reputation

[NoneYa 73]

So you guys suggest he tell a bunch of people that will inflict negativity towards their relationship, get in their business, cause problems where there were none, they will suggest they not get married because they are ignorant Southerners (I know the type), and create a real problem for him and then go home to their own problems because they are likely loosers who stick their nose in other peoples business ?

I don't think you can say that if you haven't walked a mile in this guys shoes or lived in the South.

That being said, he should reach a compromise with his fiancee and be sure to tell the important people in their lives and that is basically family that is important to them only. I would definately sit down and talk between each other on this but I don't think you have to tell people about it that you don't like, who are loosers, shallow minded, ignorant or unimportant to you. It's your business but it's your business together and you have to understand and support each other together. I do prefer my fiancee to meet some people in person first without giving them an opportunity to be judgemental about it. I spoke with my close family about my relationship and they told me if I was happy, they are happy for us and that was all I need.

Edited January 3, 2012 by NoneYa

[issha2lynden 77]

thanks guys. i mean its OUR TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE(somewhere in luzon) so its not legally but infront of God and people in my place...we married

Is this a mangyan traditional marriage? If so, then go ahead and do the K1 route as this is not recognized as legal marriage. Me and my former fiance (now hubby) had our city hall wedding ceremony here in Manila. None of his family and friends knew about what we did that time. He said, He doesn't like to hear ####### from anybody. He told me he heard so much that he wanna protect us. When he came back to US though he told his whole family and was lil worried his mom would pass out ha ha. Now I am fully accepted and love by my hubby's whole family and is waiting for my coming to USA. Go talk to him. Definitely he can't lock you up in the closet forever.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

So you guys suggest he tell a bunch of people that will inflict negativity towards their relationship, get in their business, cause problems where there were none, they will suggest they not get married because they are ignorant Southerners (I know the type), and create a real problem for him and then go home to their own problems because they are likely loosers who stick their nose in other peoples business ?

I don't think you can say that if you haven't walked a mile in this guys shoes or lived in the South.

That being said, he should reach a compromise with his fiancee and be sure to tell the important people in their lives and that is basically family that is important to them only. I would definately sit down and talk between each other on this but I don't think you have to tell people about it that you don't like, who are loosers, shallow minded, ignorant or unimportant to you. It's your business but it's your business together and you have to understand and support each other together. I do prefer my fiancee to meet some people in person first without giving them an opportunity to be judgemental about it. I spoke with my close family about my relationship and they told me if I was happy, they are happy for us and that was all I need.

He's giving them too much power. Honestly if he were able to be swayed by someone else's negative opinion then he isn't as committed to this relationship.

He doesn't HAVE to tell anyone let alone the people you describe but he shouldn't be keeping it a secret like it's something to be ashamed of. Her post was that he wasn't telling his friends or family. He's now admitted he's told his parents at least. If he can't handle the criticism then he's not ready for this relationship. There are judgemental people all over the place - doesn't mean he has to listen to the cr*p.

[brandonbeth 2]

Issues future problems please elaborate????just because I dont want people to prefab opinions before they meet her?

[brian_n_phuong 193]

So you guys suggest he tell a bunch of people that will inflict negativity towards their relationship, get in their business, cause problems where there were none, they will suggest they not get married because they are ignorant Southerners (I know the type), and create a real problem for him and then go home to their own problems because they are likely loosers who stick their nose in other peoples business ?

I don't think you can say that if you haven't walked a mile in this guys shoes or lived in the South.

Don't include me in that bunch! I tried at the beginning of this thread to constrain some of the over the top "advice" but to no avail, its like trying to reel in a pack of rabid dogs. Some people like to shoot their mouths off on this board as if it's all just a fantasy world. They don't realize the damage they may do to real peoples lives.

[brian_n_phuong 193]

If he can't handle the criticism then he's not ready for this relationship.

Have you ever met this man? Do you have a degree in Psychology? Perhaps you are a Certified Relationship counselor?

How about we all mind our own business and let these two people repair their relationship. Enough damage has been done to these peoples lives with this thread and a bunch of half-baked "advice". Leave them alone.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

my fiance dont want his family and church to know about our relationship. he said that he want everyone's respect. do u think this is reasonable? we are already married in our marriage tradition in the philippines.

Your fiancee sounds like some weirdo nut case who lives in his parents basement. Dump his ####### and try again.

[Austramerican 83]

Have you ever met this man? Do you have a degree in Psychology? Perhaps you are a Certified Relationship counselor?

How about we all mind our own business and let these two people repair their relationship. Enough damage has been done to these peoples lives with this thread and a bunch of half-baked "advice". Leave them alone.

I agree, this needs to be closed and they need to talk on their own before this becomes a lynching or an episode of Jerry Springer...

[GnBnL 50]

Hold on a sec before you get the rope please. This is the fiance, so let me explain my purpose. This is my 2nd go round, first time I married a lady from Manila sh had kids already. I brought her and her kids here but from day one it was hell. I had no rights with the money, I had no right to ask her what she was doing with the money. I stayed faithful and prayrful that God would turn it around. However, it was not his will and not long after I payed her and kids AOS I found out she was having an affair so I divorced her. She stole >15k from me, and opened 4 ccards in my name which i found out about after the seperation. I have a great deal of shame from marrying this woman and allowing her to use me.

I was introduced to Beth after we had seprated, I wasnt looking for a relationship but she was an ear for mu troubles. Eventually we fell in love and thats where we are today... The reason Im keeping it in th dark is I live in the deep south and most have a closed mind. I know Beth is nothing like my x, but if I tell people now they will judge her by my x. I want them to meet her in person first. Its not like no one knows, my mom and dad have talked with her, my cousin has chatted with her, and my spiritual mother from my church have chatted with her.

Sometimes its easier to not have to deal with people's ignorance until you have to. I get it... I'm assuming you'll introduce her in person when she's there and those that love you will welcome her and love her too. Lord knows you don't need any added stress during the process. That being said, your spouse needs to come first, and those that have anything to say about will just have to get over it. Always, always defend her against unfairness and judgement. Being married and living somewhere new is difficult enough and she will need all the support you and those around you can give her. Good luck to you both, and good luck with the introductions!

[A and T 82]

my fiance dont want his family and church to know about our relationship. he said that he want everyone's respect. do u think this is reasonable? we are already married in our marriage tradition in the philippines.

No its completely nuts, why would he not want them to know? And then, if they are going to react negative then why be apart of that church or around the family who will be negative about it?

Both his family and his church should respect his decision and if not, he needs to re-evaluate what he is apart of

[James@Jennyvie 0]

?.....

Edited January 3, 2012 by James@Jennyvie

[brandonbeth 2]

thanks all. So amazing to know that many are concern and i appreciate everyone who comment. i understand how they feel about this post. i know if God joined two hearts for a great purpose no man can separate. God bless you all

[gland 5]

my fiance dont want his family and church to know about our relationship. he said that he want everyone's respect. do u think this is reasonable? we are already married in our marriage tradition in the philippines.

You need to be his top priority. I tell everyone I can find to tell about how happy I am to have a wonderful fiance from Vietnam.

[Nan & Mario 0]

my boss married his wife in her traditional wedding customs e,t,c but still applied for K-1

K-1 means you are not married in U.S.A therefore you want to speed up the process to get here.

I am in favor of your partner not telling his family about the marriage in your tradition.

he would like them to know he only marries once in U.S.A

my personal point of view.

[hcfrey 6]

:rofl:

Hmmm... i need to get Jenni a VJ account... it could save hours of skype conversations