MY USC FIANCEE HAS CHILD SUPPORT DEBTS

[tmma 467]

Ditto to clmarsh!

Seriously-find out all you can.

NOW is the time for straight talking before both of you take such big steps.

There MAY be circumstances that are understandable or explainable for his non-payment ( what they could be is actually beyond me, but to be fair, there MAY be)-

HOWEVER-cover yourself.

Remember, you DO NOT want to be in the position his ex is in ( in the future).

Take it from someone who knows-child support battles are lengthy, expensive, complicated and upsetting...And this is from me who already lives here in the States, and alittle familiar with the way things work in that area......Be careful!

This is just my humble opinion........

It strikes me as odd that he is signing an affadavit of support for you, and yet does not even comply with the support of his own flesh and blood....That would trouble me if I were in your position.

Ask questions of him. It IS your right to know before you make such a big move.

I wish you the very best of luck.

I hope it works out, and you get the answers you need, and everything is OK.

Take care.

Michele

[Aymerlu 3]

My ex was given a suspended sentence for owing $1800 in child support and given 30 days to start paying or he would be locked up, so it can be a big deal. If you're worried from a financial standpoint, get him to make an appointment for a free consultation with a lawyer.

Totally agree. My ex has to pay $3000.00 in back child support within 60 days or he is going to have to go to jail. I will also be getting a portion of his tax return this year too. Child support is a big deal here. Dads just need to be responsible.

[ChristinaM 0]

Just thought I should clarify - my ex did not (and never will!) owe me child support! He owed his ex prior to me, and I was concerned that they would be able to claim it from me. Well, partly that and partly I didn't want to be stuck in VA whilst he was in the slammer.

[tmma 467]

Smart lady, clmarsh

[ChristinaM 0]

Thanks

(My ex actually wanted custody of his kids, because their mother uses crack. I didn't have a problem with that. I did have a problem with the non-payment of CS due to unemployment when he hadn't even tried to look for a job, and with the amount of pot he smoked, and later on with his general attitude... My ex was a good guy, just a little misguided at times. But then I met my hubby and everything was right with the world again )

[Cristy 4]

I would be very careful. Get him to answer the questions you have about it. It is important you know why he is not paying. I can't see any good reason. What if you have a child and end up apart? Will he be responsible for that child?

I have a friend who is now paying child support for her husbands children out of her wages. That could be you.

I see red flags......

[flipside 0]

I remember that post about him not working since May 05 and you supporting him.

This has "run away, fast" all over it.

Just to make sure we don't all have the wrong idea here, is your fiance disabled and unable to work?

I'd get a job flipping burgers to support my kids if I had to... (In theory, because I don't have kids)

[meddykomp 0]

You really need to talk to your fiance and get answers. Financial matters are often the cause of divorce. It is much better to get these issues resolved before you get married. Most times the non residential parent should pay the support. People often forget that the money is for the kids, not the residential parent. Occasionally there does come a reason when paying the support might not be the best thing to do, but rarely. My cousin provides his children with the things they need instead of paying child support. This is because his ex has a shopping addiction and will buy clothes and shoes for herself instead of the things the kids need.

[Mikalie 0]

Yep, money problems are the #1 cause of marriage breakdowns and divorces. That is one thing you must discuss before even thinking about getting married. It ranks right up there with whether or not you are going to have children, where you are going to live, etc. It is so easy to "fall in love" (or "fall in lust") and think that everything will just work out great--that just doesn't happen. You have a lot of questions you need answered. Your heart may get broken now but, take it from someone who knows, that heartbreak is nothing like the one that you will have when a divorce comes along. Best of luck!

[PorknBeanz 0]

I want to add to what Clmarsh said about taxes. Child support is not relevent to taxes, but if he is in any kind of tax trouble, the IRS will take the money from you when you get married. They can garnish your wages, take your property, etc.

I suggest you got to one of the background checking sites on the web and find out everything you can about this person. Knowledge is power.

[New Yorker 0]

Hello !

Im here again.. tHank everybody for all. Clmarsh.. thanks for the time you are taking sharing your experience! Well he is not disabled of course. I think it has been easy for him to change roles.. I pay, he does work at home and stuff.. its kind of weird! but it is true.. and about why he is not paying child support, I think he is in the wrong idea that the money goes to his ex.. he loves the kids, he take care of them monday to friday during the whole day (with ex's money) and even they have a respectful relationship, she took him to court.. and Im absolutely agree, but its hard from to have a fair opinion of my own fiance, because I dont know much about this money thing. The reason I never ask about it is because I believe in respect, maybe Im naive... but I notice he is never comfortable talking about this think so I dont insist..

I know him very well, Im introspective. and I accept the way he is, I know this child support is a big bad thing but he still have a big list of good things. WHAT IS WORRING ME NOW.. is I can support our relationship or pay bills or home, etc.. BUT IM NOT GONNA PAY FOR HIS PAST!!!I still will have a life and I plan to have a child, not soon, but some day... I will find out more if they can get child support from me when we get married.

Do you guys think it is also posible if we keep separate bank accounts? or wages that are mine, only under my name when married??

oh gosh.. this is weird..

xoxoxoxo

Brenda

[Fuzzness 2]

You know, it is called CHILD support, not EX support

[Cristy 4]

I will find out more if they can get child support from me when we get married.

Do you guys think it is also posible if we keep separate bank accounts? or wages that are mine, only under my name when married??

oh gosh.. this is weird..

xoxoxoxo

Brenda

I know in Canada they can take it from you or him if you are married. You could conceivably lose your home/car...anything you work for. You are already supporting him, bad idea in my opinion, do you want to support his past debts too? Seems like it is time for him to get a job so he can take care of his kids financially.

[flipside 0]

Brenda,

I'm pretty sure they can't touch you. But if he ever gets a job, they will take what is owed out of his pay before he sees it.

[ChristinaM 0]

You are so very welcome, hon.

You need to find out specifically about your state and what, if anything, they can withhold from you.

If you are happy with your fiances position, that's all we need to know. The fact that he takes care of his kids shows that he cares for them, and I think it's important for him to find a way to support his kids financially that he is happy with so that his ex doesn't get the money if she's going to spend it on other things. (A court may be able to determine how the money gets paid; maybe he could purchase items to a certain value such as school clothes instead of giving cash?) He may not be happy or comfortable talking to you about this, but it is something which will have an affect on your joint finances so you have a right to insist. My selling point would be that if he doesn't tell you, you can't help him find a solution

As for bank accounts, my feeling is that regardless of how financially secure and open your marriage is, you should always have a personal bank account. It allows you the freedom to buy a new pair of shoes from time to time, or to have your hair cut without your spouse saying "HOW much did you spend?!" - as long as you're reasonable and contribute to the bills as you've agreed to! In your case, I strongly recommend a personal account.

You seem sensible, and prepared to deal with what's in front of you in a logical manner. He needs to be talking to you about it, because it will impact on you too, and hopefully between you you can come up with an answer which makes you feel secure in him and allows him to fulfill his obligations.

Christina