reputation

[brian_n_phuong 193]

[NoneYa 73]

If he means he will conceal and hide your marriage after your "official binding legal" marriage, then that is a recipe for dissaster and I think that would be wrong and would only get worse over time.

If it is only up until and before the official wedding, then he probably has reasons and we should not judge him without more information.

[Hank_ 9,174]

[brandonbeth 2]

Hold on a sec before you get the rope please. This is the fiance, so let me explain my purpose. This is my 2nd go round, first time I married a lady from Manila sh had kids already. I brought her and her kids here but from day one it was hell. I had no rights with the money, I had no right to ask her what she was doing with the money. I stayed faithful and prayrful that God would turn it around. However, it was not his will and not long after I payed her and kids AOS I found out she was having an affair so I divorced her. She stole >15k from me, and opened 4 ccards in my name which i found out about after the seperation. I have a great deal of shame from marrying this woman and allowing her to use me.

I was introduced to Beth after we had seprated, I wasnt looking for a relationship but she was an ear for mu troubles. Eventually we fell in love and thats where we are today... The reason Im keeping it in th dark is I live in the deep south and most have a closed mind. I know Beth is nothing like my x, but if I tell people now they will judge her by my x. I want them to meet her in person first. Its not like no one knows, my mom and dad have talked with her, my cousin has chatted with her, and my spiritual mother from my church have chatted with her.

[az110965 252]

Hold on a sec before you get the rope please. This is the fiance, so let me explain my purpose. This is my 2nd go round, first time I married a lady from Manila sh had kids already. I brought her and her kids here but from day one it was hell. I had no rights with the money, I had no right to ask her what she was doing with the money. I stayed faithful and prayrful that God would turn it around. However, it was not his will and not long after I payed her and kids AOS I found out she was having an affair so I divorced her. She stole >15k from me, and opened 4 ccards in my name which i found out about after the seperation. I have a great deal of shame from marrying this woman and allowing her to use me.

I was introduced to Beth after we had seprated, I wasnt looking for a relationship but she was an ear for mu troubles. Eventually we fell in love and thats where we are today... The reason Im keeping it in th dark is I live in the deep south and most have a closed mind. I know Beth is nothing like my x, but if I tell people now they will judge her by my x. I want them to meet her in person first. Its not like no one knows, my mom and dad have talked with her, my cousin has chatted with her, and my spiritual mother from my church have chatted with her.

Glad you came on and clarified what's been going on. While I feel your pain for the troubles your first wife caused, you can not compare one person to the next. While it is normal to have some doubts, hiding the existence of your wife to your friends isn't fair to her.

You should have no "shame" in what happened the first time around, as it was not your doing that caused the relationship to fail. On the same hand - your new wife has done nothing wrong and deserves your respect and acknowledgement that she exists.

You can NOT live your life worrying about what others think or say. Your happiness and that of your wife is the only thing important.

It's apparently important to her or she would not have posted her concerns.

Good luck to you.

[BobnCherry 10]

Naaaa I say get a rope!!!

Yikes ur brutal Hank!!!

[Austramerican 83]

Glad you came on and clarified what's been going on. While I feel your pain for the troubles your first wife caused, you can not compare one person to the next. While it is normal to have some doubts, hiding the existence of your wife to your friends isn't fair to her.

You should have no "shame" in what happened the first time around, as it was not your doing that caused the relationship to fail. On the same hand - your new wife has done nothing wrong and deserves your respect and acknowledgement that she exists.

You can NOT live your life worrying about what others think or say. Your happiness and that of your wife is the only thing important.

It's apparently important to her or she would not have posted her concerns.

Good luck to you.

From what he just explained, the most important people already know about her. He's waiting until the rest can meet her in person. I don't think that's unreasonable considering some people are judgemental and could let those misconceptions fester in their minds for months before she gets here. If he waits til she's there before introducing her to his friends they will see right off she is a good person and not have time for their minds to be poisoned. Seems pretty reasonable to me

[az110965 252]

From what he just explained, the most important people already know about her. He's waiting until the rest can meet her in person. I don't think that's unreasonable considering some people are judgemental and could let those misconceptions fester in their minds for months before she gets here. If he waits til she's there before introducing her to his friends they will see right off she is a good person and not have time for their minds to be poisoned. Seems pretty reasonable to me

I understand his rationale, but he also needs to consider his wife's feelings as well. It's apparent from her post that she is offended by his lack of acknowledgement of her existence.

Maybe a conversation between the OP and the fiance is in order for her to fully understand his point of view, but I assume that has already happened due to the petitioner responding here.

Bottom line is that I think the OP has reason to feel slighted. I know if I failed to tell my friends about Fresy there would rightfully be hell to pay and she'd be right to be pissed off. If these people are truly the petitioner's friends they will accept his judgement and trust in him to have made a better decision this time around. What happens if the petitioner's friends won't accept the OP when she arrives due to the actions of the first wife?

Better to tell the friends NOW about the OP then to just spring it on them when she's already here.

[Dan & Jenni 457]

From what he just explained, the most important people already know about her. He's waiting until the rest can meet her in person. I don't think that's unreasonable considering some people are judgemental and could let those misconceptions fester in their minds for months before she gets here. If he waits til she's there before introducing her to his friends they will see right off she is a good person and not have time for their minds to be poisoned. Seems pretty reasonable to me

knowing the deep south that could quite easily happen.

to the OP... your going to have a hard time adjusting and fitting in as it is and to have already been judged by "the locals" before you even gets there will make life very difficult indeed. those that are important know about you but as for the rest... trust your future husband on this one.

[Dan & Jenni 457]

my fiance dont want his family and church to know about our relationship. he said that he want everyone's respect. do u think this is reasonable?

Hold on a sec before you get the rope please. This is the fiance,

Its not like no one knows, my mom and dad have talked with her, my cousin has chatted with her, and my spiritual mother from my church have chatted with her.

2 kinda conflicting versions... maybe you just need to talk lol

[az110965 252]

2 kinda conflicting versions... maybe you just need to talk lol

I sort of think they both just did, being that the beneficiary posted first then the petitioner responded further on in the thread...

[Sapphire Moon 25]

2 kinda conflicting versions... maybe you just need to talk lol

Communication is key!

[bigdog 376]

He needs to get with the program. You should be number one in his eyes and book. It is not easy doing this, if he is not behind you 100% ca;ll it a day. Take care of number one "you". Sorry, real sorry to hear this. You see from the responses here, VJ members have deep felings for the process respect of your spouse or future spouse and what it means.

[Dan & Jenni 457]

I sort of think they both just did, being that the beneficiary posted first then the petitioner responded further on in the thread...

Hmmm... i need to get Jenni a VJ account... it could save hours of skype conversations

[Sapphire Moon 25]

I sort of think they both just did, being that the beneficiary posted first then the petitioner responded further on in the thread...

well hopefully that's the case!

Hmmm... i need to get Jenni a VJ account... it could save hours of skype conversations

LOL!