"DOMA" Filers Living Abroad (Consular Processing)

[LoveExile 27]

Hi, I just wanted to start a thread for people who moved away from the U.S. to be with their spouse because of federal marriage discrimination, and are now finally able to go home because of the demise of DOMA (section 3). This could be a place where we share stories and support each other.

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I met my (future) husband in Washington, DC in July 2008. He was interning at the Austrian and French Embassies for the summer and taking English TOEFL prep classes. I was taking Spanish classes at the same language school and we met in the elevator. I thought he was cute, so I offered to help him with his TOEFL test. We ended up spending the entire summer together. He even asked for an extension of his internship (and threw away his return ticket!) just to spend an extra month with me. Saying goodbye after four months of a perfect summer was murder, but we knew there was no choice.

We would talk at least three times every day on Skype (for me 6am, noon, and 6pm & for him noon, 6pm, and midnight). We also spent HUNDREDS of dollars/Euro per month texting and making quick calls throughout the day. He would also visit me for a WEEKEND from Austria every 6 or 7 weeks. He had more vacation days than I did being European, plus his family didn't know I was a man, so it was easier for him to come to me. He would land Friday night, and leave Monday morning. I don't know if this hurt or helped, honestly. Constantly being torn away from each other was nothing less than torture.

We kept this up for almost a year. It was exhausting at times, and sometimes I wished I could just stay in bed instead of getting on Skype. We'd get on the webcam and both be grumpy (me as 6am and him at midnight), but in the end we never regretted the call. He certainly was exhausted from all of the trans-Atlantic flights I am thoroughly convinced that this constant contact was the only way our long-distance relationship survived.

When I told him I was going to Montana to be with my family for Christmas 2008, he surprised me by booking a flight to be with me for a week the day after Christmas! When an Austrian flies all the way to Montana, I knew that he must love me. After that we decided we had no other choice but to spend the rest of our lives together. Since neither of our countries had marriage equality, we decided to move to the Netherlands. We spent six months researching EU immigration rules. We finally got married in New Haven, Connecticut on 01 May 2009.

In July 2009 we packed up our respective lives and moved to Holland. Four years later we have a fairly successful life, but we have not put down any roots, and we spent pretty much the whole time saving for the day we could "repatriate" to the United States. Now that day has finally come! We can't wait to start our "real" lives in the U.S.!

Edited July 30, 2013 by LoveExile

[NikLR 13,227]

***moved to progress reports from process and procedures***

[Sukie 1,454]

Hi LoveExile!

We're not quite in your same position - we maintain homes both in Australia and in the US. I'm a USC, but thanks to Australia recognizing same-sex partners as "de facto" partners (just like heterosexual unmarried committed couples), I have permanent residency in Oz.

We prefer to live in the United States, but DOMA (which was more like DOOMA for all of us!) did not allow us to. We did marry in March 2013, in anticipation of DOMA's fall. Julie returned to Australia after that. I've filed the I-130 petition, and we're in the queue with a zillion others now!

It's nice to join the other VJers in the journey to come home, at last!

Sukie and Julie

[kashewmoo 9]

Hi, all!

My story also differs a little bit because we've both maintained the long distance over six years, but ultimately we are all in the same boat!

I met my wife back in 2005 online, and we instantly became the best of friends. We talked over webcam every night, talked constantly on instant messenger, were always sending each other text messages - we basically acted like a couple before we were officially one. We met in person for the first time in Seattle in 2006, and she flew to meet me in Japan in 2007 when I was over there on an exchange program. A few months after I returned from Japan, we made it official, and have been together ever since.

In 2010, I filed for an F-1 visa and lived in the US while going to school for a couple of years. We lived together, started building our life, and basically were happy as happy could be. Unfortunately, as per the student visa guidelines, you must maintain 100% tuition payments as an international student, and I was unable to keep it all together. Before I moved back to Canada, we became engaged, and just hoped that DOMA would eventually fall to the wayside so that I could permanently immigrate to the US and gain dual citizenship. Of course, we did consider immigrating her to Canada, but ultimately she has strong ties to home, and we didn't want to put down all the money it would cost for the immigration process when we ultimately both wanted to live in the US.

I visited her for a couple of months this year after I was laid off from my job, and we decided that we would finally make our marriage official. At this point we were waiting with baited breath that DOMA would fall in the SCOTUS proceedings, and when we had the news, I cried happy tears - our marriage ceremony that happened at the beginning of this month all the more special.

So, about four of our six years together have all been long distance. When people ask me how long this journey is going to take, they're always so surprised when I say that it's going to take as long as it is, but at this point I'm just relieved that we actually have an end to this journey, now!

[wanderingspell 7]

Oh my gosh OP, your story almost made me cry. I am so happy for you both!

[LoveExile 27]

We're not quite in your same position - we maintain homes both in Australia and in the US. I'm a USC, but thanks to Australia recognizing same-sex partners as "de facto" partners (just like heterosexual unmarried committed couples), I have permanent residency in Oz.

It's really great that Australia offers these benefits even when they don't have marriage equality. I always say "thank God for the European Union" because it allowed me to move to Holland with my Austrian husband with no trouble. We basically arrived in the Netherlands, made an appointment with the immigration authorities, showed them our marriage certificate, and that was it!

I visited her for a couple of months this year after I was laid off from my job, and we decided that we would finally make our marriage official. At this point we were waiting with baited breath that DOMA would fall in the SCOTUS proceedings, and when we had the news, I cried happy tears - our marriage ceremony that happened at the beginning of this month all the more special.

So, about four of our six years together have all been long distance. When people ask me how long this journey is going to take, they're always so surprised when I say that it's going to take as long as it is, but at this point I'm just relieved that we actually have an end to this journey, now!

My husband and I were watching the live results on SCOTUSBlog on the day of the ruling. We were on the phone with each other from our respective desks at work (it was 4pm in Europe). My colleagues knew what was going on, so they let me slack off a bit.

After the ruling I felt like I got married again. We'd been waiting for this moment for so long that we actually couldn't believe it was real. All my friends at work were really supportive, and it was very celebratory. It was a great moment. Now the work begins, but it's worth it!

Oh my gosh OP, your story almost made me cry. I am so happy for you both!

Thank you so much!

Edited July 31, 2013 by LoveExile

[kashewmoo 9]

I was watching the live results on SCOTUSBlog on the day, as well, though my wife was at work and unfortunately unable to watch with me. But, once we had the official news, I called her, and she actually ended up leaving work early so that we would be able to talk to one another!

I know, that was the exact same thing with me. I had been posting about it across all of my social media, and everyone was just so supportive and wanted nothing but the best for us. To have it finally be officially recognized is such an incredible feeling!

And this is definitely only the beginning of the journey, but it's a very happy beginning that will eventually lead to a happy end/start.

[LoveExile 27]

And this is definitely only the beginning of the journey, but it's a very happy beginning that will eventually lead to a happy end/start.

We need to stay focused on this positive. The next months will pass before you know it. It gives us time to plan and do everything right. I just can't wait to be back in Silver Spring...it will be a dream come true just to be back where I started, but this time with my husband!

[kashewmoo 9]

Yeah, definitely! And I can't wait to be back in Boulder with my wife, and my two cats that I miss so very dearly. Luckily I just started a full time as well as a part time job, so I have lots of things to keep me busy while I'm still here. And of course, the packing! Oh, the packing.

[Derby dog 9]

It's so nice to finally hear the happy stories! For a long time it was heartbreaking to hear the break up stories of people who just couldn't hold on any longer waiting for DOMA to be struck down. Congratulations to everyone!

I was also watching on scouts blog. I remember being more nervous that day than ever before. Palms were sweating, legs shaking, and then I could not quite believe what I was reading. It was the biggest weight off our shoulders! Felt like our lives could finally begin after 7 years! No more selling everything and moving house and country every couple of years.

We just got married in Boston on the 12th. Now we are preparing our application to hopefully send in the next few weeks. I'm sure ill have lots of questions and nervous comments for you guys.

[kashewmoo 9]

Welcome to the group!

Yeah, I totally understand. I was also starting to get really tired of people constantly asking us why we weren't able to be in the same country even though same sex marriage was legal in some states - it was difficult explaining that although on the state side it may have been legal, federally we still weren't recognized.

Luck! If you do have any questions, of course feel free to ask!

[AustinCanada 681]

My same-sex partner (USC) and I (Canadian) live in Vancouver, Canada. We've been together for 16 years.

I was an international student in the U.S. I met my partner in San Francisco because we both worked and studied at the same university. I got a job and my employer sponsored me an H-1B visa. However, it was during the dot-com crash period and many companies were downsizing. We thought it was going to be difficult for my employer to sponsor me a Green Card as they were also downsizing. We decided to immigrate to Canada to be together (as many same-sex bi-national couples did). We moved to Vancouver, Canada in 2002. Thanks to the Windsor decision, we can now return to the U.S.

I've already filled out our immigration forms and have gathered our relationship documents. We're getting married in Sept and are mailing our immigration package (I-130) to Chicago Lockbox. We're planning to move to Seattle once my immigration process is complete.

Looking forward to reading everyone's immigration timeline. I'll post mine once I send our immigration package (I-130) to Chicago Lockbox.

Edited August 14, 2013 by AustinCanada

[GayK1inTexas 12]

We made it to the finish line but ours was K1 visa. We were approved today at the Jakarta Consulate. It has been amazing how supportive everyone has been and wish best luck to everyone. We also were so surprised how at ease they made my fiance feel during interview. They were so supportive of DOMA and excited about doing their first gay interview and approval.... hope all goes well for you...

[kashewmoo 9]

Congratulations! That's so very exciting. All the best to you, as well!

[AustinCanada 681]

We got married in Seattle in September and submitted our I-130 application to Chicago Lockbox. We received NOA1 today!

It looks like we won't be receiving NOA2 until next year. Unfortunately, I-130 (Consular Processing) applications seem to take longer compared to Adjustment of Status applications being processed in the U.S. Well, there is nothing we (applicants living outside of the U.S.) can do about it.

I'm going to go ahead and fill out the DS-230 application meanwhile. I guess I have 4-6 months to fill out this application.