he cheated, i want out

[NY_BX 397]

our entire relationship is built on lies, he is a master deceiver, a mega cheater and/or i am just naive...whatever the case...i just cant go through this. i need to end it before its too late. how?

i always suspected, i had reason too but mostly i just had a gut feeling. i would ask him and we would fight and finally, i know the absolute truth. even with evidence he denies it all...

i dont need sympathy, i need advice. i need to know hwo to end this with teh shred of dignity i have left...ok, now im a liar, my dignity is long time gone.

Ive never ended a relationship, in fact, ive never had a relationship. ive always been very cautious...now what?

advice?

ARGH! I'm so mad that ####### like this continues to happen to well-intentioned people! You petition for him and look what he does.... luckily for you, you'll have the last laugh.

I do not mean to be intrusive, but I read on another thread where you noted you're older than him and your chances of child-bearing are diminishing, correct?

If this is correct information, I regret to inform you that you may be the statistic; the streotypical victim of immigration fraud. Now, note that I say "may." Since you're clear he cheated at least 6 times, if not more, this sheds a light on the common behavioral traits of a scammer:

He romances an older woman outside of child bearing age, or almost unable to reproduce.

He promises the world and eternal love.

She petitions for him.

He arrives and marries.

She helps him adjust status up until removal of conditions.

Shortly thereafter he divorces or abandons her.

In exteme cases, he then petitions his "real wife" once he becomes a citizen. Meaning, he had a real love all along while he had a wife in the US. Even worse, at times, the whole family is in on the scam!

I'm not saying this is your case whatsoever. However, if he cheated and was dumb enough to not cover his tracks, I wouldn't be surprised if these were his plans. My advice: gather your evidence, remove the petition, email him short and sweet letting him know is over and you cancelled the petition, shake the dust of your sholder and move on. It's HIS LOSS!

Edited March 5, 2012 by NY_BX

[SaharaSunset 165]

will he be notified that i terminated teh petition?

Ive been trying very hard to be forgiving and walking around with a smile on my face. he has no idea i want out. at this point i can easily ignore his calls and emails, but i want him to know i quit. not because im cruel, but because...actually i dont know. i sound like a nut...geez

yes i know how to cancel the petition. i am asking for personal advice on how to end this. im ata complete loss...email? text? just ignore him?

I think you should email him. Ignoring someone you love(d) is a VERY temporary solution. You need to express yourself, even if its just one last time. If you call him, you give him the chance to beg and plead and tell you he loves you and possibly talk you out of it. PLEASE DO NOT BE TALKED OUT OF ENDING IT! A healthy relationship should be built on trust and love and selflessness. His actions have proved him to be selfish and not trustworthy. If this is your first love, it probably will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, even if the facts are screaming in your face. But you know deep inside that its time to end it. Here's my advice...in this order...

1st- Cancel the K-1 petition. Do this BEFORE you tell him. That way it's done and there's no going back.

2nd - THEN Email him. Take your time when you write it and be sure to say everything you want to say. This will help with the closure part of it.

3rd - Do not answer or return his calls. He can correspond via email just fine. With emails you have time to think before you make an emotional decision. Phone calls are dangerous if you are really trying to move on.

4th - Don't blame yourself. Cheating men love to blame everything and one but themselves, and the reality is, it is 100% their problem.

Finally, just know as many have said, every human deserves real, genuine, honest, love - even you. I don't know you, but I don't need to, to tell you that the red flags of your relationship are flying at full mast...and tough as it feels now, if you act now, you will save yourself years are heartache and pain. Best wishes to you.

[X Factor 1,111]

It's HIS LOSS!

Absolutely his losss. And you too will be going through a grieving process with emotional ups and downs but be strong and it will pass.

[Laveau 67]

I think you should email him. Ignoring someone you love(d) is a VERY temporary solution. You need to express yourself, even if its just one last time. If you call him, you give him the chance to beg and plead and tell you he loves you and possibly talk you out of it. PLEASE DO NOT BE TALKED OUT OF ENDING IT! A healthy relationship should be built on trust and love and selflessness. His actions have proved him to be selfish and not trustworthy. If this is your first love, it probably will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, even if the facts are screaming in your face. But you know deep inside that its time to end it. Here's my advice...in this order...

1st- Cancel the K-1 petition. Do this BEFORE you tell him. That way it's done and there's no going back.

2nd - THEN Email him. Take your time when you write it and be sure to say everything you want to say. This will help with the closure part of it.

3rd - Do not answer or return his calls. He can correspond via email just fine. With emails you have time to think before you make an emotional decision. Phone calls are dangerous if you are really trying to move on.

4th - Don't blame yourself. Cheating men love to blame everything and one but themselves, and the reality is, it is 100% their problem.

Finally, just know as many have said, every human deserves real, genuine, honest, love - even you. I don't know you, but I don't need to, to tell you that the red flags of your relationship are flying at full mast...and tough as it feels now, if you act now, you will save yourself years are heartache and pain. Best wishes to you.

In regards to #3 - If you decide to email him then BLOCK HIS EMAIL(S), his messengers, AND change your number afterwards. Any reply, whether it be by email or telephone can be "dangerous".

How did you find out about the cheating?

Edited March 5, 2012 by Shal

[SaharaSunset 165]

In regards to #3 - If you decide to email him then BLOCK HIS EMAIL(S), his messengers, AND change your number afterwards. Any reply, whether it be by email or telephone can be "dangerous".

How did you find out about the cheating?

Shal, I absolutely agree - very good idea. I was just thinkin if she was curious to hear his reply...but really there is no need. All he would do is deny or accuse, or try to reconcile...and that ship (hopefully) has sailed. Block his email too. Very wise.

[tru_loves_journey 117]

Really, 6 women! That's just nasty! Take the pleasure of calling him and letting him know that you know he's a cheater and tell him it's a done deal.There's no hope with a man that cheats, move on with your life now while you can. I'm sure a better man will come into your life, never allow yourself to be treated with such disrespect. Keep smiling the jokes on him dear.

[Laveau 67]

Shal, I absolutely agree - very good idea. I was just thinkin if she was curious to hear his reply...but really there is no need. All he would do is deny or accuse, or try to reconcile...and that ship (hopefully) has sailed. Block his email too. Very wise.

But through a devastating break up. No contact is the only way to go if you are serious about healing yourself.

[solonow 0]

not that it matters too much at all, but i did he said "ok", just "ok"

so thank you all for yoru advice and support and i wish you all the very best. i regret that my petition for k1 may have delayed any legitimate application.

Thanks

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

sorry for your situation

way BETTER now then later if that can feel like any consulation

[NY_BX 397]

not that it matters too much at all, but i did he said "ok", just "ok"

so thank you all for yoru advice and support and i wish you all the very best. i regret that my petition for k1 may have delayed any legitimate application.

Thanks

You did talk to him? He said, ok? Girl, let him rot. God has something way better for you!

[True Love at Last 15]

If his only response was "ok" then you know that he didn't care from the beginning.

I'm truly sorry that this guy decided to do this to you and I hope that you can move on and begin to trust again one day. All men are not like him and many Egyptians would be appalled by his actions.

Best of luck to you

Edited March 6, 2012 by True Love at Last

[NY_BX 397]

If his only response was "ok" then you know that he didn't care from the beginning.

I'm truly sorry that this guy decided to do this to you and I hope that you can move on and begin to trust again one day. All men are not like him and many Egyptians would be appalled by his actions.

Best of luck to you

not only Egyptians, but true good humans!

[Lisamarie 79]

I'm very sorry for you, but I'm glad you found out now, before you brought him here. It's much easier now, just cancel the petition and break "all" ties with him. Take care.

not that it matters too much at all, but i did he said "ok", just "ok"

so thank you all for yoru advice and support and i wish you all the very best. i regret that my petition for k1 may have delayed any legitimate application.

Thanks

[And_Sam 44]

I'm so sorry that he put you through this. How does one ever go through a break up, let alone one that is clear across the ocean? With time. Right now I am sure you are reeling from the whole cheating part. You are feeling the pain of knowing someone that you put your trust and love into has done the worse thing that anyone could do. Betrayal. Have comfort knowing that as much pain you are feeling now will turn to anger. And with this you will make it through. Just know that not all men are like this. At one time, I was in that same position that you are now. It was devastating for me. It took me awhile but I finally learned how to trust and love again. You will see, when the right man comes along for you, you will be ready. Good luck with everything.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]