Doubts

[ralyse 31]

I've been having a really rough time.

I don't have any friends. I've never been very social, almost all of my interaction with anyone was online before I moved here, outside of the fact I had roommates. My husband is very much the same way.

When I got my EAD I applied for a lot of jobs and had no luck despite a great resume. I finally landed a position in a call center with a bank thanks to a family friend of my inlaws. I started there in March. I did very well, was a top performer... I just didn't like it very much. I didn't have anything in common with any of my coworkers and I wasn't liking the banking industry as a place to work. I just wasn't happy. So I kept looking for a new job.

Months of nothing, not even so much as a call for jobs I was qualified for. It's fine, I *had* a job so I know how lucky I was.

In August, I got promoted at the bank call center. Pay raise, better hours, new supervisor. While my supervisor was nice and I was doing really well, he and I had... not clashing personalities or anything but we just didn't seem to click very well. There were no fights or anything, just... awkwardness and difficulty communicating. That sort of compounded my unhappiness and I went back to looking for another position. In addition, I had some really bad health problems and had missed some work.

So at the start of November I got a call from a job that was basically doing exactly what I did back in Canada. I interviewed and had the offer right away. I gave my notice at the bank and started there three weeks ago. I was really enjoying it, was really excited about the company and was getting really good feedback.

Today, they let me go. The short reasons were about how I was obviously very intelligent and well versed in the industry and the questions I was asking were making other people in the training class feel intimidated and that they had gone to HR saying that it made them uncomfortable. There were some other things going on that I'm not going to go through the headache of getting into... but I now find myself unemployed, without insurance (my husband doesn't work, he's a student), without friends... and just really wishing I could go home.

I had so much trouble finding another job and to be let go after three weeks without so much as being told there was a problem (and there were a couple others let go too, its... complicated)... And I was already having a lot of trouble dealing with isolation, unexpected culture shock (I'd spent plenty of time here before I moved here) and just... general unhappiness with things.

I love my husband, but what happened today just solidifies a lot of doubts that I had about me being here. I don't fit in, I don't seem to have the right kind of... something. I don't know.

He graduates next December and we were going to leave Michigan when that happened. Go somewhere else in the US that's more suited to my values and beliefs and the sort of atmosphere we both enjoy... Go somewhere where we had friends. But now I just wonder if we wouldn't be better off if I just went home and we went through a spousal visa process for him to move to Canada when it was over. We did the long distance thing for years and we're only a few hours apart if I go back to Kitchener...

I just don't know. I've been so unhappy here.

[amberlynnloves 125]

I sent you a PM

[reese1 68]

Take it from someone that was born and raised in Michigan. It's not for everyone! So I totally understand the feeling of wanting to move away. Maybe a different state will be better suited for the two of you. Or even a different city. Best of luck to what ever you decide.

[Golden Gate 530]

I am sorry to hear what is happening with you. I can only offer sympathy, as a Michigander myself. People here are so fricking provincial. Good luck in whatever you choose to do. By the way, I live in Newaygo, not far from you.

Edited December 8, 2012 by Golden Gate

[Fight for Love 98]

we are here as your friend

don't worry dear everything will be better. i was in that same situation when i just moved here in the US..i was getting crazy..missing everyone back home. but as years has past i got used to it.

my suggestion try to make yourself busier and try to find friends even online

[The Mean Lady 604]

To bad you're not in Chicago. We're desperate for a computer literate smart person that catches on fast. I'm tired of crying everyday from having to much to do.

[amberlynnloves 125]

To bad you're not in Chicago. We're desperate for a computer literate smart person that catches on fast. I'm tired of crying everyday from having to much to do.

I might take you up on this offer! I need a new job lol I'll relocate

[Flames9_RN 358]

Some think moving from Canada to the USA is easy...as many consider us the "same" I truly disagree--we are very much different.

Yes in many ways we enjoy the same type of life style...but the cultures are different. I base that on my travels with the Cdn Armed Forces and now living in Nicaragua--a 3rd world country.

I know people from other countries are affected much more...but its probably expected..where as some think its not going to be such a big deal...and then it truly hits them. I'm kind of a weird person,I'm far more social online and when I was a RN working in a hospital! But out in public, not soo much. But that's me! Sorry the 2nd job didn't work out, I'm guessing if others were let go, they didn't want the smart ones,lol..just sheep that ate the hay and did not think too much! Better things will come along, hang in there. The same may go for ur husband moving to Canada--great for you, maybe not soo great for him. Best of luck

[The Mean Lady 604]

I might take you up on this offer! I need a new job lol I'll relocate

It's seriously so bad. We jut fired a girl after 2 weeks because she-

• asked how to drag a window around on her desktop

• asked how to cut and paste

• couldn't understand how to pack a skid to use up the most compact space possible

• took 2 days off her first week because her gpa was sick then got a flat tire

• took 2 days off second week because she was sick

She was genuinely sick. It went around the office. But when you already missed 2 days your first week, show up sick and let someone send you home.

So frustrating.

[hikergirl 277]

I worry about fitting in down south as well.

Hubby has promised that if we can move to the west coast if it's too difficult but I want to give it a really good try first.

I hope things turn around for you, it's a hard time of the year to be away from family!

[NikLR 13,227]

I also worry about fitting in and finding friends. Heck right now my life is so based on either a) work, b) my daughter or c) my husband that I have ZERO time for me or for friends. I find myself divulging more to co-workers than is needed about things and obsessively checking VJ for news that my husband honestly doesn't want to hear about, period. I mentioned that some places are getting notices to deny for birth certificates and I got back the answer "stop checking that ######.. if they deny it, then we apply again" But then I get "we never spend enough time together." Well I work 43 hours+ a week on rotating shifts (either 7-5 or 12-9 and every other weekend) and frankly you can't have it either way... At this point I wish we'd gotten a lawyer because he doesn't care to check even his hotmail to see if we have an email! If we were approved, I wouldn't know!!! If we were denied, again... No idea.

I guess I just thought he wanted me down there that bad he'd pay attention to this ######, but apparently other things are more important. Feels a bit like the story of my life. Everyone and everything else is more important.

[The Mean Lady 604]

I don't really do "friends" so I know what you mean about checking vj. Telling my husband about possibility of getting an i130 interview and rfe for his bc and he's just like 'uhmmm ok'

[Hugglebuggles 60]

The transition can be hard, no doubt. You just haven't found a place you feel comfortable yet. Things got a lot easier for me when I started the job I'm working now. Owner is a Canadian, and some of my coworkers have connections to Canada, which makes me feel more comfortable. When I do something like say "zed" its funny, not "what the heck is a zed?!" You would think the proximity of Michigan to Ontario would make the culture gap smaller, but I know that's not true. Have you thought about trying out life in a different state? Also, I know a year seems like a long time, but in the grand scheme of things its not. Maybe give it some more time go back to job searching and try out a new field. I wouldn't bail on life in the US quite yet, it its not my life. I think you need to do what will make you happy.

[Krikit 1,163]

Hi Ralyse. Just checking in to see how you're doing. I hope you are having a better day today. Personally, I found that it took me two years to adjust to living in the US, with the first year being the worse. I feel like it's home now.

Having said that, if it's not a problem for you to move back I would recommend it. But go back for a visit, first, to make sure it's what you really want. Take care.

[dukeandduchess 141]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I think it's pretty common to have these kinds of feelings though. I've been lonely even though I find it easy to make friends - I just don't really know how to outside of work or school. The company I work for is very small and the number of people I can meet is limited. Even though I get along with everyone, I don't really feel comfortable asking people to do things outside of work. So I kind of know how you feel. I'm sorry about the job stuff, but that kind of thing happens to the best of us unfortunately.

I'm not sure what to recommend. You could try toughing it out for a while longer until you can move - but that may not solve the problem. I'd sit down and talk with your hubby about what you both think is best and make the decision together.

I wish you the best of luck and feel free to message me if you want to vent or anything!