Supporting the family

[doodlebug 3]

It's so funny how different personalities are. My fiance asks me so many questions that I lose it sometimes. We have discussed everything under the sun and yet he still finds questions to ask me. Everything you have said, we have discussed and then some. Maybe we talked online more than others? We used to talk for hours everyday, so I guessed thats why we covered so much ground. There was nothing to do but talk.

You two talk about tax deductions together??? I'm a CPA and I don't even wanna talk about that stuff when I'm off duty!!!! lol

probably. Not only do I not balance my ckg account...ever...but I never record my checks in a register either. I hate talking about money...period!!!! Once that whistle blows that's it.

Well yes we have, he is so curious it drives me nuts sometimes. I can't say I have enjoyed talking about it, but it would have driven me crazy to discuss it during my vacation. He actually has a good understanding now of our tax system, banking system, loans & interest, etc. Maybe your career is why you don't want to talk about it, lol.

Edited November 9, 2006 by doodlebug

[jordanianprincess 0]

probably. Not only do I not balance my ckg account...ever...but I never record my checks in a register either. I hate talking about money...period!!!! Once that whistle blows that's it.

This is exactly why I could never have more than one account. I plan to burden him with these tasks.

[MichaelGhabour 0]

i like to talk about some points here

am from egypt, i seen people marry for USA and people marry for love

people who marry for USA, he will think that there will be magic, he dont wanna know anything, he want american slave who think he is the egyptian prince, that will pay him, and do everything for him, and he will always ask for more and more

so my advice is take care of ur steps before u involve in anything

other guys, who marry for love, he will be willing to work, any shitty job the moment he reach the airport, he will look around to know how to get work authorization, moment he come house, he will be searching for job and searching how to make u stay home without job while he is affording everything for u and taking care of all ur bills

my self i thank god, i came on JFK, find my dream job in one week and getting paid well, but things isnt stable yet, and i pray God he help me to send cash to my family in egypt, which they r dont need it, but that is there right for me, they paid the whole life for me, so i have to pay it back, even if they make millions, sending dollars for them will make me feel better

[jordanianprincess 0]

i like to talk about some points here

am from egypt, i seen people marry for USA and people marry for love

people who marry for USA, he will think that there will be magic, he dont wanna know anything, he want american slave who think he is the egyptian prince, that will pay him, and do everything for him, and he will always ask for more and more

so my advice is take care of ur steps before u involve in anything

other guys, who marry for love, he will be willing to work, any shitty job the moment he reach the airport, he will look around to know how to get work authorization, moment he come house, he will be searching for job and searching how to make u stay home without job while he is affording everything for u and taking care of all ur bills

my self i thank god, i came on JFK, find my dream job in one week and getting paid well, but things isnt stable yet, and i pray God he help me to send cash to my family in egypt, which they r dont need it, but that is there right for me, they paid the whole life for me, so i have to pay it back, even if they make millions, sending dollars for them will make me feel better

Very well said.

[sarah and hicham 3]

i like to talk about some points here

am from egypt, i seen people marry for USA and people marry for love

people who marry for USA, he will think that there will be magic, he dont wanna know anything, he want american slave who think he is the egyptian prince, that will pay him, and do everything for him, and he will always ask for more and more

so my advice is take care of ur steps before u involve in anything

other guys, who marry for love, he will be willing to work, any shitty job the moment he reach the airport, he will look around to know how to get work authorization, moment he come house, he will be searching for job and searching how to make u stay home without job while he is affording everything for u and taking care of all ur bills

my self i thank god, i came on JFK, find my dream job in one week and getting paid well, but things isnt stable yet, and i pray God he help me to send cash to my family in egypt, which they r dont need it, but that is there right for me, they paid the whole life for me, so i have to pay it back, even if they make millions, sending dollars for them will make me feel better

I totally agree with you and it's nice to see this coming from a man from ME/NA. You know what you're talking about!

[kofuku 0]

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Nothing strange here. It's cultural. My husband said the same thing about bringing gifts to Morocco. I was shocked. But, then again, I was shocked that our lunch on the train was shared with strangers. It's hsuma to eat without offering food to people in front of you. Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself. You are family and everyone shares. Think about it, I shared their food in one dish, their drink in one cup(until I had to drink separately becuase the water didn't agree with me ). We are all one family and as the saying goes, what's ours is yours. They don't have much, but his parents have already bought us gifts for our home..rugs, couscous dishes, tangines, gifts for the baby, etc... to bring when they come to visit us. I tell my husband I don't need anything from Morocco, but he keeps asking me, "hon, what do you want? they'll bring whatever you need"

Christine

[jordanianprincess 0]

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself.

Agreed, but that is assuming you have wealth.

[ya falaha! 0]

Salaam, Ahmed.

Thank you for this..you're a good man mashallah. My husband is from Egypt and is already asking around about getting work here. He has a friend whose family lives in Dearborn, MI and they are looking for him. Thank God for the good ones!

i like to talk about some points here

am from egypt, i seen people marry for USA and people marry for love

people who marry for USA, he will think that there will be magic, he dont wanna know anything, he want american slave who think he is the egyptian prince, that will pay him, and do everything for him, and he will always ask for more and more

so my advice is take care of ur steps before u involve in anything

other guys, who marry for love, he will be willing to work, any shitty job the moment he reach the airport, he will look around to know how to get work authorization, moment he come house, he will be searching for job and searching how to make u stay home without job while he is affording everything for u and taking care of all ur bills

my self i thank god, i came on JFK, find my dream job in one week and getting paid well, but things isnt stable yet, and i pray God he help me to send cash to my family in egypt, which they r dont need it, but that is there right for me, they paid the whole life for me, so i have to pay it back, even if they make millions, sending dollars for them will make me feel better

[MichaelGhabour 0]

what honey blonde says, that shows how much this man is good, but things isnt stable yet, thats why he saying he aint going back home yet until he can do it, ofcourse that is too much for what kind of gifts he talking about, but that shows how much respect he got with his family, which u will be his family one day, and be sure he will give u the same respect!

[mybackpages 0]

Agreed, but that is assuming you have wealth.

right and wealth is relative. I'd hate to think my in-laws would have expectations that they will receive gifts, but at the same I would never go without gifts. It's the gesture not the gift that i think we both value.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Agreed, but that is assuming you have wealth.

right and wealth is relative. I'd hate to think my in-laws would have expectations that they will receive gifts, but at the same I would never go without gifts. It's the gesture not the gift that i think we both value.

I agree. No one in my family in Jordan has ever expected a lavish gift. I would always want to give the best but it would not stop me from seeing them because being together is more important than presents.

[kofuku 0]

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself.

Agreed, but that is assuming you have wealth.

That's why I put it in quotes. To the avg. Moroccan we may be wealthy, but we are not wealthy by no stretch of the imagination here on just my husband's meager wages.

[jordanianprincess 0]

So for those of you that voted that the family depends/expects money to be sent everymonth, has this affected your relationship? Do you fight about it or are you in agreement?

[kofuku 0]

what honey blonde says, that shows how much this man is good, but things isnt stable yet, thats why he saying he aint going back home yet until he can do it, ofcourse that is too much for what kind of gifts he talking about, but that shows how much respect he got with his family, which u will be his family one day, and be sure he will give u the same respect!

[jordanianprincess 0]

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself.

Agreed, but that is assuming you have wealth.

That's why I put it in quotes. To the avg. Moroccan we may be wealthy, but we are not wealthy by no stretch of the imagination here on just my husband's meager wages.

I know exactly what you mean. When I was in Jordan, everyone, I mean EVERYONE ws hitting me up for cash. Even the lady that was working at the hair salon. USA = $$$$