Moving to Turkey.... I need advise

[evelyn1140 18]

My husband is in administrative processing in Ankara. He has been in AP for 1 month. 1 week before my husband started telling me he wanted me to move to turkey until the process finished. Today, we had a big argument because he want me to move there right away. I been telling him I need to speak with my boss ( I have work) and my apartment. I told him if he could wait until April since I have vacation then I can go to turkey. I don't want to leave everything behind and then start all over again. (since jobs are difficult to find)

He said to me he does not care about my job or apartment. He wants me there, he said to me. I want to have a marriage life. However I feel so bad to leave my job, my apartment and my son( he is 16). He does not understand me. I don't know what else to do. God why they don't hurry and finished this process. I am in tears writing this :crying: :crying:

[together4evr 360]

Evelyn, You must try to explain to him that you are securing your future in the usa by having a job and a place to live.

Please tell him that probably 85% of cases are done with AP by 2 months

Tell him to just hang on a little longer

Make your vacation in April... but he will probably be done in less than a month

Make sure your plane ticket can transfer to his name for his flight home!

[TimeTravel 78]

Sorry to hear that!

Please assure him that you really care him, and April is not that far either. I hope that this AP will be over soon for you guys.

Dont worry! Things will be fine! Please don't make instant plan since you have alot of responsibilities.

[evelyn1140 18]

Evelyn, You must try to explain to him that you are securing your future in the usa by having a job and a place to live.

Please tell him that probably 85% of cases are done with AP by 2 months

Tell him to just hang on a little longer

Make your vacation in April... but he will probably be done in less than a month

Make sure your plane ticket can transfer to his name for his flight home!

I am being trying to explain to him. He is telling, He is getting sick physically because of the stress of having me here. I will pray to God give me the strength.I don't want to lose him.

[bigdog 376]

Have him share his woes here on VJ and see others in the same, boat. He will get through this, keep your job and apt. Visit on vacation, hang in there.

[Grant PDX 183]

I always try to remember "If you have a short term problem, you don't need a long term solution" AP is temporary, but your job, home and son are long term. Keep the goal in sight.

[Moomin 292]

How would your son feel about you moving? Is your husband aware of your responsibility when it comes to being a mother? I'm the alien, and would've never asked my husband to move away from his son unless his son was living on his own and it was a mutual decision.

[evelyn1140 18]

How would your son feel about you moving? Is your husband aware of your responsibility when it comes to being a mother? I'm the alien, and would've never asked my husband to move away from his son unless his son was living on his own and it was a mutual decision.

My son lives with my mother(2 blocks away)from where I live. I told my husband about it he said since I barely see him ( usually I see him once a week) It would not be a problem. I am so heartbroken

[Moomin 292]

My own personal opinion is that your husband needs you because he misses you. But he has to add your son to the equation no matter how often or rare you see him now. Moving now, then re-locating yourself later on and adding your husband to it is really something I'd think twice about to not add that extra stress unless it's an absolute necessity to move. Before that, a vacation seems to be most logical to at least make up for lost time and just being stuck in a process. I haven't been in AP myself but I understand it's hard on the beneficiary to not know if they'll have to up and leave in a week or half a year.

[Dumb/Dumber 61]

My husband is in administrative processing in Ankara. He has been in AP for 1 month. 1 week before my husband started telling me he wanted me to move to turkey until the process finished. Today, we had a big argument because he want me to move there right away. I been telling him I need to speak with my boss ( I have work) and my apartment. I told him if he could wait until April since I have vacation then I can go to turkey. I don't want to leave everything behind and then start all over again. (since jobs are difficult to find)

He said to me he does not care about my job or apartment. He wants me there, he said to me. I want to have a marriage life. However I feel so bad to leave my job, my apartment and my son( he is 16). He does not understand me. I don't know what else to do. God why they don't hurry and finished this process. I am in tears writing this :crying: :crying:

Sweet Evelyn, I have been ın your shoes and I dıd quıt my job and come to Turkey to stay wıth my husband untıl we got the vısa. It was a terrıble mıstake and my husband now agrees wıth me that ıt was a mıstake. He also dıd not care about my job or my house, but he has grown up ın the past year and a half and he now realızes that I would never make ıt ın Turkey and the marrıage would probably end because I was so bored and lost ın Turkey. I love vısıtıng here, but we have a better future ın Amerıca.

You know ın your heart that ıf your husband truly loves you, he wıll hang ın there a lıttle longer. I do not belıeve thıs AP wıll last much longer. He wıll hear somethıng any day now.

Please gırl, lead wıth your braın thıs tıme, not your heart. Remember I already dıd what you are about to do. I know how you feel.

Edited March 14, 2012 by Dumb/Dumber

[Darnell 8,478]

AP only 1 month? I say re-evaluate any decision to move to Turkey, after being in AP for 10 months.

Don't make the decision today, or this week, or the next, to move to Turkey.

He feels (rightly) that his life is on hold without you by his side - but he's shortsided, for the nonce.

Sure, make your planned, scheduled vacation trip in April, but only for a visit.

The end game - him to move to USA and live with you - will be short-circuited, put to an end,

if you lose your job and apartment after moving to Turkey for more than 4 months.

IMO, this 'trial' of AP will test the mettle of your relationship, much. Just because 'he says' is not a reason to jump, IMO,

unless you've got 100K in liquid assets to play with.