Doubts part II

[jordanianprincess 0]

What are some of the things that make you question sincerity and intentions? We don't have to give specific examples. (besides the basic DOS guidelines)

For me one of the major red flags I see is when I see the same pattern in different people. Same things are said, almost like a script. I get really concered when I see that.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I know that some of the relationships that have ended in fraud included the guy crying over missing his family. I don't think people use another for a GC to get away from their family/country as much as they do for financial reasons - they are not as successful as they would like to be in their country and don't see that changing any time soo.

I also believe that many cases that we might label as fraud are not as malicious as we tend to think. I think it's often not so much a twirling of the moustache, "I'm going to dupe this stupid woman", elaborate scheme as it is simply, "Oh, I think America would have lots of opportunities for me. This USC woman seems tolerable, why don't I give it a shot..."

I think it can be quite a scheme. A man has to pretend he is in love and hold that pose for several years without slipping... seems like an elaborate plan to me.

[ya falaha! 0]

Jenn..I think that happens most of the time esp in the case of MENA men. It's like..hmm I'd like to live in the states because I can be more gainfully employed and therefore become more successful. Let me find an American woman who I am compatible with and maybe even love. Sometimes it doesn't work out so they end up getting divorced. I agree..I don't think it's necessarily a plot to scam someone.

I know that some of the relationships that have ended in fraud included the guy crying over missing his family. I don't think people use another for a GC to get away from their family/country as much as they do for financial reasons - they are not as successful as they would like to be in their country and don't see that changing any time soo.

I also believe that many cases that we might label as fraud are not as malicious as we tend to think. I think it's often not so much a twirling of the moustache, "I'm going to dupe this stupid woman", elaborate scheme as it is simply, "Oh, I think America would have lots of opportunities for me. This USC woman seems tolerable, why don't I give it a shot..."

[Veiled Princess 1]

People who arent satisfied with politics, economics, status in their home countries.

I'm using HIM then

[Bosco 1]

I know that some of the relationships that have ended in fraud included the guy crying over missing his family. I don't think people use another for a GC to get away from their family/country as much as they do for financial reasons - they are not as successful as they would like to be in their country and don't see that changing any time soo.

I also believe that many cases that we might label as fraud are not as malicious as we tend to think. I think it's often not so much a twirling of the moustache, "I'm going to dupe this stupid woman", elaborate scheme as it is simply, "Oh, I think America would have lots of opportunities for me. This USC woman seems tolerable, why don't I give it a shot..."

Ok, but do you want to be married because you are tolerable when he is telling you you are his princess? If the woman understands the arrangement, it is another story.

Also, we all know these relationships are not easy... cultural differences, religious differences, an adult male coming here trying to somehow find his way. Tolerable is rarely going to be enough for success and I think most of these guys know it.

[jordanianprincess 0]

I know that some of the relationships that have ended in fraud included the guy crying over missing his family. I don't think people use another for a GC to get away from their family/country as much as they do for financial reasons - they are not as successful as they would like to be in their country and don't see that changing any time soo.

I also believe that many cases that we might label as fraud are not as malicious as we tend to think. I think it's often not so much a twirling of the moustache, "I'm going to dupe this stupid woman", elaborate scheme as it is simply, "Oh, I think America would have lots of opportunities for me. This USC woman seems tolerable, why don't I give it a shot..."

I think it can be quite a scheme. A man has to pretend he is in love and hold that pose for several years without slipping... seems like an elaborate plan to me.

A man or woman that does is no different than a con-artist. It does happen but I also agree with Jenn, they may not be as bad as we think. I mean we only have limited information here but then again its alarming when you can come to such a conclusion with only limited information.

[sarah and hicham 3]

ps. I'm not saying all men go by an elaborate plan, but I am saying if they really do not love the person and just want benefits then it really is quite a big scheme.

[jordanianprincess 0]

I disagree. I think both men and women do this. I don't think it has anything to do wth the region but more so their quality of life and what their perception of America is.

Jenn..I think that happens most of the time esp in the case of MENA men. It's like..hmm I'd like to live in the states because I can be more gainfully employed and therefore become more successful. Let me find an American woman who I am compatible with and maybe even love. Sometimes it doesn't work out so they end up getting divorced. I agree..I don't think it's necessarily a plot to scam someone.

I know that some of the relationships that have ended in fraud included the guy crying over missing his family. I don't think people use another for a GC to get away from their family/country as much as they do for financial reasons - they are not as successful as they would like to be in their country and don't see that changing any time soo.

I also believe that many cases that we might label as fraud are not as malicious as we tend to think. I think it's often not so much a twirling of the moustache, "I'm going to dupe this stupid woman", elaborate scheme as it is simply, "Oh, I think America would have lots of opportunities for me. This USC woman seems tolerable, why don't I give it a shot..."

[Jenn! 918]

Jenn..I think that happens most of the time esp in the case of MENA men. It's like..hmm I'd like to live in the states because I can be more gainfully employed and therefore become more successful. Let me find an American woman who I am compatible with and maybe even love. Sometimes it doesn't work out so they end up getting divorced. I agree..I don't think it's necessarily a plot to scam someone.

I know that some of the relationships that have ended in fraud included the guy crying over missing his family. I don't think people use another for a GC to get away from their family/country as much as they do for financial reasons - they are not as successful as they would like to be in their country and don't see that changing any time soo.

I also believe that many cases that we might label as fraud are not as malicious as we tend to think. I think it's often not so much a twirling of the moustache, "I'm going to dupe this stupid woman", elaborate scheme as it is simply, "Oh, I think America would have lots of opportunities for me. This USC woman seems tolerable, why don't I give it a shot..."

Right. Not saying that the elaborate scams don't happen. We've seen it right here on VJ with a MENA man.

But I do think some men try to convince themselves of love because it makes their lives a lot easier. Really not a whole lot different than what some women do IMHO.

[Bosco 1]

ps. I'm not saying all men go by an elaborate plan, but I am saying if they really do not love the person and just want benefits then it really is quite a big scheme.

Also, if there are things they know will obviously be problems but choose not to address until they get over here. That doesn't rise to the level of marriage fraud, but it certainly is misrepresentation - keeping these things quiet so that if the relationship ends, it ends on American land.

[rob&ana 0]

Well, in the case I know (suspect of)

There are many, many flags. Things like, going to work on a different state because he has 'friends' there that can hire him.

I mean, when I moved to the US, all I wanted to do was be as close to Rob as society would permit us! maybe is different for men?

I dont know...

I had to edit, because the case i know of, is not MENA

Edited October 25, 2006 by rob&ana

[ya falaha! 0]

Oh yeah...I'm not saying women don't do it too and both men and women from other countries. Hell men and women here in this country will marry someone just to benefit themselves. It's not completely innocent but it's much better than just going in a marriage knowing that it's not gonna last too long.

Edited October 25, 2006 by moody

[jordanianprincess 0]

Jenn..I think that happens most of the time esp in the case of MENA men. It's like..hmm I'd like to live in the states because I can be more gainfully employed and therefore become more successful. Let me find an American woman who I am compatible with and maybe even love. Sometimes it doesn't work out so they end up getting divorced. I agree..I don't think it's necessarily a plot to scam someone.

I know that some of the relationships that have ended in fraud included the guy crying over missing his family. I don't think people use another for a GC to get away from their family/country as much as they do for financial reasons - they are not as successful as they would like to be in their country and don't see that changing any time soo.

I also believe that many cases that we might label as fraud are not as malicious as we tend to think. I think it's often not so much a twirling of the moustache, "I'm going to dupe this stupid woman", elaborate scheme as it is simply, "Oh, I think America would have lots of opportunities for me. This USC woman seems tolerable, why don't I give it a shot..."

Right. Not saying that the elaborate scams don't happen. We've seen it right here on VJ with a MENA man.

But I do think some men try to convince themselves of love because it makes their lives a lot easier. Really not a whole lot different than what some women do IMHO.

Lets not forget that there are plenty of women that convince themselves of love right here in the states. I think a man or women who has been duped by a person wanting a GC would most likely have been duped anyway. That doesn't make it right, but someone people link happiness to love. They want to be in love and do it at any cost.

You don't let a man/woman go on all the rides before he/she buys a ticket to Disneyland.

[Bosco 1]

Right. Not saying that the elaborate scams don't happen. We've seen it right here on VJ with a MENA man.

But I do think some men try to convince themselves of love because it makes their lives a lot easier. Really not a whole lot different than what some women do IMHO.

The difference is when there is some benefit other than a successful marriage to be gained. We may all overlook things in hope of a happy ending, but that is different that realizing you can/will walk away once you have gained a certain benefit, in this case a GC.

Edited October 25, 2006 by Bosco

[Jenn! 918]

Right. Not saying that the elaborate scams don't happen. We've seen it right here on VJ with a MENA man.

But I do think some men try to convince themselves of love because it makes their lives a lot easier. Really not a whole lot different than what some women do IMHO.

The difference is when there is some benefit other than a successful marriage to be gained. We may all overlook things in hope of a happy ending, but that is different that realizing you can/will walk away once you have gained a certain benefit, in this case a GC.

I don't know. People can be very persuasive when it comes to convincing themselves of things. Have you ever watched the TV show The Bachelor? I know it sounds silly, but I think these situations are highly analogous. A bunch of women who have really convinced themselves that they are in love with this man. And I'm sure each one of them would say that it's because of his character and not his bank account. Some of them are lying, but some of them I believe have really convinced themselves of it.