Beginning K-1 process (fiance in Egypt)

[LizzieBee 25]

Please think beyond your honey moon phase right now. The immigration is a major test of the relationship. It seems that most men get depressed once that visa petition is filed. And then the adjustment is a bear and some men can not just handle it.

I appreciate you sharing your experience. I am, of course, worried about all of that, but have reason to hope for the best. We actually aren't in much of a honeymoon phase. We've approached our relationship VERY cautiously and calmly from the beginning, talking about it all logically and never getting physically involved in any way. He has tried to treat me with complete respect according to his Egyptian traditions. I hope that makes sense! We're very in love, but not swept away with it

[sandinista! 1,816]

The chasm between what responders are actually saying and the OP's replies keeps getting wider and wider. Not to mention coming across as really dismissive and condescending to the posters who have been actually living these experiences, and are beyond just having spent a couple of vacations with their SOs.

"Aren't in much of a honeymoon phase"?? You're not even pre-pre honeymoon phase to be grappling with. Not even close.

If you've been divorced since May of this year, but have been proposed to by multiple guys, richer, older, closer than the Egyptian wunderkind, that raises multiple alarm bells, as opposed to proving amazing, super woman desirability prowess.

Regardless, I hope the discussion continues despite that, because there's some really good points being made here by several posters, and important issues to consider that other readers might benefit from.

[Mithra 1,185]

The OP seems to think she's the only one who has approached her relationship cautiously and calmly. The rest of us approached ours in a completely reckless and hysterical manner. None of us have taken our relationship seriously. It's a shame really that we aren't all as desirable, calm, collected, and serious as the OP. Not even sure why she's asking for advice since she seems to have everything under control.

[Ihavequestions 419]

Wow. Your guy "seems" to adore you.

That's reason enough to run off to a country in such turmoil people are like crabs in a bucket trying to get out.

The last time I flew out of Cairo, my driver, Ahmed, was complaining about how hard it is to get a visa to the U.S. He agreed with me, that if the U.S. didn't make it hard to get a visa, everyone (Egyptians) would leave - by walking and, adding that (then president) Morsi would be pointing his finger and yelling at the flies.

You don't know what you're getting into. If you did, you wouldn't be posting here because a visa is the least of your concerns.

Visit. Get to know him. Learn the culture - because, lady, you know nothing about Egyptian traditions. Then decide if you can live with what your life will look at in five, then ten, and, finally, 20 years.

[LizzieBee 25]

I joined this website after spending many hours reading through other topics where everyone was so kind and encouraging to each other. I joined because I thought this was a community of people who would understand what I'm going through. But I've apparently come across as offensive and haughty, so I apologize for that and have no further interest in the sarcasm and bad feelings being sent my direction. If the administrators would kindly remove this thread, I would appreciate it.

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

I joined this website after spending many hours reading through other topics where everyone was so kind and encouraging to each other. I joined because I thought this was a community of people who would understand what I'm going through. But I've apparently come across as offensive and haughty, so I apologize for that and have no further interest in the sarcasm and bad feelings being sent my direction. If the administrators would kindly remove this thread, I would appreciate it.

The mods will not remove this thread, they will only close it to more posts if you ask and they feel like obliging.

Honestly the more of these threads that are on this forum the better because I feel like too many women (and even some men) come on here with sunshine and stars in their eyes because they've been swept off their feet by some foreign amour that they may or may not have met yet or know well. These fantasy balloons need popping, for the good of these newbies. If threads like this offer a reality check, then it's well worth the responders time to give their thoughts based on a wealth of experience that they have, and that you the OP do not have. Let it serve as a warning to both be self-guarded and humble.

Anyone can be scammed, anyone can have a bad marriage. None of us are above that. To an extent marriage is always a leap of faith, but better it be a well-researched leap than a blind one.

[Heather&Ramy 22]

Although this thread is a bit old and dead, I have to add a comment for what it's worth.

I believe the veteran MENA members have very good intentions as they warn new posters about the realities of the visa process and the difficulties of inter-cultural marriage, I really do. However, too often the posts wind down into a rude and sarcastic attack on the OP's choice of words and choice of volunteered information. It's really sad because the veterans here have so much to offer, but the method of delivery makes people slow to listen and eventually they are turned off from the board. I don't know how that is helpful to anyone. I'm not sure why the veteran posters haven't noticed yet that people seem to drop in and then run away, and that the tone of our board is a bit different than a lot of the other regions. I don't post often now because of the sharpness of replies I have gotten for no apparent reason.

People people, lets try to have a little more charity and kindness for new posters. You may feel that you are doing a favor, offering the "truth" that no one wants to listen to when they are in love, but your delivery often is as full as pride and condescension as the one you are attacking. In most cases the poster is asking about your advice on the logistics of the visa and the country, not for advice about if they should be in their particular relationship. I'm not saying you ignore relationship red flags and starry-eyed naivety, but I am saying that sarcastically putting down the poster is not really the kindest or most effective way to deal with that.

To the OP, the responders do have a lot of helpful points, the most important being just be careful about marrying a man you haven't known for very long and be especially careful about rushing in any of this process and in any of your choices. A lot of people have been taken advantage of and deceived. As my pastor said to me, any guy can put up a front for a time and guys are always on their best behavior when dating. Only time will reveal true character. And please don't underestimate the difficulties involved with intercultural relationships. If anything, try to overestimate the difficulties you will face and be pleasantly surprised later. I personally wouldn't recommend marrying while you are in Egypt on a short trip like that, if just because marriage isn't something that should be hurried or rushed because of a visa or vacation restraints, as another poster mentioned. You and your fiancé deserve better than a rushed marriage.

Other than that, best wishes to you! Enjoy your stay in Egypt and be especially careful, and I pray your fiancé will be careful with you and travelling in Alex because its definitely one of the more dangerous areas right now. I'm in Egypt too visiting my fiancé at the moment, but I'm lucky we are living in El Gouna. The weather is beautiful here now. I also hope you won't be scared away from the board completely because there is a lot of good information on here if you can take people's tones with a grain of salt.

Good luck!