Partner might be cheating... what to do?

[pocheros 101]

I'm massively embarassed to post this... but I think my husband might be cheating on me. I am not completely sure yet- I still have to confront him about it. I will spare you the details about proof etc. And really, I think it just might be a series of coincidences, BUT you never know... So... I will find out tonight.

I moved here on a K1 in 2011, got my 2 year conditional green card in January 2013. ROC is still awhile away. If we were to separate would there be any options for me to stay here? I'm assuming not, and that I would have to go back to Canada... I'm not saying we wouldn't want to work it out, but IF he is cheating and IF we don't work it out... what options are there for me?

[aaron2020 11,651]

You can divorce and file to remove the condition on your own based on a bona fide marriage. You would get a 10 years green card.

[Ontarkie 14,175]

If you want to stay yes you can, just like Aaron2020 said.

I'm sorry you are having troubles. I hope you are able to find out the truth.

Edited December 10, 2013 by Ontarkie

[pocheros 101]

You can divorce and file to remove the condition on your own based on a bona fide marriage. You would get a 10 years green card.

But to show that it's a bona fide marriage, wouldn't we still have to be married when I file for ROC, and show evidence from throughout those two years (up to the present) that we had a bona fide marriage? I'm just a little confused, I appreciate the help. Is there really a ROC option for a divorced previous K1 holder? I don't see anything about it in the VJ guides...

Thanks again. Sorry if I'm incoherent or not including all the necessary information, my head is spinning a bit.

Edited December 10, 2013 by pocheros

[Hypnos 6,576]

But to show that it's a bona fide marriage, wouldn't we still have to be married when I file for ROC...Is there really a ROC option for a divorced previous K1 holder?

No you wouldn't, and yes there is.

You would need to demonstrate that you entered into a bona fide marriage (shared rent / mortgage payments, joint bank accounts, insurance policies, etc.).

Edited December 10, 2013 by Hypnos

[pocheros 101]

Okay, I think I understand now. I see there is a divorce waiver. Good to know I wouldn't get deported. Thank you.

[pocheros 101]

Okay... it turns out it was just both of us being paranoid and signing up to dating websites and searching for each other to make sure we weren't cheating. Lol. Thanks again for the help anyways.

[Darnell 8,478]

hahahha !

ok la - for punishment, YOU must cook 11 kilograms of poutine , nowish,

and HE must eat it all, over a 2 day period.

Report back, when yer able..

[NikLR 13,227]

Good to know it's a false alarm. Bad to know you were both suspicious of each other.

Remember how much communication had to go on to have the LDR? Well keep it up. Honest communication builds trust and respect. Do what you need to do to make sure that communication is there and try to trust each other and your love for each other.

There was some really heartfelt moments in our wedding ceremony that I still think about because as we all know, this journey isn't easy and just because you move, it isn't over. This isn't verbatim, but it's the general idea along with my own thoughts at the moment: A marriage is always an unfinished painting but more lovely with each layer that's added. So when you're not sure, look at your ring. When you need a reminder, look at your ring. When life is hard and you may not want to try anymore, look at your ring. Why? Because that ring is the physical embodiment of the commitment you swore to uphold to that other person and them to you. I wouldn't care if the ring was made of tinfoil, it was the fact that he put it there, with all his heart, to love me for better or worse, in sickness and in health, through the good times and the bad, for exactly the person I am and will be. I made the same commitment to him. I love him for all of the things that make him who he is. That doesn't mean he's perfect, but then neither am I.

Talk to each other, don't spy on each other.

Edited December 11, 2013 by NLR

[warlord 73]

Good to know it's a false alarm. Bad to know you were both suspicious of each other.

Remember how much communication had to go on to have the LDR? Well keep it up. Honest communication builds trust and respect. Do what you need to do to make sure that communication is there and try to trust each other and your love for each other.

Yeah that was what I was thinking. Not a good relationship that both of you were on some online dating thing with an active profile trying to see if the other one is doing the same. The trust issue in the relationship there is really needing some work. Plus it could also be a cover up as well. You never know...

[Teddy B 17,251]

Okay... it turns out it was just both of us being paranoid and signing up to dating websites and searching for each other to make sure we weren't cheating. Lol. Thanks again for the help anyways.

Kind of explains why you wanted to "spare us the details".

[canada_socks 97]

I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but I am glad to hear it was a false alarm!

[gwenstar 66]

There was some really heartfelt moments in our wedding ceremony that I still think about because as we all know, this journey isn't easy and just because you move, it isn't over. This isn't verbatim, but it's the general idea along with my own thoughts at the moment: A marriage is always an unfinished painting but more lovely with each layer that's added. So when you're not sure, look at your ring. When you need a reminder, look at your ring. When life is hard and you may not want to try anymore, look at your ring. Why? Because that ring is the physical embodiment of the commitment you swore to uphold to that other person and them to you. I wouldn't care if the ring was made of tinfoil, it was the fact that he put it there, with all his heart, to love me for better or worse, in sickness and in health, through the good times and the bad, for exactly the person I am and will be. I made the same commitment to him. I love him for all of the things that make him who he is. That doesn't mean he's perfect, but then neither am I.

Was feeling really discouraged/frustrated today with the whole IR/CR-1 process.....your words made me tear up and totally removed the gloomy cloud I had following me around today in regards to the visa. Thanks!!

[NikLR 13,227]

Im happy they were able to help you.

[pocheros 101]

We weren't actively spying on each other so much as we had a jolt of morbid curiosity and found nothing. We had a good laugh about it. We both did it just on a whim and didn't look very long and then felt really stupid afterwards, lol. And we do trust each other... we've been through a lot of ####### together and came out stronger for it. And we've had previous relationships where people betrayed us, so I understand how potent our fears can be sometimes. But it's not a component of our relationship. Our relationship is plenty "good" with plenty communication and trust. And I highly doubt it's a cover up because his profile is almost completely empty but more importantly, he's never cheated on anyone, including me, and I just don't see him doing it.

We don't have rings and didn't have a wedding- it's not our style

Edited December 11, 2013 by pocheros