurant!!!

As for practicing Islam, he did at first faithfully. He goes to the Mosque quite regularly now, but if he doesn't want to go then that is fine with me. I am more of an agnostic person so I am open to any religion but not attached to one.

With us living in Florida, sometimes he will wear his galbaya at home, but usually it is too hot. He is used to girls wearing shorts and sleeveless shirts, but occasionally he will tell me not to wear something out in public, and I do changed just to make him happy.

I like to think that we are both adapting and learning how to make each other happy!

[LaL 418]

I cannot imagine adopting an egyptian lifestyle just because my husband is. I am not egyptian!

[caybee 21]

I don't think I've changed very much. I'm a better cook than I used to be. I'm no longer intimidated by spices. But I'm sure there are some changes I'm unaware of. I hope I have a broader understanding of many subjects than I used to, religious and otherwise.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I cannot imagine adopting an egyptian lifestyle just because my husband is. I am not egyptian!

Ya know, I've said the same thing to my husband. He'll say back to me I can't image adopting an american lifestyle just because you're my wife and I live here now. I'm not an American! I can go back to Egypt anytime.

It goes both ways and gets us no where fast. We're both just as stubborn.

Edited September 17, 2010 by Cleocatra

[MrsAmera 41]

I think time has a big role in it. My husband used to really be a hard-core Moroccan but the longer he's here the more American he gets. I think we sort of met in the middle. I certainly adapted more of the household responsibilities than I probably would have had I married an American (mostly because he had NO clue how to do even the simplest things around the house and I'm a bit of a control freak). I cook a lot more and much better. I like Moroccan culture. However I've also noticed that I have discovered more about who I am and what my identity is, as an American and even as an individual.

[sara535 15]

I don't think I've changed very much. I'm a better cook than I used to be. I'm no longer intimidated by spices. But I'm sure there are some changes I'm unaware of. I hope I have a broader understanding of many subjects than I used to, religious and otherwise.

that made me laugh. I totally hear ya on that!

My take on the whole thing is, any marriage or long term relationship leads to the lines 'blurring'. its inescapable that each of us are going to absorb things from each other - I guess thats been one of my favorite things about being in a crosscultural marriage. I've learned about and been exposed to an entire new world that in all likelihood I would never have been immersed in if it werent for my husband. I dont think thats a bad thing....

Of course there are some who take it too far and lose themselves in the mix but I hardly think thats exclusive to MENA relationships. I've had several friends over the years who 'became' their boyfriend-du-jour. My sister and I called them girlfriend chameleons.

Edited September 17, 2010 by sara535

[zahrasalem 114]

she is even dating a christian man which is a no no. she is hoping to even marry him some day.

I was married to a Christian man for nearly 30 years, and I was born Muslim. God has no problem with it. Only Muslims do.

Salam....I know the above quote is old but........This answer is Islamically incorrect. I'm only trying to educate people who may be unaware and I'm not an expert, however, as a Muslima, I felt the need to site exact locations in Quran where it is CLEAR that a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man. It is NOT A CULTURAL THING, IT IS ISLAMIC LAW AND SUNNAH.

"In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Inter-marriage between Muslims and non-Muslims is something that has been clearly prohibited in the Quran and Sunnah, thus not permissible in any way. The only exception to this general rule is the marriage of Muslim men with Christian and Jewish girls, and that also with certain conditions.

Allah Most High says:

Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though if she attracts you. And not marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though if he attracts you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition. (al-Baqarah, 221).

The above verse of the Holy Quran along with many other statements of the Quran and Sunnah clearly mention the impermissibility of Muslims marrying non-Muslims. Therefore, a marriage between a Muslim and someone from another religion will not be lawful or even valid according to Islam. The exception, however, is mentioned in the following verse:

(Lawful unto you in marriage are chaste women who are believers and chaste women among the people of the book." (al-Maidah, 5).

Edited September 17, 2010 by zahrasalem

[amal 4]

Bwahaha! Thanks for the update Daisy Duke! You crack me up.

@ Jenn! That picture is soooo right ON! LOL

Just saw the babies' pictures...had to tell u how cute they are lol....ok, back to the thread!

[zahrasalem 114]

Salam....I know the above quote is old but........This answer is Islamically incorrect. I'm only trying to educate people who may be unaware and I'm not an expert, however, as a Muslima, I felt the need to site exact locations in Quran where it is CLEAR that a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man. It is NOT A CULTURAL THING, IT IS ISLAMIC LAW AND SUNNAH.

And I was born muslim as well...

"In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Inter-marriage between Muslims and non-Muslims is something that has been clearly prohibited in the Quran and Sunnah, thus not permissible in any way. The only exception to this general rule is the marriage of Muslim men with Christian and Jewish girls, and that also with certain conditions.

Allah Most High says:

Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though if she attracts you. And not marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though if he attracts you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition. (al-Baqarah, 221).

The above verse of the Holy Quran along with many other statements of the Quran and Sunnah clearly mention the impermissibility of Muslims marrying non-Muslims. Therefore, a marriage between a Muslim and someone from another religion will not be lawful or even valid according to Islam. The exception, however, is mentioned in the following verse:

(Lawful unto you in marriage are chaste women who are believers and chaste women among the people of the book." (al-Maidah, 5).

Edited September 17, 2010 by zahrasalem

[amal 4]

Someone asked what our SO's do for us...

Mine:

Takes the trash out (after complaining that I didn't do it)

Takes care of the vehicles

Cleans the gutters (when the water is overflowing)

Waters the grass (occasionally)

Mows the yard (once every couple months)

Fixes broken stuff (if he can...or it stays unbroken)

Will feed the cats (if I forget and go to bed without checking their food dispenser) as he complains that I didn't do it

Will cook liver/onions OR make his own supper if I got to bed too late to wake up in time to cook before I leave for work (but will complain that he's sooooo hungry from not eating all day as though it's my fault that he didn't eat)

Forgets to make sure that my son gets any meals...I had to start buying frozen stuff for my son to cook in the microwave on the days I don't wake up in time. Luckily Lil'man is 11 and fully capable of feeding himself.

That's about it....coz otherwise, he's working on his laptop or my pc (he owns his own graphic design/ web design business)

Edited September 17, 2010 by amal

[Mandy P 3]

Personally, I intend to embrace his culture and his family. Not to the point where I lose myself but to the point where the "two become one". I don't expect him to Americanize himself completely either. In fact, I HOPE he doesn't. If I had wanted to marry an American man I would have. I love that he is different from me and that we can teach each other many things about different cultures. I am trying to learn French. But I'm doing it so that I can communicate with his family with less difficulty. Right now, I can only talk to most of them using Google translator. It works... but it's not ideal.

I am not converting. I do not expect him to convert. If either of us ever changes our minds I hope it is because of an individual conviction and not to "please" the other person.

I want his mother to teach me how to cook a lot of things she makes and I want to feel like a part of their family. I want him to also feel like a part of my family. I want our children to know about both of their cultures and to carry on his tamazight (berber) language and to know Arabic and French as well as English. I wish I'd grown up knowing more than just English.

I want us to blend. I have no intention of losing myself. Of course, when I am in his country I will present myself in a way that is appropriate and I will follow the customs that must be followed.

[Anna and Ali 13]

I'm worried a bit about some posts where the relationship sounds a bit overpowered by chore lists. I think i may have lucked out in that department because Ali cleans a lot and always complains that I need to relax. As for food, he's 6.3 and is a bottomless pit. He and his friends in uni lived on fast food and I had to break that habit. he even eats sardines out of the can. this boy can eat! I tried making all sorts of stuff and he eats anything so im grateful. but there was definately a twinkle in his eye when i out of the blue attempted to make homemade kebabs jordanian style. he hadn't been home in three years and he pulled me onto his lap and gave me a hug when he found out what i did while he was at work. He's so cute!

momof1said:

"I do everything my husband asks of me. I know that sounds terrible. It's just that I love him so much and he never asks for anything outrageous. If he wants some water, it doesn't hurt me to get it for him because he does the same for me."

That is so true!! its nice to feel needed and sometimes i would complain about bringing him his sandals or something, but he takes me shopping whenever i give him the puppy face so i can't really get mad

as for clothes, he begs me to wear revealing stuff when we go out together and he's always frustrated when i won't. i wear kind of sexy dresses to clubs and sometimes out to dinner but i don't wear shorts or tube tops or anything like that and he is always like why are you so covered! of course, his tune changes if im going out with friends. i get Babeeee are you wearing just that? I think it's cute im not bothered

[Mithra 1,185]

My teeth hurt.

[LaL 418]

I would be surprised if anyone comes out and says "O HAI! I have been totally MENA'ized" despite it really appearing so from the *outside*.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

LOL! Lal

and my answer to the question is.... Oh Heck NO!