Waiting..... Waiting

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I am writing a response to my sister. I am also sending to my brother and my parents. so they know as well. Gretchen is going to read and edit with her comments and thoughts. I have written my heart to my sister. Now I will let my wife say her part.

But of course you have to respond, that's the only way you get to "play the game" of dysfunction.

Why can't you just let it be, she's said her piece so move along. She'll either come around in time or not but that won't be as a result of anything you write to her.

[gretchen_darren 67]

her last line: I do not anticipate, or quite frankly, even desire a response.

Quite frankly speaking... My sister Does not get the last word on this. She will not answer calls. So I have no way of talking with her other then emails. You don't start something then walk away. She doesn't want me contacting her pastor. Believe me, i am considering that as well. It will bring their perfectly happy standing in the church to a standstill. I have been nice to her and her husband. But quite frankly, her and her husband need to be reminded who is the oldest in the family. Her finding it shameful is her own misanthropic selection of her vision. I no longer fit in her perfect world. So that which does not fit must be placed outside of the world and disowned to exist. Sticking your head in the sand while standing up leads to a good drop kick through the goalposts of heaven.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I am writing a response to my sister.

I say...fight fire with fire. Lay down a "fundamental" barrage.

1st...a disclaimer...(the following comments do not represent the opinions, beliefs or attitudes of myself or my wife. The following comments are provided as a thought on how to "fight fire with fire". Frankly...my wife and I do not agree with the mindset of "fundamentalists" but...we also don't care what road another takes to find spirituality, tranquility and "heaven" with the condition, their actions do not impede or impose on our individual and marital rights)

I was raised differently when I was young. (almost pentecostal because of the church my parents went to at the time) Now I am married to a Roman Catholic???

oh yessss...the self righteous ones.....The snake handlers...

The more righteous begets the more pious. Gotta love that mentality. Darren, take advantage of it.

Provide your non-judgemental "Christian" sister this link.

Fundamentalist women are instructed to serve man. They adorn themselves plainly and do not cut their hair...much.

Hit her with this scripture...,

Paul's Third Charge to Timothy

Part II

Timothy 2:11-15

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Verse 11

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

But I suffer not a woman to teach,

nor to usurp authority over the man,

but to be in silence.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and then tell her....,

Men Who Failed God

They Didn't Shut Up a Woman!

(please...be aware..this mentality repulses me. but...I provide this as food for thought. Darren, Do not take the self righteous smack down anymore. Stand up for yourself and shove the scriptures right down their throats! )

BTW...A VJ member named "Kevin". You might consider sending him a PM and open yourself to his advice. My wife and I have nicknamed him "thumper" because he can lay down a stump thump with the best of them.

Now I will let my wife say her part.

Darren..there's your chauvinism showing itself again! Let?...Let?...

( I'm still working on my montage. I ran into some technical difficulty yesterday which caused a delay. Technical difficulty = Asawa ko thinks I'm being too nice to you so... Technically speaking...I'm not allowed to up the post... yet. )

Edited December 23, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

her last line: I do not anticipate, or quite frankly, even desire a response.

Quite frankly speaking... My sister Does not get the last word on this. She will not answer calls. So I have no way of talking with her other then emails. You don't start something then walk away. She doesn't want me contacting her pastor. Believe me, i am considering that as well. It will bring their perfectly happy standing in the church to a standstill. I have been nice to her and her husband. But quite frankly, her and her husband need to be reminded who is the oldest in the family. Her finding it shameful is her own misanthropic selection of her vision. I no longer fit in her perfect world. So that which does not fit must be placed outside of the world and disowned to exist. Sticking your head in the sand while standing up leads to a good drop kick through the goalposts of heaven.

Why exactly?

Again this is just you wanting to play the game.

Haven't you heard the best revenge is to live a good life?

To more you press this the more it sounds like maybe Gretchen is just a Pawn in your family's dysfunctional chess game.

[tmma 467]

her last line: I do not anticipate, or quite frankly, even desire a response.

Quite frankly speaking... My sister Does not get the last word on this. She will not answer calls. So I have no way of talking with her other then emails. You don't start something then walk away. She doesn't want me contacting her pastor. Believe me, i am considering that as well. It will bring their perfectly happy standing in the church to a standstill. I have been nice to her and her husband. But quite frankly, her and her husband need to be reminded who is the oldest in the family. Her finding it shameful is her own misanthropic selection of her vision. I no longer fit in her perfect world. So that which does not fit must be placed outside of the world and disowned to exist. Sticking your head in the sand while standing up leads to a good drop kick through the goalposts of heaven.

I say she needs a tellin' that you're the oldest!

How dare she?

I am quite frankly shocked at her brazenness and the pastor absolutly needs to know!

Do it and do it now!

It's an abomination!

Spend all day on this if you need to.

The world is not in balance without you reasserting your self as the eldest, informing the pastor and winning an email peeing contest.

or

you could just let them think what the heck they like and enjoy life with your wife.

[Hank_ 9,174]

But of course you have to respond, that's the only way you get to "play the game" of dysfunction.

Why can't you just let it be, she's said her piece so move along. She'll either come around in time or not but that won't be as a result of anything you write to her.

:thumbs:

[gretchen_darren 67]

Crashed~N2~Me, please understand what I mean by let, is I am writing my own response. then asking Gretchen to take it from there with her thoughts and opinions. I am asking Gretchen to modify what I have written, versus asking her to write something then reading what she wrote before sending it to my sister. I will not use Gretchen as a pawn in my family's dysfunctional functionality.

My own chuavanism is I lead my family, I take the responsibility for things which happen for better or for worse. I ask Gretchen to understand this; Gretchen was raised in this same type of family. However, she is given much more a voice with me, then she was with her own dad. Many times I have to tell her to express herself, or tell me what is going on with her. Many times I have to find the right words just to convey myself to her in what I am asking. It is sometimes hard finding out her feelings or thoughts with the me not knowing her native language very well. All I do is for her. She is my treasure. The house, the cars, everything I have is to protect her and keep her safe. Gretchen is my greatest, most loved, most cherished treasure. In Gretchen, do I hide my heart. What you treasure is where you will spend your most time, and invest your money in. i am learning her language so I can understand her heart and her life better. So I can love her more in a way which tells her I love her.

BTW: did you know that Chauvinism means Excessive or prejudiced loyalty or support for one's own cause, group, or gender. It was coined as a catch phrase during hte women's liberation movement in order to show how men were oppressing women. Today it is used for the GBLT movement in order to throw "fire" at those who are Traditionalist in nature to ignite a sense of sentimentality of being subjected to the "Fundamentalist Christians".

My chauvinism is for how my family is run and what Gretchen expects from me. To be the man in the fmaily. an old phrase I once was told about in the Philippines: "the man of the family said, the women wear the skirts in the fmaily, the men wear the pants. If the woman stop wearing the skirts and wear the pants, then I will wear skirts because someone in this family has to wear a skirt." -- the idea being of one leads, protects, takes care of the family while the spouse follow the leadership. Two cannot lead. However, two can lead with both understand proper defined and delegated authority and respect those defined lines between each other.

[Hank_ 9,174]

her last line: I do not anticipate, or quite frankly, even desire a response.

Quite frankly speaking... My sister Does not get the last word on this. She will not answer calls. So I have no way of talking with her other then emails. You don't start something then walk away. She doesn't want me contacting her pastor. Believe me, i am considering that as well. It will bring their perfectly happy standing in the church to a standstill. I have been nice to her and her husband. But quite frankly, her and her husband need to be reminded who is the oldest in the family. Her finding it shameful is her own misanthropic selection of her vision. I no longer fit in her perfect world. So that which does not fit must be placed outside of the world and disowned to exist. Sticking your head in the sand while standing up leads to a good drop kick through the goalposts of heaven.

Get over it! Your sister isn't starting something, she finished it, you just haven't figured out to put a grave marker on it.

Don't you have better things to do then "trying to win" ? Maybe get your mind wrapped around life with Gretchen...

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

you could just let them think what the heck they like and enjoy life with your wife.

Good advice but...

1) Darren desires to reclaim his position in the family. How he operates (within) the family (dynamics) is obviously important to him.

2) I don't think it would be easy for any husband / wife to ignore and let any1..(let alone a family member)..insult their SO or marriage. Nor do I think an insult should be ignored.

3) The insults delivered by his sister may be very important to his wife. Discrediting honor is not allowed.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Yes...I am referencing "male chauvinism".

Darren, your marriage is your marriage. Your house is your house. As long as your wife and you agree on the way you manage your marriage...well...that's all that matters. That's why I tell you...chin up and don't take the responses too hard. A wise man seeks counsel but...the decisons are yours (you and your wife) to make.

Agreeing with you is irrelevant. Reading and participating in the barn burning (your threads)...fun fun fun.

Edited December 23, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

This is a silly game.

I don't know why you give a damn what your family thinks now. You didn't care while the relationship was budding.

Darren, pretty much nothing in your relationship is anything like what the rest of us experienced. I think a lot of us had some trepidation about telling our families and friends. But we did and we did it long before the arrival and the wedding. We did it because ultimately we needed their support. You haven't talked to your family for a couple of years. Why does it matter now? Frankly, it just looks like you are using Gretchen to assert yourself over an environment you've had no control over in the past.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Good advice but...

1) Darren desires to reclaim his position in the family. How he operates (within) the family (dynamics) is obviously important to him.

2) I don't think it would be easy for any husband / wife to ignore and let any1..(let alone a family member)..insult their SO or marriage. Nor do I think an insult should be ignored.

3) The insults delivered by his sister may be very important to his wife. Discrediting honor is not allowed.

2 & 3 are only relevant in light of 1.

Honestly neither Anna or I care about the opinion of someone who disapproves of our marriage for trivial and superficial reasons.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

2 & 3 are only relevant in light of 1.

Why?

Honestly neither Anna or I care about the opinion of someone who disapproves of our marriage for trivial and superficial reasons.

Not caring = meaning..not feeling hurt or diminished...agreed.

Not caring = meaning...not responding to an attack on my wife's, my marriage or my integrity / honor....I would aggressively respond w/out hesitation. I care about my wife's feelings and I care about protecting her honor. It's a matter of principle.

Bob..I've seen you defend Filipinas. I know you agree.

Edited December 23, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Why?Not caring = meaning...not responding to an attack on my wife's, my marriage or my integrity / honor....I would aggressively respond w/out hesitation. I care about my wife's feelings and I care about protecting her honor. It's a matter of principle.

Bob..I've seen you defend Filipinas. I know you agree.

Of course I'd defend my wife's honor to the grave of anyone who would attack her like that.

I don't think it applies in this situation though as he has distanced himself from the offensive family members already and is making a choice to offer her up as cannon fodder.

Just look at the totality of the situation here, it almost seems like cheesing-off his family may be one of the reasons he shopped for a Filipino to marry in the first place.

This whole situation stinks really badly and I can't see why he would willingly put his wife into it.

For example: I have no relationship with several members of my family, they all know about my marriage to Anna and some of them have even made inappropriate comments about it. They are attempting to use her to get to me because they know they can't directly affect me anymore. If I allow myself to get drawn into it then I've diminished Anna by allowing them to utilize her in that way. How do I prove them wrong? By living a happy life with my wife and kids despite their opinions.

There is a big difference between someone voicing an honest concern (which I always respond to) and someone making a blatant attack on her/us. The only real motive of the latter is as I've previously stated so tell me who really wins if I engage them?

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

NM...I 4got to quote Bob's post. that bonk is 4 me.

Edited December 23, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me