going to pursue CR-1, live with him abroad (not in his home country). how will this affect the visa process

[pushbrk 12,824]

I made a mistake with a guy I met online and filed a I-129F for him (thankfully broke up soon after the NOA2); he wasn't scamming me but I was sure I was "in love" with this guy I spent with in totality of our relationship no more than two months. I was also 20. Granted it wasn't from a high fraud consulate, but I'm saying, being young makes you not see things how you should. I was also talking about marrying this guy before I ever met him. Quite ashamed of it now that I look back.

I made a wonderful decision after meaning a fantastic woman online. I'm not ashamed we not only talked about marriage before meeting in person but actually made our decision to marry prior to meeting. We were married the day after I arrived in China to meet her because I arrived too late in the day to marry the first day. I was NOT 20 and already had lots of life experiences including two divorces. Looking back, I'm proud of how we did things.

All that said, these are personal decisions nobody can make but the couple. If it were my 20 year old daughter, I would think about this differently than for myself. I hope she's seeking the counsel of her parents and listening to them as well as to the wise counsel she's getting here.

[Ontarkie 14,193]

Removed 1 post and one quoting it. Please do not stereo type.

[AmyWrites 593]

I made a wonderful decision after meaning a fantastic woman online. I'm not ashamed we not only talked about marriage before meeting in person but actually made our decision to marry prior to meeting. We were married the day after I arrived in China to meet her because I arrived too late in the day to marry the first day. I was NOT 20 and already had lots of life experiences including two divorces. Looking back, I'm proud of how we did things.

All that said, these are personal decisions nobody can make but the couple. If it were my 20 year old daughter, I would think about this differently than for myself. I hope she's seeking the counsel of her parents and listening to them as well as to the wise counsel she's getting here.

I'm not attacking meeting online, heck I think given that you're forced to only talk in online relationships, they might have a better foundation. It's the young factor I was referring to.

[pushbrk 12,824]

I'm not attacking meeting online, heck I think given that you're forced to only talk in online relationships, they might have a better foundation. It's the young factor I was referring to.

Never thought you were attacking. Maybe it's the young factor or just the general tendency to exaggerate nowadays but I never thought you were attacking. I just provided a counterpoint to what you wrote. Just as you pointed out, you weren't dealing with a high fraud Consulate, I pointed out I wasn't 20. The point is that the totality of circumstances matter, not just one factor, unless that one factor is a deal killer. For instance if marriage prior to meeting parents is out of the question then that's a deal killer to marrying abroad unless the parents do the traveling.

[Sarah Grace 1]

The thing is that, even with one visit, your chances of getting a K1 approved, especially considering how you met, are very low. If you really think this guy has feelings for you, tell him you have to (because you haven't met yet and you should ideally see each other more than twice for Lagos) wait until you have more evidence and a longer relationship.

And when he pulls a vanishing act on you because of that, then you'll see what everyone here has been trying to warn you about.

Mike and I have a lot to discuss when I visit him. I'll make sure we talk about the evidence issue. Personally, I'm willing to wait in order to gather evidence ... or otherwise make a good case for us. Our issue right now is meeting. I think Mike will he fine with putting off the visa until later, so long as we still get to see each other. I will pose some questions when he comes online next.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

So everyone that isn't Nigerian sees the word and they brains go into scam overdrive. They are usually every well intended but they actually have very little effect on the relationship. Scammers still succeed and many a legit relationship falls to a USC that becomes convinved that she is being scammed.

Any time you are dating someone from a high fraud country it is a good practice to go slowly. Some people from these places are the sweetest most honest people in the world. However there are some that will sell their parents for a way to get out of the country. Every relationship will have issues with the differences in cultures as I hinted at in my earlier post.

As part of learning I suggest you go to the yahoo site romance scams and read a little. You will see how tens of thousands of people have become convinced they are madly in love with a dream and send huge sums of money to strangers that promise them the world. I would just lurk and read if I were you as they will try their best to de program you and get you to run away from everything Nigerian.

Read the books "I do not come to you by chance" and "A culture of corruption" You should be able to find both used on Amazon or Ebay

Do NOT marry on your first trip. It doesn't look good immigration wise and you will be swept up in a huge bunch of emotions and need time to digest everything you will experience.

[Sarah Grace 1]

So everyone that isn't Nigerian sees the word and they brains go into scam overdrive. They are usually every well intended but they actually have very little effect on the relationship. Scammers still succeed and many a legit relationship falls to a USC that becomes convinved that she is being scammed.

Any time you are dating someone from a high fraud country it is a good practice to go slowly. Some people from these places are the sweetest most honest people in the world. However there are some that will sell their parents for a way to get out of the country. Every relationship will have issues with the differences in cultures as I hinted at in my earlier post.

As part of learning I suggest you go to the yahoo site romance scams and read a little. You will see how tens of thousands of people have become convinced they are madly in love with a dream and send huge sums of money to strangers that promise them the world. I would just lurk and read if I were you as they will try their best to de program you and get you to run away from everything Nigerian.

Read the books "I do not come to you by chance" and "A culture of corruption" You should be able to find both used on Amazon or Ebay

Do NOT marry on your first trip. It doesn't look good immigration wise and you will be swept up in a huge bunch of emotions and need time to digest everything you will experience.

Thanks, that's the best bit of advice I've gotten

[Darnell 8,478]

So everyone that isn't Nigerian sees the word and they brains go into scam overdrive.

You have a point, many rush in with labels.

I do have a sticky bit, alas.

He's in SA on a tourist visa, trying to get a work permit.

These are exceptionally hard to get without a real job. With a real employer.

I sense something is really amiss with his presence in SA.

Let's see what falls out of the woodwork, later?

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

You have a point, many rush in with labels.

I do have a sticky bit, alas.

He's in SA on a tourist visa, trying to get a work permit.

These are exceptionally hard to get without a real job. With a real employer.

I sense something is really amiss with his presence in SA.

Let's see what falls out of the woodwork, later?

He can easy get there with no visa which is good for a couple of months ( like VWP entry here ) many overstay and try the classic Nigerian method of spreading cash to overcome their issues. He is probably in an overstay and it isn't going to fix itself. He will end up interviewing in Nigeria.

[pushbrk 12,824]

He can easy get there with no visa which is good for a couple of months ( like VWP entry here ) many overstay and try the classic Nigerian method of spreading cash to overcome their issues. He is probably in an overstay and it isn't going to fix itself. He will end up interviewing in Nigeria.

Making the whole original idea of living in SA together as husband and wife sound pretty fishy from the get go. We're going full circle here. Liars do that. They start with a story that seems believable on the surface, when heard by those with little knowledge of the subject matter. Prime targets for this kind of scam are those with no international travel experience. It's the life experience of the members here that possibly jades us against any likely genuine relationship here. Move forward carefully. When a liar needs to change their story or plan, it's common to make it sound like they are being magnanimous or bowing to some perceived need of their victim(s). It's like water flowing down the hill, it takes any path to get to the end of the row. (bottom of the hill) Farming metaphor.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Unfortunately telling her to not like this guy probably just makes her like him more.

[Ben and Jill 37]

I made a wonderful decision after meaning a fantastic woman online. I'm not ashamed we not only talked about marriage before meeting in person but actually made our decision to marry prior to meeting. We were married the day after I arrived in China to meet her because I arrived too late in the day to marry the first day. I was NOT 20 and already had lots of life experiences including two divorces. Looking back, I'm proud of how we did things.

All that said, these are personal decisions nobody can make but the couple. If it were my 20 year old daughter, I would think about this differently than for myself. I hope she's seeking the counsel of her parents and listening to them as well as to the wise counsel she's getting here.

I wasn't going to reply to this thread, but after reading Pushbrk's post...I had to. This is wonderful to hear Pushbrk...I completely and totally agree with "these are personal decisions that nobody can make but the couple". We can all very easily judge this from an outside perspective...but, only the couple can and will do what they feel works for them regardless of anyone else's opinion. Ben and I discussed marriage sight unseen long before we even met as well, and I am in no way ashamed of any of that. The only reason we didn't marry on my first initial visit to Kenya was because we had done our research and realized that it would have raised a red flag at the Nairobi Embassy. Had it not been for that, I would have married Ben on my first visit, and I say that with the utmost conviction, honor, and grace. I am not 20 years old, and Ben isn't from Nigeria, and we can provide some guidance and wisdom to Sarah Grace, but in the end she and Mike will do whatever they do and that's that.

[attaya_girl 1]

I haven't read through this entire thread, but I would urge you to be careful. I have been with my husband for four years. We are very happily married and have a beautiful son together. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I lived in Senegal with my husband for five months before we got engaged. We met, got engaged, and married within 15 months. That's fast. He's the love of my life, but there was a a lot of heartache we could have avoided if we had just slowed down a bit. Please don't be in a hurry to get married. I know it is completely unimaginable right now, but five years from now, it won't seem like such a long time. If you two are going to be spending your lives together, I would just urge you to spend more time with him in his country. Get to know his family. Get to know his culture. Really know his culture. Cause even after five months of living in Dakar with my husband, there are still surprises. Just take your time. I know it's difficult, but it's not so long in the grand scheme of things.

[attaya_girl 1]

If your parents want to meet your future husband in person before you marry, they'll be wise to plan a trip to Africa. Short of that, they will probably ultimately decide to scrap that priority.

This. My family flew to Senegal to meet husband while we were still dating. It will also help your parents have at least a little bit of an understanding of his culutre in the years to come as well. Great idea for multiple reasons.

[Bule&Cantik 8]

some people are "glossing over" the fact that this "guy" is not in his own country. He cannot legally work in SA. he is "looking to get a permit to work there".

this is not a truthful individual. He , at best , is committing visa fraud in SA.

The relationship with the USC may or may not be legit, but he is off to a fantastic start, by scamming the SA immigration folks. Cause they (SA) wouldn't have given him a tourist visa, if he intended to work there.....

Edited May 17, 2012 by Bule&Cantik