Is being 'hard headed' a RUB chick trait ?

[Dustin C 12]

The thought of being "caught" helping Ukrainian chicks in our house is giving me shivers. Please stop talking about that.

She got mad at me for speaking in Russian to a another woman at a party for her college class, a smoking hot blonde student. All very innocent, really. She said I was practicing my Russian so I could go back to Ukraine and get more girls!!!!!!!!!!! No kidding!

Hahaha My wife doesn't seem to want me practicing Russian as well. She's always on Skype chatting with her family and friends from Ukraine and new friends that I've introduced her to through this website. I told her I was going to learn Russian faster than she was going to learn English.

[Dustin C 12]

On the topic of hard headedness, I would definitely agree. My wife has been here for 2 months now, and I've learned her pet peeve's and such, but nothing I can't handle or deal with. She's been great to me overall.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Hahaha My wife doesn't seem to want me practicing Russian as well. She's always on Skype chatting with her family and friends from Ukraine and new friends that I've introduced her to through this website. I told her I was going to learn Russian faster than she was going to learn English.

Every time I ask my wife how to say such and such in Russian, she tells me to google it.

[TiklingGuy 211]

Sounds like she has to learn from her own mistakes.

[AmyWrites 593]

It's everyone from RUB. It's hard not to b*tch slap my man sometimes because hey, I'm right sometimes. And the cold scary pouty look... men do it too.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

It's everyone from RUB. It's hard not to b*tch slap my man sometimes because hey, I'm right sometimes. And the cold scary pouty look... men do it too.

It is a matter of control. Rather like diabetes. You cannot make it go away, but you can control IT so IT does not control you. This works well when someone who is always right, Alla for example, controls things which are not very critical anyway and is happy doing so.

She chooses the paint color, I paint. What is the problem? Of course she chooses the "right" color because I really don't care. See?

Works very well when a woman does a woman's job and a man does a man's job. I think the breakdown occurs when one or the other does not do their job.

[eekee 182]

It's everyone from RUB. It's hard not to b*tch slap my man sometimes because hey, I'm right sometimes. And the cold scary pouty look... men do it too.

Haha, yeah, the men are such drama queens. No matter what ####### thing they did, every breakup with a RUB man I've ever had has ended with them CRYING and talking about how I "KILLED THEIR LOVE." And in my group of friends, which is mostly dudes, GOD. I haven't seen such gossip and drama since middle school.

[Nina~ 431]

It is a matter of control. Rather like diabetes. You cannot make it go away, but you can control IT so IT does not control you. This works well when someone who is always right, Alla for example, controls things which are not very critical anyway and is happy doing so.

She chooses the paint color, I paint. What is the problem? Of course she chooses the "right" color because I really don't care. See?

Works very well when a woman does a woman's job and a man does a man's job. I think the breakdown occurs when one or the other does not do their job.

Its great that traditional roles for you

In my house, my husband & I pick the paint together and it is my job to pick up the phone and call the painters. We don't need rigid gender roles to tell us what we need to do.. We just do what needs to be done whether is a "man's job" or a "woman's job". If we both don't feel like doing something, a round of rock-paper-scissors solves the problem. No breakdown whatsoever so far!

Edited January 18, 2012 by Nina~

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

It's everyone from RUB. It's hard not to b*tch slap my man sometimes because hey, I'm right sometimes. And the cold scary pouty look... men do it too.

The guys over there do that pouty look also? Oh god I hate that look. It's like a constant look of unhappiness...that or constipation. She can sit on her couch for hours with the sides of her mouth hanging down in what looks like a frown.

Edited January 18, 2012 by Why_Me

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

On the topic of hard headedness, I would definitely agree. My wife has been here for 2 months now, and I've learned her pet peeve's and such, but nothing I can't handle or deal with. She's been great to me overall.

worth the effort

[Tanya and Barry 59]

To answer the original question: yes. My wife has a softer disposition than most RUB women. But, it is still very difficult for her to admit that she is wrong. Also, Russian norms almost always trump American norms...especially in the beginning. My wife is Russian but she was born and raised in Kazakhstan. She moved to Ukraine when she was in her late teens. Not to stir the pot but she always came across as a little more "traditional" (whatever that means) and a little less materialistic than the women I met who had lived their entire lives in Ukraine. Just my experience--no flaming intended...

Edited January 26, 2012 by Tanya and Barry

[visaveteran1 33]

To answer the original question: yes. My wife has a softer disposition than most RUB women. But, it is still very difficult for her to admit that she is wrong. Also, Russian norms almost always trump American norms...especially in the beginning. My wife is Russian but she was born and raised in Kazakhstan. She moved to Ukraine when she was in her late teens. Not to stir the pot but she always came across as a little more "traditional" (whatever that means) and a little less materialistic than the women I met who had lived their entire lives in Ukraine. Just my experience--no flaming intended...

Not sure what you mean by "Russian norms trump American norms." Explain please.

Concerning your wife's different attitude...Russian women who live outside Russia and in the very poor or primitive counties, as in Kyrgyzstan Uzbekistan, etc., are automatically born into a higher order than the locals. But if they lived back in Russia, they would have to face real competition for everything--jobs, money, food, homes, and life would be much harder than In the outer USSR countries where the Russians get the best jobs, homes, etc, simply by being a Russian. Life is easier. It's kind of like a feudal system. Even after the fall of the USSR, Russians in these countries still feel and act like the privileged class. Is anyone surprised?

So, you're comparing apples and oranges. Thus, an invalid evaluation...which you are fully entitled to.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

Not sure what you mean by "Russian norms trump American norms." Explain please.

Concerning your wife's different attitude...Russian women who live outside Russia and in the very poor or primitive counties, as in Kyrgyzstan Uzbekistan, etc., are automatically born into a higher order than the locals. But if they lived back in Russia, they would have to face real competition for everything--jobs, money, food, homes, and life would be much harder than In the outer USSR countries where the Russians get the best jobs, homes, etc, simply by being a Russian. Life is easier. It's kind of like a feudal system. Even after the fall of the USSR, Russians in these countries still feel and act like the privileged class. Is anyone surprised?

So, you're comparing apples and oranges. Thus, an invalid evaluation...which you are fully entitled to.

Everything Russian is correct (the right way).

My wife spent all of her adult life in Ukraine (from 19). She went through the breakup of the Soviet Union and the hard times of the 90's in Ukraine married and raising a child. Not really comparing apples and oranges. But the way she looked at life, relationships, and money etc. were formed earlier in Kazakhstan. I have a picture of her in elementary school where she is the only ethnic Russian in her class in Guriev. She says all her friends were ethnic Kazaks. VV your observation would probably be true of a Russian women who lived her entire life in Almaty during Soviet times. The problem is during the last 10 to 15 years ethnic Russians have become the persecuted minority and are fleeing the satellite 'Stans in droves.

[Brad and Vika 129]

To answer the original question: yes. My wife has a softer disposition than most RUB women. But, it is still very difficult for her to admit that she is wrong. Also, Russian norms almost always trump American norms...especially in the beginning. My wife is Russian but she was born and raised in Kazakhstan. She moved to Ukraine when she was in her late teens. Not to stir the pot but she always came across as a little more "traditional" (whatever that means) and a little less materialistic than the women I met who had lived their entire lives in Ukraine. Just my experience--no flaming intended...

As I posted earlier, my wife has serious issues with taking responsibility for anything negative. She is smart as hell though, and great with money issues (mostly). I find that simply taking a leadership role with most issues relating to "man jobs", making a decision, then dealing with any reaction with a sense of humor works for us. She mostly has strong opinions about what is a mans job. A woman's job is what she wants it to be right now When we agree it is her area, I generally stay out of it. She asks what I want for dinner, makes decisions, and I eat whatever she cooks (mostly). She says the car has a funny noise, I take it, get it fixed, oil change, whatever, and bring it back. I wish it all worked that way.

For example, when we paint the house or get plumbing fixed or upgraded, we discuss the color, etc., and she picks it. Then I get it done by hiring somebody bonded, who specializes in that work. Sounds simple, right? Until her girlfriend at the Russian Store goes through her rolodex of this-russian-guy-I-know who is a paralegal, but also installs carpet, and would paint the whole house for 50%. I absolutely won't hire the guy her friend knows, and we have a lively discussion about why. She generally says "OK, you are the man" (or if she is still upset, "my husband's word is law for me"). I don't react to the snarkiness and hire the bonded contractor. That's it. She is always OK after the work is done on time for the price set. She totally tunes in to the fact that the amature has a much higher probability of blowing the job somehow, and will certainly share what he sees and hears in the Russian Community.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

For example, when we paint the house or get plumbing fixed or upgraded, we discuss the color, etc., and she picks it. Then I get it done by hiring somebody bonded, who specializes in that work. Sounds simple, right? Until her girlfriend at the Russian Store goes through her rolodex of this-russian-guy-I-know who is a paralegal, but also installs carpet, and would paint the whole house for 50%. I absolutely won't hire the guy her friend knows, and we have a lively discussion about why. She generally says "OK, you are the man" (or if she is still upset, "my husband's word is law for me"). I don't react to the snarkiness and hire the bonded contractor. That's it. She is always OK after the work is done on time for the price set. She totally tunes in to the fact that the amature has a much higher probability of blowing the job somehow, and will certainly share what he sees and hears in the Russian Community.

I can see where this would happen but it has not been a problem here yet. She will spend a lot of time with the woman at the Russian store so I will be on guard. I attribute this to two reasons

1. The woman there sold her a bad stinky fish (no kidding, she said her shlotka, which came right out of the bucket, was "bad" and she couldn't eat it ) So I don't think she is taking any advice on doing things in the house from her right now.

2. I do all that stuiff myself anyway and Alla seems satisfied with the quality of my work (if you can even imagine that) though not always with the pace of progress. It is not likely any Russian plumber or tile setter wuld be faster. Alla chooses the colors, we do not discuss it. if anyone attempts to discuss such things with me she will say "Why are you talking to him? It is my job, the woman chooses color!" She scolded the guy at Lowes one time when she had him call me to ask how many square feet of tile she needed for the bathroom. He started to tell me about the tile and she cut him off! "he just tells you how much I need and he puts it, you do not need anything else from him" I love when she says "puts it" "I buy it, he puts it" She is well known at Lowe's.