Think Really Hard Before Marrying Someone from MENA

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Thank you for sharing your story. That must have been so hard on you two. It is nice to hear that you two have made it through that tough patch, because that is a big deal to decide to not have children after you thought you would. Hubby and I decided we would not raise our kids under any religion name, but to raise them with a faith in God. He was adamant about them speaking arabic, which I agreed with. Sometimes I do wonder if when that child is actually here, he will change his mind and want to raise them strictly Muslim. I am not opposed to that, as I am "labeled" a Christian, but really, I am not into organized religion. I just hope my child will at least believe in God, but even then, I can't control what my children will decide when they are adults. In the end, I hope that our love and respect will continue to grow with anything that life throws at us. Just have to take it one day at a time.

Part of his argument is that because he is a doctor and will be practicing here he won't get to see the children much under training during residency. That I will be responsible for teaching them their prayers and making sure that they can speak the language and at the time he pointed out I can't even speak the language so how would I know what they're saying. We knew this years ago but then when faced with the reality it hits home and things become more defined. I understand his point but I don't think it's fair to me because I'm part of this too and it's taken away something really important.

He has said how you raise children in the MENA culture is one of the most important things parents will ever do. He takes it very seriously. He's very concerned about their souls and the hereafter. I didn't really understand that aspect of it before until recently when he started telling me how concerned he is for my soul. He cares about me very much and is so worried where I will go in the after life. He didn't talk like this before but I think since he's entered his 30's and is getting grey hairs and pulling grey hairs out of my head when he sees them he realizes we're aging. I mean we are growing old together. He relates it to me being worried about his driving. If I knew he was doing something risky like driving without a licenses wouldn't I worry about the consequences of that? I get his point and understand that because of his belief system he's worried about me not being religious and who I will answer to when I die and this is intensified by his love for me and caring about me and what happens to me. It comes from a good place and isn't a push for converting or forcing me to do anything against my will. I have my own beliefs but I have to wonder if I was a practicing christian would he still be as worried or would I see this more as a push for converting to his religion?

Edited March 4, 2012 by ॐ

[tany1157 161]

Part of his argument is that because he is a doctor and will be practicing here he won't get to see the children much under training during residency. That I will be responsible for teaching them their prayers and making sure that they can speak the language and at the time he pointed out I can't even speak the language so how would I know what they're saying. We knew this years ago but then when faced with the reality it hits home and things become more defined. I understand his point but I don't think it's fair to me because I'm part of this too and it's taken away something really important.

He has said how you raise children in the MENA culture is one of the most important things parents will ever do. He takes it very seriously. He's very concerned about their souls and the hereafter. I didn't really understand that aspect of it before until recently when he started telling me how concerned he is for my soul. He cares about me very much and is so worried where I will go in the after life. He didn't talk like this before but I think since he's entered his 30's and is getting grey hairs and pulling grey hairs out of my head when he sees them he realizes we're aging. I mean we are growing old together. He relates it to me being worried about his driving. If I knew he was doing something risky like driving without a licenses wouldn't I worry about the consequences of that? I get his point and understand that because of his belief system he's worried about me not being religious and who I will answer to when I die and this is intensified by his love for me and caring about me and what happens to me. It comes from a good place and isn't a push for converting or forcing me to do anything against my will. I have my own beliefs but I have to wonder if I was a practicing christian would he still be as worried or would I see this more as a push for converting to his religion?

Getting older does get you thinking about the after life. I had a dream about my own death when I was 20, and it scared the living you know what out of me. After 2 years, I realized that dream was destroying my life. I was so terrified of dying, that I wasn't living. I have since gotten over that. It doesn't mean that I don't still think about it, because I do. Especially now that I am a mom. Sometimes I look at my son, and will cry because I hope to never, ever experience his death in my life time. My husband understands I am really sensitive about this stuff, so he just reminds me that everyone will die eventually, but that is why it's so important to do good in this life. We are simple people, and pray that we can have a simple life. You will be in my prayers. Your husband sounds like he has good intentions, as do you. I hope life takes you where you want to be

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Getting older does get you thinking about the after life. I had a dream about my own death when I was 20, and it scared the living you know what out of me. After 2 years, I realized that dream was destroying my life. I was so terrified of dying, that I wasn't living. I have since gotten over that. It doesn't mean that I don't still think about it, because I do. Especially now that I am a mom. Sometimes I look at my son, and will cry because I hope to never, ever experience his death in my life time. My husband understands I am really sensitive about this stuff, so he just reminds me that everyone will die eventually, but that is why it's so important to do good in this life. We are simple people, and pray that we can have a simple life. You will be in my prayers. Your husband sounds like he has good intentions, as do you. I hope life takes you where you want to be

Thanks for the prayers. I've said this on here and I'll say it again. I wouldn't convert unless it was out of the sincerity of my heart. I have to believe in something to be able to do it. I wouldn't convert just to have kids with the man I love. And I wouldn't have married him if I didn't believe it was love between us. I also believe people have the right to practice what they believe unless it is hurting someone else. So his religion is not an issue for me per say as much as my non-practicing of one of the three accepted religions is for him in regards to the care of my soul. He has said while children are very important that even if we couldn't have children he'd still rather have me then all the children in the world.

Edited March 4, 2012 by ॐ

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

Thanks for the prayers. I've said this on here and I'll say it again. I wouldn't convert unless it was out of the sincerity of my heart. I have to believe in something to be able to do it. I wouldn't convert just to have kids with the man I love. And I wouldn't have married him if I didn't believe it was love between us. I also believe people have the right to practice what they believe unless it is hurting someone else. So his religion is not an issue for me per say as much as my non-practicing of one of the three accepted religions is for him in regards to the care of my soul. He has said while children are very important that even if we couldn't have children he'd still rather have me then all the children in the world.

Thank you for sharing. I really see you both have wonderful love and respect towards each other.

[momof1 205]

This morning my husband and I were looking at our wedding pictures. Oh how 10 years and two children can age you. This past year I turned 30 and he turned 40. A few weeks ago he said I looked 25 and I fell in love with him all over again lmao!!!

[tany1157 161]

Thanks for the prayers. I've said this on here and I'll say it again. I wouldn't convert unless it was out of the sincerity of my heart. I have to believe in something to be able to do it. I wouldn't convert just to have kids with the man I love. And I wouldn't have married him if I didn't believe it was love between us. I also believe people have the right to practice what they believe unless it is hurting someone else. So his religion is not an issue for me per say as much as my non-practicing of one of the three accepted religions is for him in regards to the care of my soul. He has said while children are very important that even if we couldn't have children he'd still rather have me then all the children in the world.

I agree. I would NEVER convert to anything unless it was something I felt was necessary in my heart. I was adamant about converting as well. I told him if he expected me to ever convert, that he would be disappointed. Organized religion makes me crazy. I respect his religion, as he has shown me the beauty of it, but I could never see myself practicing it. I try to do good, and be good. It is important to both of us that we both believe in God, otherwise we wouldn't be together. I am happy to hear you will do what is in your heart. I know too many people who change things just for their SO. I say, if my husband wanted "this or that", then he should have married that. He married me, and he married me just the way I am, and I married him for who he is. And about the bolded comment... (L)

Edited March 4, 2012 by tany1157

[tany1157 161]

This morning my husband and I were looking at our wedding pictures. Oh how 10 years and two children can age you. This past year I turned 30 and he turned 40. A few weeks ago he said I looked 25 and I fell in love with him all over again lmao!!!

What a doll! Glad to hear you are still happy together!

[Mithra 1,185]

In regards to half mena kids growing up here - I have two teenage sons who are half arab/muslim. I don't feel they are any less well mannered, well behaved, religion minded as any full arab/muslim kids. They speak arabic because their father took the time to teach them and expose them to arab speakers. He's a busy man who works 12hr days. Being busy isn't a good excuse imo. As far as behavior, they are more well behaved and well mannered than any of the full arab kids I know. Not saying full arab/gmuslim kids are bad. Just saying religiousness of the parent doesn't guarantee a good kid. Actually the worst behaved kid my sons know is the Imam's son who sneaks peeks at Playboys and chit chats and laughs during prayers.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

My hubby (Moroccan) and I have an age difference of 21 years and no kids, but we're still together after 10 years. We had our 6 years wedding anniversary last month.

Sorry about Debbie and all the other couples that don't make it

Actually, let me say, it is a MENA warning - when I look at my friends who are married to MENA dudes, the only ones that seemed to have worked out are the ones where the couples are similar in age and are able to bear children. I only know of one couple on here that had an age difference but are still together. I remember Debbie and her posts, I thought she and her husband would make it - and here we are, another scammer.

And yes, Americans get divorced all the time, however, some poor chick doesn't have to spend thousands of dollars on the front end to bring her dude over here.

Please know, I'm not against immigration and foreign relationships. I have many friends with great relationships with their MENA dudes, but they are in an exclusive group. So yes, when it comes to those red flags take them seriously. Not every guy is an azzhole, but ask yourself this question: if you don't have men beating down your doors in the US, what makes you think they're going to beat down your doors from afar without something to benefit them?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I'm always amazed when people throw out the story of Khadijah being the shining example of why older women should marry younger men in Islam. However, it is always conveniently forgotten or omitted that the Prophet's (PBUH) favorite wife was the child bride Aisha. He married her when Khadijah died.

No, Khadijah was his favorite wife. Aisha was the favorite of his multiple wives but she was not his favorite of all of them. That was Khadijah. Even Aisha was jealous of her.

[Staashi 371]

My hubby (Moroccan) and I have an age difference of 21 years and no kids, but we're still together after 10 years. We had our 6 years wedding anniversary last month.

Sorry about Debbie and all the other couples that don't make it

Sofiyya, you were the one I was referring to.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Sofiyya, you were the one I was referring to.

Bless your heart, Staashi. It's nice to know you were thinking about us. In a way, though, I was hoping you were referring to another long-time OW/YM MENA couple we lost track of. I understand she was rather popular on FB. I hope they're still together and happy, too, insha'allah.

[Staashi 371]

Bless your heart, Staashi. It's nice to know you were thinking about us. In a way, though, I was hoping you were referring to another long-time OW/YM MENA couple we lost track of. I understand she was rather popular on FB. I hope they're still together and happy, too, insha'allah.

I don't know to whom you're referring. But at the end of the day, here's hoping that success is out there for others.

[momof1 205]

Meriem_dz seems to be doing well in that category.

Edited March 5, 2012 by momof1

[Staashi 371]

That is true...WTG, Meriem!

That is true...WTG, Meriem!

That is true...WTG, Meriem!