hospital and advanced terms

[abner137 48]

Jena likes to walk behind me sometimes, usually when we're shopping. That way I don't notice when she darts into the dress, purse, or shoe section! She says, "yep, that's true!"

BTW, Jena grew up in a small province town (in N. Samar), rode in a boat to school and her grandfather made his living fishing. She's 20 years younger than me and I met her online when she was 21. Her mothers family is not far from Gretchen's families island.

At face value it would seem our situations are very similar. In actuality our relationships couldn't be more different. I'd suggest Darren that you just consider your relationship very unique.

Congratulations to you both on your new baby daughter!

Your always interesting to read.....

Congratulations on the baby!

[X Factor 1,112]

WEll, this is the one thread to discuss the hospital visit. Talk about things I dealt with and what others see and know. Please note this is a discussion. Not a berate, tear down or otherwise attack each other. IF YOU FEEL the NEED to attack, berate, or otherwise make comments about me, please do so in a PM to me ONLY. I want this to be an educational thread with observations,thoughts, etc from everyone. Please note this is personal from the Filipino family I am involved in. This is a provincial family NOT a family from the city. (aka not from Davao, General Santos, Manila, Cebu) So these observations may not be for ALL Filipinos. ok with that said, on we go:

1) wife did not understand postpartum depression.

2) they give her forms to fill out while still under drugs and not fully understanding forms. Guys pay attention to this no matter HOW busy you get.

3) ask her if she ever took anti-depressant drugs, said yes, then they ask when. She says last night. (now at this time I am shocked she took anti-depressant drugs because of the Us Embassy screenings and AOS going on until she says last night. then I understand she does not understand. She has never heard of prozac, and such. She thinks all drugs are antidepressant. She is lost on the conversation.) So I step in and say we need to ask which specific drugs she has taken. You are misleading her because she does not take drugs, not even for a headache. Tylenol, Motrin, and aspirin are not something which she used regularly.

4) nmes, be prepared to explain why you may or may not like certain names. Be aware names in the Philippines are NOT the same as in the USA. Culture and family in the USA may have a hard time understand the name you are giving the baby while your filipino family has no issue at all. Also, consider nicknames as well. Remember most Filipino families have nicknames which are more the name they refer to someone by then the proper name.

5) feeding and diapers, etc. Be prepared for differences. This is not something easy. There are differences. We have been working through these. Feeding, burping, holding, wrapping up baby in blanket, etc. Husbands find someone to help your wife. Be prepared to assist in hospital with her or find someone to be with her to help.

6) language. be able to talk with your wife. be able to help her. Be able to get her to understand you, and work as translator for hospital. Be prepared for issues. Hospitals and terms here are new to many Filipinos. Step in and act as a buffer do not let anything slide by. you may speak english only to her, but you can use terms hospital staff just ain't used to or allowed to use for legality reasons. YOU have to make sure your spouse UNDERSTANDS. Just because speaking English does not help in many issues.

7) drugs, know what the drugs are for, explain to your spouse. Help your spouse with the drugs to take and how much. Work with hospital staff to help your spouse. ASK, ASK, ASK, and make sure they tell her what, why how, etc. Don't just let it go by. Americans have grown up with these drugs and terms. Most Filipinos have not even heard of these drugs. Be prepared.

8) No matter how much you prepared for the hospital visit, be ready for anything. Hospitals cannot ignore any warning signs. They must report warning signs for investigation. It may be innocent curtual understanding but it IS not something NORMAL for America. An example, the wife walking behind the husband in the Philippines. Normal behavior there. not normal in USA. Another example: wife looking to husband for answers on what to do or take or ordering food for her. Not because she doesn't want to, it is because she is relying on her husband because of getting scared from other issues, and people have a hard time understanding her from her "accent". In the hospital she is not thinking in English. She is thinking in her native dialect. Thankfully, I had learned some words plus established some gestures with her in preparation. but if you don't know her language, be ready for asking for a translator and know her dialect. Tagalog may not simply be enough.

9) DEMAND Filipina nurses. Make SURE to request this AHEAD of time when registering. THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!! It changes care and perception. Nurses do not understand some cultural differences. Be ready.

10) RICE, RICE, RICE. Be able to find rice, get rice, or KNOW where to get RICE. Of course this is COOKED RICE! (no rice cookers in rooms)

12) sleep on the Floor a couple of nights. Nurses will go nuts. Then explain things back home in the Philippines. You will change perceptions.

13) calls...remember Philippines is different time. EXPECT calls, IM, skype at weird times in middle of the night.

14) sleep ... forget it. Find "naps" and coffee. Be awake and available ANYTIME a nurse, doctor, etc comes into the room. Be ready for ANY issue. Be ready for when you are out, they may approach your spouse for questions, issues, concerns, problems. etc. You spouse may understand and may be able to deal with things. But make sure your spouse KNOWS to question everything. AGE is a factor here. Stand up, and make sure your wife knows she can stand up for herself as well. Tell her to be willing to say no, not just go along with whatever is said or asked.

15) my wife carried the weight in the baby area. 85% was in the tummy. No weight gain in legs, arms, face, hips, etc. It was all in front of her. She looked like someone had stuck a basketball under her dress. Once the baby was born, she almost looked like not having a baby at all. Expect some nice comments, but also some "snide remarks out of perceived earshot"

I am still thinking on more... but these are the main ones so far.....

Thanks a million for this detailed experience.... I will utilize this knowledge when interacting with my sweetie.

[B_J 2,752]

Thanks a million for this detailed experience.... I will utilize this knowledge when interacting with my sweetie.

Wait......What?

[Darnell 8,478]

CPS got involved at the hospital because of a form?

Yup, it's required. Some law, in fact.

[Tahoma 2,292]

3) ask her if she ever took anti-depressant drugs, said yes, then they ask when. She says last night. (now at this time I am shocked she took anti-depressant drugs because of the Us Embassy screenings and AOS going on until she says last night. then I understand she does not understand. She has never heard of prozac, and such. She thinks all drugs are antidepressant. She is lost on the conversation.) So I step in and say we need to ask which specific drugs she has taken. You are misleading her because she does not take drugs, not even for a headache. Tylenol, Motrin, and aspirin are not something which she used regularly.

^^^ Darren...I have a feeling that you're not telling the whole story.

What happened is she was given the "yates test" as I call it. It is a postpurtem form to check for signs of depression. The form is looking at the past 7 (SEVEN) days. My wife thought it was SINCE THE BEGINNING of the pregnancy (hence coming to USA) I did not review it with her to make sure she understood the form. It really raised issues. She scored high on the form from not understanding, PLUS just coming out of recovery from c-section surgery. I had to step in to help the situation. They wanted to put her on anti-depressants. So we had to talk about the issues. I had to find out what was going on. This is NOT something she wanted me to know. Nor was she expecting the re-action from the form. It created a whole HUGE ordeal with CPS even being involved because of the score on the form.

^^^ Hmmm...Gretchen "didn't want you to know"...hmmm...I have a feeling that you're still not telling the whole story.

the one form sparked so much interest, I cannot even explain the issues. Explain CPS to a filipino is like explaining PnP to an American.

Once you open Pandora's box, it is hard to close again. This mis-done form is part of her medical record now. There is a report form the investigation. There will be followup. All from misunderstanding and not doing things properly in the beginning.

^^^ Hmmm...a "misdone form"...hmmm..."misunderstanding"...hmmm...not doing things "properly"...hmmm...Filipinos can't understand a simple explanation about CPS...hmmm...still very vague...hmmm...I'm still waiting to hear the rest of the story. Answering B_J's question would be a good start...

I want to make sure I understand. Are you saying that the hospital was checking for signs of depression during the past 7 days and Gretchen has been experiencing those same symptoms of depression the entire time she's been in the US? And you made sure she was not prescribed anti-depressants?

^^^ That's what it sounds like to me.

And are you sure it was CPS at the hospital? Or was it APS?

^^^ I'm thinking the same thing.

Darren...Here's a standard form many hospitals use to check for depression. Is this the one Gretchen filled out, or is it similar?

Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale.

[Tahoma 2,292]

I want this to be an educational thread

OK.

these observations may not be for ALL Filipinos.

..."may not"...Huh?!?

Be aware names in the Philippines are NOT the same as in the USA. Culture and family in the USA may have a hard time understand the name you are giving the baby while your filipino family has no issue at all.

Actually, many Filipino names are the same as those in the States. My wife is a good example of that.

Instead of generalizing about how an American family may have a hard time understanding a Filipino name, why don't you tell us how your family reacted to your daughter's name?

No matter how much you prepared for the hospital visit, be ready for anything. Hospitals cannot ignore any warning signs. They must report warning signs for investigation. It may be innocent curtual understanding but it IS not something NORMAL for America. An example, the wife walking behind the husband in the Philippines. Normal behavior there. not normal in USA.

I asked my wife about this and she told me she has never even heard of it. She said it's not normal behavior in the Philippines, and she thinks Gretchen simply may be embarrassed to walk with you.

By the way, how do you know that the hospital believes it to be a "warning sign" when a wife walks behind her husband?

Another example: wife looking to husband for answers on what to do or take or ordering food for her. Not because she doesn't want to, it is because she is relying on her husband because of getting scared from other issues, and people have a hard time understanding her from her "accent".

Sorry to hear that Gretchen is scared to order her own food because of some unnamed issues, and that she is scared to talk because she has an accent.

calls...remember Philippines is different time. EXPECT calls, IM, skype at weird times in middle of the night.

Why don't you simply turn off your electronics when you don't want to be disturbed?

But make sure your spouse KNOWS to question everything. AGE is a factor here. Stand up, and make sure your wife knows she can stand up for herself as well. Tell her to be willing to say no, not just go along with whatever is said or asked.

Education may be a factor too, don't you think?

I am still thinking on more...

I was afraid of that.

women in the vilalge do NOT cause DRAMA in the household. Again this is DIFFERENT from the USA.

I'm confused. How exactly is it different in the States? Are you saying that American women are the ones who cause drama in their homes, or are you saying that American men cause drama in the home? Would you please provide your link to support your claim about the difference in the U.S.?

Women in the village look to the husband for leadership and what to do on major things. This is NOT something NORMAL in the USA.

Again, would you kindly provide a link for your assertion about this not being something normal in the U.S?

A woman being respectful of husband's wishes or looking to her husband for guidance which is NORMAL behavior there in her village, is NOT NORMAL here.

Once again, please provide a credible link which backs up your claim.

When women from other countries defer to their husbands for assistance, there are MAJOR issues at institutions in the USA.

Please provide a link that supports what you claim.

this is not to say the husband is a dictator. It is to say a husband is a servant-leader. Listening to his wife. helping her, and understanding her needs. A good husband is a great servant to his family. A great husband is one willing to sacrifice his needs to serve and take care of the family.

blah...blah...blah...

[adiiann 163]

What I noticed to most of Darren's post is that whenever his wife actions are different from what he thinks she should act, he blame it to Philippine and his wife's village.

It's like.... "Jackpot! I'm 40+ and going to marry 19 years old girl.".... Then... "Holy #######! She doesn't know anything because she's from Philippines."

[Tahoma 2,292]

What I noticed to most of Darren's post is that whenever his wife actions are different from what he thinks she should act, he blame it to Philippine and his wife's village.

It's like.... "Jackpot! I'm 40+ and going to marry 19 years old girl.".... Then... "Holy #######! She doesn't know anything because she's from Philippines."

So true !!!

[actob99 156]

What I noticed to most of Darren's post is that whenever his wife actions are different from what he thinks she should act, he blame it to Philippine and his wife's village.

It's like.... "Jackpot! I'm 40+ and going to marry 19 years old girl.".... Then... "Holy #######! She doesn't know anything because she's from Philippines."

WOW, I think you nailed that one on the head....

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

Ok... This is for the part about the aswang. My fiance still believes in the aswang or the wok wok and all her friends/family do too. I laughed so hard because when I was there last month the neighbors had a newborn baby boy. According to superstition the wok wok loves the smell of newborns. Well she called up her best friend who is a bakla, and he lives in the house with the newborn too. She called him and told him that she heard the wok wok outside and he should be careful on going home. Needless to say she was joking but her friend believed her and didn't go home but slept at a friend's house.

But my mahal is exactly the same as jena. She loves to walk behind me so she can dart in somewhere to look at stuff. Because she hates me coming with her shopping hehehehe. My fiance was a nanny for 3years in qatar, and she took care of a Western family baby. She had to learn all the European/American techniques of raising him. When she came back to the province she actually showed people new things on taking care of babies. They were amazed at some stuff. My fiance is Bisayan and from the province, she knows English pretty good but some of the finer points get lost with her until I explain them out.

[actob99 156]

I forget what they call the fortune teller in the Phils. A couple months ago my fiancee's uncle and aunt went to this person. They had some money missing and they think they knew who stold it and this fortune teller could tell them for sure if this person stole their money or not. I found this one very odd and did'nt find this one too funny.

[kev_n_jena 89]

^^^ Darren...I have a feeling that you're not telling the whole story.

^^^ Hmmm...Gretchen "didn't want you to know"...hmmm...I have a feeling that you're still not telling the whole story.

^^^ Hmmm...a "misdone form"...hmmm..."misunderstanding"...hmmm...not doing things "properly"...hmmm...Filipinos can't understand a simple explanation about CPS...hmmm...still very vague...hmmm...I'm still waiting to hear the rest of the story. Answering B_J's question would be a good start...

^^^ That's what it sounds like to me.

^^^ I'm thinking the same thing.

Darren...Here's a standard form many hospitals use to check for depression. Is this the one Gretchen filled out, or is it similar?

Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale.

I have to defend Darren on this one somewhat. My wife was asked to fill out that (or very similar) survey 3 months ago and asked for my help on several questions. She would have answered a couple of the questions the opposite of what she actually was feeling and she's been in the US since '07. Her pregnancy wasn't stressful at all and she was never depressed and yet, had she answered the questions the way she almost accidentally did, there probably would have been some sort of investigation.

A good friend of mine had twins many years ago and since she was on bedrest for the last 3 months of the pregnancy, DCFS visited their house several times to make sure everything was ok in the home. Evemtually my friend kicked them out and told them not to come back without evidence of a problem. They never came back.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Kevin...

Darren did not say that Gretchen answered any questions on the form the opposite way of how she was feeling during her pregnancy. According to Darren's story, Gretchen's only misunderstanding was that she thought the form covered the duration of her pregnancy rather than the past seven days. That gives the impression that she had been depressed during her pregnancy. Maybe that explains why Darren said "this is something she did not want me to know."

As usual, it's easier getting a tooth pulled than it is getting a straight answer from Darren.

[Ban Hammer 13,282]

one post removed and one member thread banned for tos violation:

- Restrict or inhibit any other user from using and enjoying the Forums.

[Mogambi 96]

I agree, it sounds much more that Darren's wife IS suffering from depression, and this isn't a communication error. But he wants to wear blinders and pretent, oh this is just because she's a simple girl who doesn't understand anything that is going on, and needs me to do everything for her.

Or maybe your wife needs help because she is suffering from depression! Nothing wrong with that at all too.