Trouble in the relationship

[Jasman0717 9]

We talked alot and that really seeked to work for us

[MrMrsKnight 0]

If I understand right, you said you're having trouble because of the distance. So being together would be a good choice maybe

Well, what can I say? I'd not give up on the visa.... you'll have six months to enter the US + 90 days to marry him, so if you still don't want to marry him by that time then you just go back home. You can always reaply later if you decide to go through this gain.

Long distance relationship is something hard to deal with and it's not for everyone. But I trully think that the problems you're having right now exist because you guys are not together. Once you get there you'll have a greater chance to work it out. I know that if I was having problems like that I'd do everything I could to be with my fiance as fast as I could so that we could work things out and keep walking on the same direction!

[m_hafiz 0]

Chrystal so sorry to hear this about your relation with your fiance...also i'm happy cause there is light comes up which is the approval and this is a sign telling you that there is a life could happened between you and him..........please don't give up give yourself and him more time plus while your case process you will find that you both loves each other and can make wonderful future together...

i had also problems with my fiance cause it takes forever to finish this case but true love who make anyone of you keep remind the other of the wonderful mmemorieswe live on it uuntilwe can make it ttrue..

don't give up and ask god for more help

[samantha2699 0]

It takes 2 to tango. Both of you should make the effort to make it work. Marriage is a serious thing.

When the road going to marriage is hard enough what more if you're into it already and you have these doubts. In my opinion , both of you need to talk from the heart and resolve some issues that are not obviously talked about that brought these problems. Yes ,you still have time to figure things out, but if in the onset the time will pass and you still have these unresolved problems, don't go through with it because it will just make your situation complicated.

Life is too short to make it miserable. Whatever your decision maybe in the future, I pray that you'll be happy with it.

God Bless

Sam

[dark faery 0]

I can totally relate to the OP.

I went from seeing my fiance every single day and nearly every minute of the day for an entire 3 months and then I had to fly back to America (from Australia) and being that far away from him absolutely KILLED me. That wasn't our first goodbye, as we had two previous sad airport goodbyes in the past- but it was most definitely the hardest. Once you spend that much time with someone and then end up so far away from them, it's rough and it wears you down. I got back to America and I lost it, completely.. we'd argue daily, I was sick of phone conversations at 3 a.m. due to the time difference, chatting online, emails. It was heartbreaking not to be able to hug him. I felt left out of his life, and as the months went by I really started to question it. I started to wonder why I got into this relationship and if I'd ever be happy again. I nearly broke up with him a fair few times.

After five months of that, I flew back to AU. I worried myself sick over it. Wondering if it was the right thing to do, still questioning. I cried on the flight there a few times, just from sheer tear. Afraid everything would go wrong, because we saw pretty much no happiness during the five months of seperation.

And when I got here things were ok. I mean, it took awhile for the hard feelings I harboured to go away. A couple months, at least. We still argued every now and then and I still felt resentful that we ever had to be apart (along with many other issues that aren't really important in hindsight). But, after awhile things were ok. I got here in October, and we got married in December.. now I'm finally resolving all the issues I had (we both are, really).

It took a bit of time, but I'm happy. I honestly thought I wouldn't ever be able to be happy again, but I am. I don't feel bitter, resentful, hurt, or numb anymore like I used to. I don't question that I love him and this was most definitely worth it. It kind of makes all the suffering worthwhile.

I guess my point is, what you're feeling is pretty normal in this type of relationship. It doesn't mean that you need to give up. I think it just means that the two of you need to work out the problems, and spend some time together before you do get married, though. Stay strong, it doesn't have to be like this forever.

[warpedbored 0]

I don't post often on this site so I feel a little like I'm sticking my nose in other peoples business but I would like to point out that the K-1 visa was not designed for 90 day trial marriages. You are supposed to be sure the day you file the petition. Since you are from Canada you have the luxury of frequent visits to see your fiance without needing a visa. Take your time, make sure and if you arent write the consulate and ask to postpone the interview.

The K-1 visa is good for 6 months from issue date. Stay apart another 3 months if the warm fuzzy is there You still have the 90 day window. If it is not Stop the process. The 90 day window only starts once you come to the US.

Tracy

[Chrystal and Joe 0]

Hello all,

I talked to Joe tonight and its not looking good for us. We are going to talk again tomorrow but he is feeling like he doesn't know who he is anymore and he just wants us to do our own things right now. I want to be able to do that, its just so hard to go from being involved in someones life and loving them so much to just letting go and trying not to care.

This is soooo hard! I don't know if I should keep putting my life on hold for this or if I should move on. I wish I could move on but I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH!

I dont' want this to end!

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Hello all,

I talked to Joe tonight and its not looking good for us. We are going to talk again tomorrow but he is feeling like he doesn't know who he is anymore and he just wants us to do our own things right now. I want to be able to do that, its just so hard to go from being involved in someones life and loving them so much to just letting go and trying not to care.

This is soooo hard! I don't know if I should keep putting my life on hold for this or if I should move on. I wish I could move on but I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH!

I dont' want this to end!

It's a lot of pressure - all you wanted to do (All any of us wanted to do) was BE together - and not feel like we are under the bureaucratic microscope for months on end with seemingly little progress. I can totally understand why he feels 'lost' - he probably feels like he's been standing still since April last year - which isn't really 'normal' (maybe I should call it 'common') for any relationship. And if feels like you're both being punished in some way - by the Govt - for daring to fall in love outside the borders of the USA.

Seems to me you guys really need some 'me' time - can he not come visit you in Canada? I know your travel options might be limited due to the K1 going thru (and you might get turned back at the border despite being canadian and so close), but surely he could come to YOU? So you can talk in person and BOTH decide what you want to do..

I also would say don't give up your petition until you are absolutely sure that you have decided NOT to marry - you really don't want to cancel over cold feet (which may go) and then have to go through the ENTIRE process from scratch.

You're nearing the end of the process - you've waited this long - I hope he can wait a little longer.

There are no guarantees in life - sometimes its a leap of faith and as long as the pair of you TRIED then that's all you ask of yourselves.

For me and my SO we've been 5 years as an LDR and we're still hanging in there, lol.

BTW - I agree with whoever said you should enter the US on your K1 once you have it and use the 90 days to make sure of your feelings. If after 90 days you decide its not happening then you leave. That's not illegal or wrong. Your intention is to marry - whether you get that far or not is immaterial - you will be entering the US in good faith, and with official permission; if you then don't marry within 90 days you are required to leave anyway so use the time to decide.

Good luck with it all - I wish you peace with whatever decisions you make

[kwacka 0]

Marriage is such a serious undertaking so I am hesistant to offer my opinion on your particular situation. However, I thought I would share my personal experience.

The time apart wore me down. I became numb and often questioned what I felt for my fiance. On one level I knew I still loved my fiance very much, but it almost seemed like that had happened in a different lifetime. It is hard to explain. I was sick of chatting, sick of bad phone connections, pretty much tired of the whole process, and there were times I seriously questioned what I was getting myself into. We both went through changes in our career situations during this time, and I went through a move. There were also some family issues. It was like real life got in the way and it was so hard to feel what I had felt before. I went ahead on faith... faith that it would be the way I knew it had been when we were together.

Now we are together. My life is happier than I ever even dreamed. I now cannot believe for a minute I questioned this relationship. I shared the doubts I had experienced with him after he was here a while, and ironically he had been feeling the same thing. We both are so thankful we went ahead. Neither one of us would know what we had lost if we had not gone ahead, but knowing how it is now......it is unimaginable.

Each person is different and some cope with time apart better than others. Some breeze through this process and some don't. Based on my personal experience, I would suggest absolutely finding a way to spend time together before you make any decisions. Maybe you can figure out if it really is the distance or a deeper problem in your relationship. Christmas could have gone awry because of all the expectations. If you are able to spend time together again and your relationship is still not where you want it to be, you will probably have your answer.

Rebecca

WELL SAID!!!!!

[snz1802 0]

Hi,

I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly what you are going through...I have been in your exact situation, except I was the one that wasn't sure about getting married. My fiance and I applied for a K-1 two years ago and were approved, but I just wasn't sure about getting married, we also started having problems, so we withdrew the petition. I didn't want to make a mistake that could ruin the rest of our lives. We kept in touch during that two years because we still loved each other very much. I never did stop loving him and he never stopped loving me, I just think we both had to figure out exactly what we wanted and I think we needed to grow up a little bit too. So, here we are again, two years later, applying for the K-1 once again, only this time is it so much different. We both are absolutely POSITIVE that we want to be together for the rest of our lives and we both know that we made the right choice to put it off for a couple of years. What is that old saying, "If you love something, let it go, and if it comes back to you it is yours forever"....I definitely believe in this saying , because I let my one true love go two years ago, and he came back to me when we were both ready.....now he is mine forever...

[kwacka 0]

Hi,

I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly what you are going through...I have been in your exact situation, except I was the one that wasn't sure about getting married. My fiance and I applied for a K-1 two years ago and were approved, but I just wasn't sure about getting married, we also started having problems, so we withdrew the petition. I didn't want to make a mistake that could ruin the rest of our lives. We kept in touch during that two years because we still loved each other very much. I never did stop loving him and he never stopped loving me, I just think we both had to figure out exactly what we wanted and I think we needed to grow up a little bit too. So, here we are again, two years later, applying for the K-1 once again, only this time is it so much different. We both are absolutely POSITIVE that we want to be together for the rest of our lives and we both know that we made the right choice to put it off for a couple of years. What is that old saying, "If you love something, let it go, and if it comes back to you it is yours forever"....I definitely believe in this saying , because I let my one true love go two years ago, and he came back to me when we were both ready.....now he is mine forever...

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!....IM VERY HAPPY FOR YOU......GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

[Boris 0]

Hi Chrystal.

I'm really sorry for what's going on in your relationship. I know how it's hard and I understand 100% how you feel. It already happened to me and I know what to do. I also know that it's not much help in my words. But I believe that in the end everything will turn to be good. We all here wait and have many different problems. All you shoud do is live through it. I know that these my words can be sharp. But try to live through it together. At the end you will appreciate what you lived through and you will see that it wasn't in vain. Hope you will find a way to work it out. I'm with you. If you need any help just PM me

[dmartmar 1]

My concern is what if it doesn't work out. What do we do then? What do I do then being that I'm from Canada and I'll be in the States? Do I have to file for a divorce or is this situation different? What paperwork is there?

If you're unsure, don't proceed. Better to be safe now, than sorry later. Marrying, then things not working out will further complicate things.

Edited February 25, 2006 by dmartmar

[crew1980 1]

Chrystal,

I'm not a lawyer nor do I give legal advice. I'm just going to breifly tell you our experience. Salvador and I submitted our first petition in Feb 2003. This was in the days when security checks were relatively new. Our petition was a slug!! It took 13 months to get an interview. During this time our relationship was starting to get rough. The stress of waiting and being apart was taking its toll on us. At the time I felt that he blamed me somehow for all the delays. By the interview we were totally disfunctional. Finally, I decided based on conversations with my fiance and his family to abandon the petition. We continued to stay in touch because I just wanted the best for him. He returned to his homeland of Cuba after living in Argentina for 9 years. Looking back, I don't regret any of it, I know I made the right decision at the time. It was meant for him to see his family after being away for so long. It was also meant for us to be together. So here we are with a better perspective on ourselves individually and together. We submitted again in Dec 2005 and things are just fine.

You have to think about yourself and do what is best for you. We are living proof that if this is meant it will be!! All the best!!

Toria and Salvador

[puntagordabob 0]

Chrystal (stuck in Canada)

Hello, Where abouts are you in Canada? I own a home near Sault Ste. Marie (30 or so miles north of the US border) and I would never use the words "stuck in Canada"... I love it in Canada and at times consider moving away from Florida here to get away from these darn Hurricanes!