Doubts part II

[rob&ana 0]

There are cases where you can definitely notice that people are being used for the GC. Would I tell them? No. It is a very touchy topic, and I like to think that people are all grown ups here, and that they are smart enough (from reading about this process and reading about other's experiences) to notice if they are being scammed or not.

[sarah and hicham 3]

There are cases where you can definitely notice that people are being used for the GC. Would I tell them? No. It is a very touchy topic, and I like to think that people are all grown ups here, and that they are smart enough (from reading about this process and reading about other's experiences) to notice if they are being scammed or not.

Well it would be nice to think that everyone here is grown up enough and smart enough to know however some people are so blinded that they just don't think rationally I think. I also think that some people reach a low point of desperation where they want a companion which again makes someone blind... who knows though.

[Veiled Princess 1]

I always wonder if people who are in the end used for a GC would tell anyone on VJ. Probably not would be my guess.

Any who have posted here making this claim have been immediately tagged as "trolls" and ran off the board

[ya falaha! 0]

I don't think a little heads up is a bad thing. If you do it in a delicate manner. I think I would feel worse if I had strong feelings that someone (close friend or family) was being used then it turns out I was right and I didn't say anything. You don't have to come out and say..hey I think your wife/husband is taking you for a ride. You can point out certain things that you feel are suspicious in a gentle manner.

Edited October 25, 2006 by moody

[Bosco 1]

I am pretty sure people have mentioned in this forum before that friends/family members/co-workers etc have said they thought the guy was using them for a GC.

Has anyone been told this and if so, why did you not believe?

[chri'stina 190]

There are posts from time to time from VJ members who say they were used. Some, who are not known very well on VJ, get labeled trolls just because their story isn't happy. Others, who have been better known on VJ by many members, have also been used and that's always a bit more shocking.

To be honest, there are times where I am suspicious about intentions of fiances/spouses of some VJ members. It's rare, but occasionally I am suspicious. I have never told anyone that I was suspicious about their SO and would never unless I had concrete evidence. I have given warnings to ppl about the relationship they are presenting on VJ, which can cause some suspicions about their SO's true intent. But I've never told anyone that I think they are being used.

I don't know anyone in real life who has gone through this visa process besides me among my friends, family and acquaintances.

[Mrs. Forgetful 2]

What would you do if you thought someone might have intentions of using someone for a GC but has not yet acted on it? I have a somewhat feeling about this happening. There is this guy who keeps throwing himself at my friend, but I know this guy very well and keep warning her that something is off. He tells her that he would like to go home, but tells me that he would love to stay. He has expressed to me and a few of friends that he would like to marry an American girl, but he wont give an exact reason why. I am worried that my friend will fall under his trap because he can be a real big sweetie, but he is also immature and irresponsible. Is there something I should or could do about this? What do you think?

[ya falaha! 0]

I have never had anyone tell me they felt that way about my husband alhamdulillah. If someone felt that way and had valid reasons I would take it under consideration.

[chri'stina 190]

I am pretty sure people have mentioned in this forum before that friends/family members/co-workers etc have said they thought the guy was using them for a GC.

Has anyone been told this and if so, why did you not believe?

I had been told this by a coworker a couple years ago.

I didn't believe her because

-She asked no details about our relationship ever, so she had no idea

-She didn't know me well

-I didn't talk to her about it very often because I knew she wouldn't understand

It was more of a prejudice than a concern coming from her.

No one close to me or who knows me well thought I was being used.

Edited October 25, 2006 by stina&suj

[ya falaha! 0]

If this guy is telling you personally that he wants to stay here and is looking to marry an American then I would say something to this girl. Now she may or may not believe you. This is not speculation..this man is telling you one thing and her something else.

What would you do if you thought someone might have intentions of using someone for a GC but has not yet acted on it? I have a somewhat feeling about this happening. There is this guy who keeps throwing himself at my friend, but I know this guy very well and keep warning her that something is off. He tells her that he would like to go home, but tells me that he would love to stay. He has expressed to me and a few of friends that he would like to marry an American girl, but he wont give an exact reason why. I am worried that my friend will fall under his trap because he can be a real big sweetie, but he is also immature and irresponsible. Is there something I should or could do about this? What do you think?

[jordanianprincess 0]

There are posts from time to time from VJ members who say they were used. Some, who are not known very well on VJ, get labeled trolls just because their story isn't happy. Others, who have been better known on VJ by many members, have also been used and that's always a bit more shocking.

To be honest, there are times where I am suspicious about intentions of fiances/spouses of some VJ members. It's rare, but occasionally I am suspicious. I have never told anyone that I was suspicious about their SO and would never unless I had concrete evidence. I have given warnings to ppl about the relationship they are presenting on VJ, which can cause some suspicions about their SO's true intent. But I've never told anyone that I think they are being used.

I don't know anyone in real life who has gone through this visa process besides me among my friends, family and acquaintances.

You know I feel the same way. To add to that, there are times when I see the spouses of my friends (no immigration involved) that are just plain jerks and no different than the stories I hear on VJ. I guess the whole GC thing really makes everyone be more cautious and analyze more which is not a bad thing. I mean its kinda the same as a pre-nup. A rich person marries and has the SO sign a prenup, we don't have protection or any means to be sure there is no fraud so I guess caution is the only avenue you can take.

Unfortunatly there are a ton of people being used and thats a fact. To act like this doesnt happen would be just plain silly. I don't think there are real tell-tail signs. I think every situaion should be addressed seperatly. The judgments I have made regarding some of the people on VJ have been by reading posts and finding patterns, not by reading timelines and profiles.

[doodlebug 3]

oh my gosh everyone and their brother has asked me if I contemplated the fact that he might be using me for a GC. lol. They did this though without knowing anything about him. Just prejudice and assumptions.

I don't believe that this is the case in my situation only because he is so torn up about having to leave his country and we've actually almost split up over the fact that I can't move there.

[jordanianprincess 0]

I am pretty sure people have mentioned in this forum before that friends/family members/co-workers etc have said they thought the guy was using them for a GC.

Has anyone been told this and if so, why did you not believe?

I had been told this by a coworker a couple years ago.

I didn't believe her because

-She asked no details about our relationship ever, so she had no idea

-She didn't know me well

-I didn't talk to her about it very often because I knew she wouldn't understand

It was more of a prejudice than a concern coming from her.

No one close to me or who knows me well thought I was being used.

Many people like to assume the worst. I have never been questioned regarding my relationship and maybe thats because we have the same background/religion, etc. However I think if he was of another nationality, all of my family would be worried.

[rob&ana 0]

There are cases where you can definitely notice that people are being used for the GC. Would I tell them? No. It is a very touchy topic, and I like to think that people are all grown ups here, and that they are smart enough (from reading about this process and reading about other's experiences) to notice if they are being scammed or not.

Well it would be nice to think that everyone here is grown up enough and smart enough to know however some people are so blinded that they just don't think rationally I think. I also think that some people reach a low point of desperation where they want a companion which again makes someone blind... who knows though.

I agree... in the specific case that I know of. This woman comments things, that are red flags for me, and she seems to not even notice. You know? and yes, certainly this might be a case where wanting some company seems to be the key. Even if the company is not good... or does not make you feel good. It just blows my mind... I hope I am never that blind... about anything in life.

[chri'stina 190]

.....

Unfortunatly there are a ton of people being used and thats a fact. To act like this doesnt happen would be just plain silly. I don't think there are real tell-tail signs. I think every situaion should be addressed seperatly. The judgments I have made regarding some of the people on VJ have been by reading posts and finding patterns, not by reading timelines and profiles.

Me too...it's only after a pattern that I may start having doubts about the intention of the SO. But at the same time, you can never totally tell. Some people seem like they have it all together and you'd never expect that to happen to them, yet it could.

Edited October 25, 2006 by stina&suj