Met someone

[Darnell 8,478]

please make some human silouette (sp?) stuff out of plywood and cardboard, take to the shooting range,

and fire off 1000 rounds.

Extra points for having limbs torn off the torso..

Then, only then, get back into the swinging life o dating...

Purty Please?

Purty Please with mutton tajine on it ?

[Darnell 8,478]

Ugh typos, please excuse. This phone kinda sucks sometimes.

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[Mithra 1,185]

If MENA guys are what you're attracted to that's fine. There is a fine line between fetishism and having a type lol. Anyways, you don't have to swear off MENA men just try to understand what personality traits are similar in the guys you've gotten involved with that have hurt you. And give yourself time to get over this last break up. Find yourself and find out what really makes you happy and comfortable in a relationship. You're far too damaged at the moment to get involved. It would be bad for both you and the guy. It may sound hokey but if this guy you met is meant to be in your life he'll reappear later on when things are more clear. If he doesn't, there will be another. Personally, the older I get the more I realize that the company of a man isn't that important. I'd rather like myself enough to be able to enjoy my own company.

And I really agree with you.. The last super great relationship I had was with an Algerian 7 years ago but for family reasons he had to go home and broke up...Its not a nationality thing. I just find myself attracted and comfortable with North African people.. I am sure I am NOT ALONE here...I dont want to be racist against them because I was hurt but I dont need to be a fetishist about either like Mithra says LOL

If the sex toy cooks, Ill consider it

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

If MENA guys are what you're attracted to that's fine. There is a fine line between fetishism and having a type lol. Anyways, you don't have to swear off MENA men just try to understand what personality traits are similar in the guys you've gotten involved with that have hurt you. And give yourself time to get over this last break up. Find yourself and find out what really makes you happy and comfortable in a relationship. You're far too damaged at the moment to get involved. It would be bad for both you and the guy. It may sound hokey but if this guy you met is meant to be in your life he'll reappear later on when things are more clear. If he doesn't, there will be another. Personally, the older I get the more I realize that the company of a man isn't that important. I'd rather like myself enough to be able to enjoy my own company.

I agree... and its not just me that is damaged !

Just being single ,I am meeting some hot mess men out here! I dont know if even having a "type" is the greatest idea LOL...

Is it ok to admit this #######? I think I feel bad about ADMITTING that I would like to have something resembling a satisfying relationship...Its like wanting to be96 pounds when you are 150 or wanting a new car when you can barely afford the car you have...

Is it ok to long for normality? For intimacy? To have faith that things will improve? Isnt there a fine line between being realistic and being a dreamer?

[RFQ 110]

I agree... and its not just me that is damaged !

Just being single ,I am meeting some hot mess men out here! I dont know if even having a "type" is the greatest idea LOL...

Is it ok to admit this #######? I think I feel bad about ADMITTING that I would like to have something resembling a satisfying relationship...Its like wanting to be96 pounds when you are 150 or wanting a new car when you can barely afford the car you have...

Is it ok to long for normality? For intimacy? To have faith that things will improve? Isnt there a fine line between being realistic and being a dreamer?

Everyone's experience is individual, but this is mine: in the first 6 months of separation I really wanted some intimacy. After 6 months I had done some counseling and was really feeling confident again in myself, and I was content with life. I had no desire then to get into a serious relationship, or to be dating. I knew I was ready when I didn't NEED that anymore. I began to cherish my independence and rekindle real life relationships/friendships that had been damaged or neglected since my unhealthy marriage began.

Then one day I actually wanted it. So I started looking with a fresh outlook. I knew that I didn't need anyone and I could walk way and say no confidently if anything didn't sit right with me. So on so forth... and here I am.

As for the right guy waiting until your ready-- my husband was my acquaintance for years. About 9 months after my legal separation from my X, he asked if I thought there might be some day be more between us--he had some idea that we would be good together having the same interests and religion. I told him to go away and leave me alone!! I couldn't deal with anything or even entertain the thought at the time. And he did... we didn't speak once in 9 months.

Edited January 15, 2013 by RFQ

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Everyone's experience is individual, but this is mine: in the first 6 months of separation I really wanted some intimacy. After 6 months I had done some counseling and was really feeling confident again in myself, and I was content with life. I had no desire then to get into a serious relationship, or to be dating. I knew I was ready when I didn't NEED that anymore. I began to cherish my independence and rekindle real life relationships/friendships that had been damaged or neglected since my unhealthy marriage began.

Then one day I actually wanted it. So I started looking with a fresh outlook. I knew that I didn't need anyone and I could walk way and say no confidently if anything didn't sit right with me. So on so forth... and here I am.

As for the right guy waiting until your ready-- my husband was my acquaintance for years. About 9 months after my legal separation from my X, he asked if I thought there might be some day be more between us--he had some idea that we would be good together having the same interests and religion. I told him to go away and leave me alone!! I couldn't deal with anything or even entertain the thought at the time. And he did... we didn't speak once in 9 months.

We are taking it extremely slow.

We REALLY enjoy each others company. Hes been in the US like 15 years and has 2 kids. He makes me happy. And he likes me for me. And I am ALOT more broken than he is but because hes been through something similar with someone from his OWN COUNTRY ( He was used for papers by someone who did not really love him but just wanted to adjust her status) he understands the hurt I feel. He had come here on the lottery and she was over here on a tourist visa and he married her so she could adjust and she had kids with him and literally, she would tell people.. I just married him to stay in the country. So it happens to people FROM MOROCCO too. Its not just Americans who get victimised. He is truly one of the sweetest people I have met in years. We are taking things super slow and YES I have issues from what happened to me. But its nice to be with someone who is not constantly running me down and making me feel like #######. I am very attracted to people from that part of the world ( kind of against my will frankly) but ironically he is very attracted to Americans and we just kind of fit.. in a weird way. It may go absolutely no where but its nice for someone to grab me, kiss me and mean it when they call me habiba

There aint NOTHING like a good Moroccan man. Say what you will but I have been around them for years and seriously, a good moroccan man is just a gift from heaven! I have super good friends from there and when you have a really good moroccan man, you see heaven! I love moroccan people.. and when you get a sweet one, a really good friend, they are passionate, alive and affectionate. The hell I lived with with my ex and thinking about the years I lost putting up with his greencard using #### just makes me throw up in my mouth. I am so glad that all his nonsense did not make me hate men and want to live in a house with 30 cats. I am still alive and yes, kisses still feel good. And yes, I kissed him. I kissed him and kissed him and we ate amazing food and we had fun. HOORAY!

Edited January 22, 2013 by Beauty for Ashes

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

If MENA guys are what you're attracted to that's fine. There is a fine line between fetishism and having a type lol. Anyways, you don't have to swear off MENA men just try to understand what personality traits are similar in the guys you've gotten involved with that have hurt you. And give yourself time to get over this last break up. Find yourself and find out what really makes you happy and comfortable in a relationship. You're far too damaged at the moment to get involved. It would be bad for both you and the guy. It may sound hokey but if this guy you met is meant to be in your life he'll reappear later on when things are more clear. If he doesn't, there will be another. Personally, the older I get the more I realize that the company of a man isn't that important. I'd rather like myself enough to be able to enjoy my own company.

Hes my age and hes gentle and not demanding.

I like him. Ill keep you posted Mithra.. LOL

[Fandango 1,439]

By the way you are RIGHT and I am very sure this is not going anywhere. I just write things I imagine in my mind.. ( And as you can see my imagination is pretty damn fertile by the way...I am just trying to somehow piece back the pieces of my life together. Its nice for ANYONE to care about you after so many years of abuse and maltreatment.

I met him at the hospital in the waiting room waiting for an IV treatment for my illness. He has auto immune too and takes a similar medicine... Hes just a really nice guy and I thought the whole situation was very ironic

I still love my ex and I dont know if i will EVER recover from what happened. Its so hard when you really love someone and they just used you. My health is just so poor right now and my heart is so broken. My face swells from my kidneys. My walking is labored. My lungs fail. I lost my smile, my sparkle, my dreams. I even stopped writing. Morphine and another short story are really my first ventures in years...The reality is I might just be too sick to EVER have a life again... I used to be a vibrant, happy person when I first went to see my ex and after the things he did, which I would have NEVER believed another human being could do to another person, my health imploded. I got my house back. Hes much quieter now. I guess the rage of using another person coupled with the tears in my eyes, wanting to escape for the last 3 years unleashed the nasty in him. I dont know if I will ever let the rage out inside.. But the fact that I see any kind of glimmer of sex, hope, rebirth or survival is what kills me. How much time is appropriate to grieve. I went through the unthinkable four years ago and I havent heard the words I love you or had my hand held in as long. I can honestly tell you, I dont remember the last time my hand was held or my face was kissed. I havent had a kiss on the lips in 2 years..I think its ok if I dream about something...I think its ok if I let that pain go....

Ok, right...you don't know me, but I know of your story even from when it first started. Let me just say that what you went through is horrific and really heartbreaking, and I'm terribly sorry that you had to endure that.

Out of everything I've ever read of yours, this post (and the poem) is the most troubling. So let me play armchair shrink for a second, and give you a different POV.

First of all, if your lungs are failing, and your kidneys are shot, you need a doctor, not a boyfriend or dinner date.

Secondly, the *most important* person you need to get love from is YOURSELF.

You refer to this man as 'morphine' which I feel is so very telling. I think it betrays your 'oh I'm just being silly' act. No other person can take away your pain. It would be great if it were possible, but it's not. You cannot carry this baggage around forever. Well, technically you can, but honest to God, I can't see that being pleasant for you or any of your friends/loved ones. I know I'm sounding like a horrible cow, but I didn't make this post to berate you; I did it in hopes of maybe being a blast of cold water on your face. It would be fair to neither you nor this other man if you even go for a dinner date, become fwb, or anything like that...until you are at peace with your *past*. Don't drag that sh!t around forever...it's not worth it. And what purpose is it serving you? Go to your ex's house at 2am...what do you think he's doing? He'll be sleeping. That's right...he's losing no sleep whatsoever over what happened with you, but you're just tearing your heart out over and over again, falling into a pit of what I see as depression.

I'm not suggesting it's just that simple to let go...but I really and honestly am suggesting you get some therapy. That is *not* meant as an insult at all....but when you refer to some casual friend as morphine, it's gotta set off some alarm bells somewhere. Your poem made me incredibly sad and I practically felt your pain.

You have every opportunity to live a happy life for the rest of your days...but that is down to you. If you're going to claim defeat now, you will fulfill your own prophecy. If you want your life to change, you have to be the one to change it.

I know I have a caustic style, and I probably have offended you, which I truly didn't mean to. I wish you the best of luck.

Edited January 22, 2013 by Anita Cocktail

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Ok, right...you don't know me, but I know of your story even from when it first started. Let me just say that what you went through is horrific and really heartbreaking, and I'm terribly sorry that you had to endure that.

Out of everything I've ever read of yours, this post (and the poem) is the most troubling. So let me play armchair shrink for a second, and give you a different POV.

First of all, if your lungs are failing, and your kidneys are shot, you need a doctor, not a boyfriend or dinner date.

Secondly, the *most important* person you need to get love from is YOURSELF.

You refer to this man as 'morphine' which I feel is so very telling. I think it betrays your 'oh I'm just being silly' act. No other person can take away your pain. It would be great if it were possible, but it's not. You cannot carry this baggage around forever. Well, technically you can, but honest to God, I can't see that being pleasant for you or any of your friends/loved ones. I know I'm sounding like a horrible cow, but I didn't make this post to berate you; I did it in hopes of maybe being a blast of cold water on your face. It would be fair to neither you nor this other man if you even go for a dinner date, become fwb, or anything like that...until you are at peace with your *past*. Don't drag that sh!t around forever...it's not worth it. And what purpose is it serving you? Go to your ex's house at 2am...what do you think he's doing? He'll be sleeping. That's right...he's losing no sleep whatsoever over what happened with you, but you're just tearing your heart out over and over again, falling into a pit of what I see as depression.

I'm not suggesting it's just that simple to let go...but I really and honestly am suggesting you get some therapy. That is *not* meant as an insult at all....but when you refer to some casual friend as morphine, it's gotta set off some alarm bells somewhere. Your poem made me incredibly sad and I practically felt your pain.

You have every opportunity to live a happy life for the rest of your days...but that is down to you. If you're going to claim defeat now, you will fulfill your own prophecy. If you want your life to change, you have to be the one to change it.

I know I have a caustic style, and I probably have offended you, which I truly didn't mean to. I wish you the best of luck.

You do not offend me

I don't think you are caustic. I have no idea whether you were used for papers or have been through any of the things that I have been through but for whatever reason, you felt compelled to write me. Its a hell of a lot easier to judge me than to understand that I want to be happy again. I think seriously my ex and his mother would have been happy had I died of respiratory arrest and been able to liquidate my assets and take money from my kids. The two of them were seriously twisted pieces of ###### and when my ex's older brother died 2 days before he got his citizenship, which he forced me to file for him under threat of going after my house, it was ME who held him and wiped his tears and helped make sure he ate.I literally had to hold on to my house, my money and my life with both hands. I married a con artist and a sociopath. Getting used for papers was the least of my problems. My ex had schizophrenia and I think his family was thrilled to ship him here to the US and get him out from under their feet. When I got my divorce papers last month and got my house back 100 percent in my name, it was as if a million pounds lifted off of my shoulders.

I have been happy to spend ANY happy time with friends and experience ANYTHING new. I spent 5 years without my hand being held, without my hair being stroked and for whatever reason, my family did not have the balls to stand up to him and his nonsense. It wasnt until I just decided that I was going to get safe that I was able to make the bold moves I needed to make to make sure my money and my house was safe.

Sometimes the things that people write are in a way cautionary tales. I used to warn women against marrying guys from North Africa because the majority of these marriages in my opinion end up in divorce and the men marry women from back home. But after watching what happened to me and how little it actually had to do with nationality and more to do with not actually knowing my ex before committing myself financially to him, I decided that talking about what happened and talking about my GOOD experiences with people from over there and YES I have plenty of good stories to relate would be a hell of a lot more healing to me.

I can wait to love again when I am not sick but I am always cycling between sick and well because of the auto immune. I was well for a month and was in the hospital Friday for 12 hours. The guy I like has very bad diabetes and has health issues as well so he empathizes with me. We talk we laugh. We might very well NOT be a couple. And thats perfectly ok. I want to be happy. I want to like people from over there again like I did for 5 years before I met my ex. I want to continue to travel. I am planning on going to Morocco sometime this year. My daughter is Moroccan. I don't want to be miserable and bitter. I dont want to be unhappy and I cant wait to be well, because it might never happen. I might very well drift in and out of illness until I die. But I can make the choice to be happy. I am going to make that choice. I loved my ex very very very very very much and he wasn't ALWAYS hurting me. But he did waste a huge chunk of my life and I don't want him to be a part of my collective memory. I want to see other things, other people, hear other songs and not live in the sadness...I don't want to be bitter. I am willing to drop the baggage off on the curb. But what happened DID happen to me and my poor choice of marrying someone I did not know DID have horrible consequences for me financially. I talk on here to my friends because I wanted them to know what I was up to. I am taking care of myself. I have cut my hair and colored it. I wear makeup now and I am trying to take care of myself. I am reading books I didnt have time for and watching movies I needed to watch.

I am looking for sunnier skies and I decided that each day better be fruitful! I wasted a hell of a lot of time with square pegs thats for damn sure

[RFQ 110]

Prayers for the best for you. It does tend to teach you what not to do, and all the warning signs when you survive a bad experience. Well-- in theory we should take a lesson from them. It seems you have analyzed the situation quite thoroughly so there won't be a "fool me twice...."

I'm glad you are proceeding carefully and slowly-- only you can decide whats right for you.

Edited January 22, 2013 by RFQ

[Peace.... 281]

1358815660[/url]' post='5934537']

We are taking it extremely slow.

We REALLY enjoy each others company. Hes been in the US like 15 years and has 2 kids. He makes me happy. And he likes me for me. And I am ALOT more broken than he is but because hes been through something similar with someone from his OWN COUNTRY ( He was used for papers by someone who did not really love him but just wanted to adjust her status) he understands the hurt I feel. He had come here on the lottery and she was over here on a tourist visa and he married her so she could adjust and she had kids with him and literally, she would tell people.. I just married him to stay in the country. So it happens to people FROM MOROCCO too. Its not just Americans who get victimised. He is truly one of the sweetest people I have met in years. We are taking things super slow and YES I have issues from what happened to me. But its nice to be with someone who is not constantly running me down and making me feel like #######. I am very attracted to people from that part of the world ( kind of against my will frankly) but ironically he is very attracted to Americans and we just kind of fit.. in a weird way. It may go absolutely no where but its nice for someone to grab me, kiss me and mean it when they call me habiba

There aint NOTHING like a good Moroccan man. Say what you will but I have been around them for years and seriously, a good moroccan man is just a gift from heaven! I have super good friends from there and when you have a really good moroccan man, you see heaven! I love moroccan people.. and when you get a sweet one, a really good friend, they are passionate, alive and affectionate. The hell I lived with with my ex and thinking about the years I lost putting up with his greencard using #### just makes me throw up in my mouth. I am so glad that all his nonsense did not make me hate men and want to live in a house with 30 cats. I am still alive and yes, kisses still feel good. And yes, I kissed him. I kissed him and kissed him and we ate amazing food and we had fun. HOORAY!

[RFQ 110]

My girlfriend married a Moroccan man from the US-- great great guy, surpasses most men I've met in my life. I like life a bit more on the wild side so I had to go Egyptian.

[Peace.... 281]

There aint NOTHING like a good Moroccan man. Say what you will but I have been around them for years and seriously, a good moroccan man is just a gift from heaven!

yep, we have had our differences in the past beauty for ashes, but this is the one thing I strongly agree with you on. There is something special about a good loving man from Morocco, I am very blessed to have found one, not just any man, but a devoted man to his wife, family and God.

Edited January 22, 2013 by foreverwaiting

[LaL 418]

There aint NOTHING like a good Moroccan man. Say what you will but I have been around them for years and seriously, a good moroccan man is just a gift from heaven!

There aint NOTHING like a good Moroccan man. Say what you will but I have been around them for years and seriously, a good moroccan man is just a gift from heaven!

yep, we have had our differences in the past beauty for ashes, but this is the one thing I strongly agree with you on.

Why the qualifier? Stating it in such a way goes quite beyond "preference", so be sure to fly your freak flags proudly!

[Mithra 1,185]

Just curious...what is special about Morocco, specifically, that makes their "good" men superior to "good" men from other countries? Is it the accent? The skin? The smooth moves? Are they more romantic? Do they take the garbage out with more finesse? They can make a mean mutton tagine? I must know this secret!!!

Edited January 22, 2013 by Mithra