Looking for advice from the Veteran VJ RUB Couples

[slim 1,523]

Slim:

I guess that counts me out.

Nooooooo... Come on man... Throw me a bone... I am sure you are kidding... I think I read alot of your old threads... You must be doing something right... still together after 6 yrs...

It's like a baby's arm.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Brad & Vika:

But if she feels very strongly about a situation or thing I tend to just be supportive and let her go with it. At first you will have do be more of a director, but as she gets used to things here you may find you don't need to.

Absolutely... we even talk about this, cuz I am the "experienced" one... yeah, right... I tell her that many things just aren't worth arguing over. Better to be happy than always right...

I gather this is because in her home culture, admissions and apologies can be seen as weakness, so compromising or admitting you are wrong mean you lose...

We have both seen eachother's personalities here when arguing... and have both had to admit we were wrong and are "Kakashka" sometimes... It's actually kinda cool, because neither were "too big" for this. She knows I won't dominate her and I will admit I'm wrong and apologize, but I don't take ####### either if I feel strongly about it... Interestingly enough, arguments came from misunderstandings that get inflated by Skype or just long distance. In the end, she knows how I feel about her and that I love her anyway, and she does also with me... After those times... you REALLY wish you could be with them in person... cuz you need more than words...

Durak maybe... never kakashka. Also, my wife tells me it is customary to play games with men before marraige. Make sure they are truly patient and get that THIS gal will not be dominated This tradition went so badly for us that she had to stop and explain to me what she was doing and why. Kind of defeating the purpose.

[titantom 2]

Durak maybe... never kakashka. Also, my wife tells me it is customary to play games with men before marraige. Make sure they are truly patient and get that THIS gal will not be dominated This tradition went so badly for us that she had to stop and explain to me what she was doing and why. Kind of defeating the purpose.

No Kakashka??? We use it in a humorous way... Which to me translates to "#######"... which I used already in English in the exact same way... Called my cats that, my daughter that, etc... Or said, "You are being a #######", in a joking way... She uses it the same way with me and her cat... It's funny that there are a few of those kinds of words that we use when kidding each other, and they already existed in our own vocabularies. Its so natural for us to play this way. In fact, the first time we met in person, it was as if we had been friends for years instead of 5 months. Even if we had not "hit it off" in other ways, I think we would have remained very good friends.

About the games... Interesting for you to mention this. She was quick to let me see "another side" of her (moods) and then watch my reaction. I think it took longer for me to let her see the same from me. She was also VERY interested to see me when I am mad and would ask me about it. She even mentioned it to my mom in a letter... Wanting see to how I am when angry. I wonder if she will tell me it was all a game later, after we are finally married, because I had wondered sometimes if she was forcing a way to see that side of me. Who knows... but you sure have my wheels turning now...

[slim 1,523]

I can't wait to see my wife's reaction next time she's mad and I tell her it's all a big game.

[mendeleev 68]

I can't wait to see my wife's reaction next time she's mad and I tell her it's all a big game.

Fuel + fire =

Could be entertaining ...

[Brad and Vika 129]

I can't wait to see my wife's reaction next time she's mad and I tell her it's all a big game.

Her game to play, mad or not Honestly all of that stopped way before we married. Like I said, I just didn't get it, so she had to keep explaining that it was supposed to be this way.... and eventually the results just didn't justify the effort (my story anyway).

[slim 1,523]

Fuel + fire =

Could be entertaining ...

My friends love my wife. "She's so..... um, well, she's not boring. And dude, you're totally not exaggerating on your posts."

[Hollyday 122]

Titanom, you've received a lot of pieces of advice here so i'll just add a tiny little bit on driving:

i'm in the same situation as your girlfriend in this regard: i never got a driving license in Russia, but while i'm considering getting it in the US, i think of taking some driving classes here, so the instructor can explain things to me in Russian and by the time i'd get there i'd just have to learn local rules but i'd already be able to drive. I think it might just be harder to do it from scratch there because i know almost nothing about car parts names in English and such. Just got to find a good instructor with some car with automatic transmission (is this the word for it?).

[Tanya and Barry 59]

I am the same way with the use of #######. I tell Tanya it is a 'term of endearment.' "Uh-huh," she says. "But my Lyobov---you are my Golden Kakashka." gets me nowhere...

[titantom 2]

I am the same way with the use of #######. I tell Tanya it is a 'term of endearment.' "Uh-huh," she says. "But my Lyobov---you are my Golden Kakashka." gets me nowhere...

Yeah Right!!! It is a term of endearment... We call each other this all the time, and a few other funny words like this... Actually she started it... not knowing it was so common for me and my family... so she fits in perfect... She is the Russian version of me... Same sarcastic humor and all... Something I find very interesting... She can explain the meaning of Russian words or sayings, using a limited English vocabulary, much better than I can when trying to explain an English word or phrase to her. How can this be when I am a native speaker? It's really amazing to me...

[titantom 2]

Yeah Right!!! It is a term of endearment... We call each other this all the time, and a few other funny words like this... Actually she started it... not knowing it was so common for me and my family... so she fits in perfect... She is the Russian version of me... Same sarcastic humor and all... Something I find very interesting... She can explain the meaning of Russian words or sayings, using a limited English vocabulary, much better than I can when trying to explain an English word or phrase to her. How can this be when I am a native speaker? It's really amazing to me...

Oh... Been wanting to ask this... Anyone here had any luck turning your wife onto Pro Football? Assuming you like it yourself... I have already told her that I sometimes become a slightly different person on Sundays at gametime... And she has been warned... she WILL be going to a game with me too this Fall...

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Oh... Been wanting to ask this... Anyone here had any luck turning your wife onto Pro Football? Assuming you like it yourself... I have already told her that I sometimes become a slightly different person on Sundays at gametime... And she has been warned... she WILL be going to a game with me too this Fall...

My wife caught onto the game quicker than anyone Iv'e seen. While watching her third or maybe fourth game with me she asked why didn't the QB dump it off the the TE who was wide open in the middle for a 1st down instead of holding on to it too long until he got sacked. That was during a Washington Huskie game. I have never loved my wife more than that moment right there. I'm a Seahawks fan but she likes the uniforms of the Saints so she pulls for them when their on the tube.

[mox 298]

Oh... Been wanting to ask this... Anyone here had any luck turning your wife onto Pro Football? Assuming you like it yourself... I have already told her that I sometimes become a slightly different person on Sundays at gametime... And she has been warned... she WILL be going to a game with me too this Fall...

Don't really like pro football myself (and my interest in college ball has been waning too), but we're both big hockey fans. Last season we bought season club level seats, and I think we're gonna keep 'em. There was no requirement to sell her on hockey though, it's a big enough sport in Russia that she liked it from the git-go, plus a lot of Russian players in the league, which she loves. So if your wife doesn't really get into football, my advice would be to find a sport you can both enjoy and run with it.

[MikeAndIryna 0]

Hi there, looks like you have lots of input & advise, but I thought I would add a little if it helps. We've been happily married for 7 years now. Like others, wished I would have done this long ago. We found what works well was at first, be patient - everything is new. I put stickers on everything in the house, from the spices, to the common household products and if the dog was any slower, would have labeled her too. We found subtitles on moves very helpful. It helps them sound out words they hear and a lot easier than the 26 CD set I bought. My wife still uses Skype at least twice a week to talk to her folks, we gave them a computer. For the longest time we relied on phone cards. Vonnage is great for Russia, UK friends etc. but doesn't cover Ukraine yet. We've had her parents here, twice, which is great because they can stay 90 days for the price of us going there for a week - and it's a vaca for them, especially if you plan it over winter.

We also celebrate a lot of their holidays with ours, so there is always a tie to her roots. Our daughter is so Americanized now (18) she has no clue what it was like there, but very happy and going to college. We do a lot together, from shopping, movies, going out for a beer/pizza to the kids stuff. Strangely, my wife still doesn't drive - and like someone said, if you survive that ordeal, you are a far better man than I. But, she doesn't mind me or our daughter taking her around. I think the key is patience, don't forget their roots, if you can stay in her country for any length in time - and see their culture, way of life and appreciate it what they go through, the better it will be long run for everyone. Don't hold it over their head, they know and remember and become the biggest patriots of our country I've seen. It's really cool if you can find a female friend who lives close by, so she can chat w/ them, have tea, exchange recipes etc. While we spoke nothing but Russian when they first got here, we seldom speak it now because she learned and wanted to.

We wish you good luck, don't worry about it so much, just don't forget why you two fell in love to begin with, work together and enjoy a long and happy life.

[mox 298]

I think the key is patience, don't forget their roots, if you can stay in her country for any length in time - and see their culture, way of life and appreciate it what they go through, the better it will be long run for everyone.

This is great advice, and so true. You didn't just marry a woman, you married--at least partly--into her culture, just as she married into yours. Ignore that at your peril.

It's really cool if you can find a female friend who lives close by, so she can chat w/ them, have tea, exchange recipes etc.

I'd caution not to push this though. My wife didn't care much about meeting up with other Russians. As she put it, "if you lived in my country, would you become friends with somebody just because they're American and speak your language?" We've made friends with some Russians, but not because we actively sought them out. It just sorta happened. (and one couple we met here on VJ)