Who has made more adjustments?

[jordanianprincess 0]

Ok since his interview is in 2 days I'm wondering what kinds of adjustments you gals have made since his arrival, if any. Has he adjusted or accepted anything for you? Have there been any major compromises? Dissapointments? I'm getting nervous.

[Bosco 1]

I would say he has made more adjustments due to the change in the enviroment, but I have in terms of our home and how I was used to live - mostly to make this feel like his home too. So I voted for myself in the first question. It is sort of hard to gauge the changes he has made since he entered a home that was already established, but I haven't made any real requests of him (other than little things like to put down the toilet seat).

He has not expected many changes on my part and has never made me feel guilty. Most of the changes I made were on my own initiative.

ETA: As far as your questions... no major disappointments. It has been better than I anticipated. One major compromise but with retrospect, it was't as big as it seemed at the time.

Edited October 18, 2006 by Bosco

[sarah and hicham 3]

Hicham has made the most adjustments by a long shot.

The biggest adjustment is being so far from his family.

He has adjusted what he eats, he now works, he can't drive yet, has to learn english... and more to come later.

For me the biggest adjustment is not seeing my family as often as I used to visit every weekend.

[morocco4ever 63]

Ok since his interview is in 2 days I'm wondering what kinds of adjustments you gals have made since his arrival, if any. Has he adjusted or accepted anything for you? Have there been any major compromises? Dissapointments? I'm getting nervous.

No turning back now....

I am really concerned about this myself, but if I am mistaken, aren't you and him from the same culture? If that is correct I am sure that will help a little. But of course you are more westernized than he will be.

[Bosco 1]

Hicham has made the most adjustments by a long shot.

The biggest adjustment is being so far from his family.

He has adjusted what he eats, he now works, he can't drive yet, has to learn english... and more to come later.

For me the biggest adjustment is not seeing my family as often as I used to visit every weekend.

But the question is adjustments within the relationship. I thought JP meant adjustments we make for each other, not the obvious adjustments to the new environment.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Ok since his interview is in 2 days I'm wondering what kinds of adjustments you gals have made since his arrival, if any. Has he adjusted or accepted anything for you? Have there been any major compromises? Dissapointments? I'm getting nervous.

No turning back now....

I am really concerned about this myself, but if I am mistaken, aren't you and him from the same culture? If that is correct I am sure that will help a little. But of course you are more westernized than he will be.

Ya we are both Jordanian but you are right I am more westernized. I guess its good that we share the same culture/relgion, but still I have to live with a boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. cooties.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Hicham has made the most adjustments by a long shot.

The biggest adjustment is being so far from his family.

He has adjusted what he eats, he now works, he can't drive yet, has to learn english... and more to come later.

For me the biggest adjustment is not seeing my family as often as I used to visit every weekend.

But the question is adjustments within the relationship. I thought JP meant adjustments we make for each other, not the obvious adjustments to the new environment.

hmm We haven't made any big adjustments within our relationship other than living together. Not yet at least!

[jordanianprincess 0]

Hicham has made the most adjustments by a long shot.

The biggest adjustment is being so far from his family.

He has adjusted what he eats, he now works, he can't drive yet, has to learn english... and more to come later.

For me the biggest adjustment is not seeing my family as often as I used to visit every weekend.

But the question is adjustments within the relationship. I thought JP meant adjustments we make for each other, not the obvious adjustments to the new environment.

Exacxtly what I meant.

[sarah and hicham 3]

We are still working on him putting the toilet seat down, but he's getting there.

.

[morocco4ever 63]

Ok since his interview is in 2 days I'm wondering what kinds of adjustments you gals have made since his arrival, if any. Has he adjusted or accepted anything for you? Have there been any major compromises? Dissapointments? I'm getting nervous.

No turning back now....

I am really concerned about this myself, but if I am mistaken, aren't you and him from the same culture? If that is correct I am sure that will help a little. But of course you are more westernized than he will be.

Ya we are both Jordanian but you are right I am more westernized. I guess its good that we share the same culture/relgion, but still I have to live with a boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. cooties.

OMG

We are still working on him putting the toilet seat down, but he's getting there.

.

You ladies really crack me up!

[Henia 11]

I have definately had to make more adjustments then him...but he is very considerate of me. Of course we need more patience with each other and time to understand each other more....in order have harmonious life together.

[amal 4]

good post... We have both made many adjustments.... I had to learn a whole new way of explaining things coz LET ME TELL YA... American psychology doesn't work on non-Americans!!! He had to learn better English and I had to learn how to explain my feelings without causing an argument. You remember in school Health Class when they teach you to say "I feel ...... when you.....because" ??? IT DOESN'T WORK. (or at least not in my house) that has been one of the biggest obstacles thus far....getting our feelings out in a way we both understand... good luck!

amal

[Mrs. Forgetful 2]

Well I think I have made the most changes in our relationship. I was always independent and did what I wanted when I wanted. Now I have to think about "Us" not just me. I also have an apartment to clean and clothes to wash and a husband that is set in his ways that he just wants to sleep and relax while I cook and clean. He says that as soon as I work as much as he does, then he will help around the house more. But he is at the house more than I am. Funny. Huh? Anyway, I have also had to learn to deal with people coming to my house without any warning from my husband. I hate having plans to sit and relax and having them ruined by someone coming over and staying until 1 or 2 in the morning! He's been a lot better at this since I told him to at least give me a 3 hours heads up. He actually told me two days ago that we are having company tonight. He's progressing nicely. Before he realizes, I will have total power! HAHAHAHA! No but really, things have been hard adjusting to living with each other, I don't mind that he leaves the seat up, or the lights on, or the bed unmade, but what I do mind he does it. So I guess we are good. There will always be things that are going to bother you, but you have to learn to deal with it. I learned to deal with his stubborness, he's learned to deal with my moodiness, so were even.

Oh I don't know if I answered everything. Oh yeah, he expects me to change a lot more than I will ever change. He wants me to be more like a Moroccan stay-at-home wife who will cater to his every need. I told him if he wants that to go marry a Moroccan woman. He said no and that he married me because he loves me, not anyother woman. So I told him that if he wants me to be a stay-at-home mother, then he's going to have to get a really really good job. Heck, I wouldn't mind staying at home. I guess we'll see.

ETA: Oops! I guess I got a little carried away.

Edited October 18, 2006 by Mrs. Forgetful

[rob&ana 0]

I might be being nosey... since I am not from the Middle East

But aside from the fact that you SO comes from another country, which is per se the MAJOR adjustment/change that they could do. I think all couples being new to living with each other go through different things, to adjust and adapt to a life in common.

Changes should not be 'requested' or at least I wouldnt 'request' because that would sound so much as an imposition, and believe me, even the most in-love person would react to that. As far as feeling guilty, that would also be wrong... it would be manipulative and for me that's a red flag.

Dont worry about your guy coming over, as difficult as it may be to leave everything behind, this is a choice he has made, for you, and if you try your best to support him through this process, changes and adaptations will happen without either of you even noticing.

Good luck on your interview, and congratulations in starting your new life together...

Ana

[Henia 11]

Well I think I have made the most changes in our relationship. I was always independent and did what I wanted when I wanted. Now I have to think about "Us" not just me. I also have an apartment to clean and clothes to wash and a husband that is set in his ways that he just wants to sleep and relax while I cook and clean. He says that as soon as I work as much as he does, then he will help around the house more. But he is at the house more than I am. Funny. Huh? Anyway, I have also had to learn to deal with people coming to my house without any warning from my husband. I hate having plans to sit and relax and having them ruined by someone coming over and staying until 1 or 2 in the morning! He's been a lot better at this since I told him to at least give me a 3 hours heads up. He actually told me two days ago that we are having company tonight. He's progressing nicely. Before he realizes, I will have total power! HAHAHAHA! No but really, things have been hard adjusting to living with each other, I don't mind that he leaves the seat up, or the lights on, or the bed unmade, but what I do mind he does it. So I guess we are good. There will always be things that are going to bother you, but you have to learn to deal with it. I learned to deal with his stubborness, he's learned to deal with my moodiness, so were even.

Oh I don't know if I answered everything. Oh yeah, he expects me to change a lot more than I will ever change. He wants me to be more like a Moroccan stay-at-home wife who will cater to his every need. I told him if he wants that to go marry a Moroccan woman. He said no and that he married me because he loves me, not anyother woman. So I told him that if he wants me to be a stay-at-home mother, then he's going to have to get a really really good job. Heck, I wouldn't mind staying at home. I guess we'll see.

ETA: Oops! I guess I got a little carried away.

Wow Janine that sounds just like my husband and I... everything from the unexpected sometimes unwelcomed guests, me doing it all while he sleeps,stubborness,wanting to be catered to and loss of indepedence....hmmm why did I get married again?