Divorced american man now married to filipina

[Marzy 1]

Btw., I'm letting you know that my spouse and I won't communicate with exes for a useless conversations. If there's, it's about our kids.

There's only one I will tell my ex about me that I'm close to death. Now, you can take good care of your child. It was an ugly separation, and most of all the custody battle in court. What I mean that I treat my ex like an adult. He did try to be romantic with me, which I immediately told him right of the bat that to respect me being with someone else. If not, then another story. I'm the one who has the full custody. Would he messes with me? He better starts acting like a grown up man.

Your issue could possibly escalate to a big fight . Stay calm and address the real problem. Perhaps, it's always wise to discuss it with him when he is in good mood. Just don't ask him to eliminate her because she is still a mother of his kids. Just the unacceptable behavior he needs to improve. Remember, he is married to you.

[shure 8]

:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:

More thumbs up from this end.

Talking with her on occasion is something that is going to happen. They have children in common and a certain amount of discussion needs to happen, that you'll have to learn to accept.

But....

Daily chit chat is not right.

The ex being a beneficiary on insurance is not right.

Payments beyond what is ordered by the court is not right.

Good for you for standing up for what is right, your husband needs to wake up and smell the coffee, and respect his wife's feelings.

[duriantaste 44]

I do agree that they should have communication but stopping the dinner with your current wife to reply to a text msg that can wait? I don't know about you but in my house that is called "rudeness".

[TiklingGuy 211]

I understand but paying her car insurance and benefits all his insurances i guess disrespectful as a his wife. I told him if he won't fix it I can't be a wife that will be treated as only like maid. I told him if she is your beneficiary and u paying her car insurance, "why dont u ask her to iron and wash clothes, ask her to wake up and make breakfast for you, ask her to do everything i do to you."

I dont think it is right for him to continue to finacially support his ex-wife! Me and my ex-wife have had a great relationship for 10 years now being divorced, but i have never given her a frickin penny. She owes me Money!!!! If i was you, i would be pissed as well, and i would demand that he stops that Sh!t immediately or he can kiss you were your cheeks meet in the middle. All i am saying is don"t try and distroy relationships with people he has had before meeting you. He needs to dial his relationship with his ex-wife from a 10 to a 2, but if you expect him to walk away and never speak to her again then it could back fire on you. If he still has a friendship with his ex-wife then he needs to make sure that you come first in every aspect.

[Peter_Pan 661]

sure -

This is an example of a manipulative person without a conscience blaming you and putting you down, and it is exactly what someone treating their spouse like dirt will do. For this guy it is just sport, because he enjoys the idea of making a person who shows hurt feel even worse. But for a spouse it is to let them get away with bad behavior.

For example, when your spouse is having an affair they'll say how insecure you are, crazy, imagining things, that you are too suspicious or don't allow him time with his "friends" etc. If you were a decent wife then you'd let him screw the babysitter on the dining room table in front of you.

The only person whose business this is: YOU. I would never treat a wife as you have been treated nor would I put up with it. So I understand how you feel. But if your husband is making you unhappy then that's the sole issue for you. It is very common for a manipulative spouse to show affection to other people instead of you. Why? Because they know how it eats at you. They know how much stress it causes, and this weakens you. It wears you down. It puts you into a depression where you can't eat, can't sleep, can't think straight - it is emotional warfare to keep you in a weakened state and easier to manipulate. The text message during dinner was not to make his ex wife feel good so much as to put you down: watch me show you that you are less important than my ex-wife.

You said the right thing about going back home if he doesn't stop. That's right. It's what you have to do: either he treats you with respect or you go. There's no reason to live with a husband that does not put you first. What a miserable life.

And you wonder why American marriages fail. This is the frame of mind you expect people to have? Be selfish, put yourself first, if an issue arises, don't spend much time on it, divorce and move on. Really, people?

And what happens when you really are "insecure, crazy, imagining things, too suspicious or don't allow him time with his "friends"? When the relatiosnhip crumbles because you are too selfish and think it is everything about you?

I am not divorced, and hope I will never be, but I can tell you this: I have NEVER dated a guy that bad mouthed his exes in any way. Cause you know, at some point we might be those exes we delight so much in trashing today.

[Peter_Pan 661]

I know what is decent and not decent in a relationship between exwife and a husband. I know u read all what is written, I don't care if it's about their kids. I understand bcoz I have a kids too. What I am saying it's kinda disrespectful to me. Maybe it's okay with you if your husband exwife(if he is divorced) is the beneficiary, and you are the wife that waking up early to make him breakfast, doing all the house chores and giving him pleasure when he needs it. I don't think saying I am insecure is a relief, I am not about the money or whatever but the respect as a wife. You are lucky if you are not in the situation like mine. Anyway thanks !!! God bless

No, he is the husband waking up to make me breakfast, he does all the house chores and gives me pleasure. What sort of justification is that? You aren't some submissive 17th century wife, whose whole life revolves around cooking and chores and who expects to be valued because of what she does, not because of who she is.

And the beneficiary should always be the children, sorry.

I do understand why it is disrespectful to you, and I agree to a degree that he should alter his behaviour, but you need to learn to get your rights in a more efficient manner.

[rlogan 2,036]

And you wonder why American marriages fail.

No, I don't. But I wonder about hypocrisy:

This is the frame of mind you expect people to have? Be selfish, put yourself first

You mean like this:

No, he is the husband waking up to make me breakfast, he does all the house chores and gives me pleasure.

Bragging about how much someone else serves you as if he were an indentured servant is a symptom of narcissism. What is absent here is any kind of reciprocity, which is the essential feature of my own marriage.

There is also a huge degree of resentment apparent here for women who are quite happy to focus on the home and child-rearing while the man works outside the home. That isn't 17th century. It is 21st century for an enormous proportion of the entire world. There is great honor in my view in being the wife who does so, just as there is honor in the man pulling his weight. If you reverse the roles, the honor is exactly the same: both are dividing the responsibilities and contributing equally to the marriage.

I sense a lot of resentment here and this is an interesting clue:

who expects to be valued because of what she does, not because of who she is

Consider the adage "beauty is as beauty does" or any number of similar wise sayings from biblical proverbs to the present. Actions speak louder than words, etc. The entire point of who we are is what we do. You have a lot of contempt for household chores and making breakfast, yet brag about how your husband does that for you. So what does that say about how you view your husband? If this woman here does so, it makes her a 17th century submissive wife. So I guess that's what your husband is.

See, the whole problem here is denigrating what work someone does. We should not denigrate doing chores and making breakfast for someone. We ought to be grateful for it, and give praise to whoever is working regardless of the kind of work they are doing. The misandrists are the ones who speak so derisively about the traditional role of women as wives and mothers, not the men. So when you speak derisively of that work, you are a hypocrite to say it is good when a man does it and bad when a woman does it.

And what happens when you really are "insecure, crazy, imagining things, too suspicious or don't allow him time with his "friends"?

Never been any of those things.

I have NEVER dated a guy that bad mouthed his exes in any way. Cause you know, at some point we might be those exes we delight so much in trashing today.

I didn't bad-mouth any of my exes. Manipulative people do exactly this: when you say please don't sneeze in my face they pretend you asked them to wear a full body haz-mat suit around you: pretending you said something outrageous. So when you say to have self-respect the manipulator pretends you said to be a selfish greedy pig.

Nobody here has delighted in bad-mouthing exes so this "advice" is not even relevant.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Walls of text seem sometimes to speak of narcissism to me, as does a repeated trope about how one's spouse was a teenager at the nuptials.

But of course that's something a manipulator would say. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

[actob99 156]

NO Txting during dinner!!! Unless your fiancee is in the Phils, my boys and I are at the dinner table in the States, and they want to pass her the Taco's... Then 100% ok...

Sit him down and explain how you feel about it.. Maybe he is use to you texting during everything important as well and he doesn't realize it. I have always heard of the foreigner being mad about all the texting instead of the filipino/a being mad.... Times are changing...

[PMartin37 161]

He started fixing everything when I told him that I felt disrespected as a wife and when I told him I will leave him and go back to my country bcoz i dont feel like a wife ...Thanks

I'm really glad you stood up for yourself!! When you show YOURSELF the respect you deserve, then other people tend to follow, including your spouse. It also seems that your husband intends to make you happy based on the fact that he took ACTION (not just cheap talk) to correct the things about the insurance that concerned you. That shows he has potential to change on his part to make your marriage work.

[Hank_ 9,174]

No, he is the husband waking up to make me breakfast, he does all the house chores and gives me pleasure. What sort of justification is that? You aren't some submissive 17th century wife, whose whole life revolves around cooking and chores and who expects to be valued because of what she does, not because of who she is.

And the beneficiary should always be the children, sorry.

I do understand why it is disrespectful to you, and I agree to a degree that he should alter his behaviour, but you need to learn to get your rights in a more efficient manner.

Problem is, he has his EX as the beneficiary not the children. As for the children being the beneficiary, I don't agree unless its a policy just for them, otherwise his wife should be the beneficiary... wife always comes first.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Yes I understand that hope u also understand about his exwife... Is it okay with u that your husband exwife benefits all his insurances and your husband paying exwife car insurance? And u are the one who do everything, make him breakfast ,do laundry ,house chores, everything....i don't think so...

My husband doesn't have an ex-wife. Thanks!

[Peter_Pan 661]

Problem is, he has his EX as the beneficiary not the children. As for the children being the beneficiary, I don't agree unless its a policy just for them, otherwise his wife should be the beneficiary... wife always comes first.

Wow, completely disagree, children should always come first. Spouses may come and go, children are above them.

[Peter_Pan 661]

No, I don't. But I wonder about hypocrisy:

You mean like this:

Bragging about how much someone else serves you as if he were an indentured servant is a symptom of narcissism. What is absent here is any kind of reciprocity, which is the essential feature of my own marriage.

Whereas bragging about how you serve someone like an indentured servant is a symptom of a healthy self esteem? I especially dug the part about pleasuring him in bed, like that's a chore that the wife derrives no pleasure from.

There is also a huge degree of resentment apparent here for women who are quite happy to focus on the home and child-rearing while the man works outside the home. That isn't 17th century. It is 21st century for an enormous proportion of the entire world. There is great honor in my view in being the wife who does so, just as there is honor in the man pulling his weight. If you reverse the roles, the honor is exactly the same: both are dividing the responsibilities and contributing equally to the marriage.

Doing the dishes isn't focusing on the home, is constantly doing a repetitive chore that requires little to no brain. In the 21st century pulling your weight, as a woman, means smth else, not loading the dishwasher and doing the laundry. Like I said, a trained monkey can do that.

I sense a lot of resentment here and this is an interesting clue:

Consider the adage "beauty is as beauty does" or any number of similar wise sayings from biblical proverbs to the present. Actions speak louder than words, etc. The entire point of who we are is what we do. You have a lot of contempt for household chores and making breakfast, yet brag about how your husband does that for you. So what does that say about how you view your husband? If this woman here does so, it makes her a 17th century submissive wife. So I guess that's what your husband is.

No, I don't brag about my husband (techically fiance) doing that for me. I don't define him by that by no means either. He does breakfast, I do dinner, his life doesn't revolve around making breakfast for me, his identity isn't that of a maid.

See, the whole problem here is denigrating what work someone does. We should not denigrate doing chores and making breakfast for someone. We ought to be grateful for it, and give praise to whoever is working regardless of the kind of work they are doing. The misandrists are the ones who speak so derisively about the traditional role of women as wives and mothers, not the men. So when you speak derisively of that work, you are a hypocrite to say it is good when a man does it and bad when a woman does it.

Well, if your only worth is the ability to use a vacuum cleaner, a dishwasher and a laundry machine, then you aren't worth too much. Would I respect him if that was all he did? Hell to the naw!

I didn't bad-mouth any of my exes. Manipulative people do exactly this: when you say please don't sneeze in my face they pretend you asked them to wear a full body haz-mat suit around you: pretending you said something outrageous. So when you say to have self-respect the manipulator pretends you said to be a selfish greedy pig.

Nobody here has delighted in bad-mouthing exes so this "advice" is not even relevant.

You mean like you are doing right now?

Edited May 31, 2012 by Peter_Pan

[Caryh 5,206]

Wow, completely disagree, children should always come first. Spouses may come and go, children are above them.

Spouses do tend to come and go when you put others before them. Just an opinion, I'm not trying to offend, but offer another point of view. In my own view, making a great relationship with your spouse benefits your children. Going from spouse to spouse hurts your children, but so does staying in a bad relationship. My wife knows my wishes, she'll see my children are taken care of per my wishes if I should die. Even if they're not her children. I know this because I trust her and put her first.