hospital and advanced terms

[B_J 2,752]

hehe.... the "nightmare" of the whole ordeal. This issue brought her to tears.

What happened is she was given the "yates test" as I call it. It is a postpurtem form to check for signs of depression. The form is looking at the past 7 (SEVEN) days. My wife thought it was SINCE THE BEGINNING of the pregnancy (hence coming to USA) I did not review it with her to make sure she understood the form. It really raised issues. She scored high on the form from not understanding, PLUS just coming out of recovery from c-section surgery. I had to step in to help the situation. They wanted to put her on anti-depressants. So we had to talk about the issues. I had to find out what was going on. This is NOT something she wanted me to know. Nor was she expecting the re-action from the form. It created a whole HUGE ordeal with CPS even being involved because of the score on the form. Even the family does not understand the blowup at the hospital from the high score on the "yates form" We had a visit from the chaplain, and several visits from Filipina nurses. We were assigned a filipina nurse on Saturday who was not even scheduled for the section.

I want to make sure I understand. Are you saying that the hospital was checking for signs of depression during the past 7 days and Gretchen has been experiencing those same symptoms of depression the entire time she's been in the US? And you made sure she was not prescribed anti-depressants?

[KKJJ 16]

hehe.... the "nightmare" of the whole ordeal. This issue brought her to tears.

What happened is she was given the "yates test" as I call it. It is a postpurtem form to check for signs of depression. The form is looking at the past 7 (SEVEN) days. My wife thought it was SINCE THE BEGINNING of the pregnancy (hence coming to USA) I did not review it with her to make sure she understood the form. It really raised issues. She scored high on the form from not understanding, PLUS just coming out of recovery from c-section surgery. I had to step in to help the situation. They wanted to put her on anti-depressants. So we had to talk about the issues. I had to find out what was going on. This is NOT something she wanted me to know. Nor was she expecting the re-action from the form. It created a whole HUGE ordeal with CPS even being involved because of the score on the form. Even the family does not understand the blowup at the hospital from the high score on the "yates form" We had a visit from the chaplain, and several visits from Filipina nurses. We were assigned a filipina nurse on Saturday who was not even scheduled for the section.

Yate form is from the "andrea yates" incident in texas where a woman drowned all her kids in the bathtub. It was attributed to the postpartum depression issue which had not been caught or treated.

this is why having a Filipina nurse is family which can speak her language is important to have around. My main worry was during surgery/recovery my wife would not be able to communicate well because of how much effort English takes.

NOW is the time you have to stop broadcasting stuff about your wife online. As have other's said view your wife as individual and stop generalizing Filipina's from province cause everybody's different. All the posts you started (except immigration related) should be discussed/addressed as husband and wife instead of posting it here, it don't really solved anything whatever issues you have on your marriage/wife. I understand you want to help people by telling your experience but the most important thing really right now is to HELP your wife and it is only be achieved by TALKING to her with everything. You will never understand your wife if you keep posting stuff in here instead of addressing it to her or help her learn with everything. I will be willing to talk to her, help her and just talk about everything. I can be her friend. Shoot me a message. Congrats with the baby!

[Brandon+Roslyn 4]

good for you.... I keep on trying to get her to walk beside me.... even after 10 months I still have problems.... I keep on having to remind her to stop it. In the Philippines, she would be beside me or in front of me....here I have no idea why she walks behind me.... maybe she is looking at everything and doesn't want me to know what she is looking at or browsing.... I don't know.... I have just gotten used to it.....

of course there is a difference between men and women shopping as well.... men are on a mission... women browse and wander with a purpose which looks like no purpose to a man.....

Maybe its a Visayan thing.. my wife is from Samar, and everywhere we go she always walks like behind me. It is actually pretty irritating because I want her to walk along side of me so everyone knows that we are together. I had never heard about that being a custom or anything, but it would make sense.

What part of the Visayas are you from?

We just had our baby girl here in Samar and it has been extremely rough trying to make a balance (American/Filipino) between the way the baby is clothed, bathed, taken care of, etc.. The feeding was easy because we both were solid on breast feeding and my wife was lactating before the baby even came. But i had to practically argue with the family about lampins, beanies is 100 degree weather, aceite be manzanilla, and all that other type of stuff for months before they let up. They wanted everything to be done the way that they have always done it, the Filipino way. Not that that is bad. But we are from an area that is still ruled by extreme superstitions. Aswang lives here, and witches and other things of that nature. People dont go to the hospital, they do "Hocus Pocus" first. The family wouldnt let my wife bathe or drink cold water for 3 weeks or else she would die. She couldnt eat noodles because the babies belly button wouldnt heal properly, etc.. Its so frustrating being from somewhere where I know that this type of folk lore is non-sense, but you cant tell that to them. Even, if i told them every girl that has ever had a baby in America eats whatever and takes showers, they just tell me "well its different here". And my wife always goes to Nanay first, I can tell her to do something like taking pre-natal vitamins and she either doesnt listen, or she has to ask Nanay first and if she says its ok, then she will do it. If Nanay doesnt give the OK, then its a battle to get her to do almost anything. Did you ever experience anything like this?

[actob99 156]

Never tell them that Aswang and witches aren't real. Haven't you heard the hundreds of stories about why its real, it must be real... I just let her go on and tell me all and then when she asks if I believe, I still say no but it's ok if she does.

There is Moo Moo in the Boulavard Mansion hotel across from the embassy, I won't even stay there Again, haha...

[Brandon+Roslyn 4]

Never tell them that Aswang and witches aren't real. Haven't you heard the hundreds of stories about why its real, it must be real... I just let her go on and tell me all and then when she asks if I believe, I still say no but it's ok if she does.

There is Moo Moo in the Boulavard Mansion hotel across from the embassy, I won't even stay there Again, haha...

Oh, believe me I gave up about a year ago. The brothers seem to agree with me because they have "never seen" aswang or anything like that. But the mother and sisters are hardcore. Like 'come to our house in the middle of the night because Aswang was on the roof' hardcore. Of course, they never see it, but it was Aswang. I have gotten all kinds of stories from them. I always say, "when i meet Aswang, I will believe." I have no problem with them believing in it though. I havent heard of Moo Moo but here there is the Wok Wok, or bird-like thing. I really try hard not to be insensitive about it, but sometimes i slip

Edited July 9, 2012 by Brandon+Roslyn

[actob99 156]

Oh, believe me I gave up about a year ago. The brothers seem to agree with me because they have "never seen" aswang or anything like that. But the mother and sisters are hardcore. Like 'come to our house in the middle of the night because Aswang was on the roof' hardcore. Of course, they never see it, but it was Aswang. I have gotten all kinds of stories from them. I always say, "when i meet

Aswang, I will believe." I have no problem with them believing in it though. I havent heard of Moo Moo but here there is the Wok Wok, or bird-like thing. I really try hard not to be insensitive about it, but sometimes i slip

I here ya and I have heard about the Wok Wok too. Moo moo is the spirits of the dead, same as ghosts is my interpretation. Definitrly seen #### at the previously mentioned hotel and I don't believe. When I told abs she was so glad because she was freaked out as hell. My frirnd from Cebu was staying in the next room over and he woke up and thought a party was going on in the next room of his hotel room. We are both non-believers, but after that night we knew something wasn't right. Then after we stayed there it is known by people in Manila that tht hotel is haunted, forgot the storirs but they weren't good ones about how some people died in that hotel....

[rlogan 2,036]

a husband is a servant-leader. Listening to his wife. helping her, and understanding her needs. A good husband is a great servant to his family.

This can be true, but it is also classic manipulative cloaking over abusive behavior. It's called "playing the servant role". One of the other classics is the manipulator controlling communications between the people he is manipulating. The language/cultural differences can be true, but it can also be a thing exploited by a control freak. He claims nobody can understand her, and she can't understand anyone else. So communications both ways have to be controlled by Mr. Control-Freaky.

Our instructions on predatory manipulators say they choose their quarry carefully: seeking out people who will let them get away with it. Abusive spouses tend to end up with people who accepted abuse in childhood. It is called self-selection bias. Independent, strong-willed people reject control-freaky actions so those relationships end, while people who have had this in their lives actually find a comfort in the familiarity of it, so they stay with a guy when another girl would be running for the hills.

If you have no father, then you have no example to go by, and are handicapped relative to girls who had great fathers. If you had an abusive father, it is much higher potential for disordered thinking, and the perpetuation of the problem on through the next generation. If you've stayed in the Philippines for any length of time you have seen daughters who were told growing up that their duty was to bring home the bacon for everyone else. They are on Filipina Cupid or whatever listing themselves as "18 yo stunner wants family rescued from poverty". Youth and beauty can do that on its own. But when it is following the guidance of the wrong person then whoever shows up with the first boat wins.

Who knows. The information we get has all gone through the ministry of propaganda before release.

[Brandon+Roslyn 4]

My wife says Moo Moo is a monster. But thanks for the heads up, wont be staying there. If my wife hears a little creak in the middle of the night she freaks out hahaha..

[actob99 156]

My wife says Moo Moo is a monster. But thanks for the heads up, wont be staying there. If my wife hears a little creak in the middle of the night she freaks out hahaha..

Yes I have heard the moo moo is under the bed as well meaning the monster, haha. I love that (:;&. It makes me smile

[thinkerlove0212 158]

Here is a thought. Instead of generalizing that every Filipina is like your wife, and your wife's family is like every family in all the provinces, and and your wife's village is like all the rest.. why not see your wife as a individual? She chooses to be like that, perhaps she was raised like that, and that's okay.. That's why you fell in love with her, and that's what you like about her. It doesn't mean we are all like that. My mom was raised in a village, a province, and yet she is nothing like her, neither is her family like your wife's. Nothing wrong with that, the one cool thing about humans is that we all have different qualities and attitudes. :)That goes with every culture!

Okay, done with my little rant.. other than that, you did post some valid points, like knowing drugs etc, and having an interpreter for those not adept in English.

I don't want to say anything just

[Psoas10 17]

My wife was the same way when dealing with doctors here. However once she realized she could speak in Ilocano, then no problems here. I think most of her nurses was from the same province as her. I think Darren did bring up some good points, esp the communication part.

[adiiann 163]

To the OP:

Darren, I don't want you to send a private message for my opinion as I want other American husbands and Filipina wife here in visajourney to know that your case is based on you and your wife and is nothing to do with for being an American and a Filipina.

Based on your previous post information, your wife is 19 years old when you got marry, and before she be able to adjust here in US, she got pregnant and now you have baby. Before meeting you, she lived all of her life in the province, she have little experience of what life is outside her comfort zone. At her age and living in the province, she wasn't even starting to explore the real life, and you brought her in a whole new environment. She's still naive and doesn't know so much outside her comfort zone, which explains why she always rely on you when she caught in something she couldn't comprehend.

Your wife lived in a rural area of the Philippines and no way to learn the things you consider in the Philippines. By some of your post, you seemed pissed off that your wife doesn't know so much about life and you always need to guide her, that's the price of marrying young women with little experience of how complicated life is. I am grown up woman with degree and career and very dependent, and yet I still consider myself lacking of lot knowledge on living here in US. I still rely on my husband to help me understand various issues here in US, and step-up when I can't comprehend.

So, whatever is your wife ordeals, it's your responsibility to help her overcome it. Don't think it's a cultural thing. Since, you're far older and obviously have more experience in life, you should be more proactive on what she might need because she might not know that she needs it. It's nothing unusual to talk to someone you trusted most first. Your wife rely on you as you're the only close family she have here in US, but it doesn't mean she trusted you enough to understand her, she's young and you basically still starting to live together, it will take time for her to have confidence to tell you what she really feels and ready to accept the consequences if you don't understand her.

When me and why husband first learn that I am pregnant, he worried that I might get depression but I didn't as my life is pretty busy to feel sad on anything. He makes sure that he is aware of my needs and consider a lot of adjustments as every pregnant women is different. We both read books about pregnancy and asked friends and family on what should we expect. Even with all the learning we did, we still feel that we're not ready of any situations that may arise due to having a baby. And it has nothing to do with different culture but going to be a new parent.

So what you are experiencing right now is something to do with your individuality as being couple, your own perspective on how to deal with issues and your personal assessment. It has nothing to do with difference in culture, or the practices between US and Philippines.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

in warning signs, I am saying to make sure it is honest and accurate. Things are understood. And things are being done with proper input.

the one form sparked so much interest, I cannot even explain the issues. Explain CPS to a filipino is like explaining PnP to an American.

If there are issues, I want them dealt with. However, this all has ramifications with me. And can get into worse issues if there are issues with my ex. What I hated most was HOW the hospital said many women leave the hospital taking postpartum antidepressant drugs.

Americans can catch those phrases which other cultures don't. Many/most/some being general statements without a definable quantity. Statements leading you to believe that by doing something, you are helping yourself without penalty, but you are admitting to deeper issues. Once you open Pandora's box, it is hard to close again. This mis-done form is part of her medical record now. There is a report form the investigation. There will be followup. All from misunderstanding and not doing things properly in the beginning.

then if something happens, the hospital investigated and is not liable for any issues. Plus can say I was warned and mislead by not knowing cultural differences and point to the K-1 visa process being at fault.... yadda yadda yadda..... texas two step in the corporate healthcare world....

Darren, what does this mean? The part I boldened?

And are you sure it was CPS at the hospital? Or was it APS?

[andrew&evelyn 6]

Never tell them that Aswang and witches aren't real. Haven't you heard the hundreds of stories about why its real, it must be real... I just let her go on and tell me all and then when she asks if I believe, I still say no but it's ok if she does.

There is Moo Moo in the Boulavard Mansion hotel across from the embassy, I won't even stay there Again, haha...

Is that for real? We stayed there so many times already..never seen one:)

[kev_n_jena 89]

Jena likes to walk behind me sometimes, usually when we're shopping. That way I don't notice when she darts into the dress, purse, or shoe section! She says, "yep, that's true!"

BTW, Jena grew up in a small province town (in N. Samar), rode in a boat to school and her grandfather made his living fishing. She's 20 years younger than me and I met her online when she was 21. Her mothers family is not far from Gretchen's families island.

At face value it would seem our situations are very similar. In actuality our relationships couldn't be more different. I'd suggest Darren that you just consider your relationship very unique.

Congratulations to you both on your new baby daughter!