Father's permission for child to emigrate

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

The only real situation I could see this being a viable option in, is if the father is nothing more than a sperm donor, and he brings it up first. Otherwise, it's despicable.

You lost me. The only time "what" is a viable option? Bluffing? Or paying money?

In my opinion bluffing is not an option ever. That leaves little else but payment of some sort. It is not like his interest which was non existant for years, is truly in the children. Suddenly he becomes interested because there may be something in it for him. His ex wife is "getting something, so should he" and those exact words were spoken. Something like "WOW you and the children will be rich Americans and what will I get?"

Trying to appeal to his interest in the future of the children is fairly well a lost cause. FWIW he has never called, sent a card, or even spent time with them in Ukraine when we visit. And I know Alla has made him aware of the boys phone numbers, address, etc and always makes contact with him before we visit. No interest at all.

[spectec 12]

The only real situation I could see this being a viable option in, is if the father is nothing more than a sperm donor, and he brings it up first. Otherwise, it's despicable.

Mox you believe this even if it was to allow the child to have a good life and a father figure who actually cared for him neither of which the real father ever did. I see this as a mother doing whats best for her and her child.

[mox 298]

You lost me. The only time "what" is a viable option? Bluffing? Or paying money?

Paying money.

Trying to appeal to his interest in the future of the children is fairly well a lost cause. FWIW he has never called, sent a card, or even spent time with them in Ukraine when we visit. And I know Alla has made him aware of the boys phone numbers, address, etc and always makes contact with him before we visit. No interest at all.

Sounds like he meets my "sperm donor" criteria then.

Mox you believe this even if it was to allow the child to have a good life and a father figure who actually cared for him neither of which the real father ever did. I see this as a mother doing whats best for her and her child.

As I said, if the father's just a father in biological terms only, and if he's really ok with just making a few bucks off the situation, then whatever. I still think it's distasteful, but I also understand the world isn't perfect. If, on the other hand, you're just trying to pay the father (and I mean father in more than just a sperm donor sense) because he's inconvenient for you, then I find it reprehensible. (I use "you" in the general sense.)

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Paying money.

Sounds like he meets my "sperm donor" criteria then.

As I said, if the father's just a father in biological terms only, and if he's really ok with just making a few bucks off the situation, then whatever. I still think it's distasteful, but I also understand the world isn't perfect. If, on the other hand, you're just trying to pay the father (and I mean father in more than just a sperm donor sense) because he's inconvenient for you, then I find it reprehensible. (I use "you" in the general sense.)

Your situations are more or less mutually exclusive. A father that is a father and interested in his children is not going to sign a letter without some assurances of his children's well being, visitation etc. Y'know, normal stuff. He may even want to see something about the schools, etc where he is moving. He would then probably agree to it and I could work with a man such as this for the benfit of the children. Why not? I have made no attempt to keep their father from them and have never, ever said a bad word about him. There simply is no need to. For what purpose? To make me look good?

But when they have been AWOL for years and years, rarely crawl out of a vodka bottle and then only to bang some young piece of @ss they can grab and ignore the children and do not even know when they have birthdays...well. Just hope you can buy them off cheap.

Personally were it my kids, I would not accept money and my wife (ex-wife, mother of child, whatever) ,would know that and would know I would be reasonable. I may say something like "I want two visits per year and you buy one of the tickets" or some such agreement. Or a long summer visit or something. Fair is fair.

Unfortunately in Ukraine the reality is often a guy that wants to capitalize on his children and get something, usually measured in bottles of vodka. For them I can only say "Thank you"

[james&olya 1,121]

A father that is a father and interested in his children is not going to sign a letter without some assurances of his children's well being, visitation etc. Y'know, normal stuff. He may even want to see something about the schools, etc where he is moving. He would then probably agree to it and I could work with a man such as this for the benfit of the children. Why not? I have made no attempt to keep their father from them and have never, ever said a bad word about him. There simply is no need to. For what purpose? To make me look good?

But when they have been AWOL for years and years, rarely crawl out of a vodka bottle and then only to bang some young piece of @ss they can grab and ignore the children and do not even know when they have birthdays...well. Just hope you can buy them off cheap.

Personally were it my kids, I would not accept money and my wife (ex-wife, mother of child, whatever) ,would know that and would know I would be reasonable. I may say something like "I want two visits per year and you buy one of the tickets" or some such agreement. Or a long summer visit or something. Fair is fair.

Unfortunately in Ukraine the reality is often a guy that wants to capitalize on his children and get something, usually measured in bottles of vodka. For them I can only say "Thank you"

Early in my search for someone compatible for online dating, etc., I met a woman from Sumy that had an 8y/o daughter. It was between her and another woman from Kyiv that also had a daughter. What swayed my decision then was that the woman from Sumy's ex was involved with his daughter on a daily basis but the ex in Kyiv never saw his child. While I don't doubt my own desire to be the best possible step-father, I don't believe that anyone can ever replace a child's own biological parent if that parent, however imperfect in other ways, loves and is involved on a regular basis with his children. I also know how crushing it can be as a father to have your children taken by their mother to live far away. I could not bring myself to be involved in causing that kind of pain for the sake of my own happiness.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Early in my search for someone compatible for online dating, etc., I met a woman from Sumy that had an 8y/o daughter. It was between her and another woman from Kyiv that also had a daughter. What swayed my decision then was that the woman from Sumy's ex was involved with his daughter on a daily basis but the ex in Kyiv never saw his child. While I don't doubt my own desire to be the best possible step-father, I don't believe that anyone can ever replace a child's own biological parent if that parent, however imperfect in other ways, loves and is involved on a regular basis with his children. I also know how crushing it can be as a father to have your children taken by their mother to live far away. I could not bring myself to be involved in causing that kind of pain for the sake of my own happiness.

This is very responsible decision making and you are to be commended. I did not go through the process of searching you did, having met Alla by chance, however she was adamant, as was I, that we would do NOTHING about a visa or deciding where to live until we cleared this hurdle. FWIW the boys father was AWOL, even though he lives in the same city. When they were married his main contact with them was to build up the courage to beat them by drinking vodka. Nice guy. Sergey stopped in Donetsk for 3 days before coming here. His father was supposed to pick him up at the train. No show. Sergey called him several times and he never showed up to meet him. He is not welcome at our flat (per my MIL) so Sergey tried to arrange to meet him at his place or even just a cafe. Nada. Alla told me this but not when Sergey was around, I do not discuss him at all with the boys around and little at all even when they aren't.

I agree that a person cannot expect to replace a birth parent and I do not "try". I just do what I do and let the chips fall where they may. I'm not worried. But I would never say a bad word, that could not benefit anyone.

Had it been an issue I would probably be living in Ukraine now. I too often see here that children seem to be some sort of after thought for both the US citizen and the beneficiary, strange. Just strange.

[james&olya 1,121]

Had it been an issue I would probably be living in Ukraine now. I too often see here that children seem to be some sort of after thought for both the US citizen and the beneficiary, strange. Just strange.

You and I are in complete agreement on this. My wife's children add immeasurably to the happiness and satisfaction this endeavor has brought to me. My 2y/o step-daughter knows me as 'daddy' and never knew anyone else with that title for her! Since he is not even on her birth certificate everything with her has been very easy. My 14y/o step-son knows his biologic father a little, had seen him every 2 or 3 years! Now he is making a bit more of an effort to be involved but my son has little interest. He probably hopes to get sponsored here as the parent of a soon-to-be citizen! I would never interfere but I suspect that isn't likely to happen. As much as Russia and Ukraine are a 'gold-mine' of attractive single women, it is even more so if, like us, you see children as adding to the equation!

[robert404 0]

Hi All,

I know this topic is a few months old, but still very relevant and I'm glad that I found it. I am in this exact situation now. Father speaks to daughter maybe once every 6 months and hasn't seen her since 02/2011. I understand the requirement; Full Legal Custody or Letter of Consent. I have a battle to now fight and am going to Ukraine to live for 2 months 6/16-8/20 with my Fiancee. Yes, I said it right - Fiancee, and I-129F just filed, but no letter from ex yet. At a minimum I'll be with her for moral support while we tackle this issue and I have $ ready at hand if it comes to it. I think one of the benefits we'll have is that she has not forced any legal child support on him, so this is probably going to be our first lever (if it can even be done after the divorce is final?).

My question: Does anyone have a copy of what the letter should say exactly for the current K1 trip and all subsequent trips in either Ukrainian, Russian or English? I would like to take this with me when I go, and hire an attorney in Kiev (where the ex lives) to write it up officially and get it ready for signature and notary.

Appreciate the help everyone,

Robert

[spectec 12]

Hi All,

I know this topic is a few months old, but still very relevant and I'm glad that I found it. I am in this exact situation now. Father speaks to daughter maybe once every 6 months and hasn't seen her since 02/2011. I understand the requirement; Full Legal Custody or Letter of Consent. I have a battle to now fight and am going to Ukraine to live for 2 months 6/16-8/20 with my Fiancee. Yes, I said it right - Fiancee, and I-129F just filed, but no letter from ex yet. At a minimum I'll be with her for moral support while we tackle this issue and I have $ ready at hand if it comes to it. I think one of the benefits we'll have is that she has not forced any legal child support on him, so this is probably going to be our first lever (if it can even be done after the divorce is final?).

My question: Does anyone have a copy of what the letter should say exactly for the current K1 trip and all subsequent trips in either Ukrainian, Russian or English? I would like to take this with me when I go, and hire an attorney in Kiev (where the ex lives) to write it up officially and get it ready for signature and notary.

Appreciate the help everyone,

Robert

We had the same situation also and he came to his senses with little persuasion. My suggestion would be to pay him only as a last resort. A letter from a lawyer threatening child support may convince him to sign.

Most notaries are familiar with the proper wording of this letter and it will be cheaper than a lawyer. It cost us 200 hryvnia or about $25. You only need it Ukranian. The lady knew exactly what we wanted and we had no problems at the border In general the letter should say the father specifically allows the mother to take the child to THE UNITED STATES for PERMANENT RESIDENCY. No other wording is accepted. The father with his passport and identification number will need to go to the notary with her and sign the document. You must also include a copy of the father's passport photo and signature page. No exceptions UNLESS you have a court order allowing her full custody and its virtually impossible to get.

The letter should also state that it allows her to leave Ukraine to the UNITED STATES with the children on future visits. You WILL need this letter each time you leave Ukraine until the children are age 16 or older. NO EXCEPTIONS Even AFTER they become US Residents with green cards.

It's a very stressful situation and I hope it works out for you.

Edited June 6, 2012 by spectec