ME/NA marriages

[Bosco 1]

We have talked a bit about the adjustment issues our ME/NA spouses go through.

How have you found the adjustment? Is marriage what you anticipated?

[jordanianprincess 0]

I have not been reunited so I can't answer to this but from the concerns I have seen from some members regarding the adjustment, it sure does scare the heck out of me because I could not imagine myself in some of the situations that have been mentioned here.

[LebaneseMama 1]

We are struggling financially, he is having real hard time with his English, and he cries at least once a day for his family. I voted : more difficult than I expected. If we weren't 100% in love and ready to take on whatever challenge life throws at us next ... I don't know if we could do this. If it wasn't for me, Ali wouldn't be here tomorrow ... he would be on the next plan to Lebanon. I am his solid rock and foundation here. He tells me "You are my family and you make up for everyting we are going through". I try so hard to be the perfect wife ... when I know I'm not. We appreciate each other, laugh with each other, goof around, love each other, are intimate with one another, cry on each others shoulders, and share our dreams together. When it gets rough we get through it. I will honestly say that when Ali was in Lebanon I thought he would come find the perfect job and we would live happily ever after. He has yet to find the perfect job. We are BOTH working and are cuttin it close. His job is good now but they don't pay him well because of his English.

Life is not always a fairy tell ... but together I know we will get through.

[Jenn! 918]

I voted that it's been about what I had expected. I think there were fewer adjustment issues for us as a couple. We were already used to living together, away from our families and countries, so we haven't had to blaze any new territory as far as adjusting to Wadi being away from Morocco. Most of the adjustment has been involving issues that are specific to immigrating to America. He's had to get used to the cold Boston winter, the rat race mentality here, and the language. The language, I think, has posed the biggest challenges, at least for us.

[samir_shannon 0]

We voted it was about what we expected... The first couple of days was difficult but after that things have been great! I go back to work tomorrow so he is on his own The only issue that was hard is he is fasting and i get very hungry and dont want to eat because he cant eat. I must have lost about 5 pounds this week! I found him a mosque in Raleigh to go to and he is very happy. I will do my best to take him there every Friday but it is hard because I have anatomy and physiology class and my lab on Friday . It will work out even if i take him on a different day just so he can meet with other muslims He has a job already if he wants it with a friend of mine who owns a restaraunt right near our house but I want him to get settled in first and get used to things......

[morocco4ever 63]

Although we aren't together yet, I based this on what our experience has been for the past 2 years apart. I dated an Arabic man for 4 1/2 years. That is when I made most of my mistakes. I had no idea the little things that we American women do that isn't acceptable to an Arabic man. Of course I have never met an american man that is as sweet and kind as my husband is, so I have no problem with some give and take to make this marriage work. Afterall, he has too as well.

[sarah and hicham 3]

For us I voted: easier than I expected.

We had a rough patch due to personal issues about a week into him being here but ever since it really has amazed me how well he is doing here.

I'll add more later.

[amal 4]

I voted...harder than I expected.....I'm not saying that all of our life is hard....in all honesty..most of the time, things are peaches and cream with me and my husband. We are continuously laughing and having a blast together. all-in-all, I couldn't ask for a better husband...... The reason it was harder than I expected is mainly the things that I never anticipated being an issue before..ie. cultural differences (things I explained in my post on the other forum) once we learned how to talk about things, for the most part, things have improved a million percent...

[Aymerlu 3]

Just a little harder on him than I expected it would be. He so badly is wanting to work and that just isn't going to happen till he gets his work permit. He's having to learn my whole theroy that "if you mess up you clean up." Since he doesn't drive he isn't liking having to stay at home all day either. It would be great if the city bus drove by here, but no such luck. We just look forward to 5:00 when I get off work and for my days off!

[Veiled Princess 1]

I haven't voted because he's not here yet and so he hasn't began adjusting.... my prediction though is that he'll do pretty well... if he can get a driver's license and a job fairly quickly. He's not one to just sit around the house and do nothing all day.... the poor man works 12 hour days, 7 days a week for three weeks straight with no days off and never complains!!!!

I have Arabic channels on my satellite because I like to watch them but I don't really think that will amuse him much since he's not too into watching TV... but then again if he has nothing to do all day...

I imagine for the first few weeks/months he's here he'll be doing a lot of work around the house and yard just to keep himself busy and since he's always the one in charge of fixing/upgrading anything at his house I guess he'll feel right at home here

[anxious 0]

I voted more difficult because I did not see the cultural shock seeping through, I thought alot of the withdrawal and mood swings was all him.

He misses his family so much, we were supposed to go to Morocco last May but we had

to cancel because we were surprised by the interview date that came so quick.

Now he wants to make it for Eid al Adha in Jan. or so.

Surprisingly he has picked up English really quick and easy. I work in the mornings, go to class in the evenings and am exhausted, so now we really don't even see each other till the wknds...but now things are supercool, and we found our "rhythm" so I am very happy with my love.

maryum

[myfellah 0]

I worried contantly about this but Abdou has made our adjustment much easier than expected.

Doreen

[doodlebug 3]

I have no clue. It could go either way. My main concern is what is he gonna do for a job. He's a salesman now selling beauty products to various stores and salons and I'm not sure even how he'd get "in" on that whole community here, not to mention what the laws are for starting your own business etc.

Commute wise it will be easy since the train station is 3 blocks from my house. Food wise he'll be fine since I've been learning one Middle Eastern recipe per week so insha Allah by the time he gets here he'll feel like he's home.

Money is the biggest thing that worries me. I make a very good living but his pride and his culture says that he needs to support me so he won't take a dime from me even now when I offer. I think this and the whole setting up his business thing will be the biggest hurdles. I'm already meeting people in the area who are from Egypt so he'll have tons of people to chit chat with and go to tea with once he gets here.

[dollface41601 0]

I said about as easy as i expected....he knows his way around and got his license very quick after we got home...found a job one month after moving here, met friends, got close to my family, we have had a great time thus far...i would have to say the only hard things for us have been him making close to nothing at his job, and him missing his family...but alhumdullah my mother in law is coming next month, for a 3 month stay ...im soooooo excited and i know sofyan will feel alot better

[Henia 11]

Well since being I have had to adjust myself in alot of ways..but it was well worth it. I do worry since my husband has only been in Algerie and Maroc that when he comes to Europe or the USA...more so the USA it will be strange for him. I think he will enjoy alot of things like, Best Buy, hundreds of TV channels, diverse mix of people, gaining info and experience in his field...but I do worry he will feel lost, bored and somehwat resentful that he won't be the little king he is here...can anyone relate to this?