Pictures of ex-wife

[MarkMM 0]

Hello, I'll do my best to keep this short. My wife (who's from the Philippines) and I have been married for about 1 year and a half. Her CR-1 Visa was finished back in September of this year and she arrived here in the U.S. a week later. We've been living together since then. Today she looked through two old shoe boxes that were full of pictures...mostly from my childhood but also in there were pictures from my previous marriage (it's been 18 years since they were taken). I didn't try to hide these pictures, the boxes were sitting on the bookshelf and have been for months. To me, I don't really care to keep them but I thought my children (from that previous marriage) might want them when they get older (they're teens now). She was very mad that I still have pictures of my ex-wife, even though I didn't mind that she still has a few pictures of her and her ex-boyfriend from a few years ago. I told her "It's your past and it's ok to keep some pics".

My question is... was I wrong to keep them? Who, if either of us, is in the wrong here?

Thanks and I appreciate any response.

[ca_babe 129]

What's done is done. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong. I would give the pictures of your ex-wife now to your kids and let them keep them or throw them away if they want if you are really keeping them for your kids' sake.

[Hank_ 9,174]

I tell you no matter how hard you try it seems there are always "traces" of the past wife...

I don't think you were wrong to keep them as you intend had nothing to do with your EX but actually your kids (their mother). Doesn't change that you got "busted" but its only a misdemeaner... not a felony

I agree with the suggestion of giving them to your kids now being they are teens or tossing them.

[MarkMM 0]

Yeah, I've already taken the pics that have my-ex in them, bagged them up and put them in the car so I can give them to my daughter tomorrow. I just think she's over-reacting in this situation (she's mad and giving me the "leave me alone" treatment). It wasn't like I still had pics hanging on the wall or framed..just 3x5's in the envelopes they come in after being developed. I also made no attempt to hide them as they were sitting out in the open (on a bookshelf in our living room), not locked away in a safe or in the attic. The part I really don't understand is how I said it was ok for her to keep her old pics of her ex-bf since it was a part of her past...I guess my mistake was thinking I'd get the same agreement about my old pics.

[pieroot 43]

I don't think you did anything wrong, I mean your current wife knows of your ex and the pictures weren't displayed, just kept for sake of memories for your children. She needs to get over it and know that she's your current wife now. so why is it okay for her to keep pic of her xbf? I don't get that.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Yeah, I've already taken the pics that have my-ex in them, bagged them up and put them in the car so I can give them to my daughter tomorrow. I just think she's over-reacting in this situation (she's mad and giving me the "leave me alone" treatment). It wasn't like I still had pics hanging on the wall or framed..just 3x5's in the envelopes they come in after being developed. I also made no attempt to hide them as they were sitting out in the open (on a bookshelf in our living room), not locked away in a safe or in the attic. The part I really don't understand is how I said it was ok for her to keep her old pics of her ex-bf since it was a part of her past...I guess my mistake was thinking I'd get the same agreement about my old pics.

Have you heard of "tampo"? You're supposed to be all love dovey and placating her called "lambing".

They are for your kids BUT in her eyes you sullied "her" home by having evidence of your ex there. Now she has an ex-bf and that's a totally different situation, those should be destroyed. You have kids with you ex.

I personally think she's being ridiculous. She's entitled to feel a little thrown, and a little hurt. But she should also try and understand you have kids with this woman and there will be evidence of your past relationship. Hopefully she treats your kids okay, they too are evidence of your relationship. But as a woman, seeing a lovey dovey pic of my husband with an ex would hurt. Knowing is one thing, seeing is another.

Apologise to her but tell her to stop acting like a child (in a nice way). You gave them to your kids, you'd forgotten about them. She needs to chill out.

[ca_babe 129]

The part I really don't understand is how I said it was ok for her to keep her old pics of her ex-bf since it was a part of her past...I guess my mistake was thinking I'd get the same agreement about my old pics.

Women are irrational. She'll get over it.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Give her space, go about your day and put the picture topic behind you, when she is done being moody she will come around.

[X Factor 1,111]

Yeah, I've already taken the pics that have my-ex in them, bagged them up and put them in the car so I can give them to my daughter tomorrow. I just think she's over-reacting in this situation (she's mad and giving me the "leave me alone" treatment). It wasn't like I still had pics hanging on the wall or framed..just 3x5's in the envelopes they come in after being developed. I also made no attempt to hide them as they were sitting out in the open (on a bookshelf in our living room), not locked away in a safe or in the attic. The part I really don't understand is how I said it was ok for her to keep her old pics of her ex-bf since it was a part of her past...I guess my mistake was thinking I'd get the same agreement about my old pics.

Welcome to TAMPO. I haven't had the pleasure to encounter an episode from my wife as yet

Edited December 14, 2012 by Mr Smiley

[VirtualLee 12]

We Filipinas are sooooo emotional when it comes to EX's its our nature being SELOSA/Jealous type

In my case my hubby knows me well that he get rid of whatever memorabilia of his ex's..

There is no right and wrong from the 2 of you it's just a small misunderstanding.. If she wont talk then

Just leave her a letter with flowers and chocolates.

Edited December 14, 2012 by VirtualLee

[*Snowdrop* 604]

This is one of those cases which could be cultural but also just as likely an individual woman thing and only you and your wife can work out what is acceptable in your own home.

Just be aware that emotional issues like this aren't always logical. My husband has boxes of old photos of his ex-wife and their kids and it doesn't bother me at all. We live in the house they used to live in, garden in the beds she used to garden in, there is even a painting of flowers around our stove she did - all of that I am completely fine with but one day I discovered the kitchen chairs used to be hers and it enraged me - made me want to break each one into little pieces. Completely illogical!

Best to have a conversation about what you both find okay and take it from there.

[ca_babe 129]

This is one of those cases which could be cultural but also just as likely an individual woman thing and only you and your wife can work out what is acceptable in your own home.

Just be aware that emotional issues like this aren't always logical. My husband has boxes of old photos of his ex-wife and their kids and it doesn't bother me at all. We live in the house they used to live in, garden in the beds she used to garden in, there is even a painting of flowers around our stove she did - all of that I am completely fine with but one day I discovered the kitchen chairs used to be hers and it enraged me - made me want to break each one into little pieces. Completely illogical!

Best to have a conversation about what you both find okay and take it from there.

I refused to sleep in my husband's room in his parent's house because he and his ex-gf did things on that bed. It doesn't matter that it was years ago before he even met me. It's really illogical from any sane person's standpoint but not to me so he never asked me to stay there. He has two options, he could be right or he could have a happy wife. He chose the latter. I think it's a wise decision.

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

It took me a few years, but I did manage to get rid of the pics of my ex. They didn't hold any good memories for me I just never had the time to sit and go through them all. Those that had the ex and my kids together...I sent to his house and he can share them with the kids. Those of just him also went to him and those of just he and I, got thrown away. Hubby did the same with his ex wife except for one picture that up until recently when we were redecorating still hung on our wall. It was the ONLY picture hubby had of his whole family together (Mom, dad, brothers, both his sons, nieces and nephews)...and his ex just happened to be in it. We will both also sit and watch old video that his ex is in...but it also has his kids in it, which is why I know he watches it. I'm quite secure in his love...and I know his past is his past, but its also what has made him who he is today. Give her some time...she'll get over it.

[Dirk 30]

As someone said, Tampo!!, I made sure I bought a new bed and cleared anything related to the ex out of the house. I learned quickly after watching her sisters reaction to my future brother in laws alimony payments....

[Caryh 5,206]

Rut Roh Shaggy. I've been there, done that, suffered the tampo, and bought the T-shirt. Although I was much worse. When I separated with my ex, many things got shuffled into boxes that I never opened. Not too long before my wife got to the USA, I moved again, we were in the K-1 petitioning process. Some of those boxes, which had been in storage, we're just falling apart when I went to move, so things just got kind of thrown into new places randomly. A picture of my ex and I ended up in a keep sake box I have. I'd had that keep sake box stored and had not looked through it in years. When I got to the new place, I put it on the dresser in bedroom. Well my new wife did go through it, and guess what she found, a picture of the ex in a stack of pictures I quickly threw in there while dealing with an old stored box that was falling apart. Boom, big tampo number one. Now years ago I had gone through a lot of pictures that were not in storage, throwing pictures that included my ex. I also at one point got all my mother's photo albums when she went into a nursing home. These were also kept in boxes in storage. When I moved, I put my mother's boxes in my office intending to sort through what was junk and what should be saved. I never did, but my wife did! Boom big tampo number two! These were not even my pictures, but I certainly took the heat for them.

So now I was really scared. I realized I still had boxes and boxes full of old stuff I had not gone through in years. Well my wife needs about two hours more sleep a day than I seem to need. So after that I started going in the garage on weekend mornings and going through each and every box carefully. Boy would I have been in for more trouble eventually. I found a batch of old photo albums which happened to include not only my ex, but many old girlfriends over the years. Funny thing was, when my wife found my mother's old photo albums, she didn't care one bit about pictures my mother had of me with old girlfriends. Two of which were women I actually lived with for a short time. But pictures of the ex, now those were like the worst offense I could have ever committed. At least I was saved from photo tragedy tampo number 3. Another funny thing about those old photo albums of mine, you could see where pictures had been removed from yellowing on the white card board. My wife asked if those were pictures of my ex I had thrown away, and I just smiled a small smile and said, they must have been bad pictures. She asked nothing more, but I'm positive she knew who was really in those pictures and was just happy they were gone.

Do your time in tampo, but don't forget this. Your wife probably has all the time in the world now to go through everything in your home. Make sure you no longer have any more pictures of your ex when your wife is not there to see you getting rid of them. If you want to get out of tampo earlier, you can do a bit of lambing when she's ready for it.