Waiting..... Waiting

[TJ01212011 47]

hmmmm I can relate w/ Darren's situation but us is different...

ever since I know that my husband's family doesn't approved me. They even disowned him because of me but even so, I still want him to contact them especially his parents. I've been telling him to contact them. I even asking him if he wants us to visit them but his always answered, i'm his family now and he knows how they are. he never wants to see how will they treat me. he never allow them to hurt me. I told him I think I can accept however they treat me, important is, they'll see that we are willing to get along w/ them and hopefully they accept me as part of their family eventually because no matter what, they are still his family.

Anyways, have a merry xmas everyone and a prosperous new year too...

Good luck to Gretchen and Darren and congrats to the pregnancy....

[Hank_ 9,174]

Honestly, I expected a HUGE blow up with my family. Major blow up. The response was totally unexpected for me. Completely unexpected. I am in shock more then anyone. N My oldest son talked to her on webcam back in March/april. What a blow up that was. But I encouraged him to talk about it openly. My sons have not seen my parents in almost two years. Part of it is my fault for not taking them back to the fmaily. I expected a blow up over Gretchen being catholic, being filipina, being 20. But nothing. Just a fizz-pop.

Yes, Gretchen is my better half. My sister in law is on facebook. So the family could have easily known about it. They didn't even know the youtube videos. So many people have posted their bad experiences. I was expecting a very bad experience myself with the family. I am glad it seems to be going well. I am not perfect. I have my faults. I am just glad Gretchen accepts those faults.

Haven't talked to them in years yet expecting a blow-out, not a walk-out ? Confrontation is a decide made by both parties, if one party does not participate it can't happen.

So who is going to do what to still try to "make it happen"...

.... tune in next week... as the world turns.

[MuDelphi 159]

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Now I know why I stopped posting here for a while....

Why?

C'mon Darren...chin up. Don't take the responses (to your posts) too hard. I was prepared to participate (in this thread) but my wife put a stop to it. Asawa ko interpreted my meaning as.. "a Darren defense". Asawa ko doesn't want me to defend you. Why? Bcoz Asawa ko thinks you are a chauvinist. Frankly, I do too. (but hey!) In your situation...I think a bit of a chauvinist might (I wrote might) be needed whilst waiting for your wife to mature into a woman. and...I won't be surprised if the experience doesn't help you grow (more) into a man.

Anyways...I am gonna come back later with a few thoughts and...I'm compiling some photo's to help convey my message. An interpretive montage (if you will).

P.S. I applaud your willingness to seek advice (here on VJ). I think it is a good that you keep doing so. Coz...well...you need it. I mean REALLY.

Edited December 22, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Why?

C'mon Darren...chin up. Don't take the responses (to your posts) too hard. I was prepared to participate (in this thread) but my wife put a stop to it. Asawa ko interpreted my meaning as.. "a Darren defense". Asawa ko doesn't want me to defend you. Why? Bcoz Asawa ko thinks you are a chauvinist. Frankly, I do too. (but hey!) In your situation...I think a bit of a chauvinist might (I wrote might) be needed whilst waiting for your wife to mature into a woman. and...I won'tWILL be surprised if the experience doesn't help you grow (more) into a man.

Anyways...I am gonna come back later with a few thoughts and...I'm compiling some photo's to help convey my message. An interpretive montage (if you will).

P.S. I applaud your willingness to seek advice (here on VJ). I think it is a good that you keep doing so. Coz...well...you need it. I mean REALLY.

Fixxored

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

NM

Misfire...sorry...I'm preparing a post.

Edited December 22, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[gretchen_darren 67]

yes, I got the response... not from my brother or parents but from my sister. The one I expected to be in my corner... is out on the other side of the ring..... some comments: Why a child bride….a girl young enough to be your daughter or mine? Really quite sickens me. ......Buying and selling ‘love and commitment’? It’s not real. I would be truly happy to see you be the honorable man I know you can be and find true happiness with an equal partner and soulmate. ..... It appears that you will live your life without any connection to your family. I choose not to pretend anymore that we are family. We do not share the same values, viewpoints or even mutual respect. ....I will continue to pray for you and that you return to serving the Lord with your whole heart.

Well, not sure if this translates to others in the family, but really, since the divorce I expected a disassociation from most of the fmaily anyway. got to think on a response to my sister.... How to open a mind without closing the communication.

[Ban Hammer 13,112]

whatever happened to people just being happy for you?

[gretchen_darren 67]

Like I said, my family is very backwoods and backwater.... My sister has the least amount of seeing other countries or other cultures. This is probably why my parents and brother are more open since they have Filipino friends. Gretchen is going to respond to my sister versus me. I feel it is much better if she does it. I can say a lot of things, but Gretchen can say things from her own heart. Things which can really translate between girls which cannot translate between brother and sister. I was expecting this from my parents or my brother. I know my fmaily has not been outside the country. I also know my sster has not worked much in other cultural ministries in the church. So I understand where she is coming from. did not expect something this severe. But.... well. I knew it was coming when she would not take my calls, she was upset.....

[Hank_ 9,174]

My sister made a comment about our age difference when I first told her, but she was more concerned that we would have nothing in common and it would be a mis-match. Within a few short days of emails and phone calls with me sharing much about Amy she learned age was not an issue and now she is very excited to meet her new Sis.

Those that give me sh!t just end up in the circle file... I have no time for them and don't need them.

Now with cremation I don't even need to save six for pallbearers -

There is a saying from when I was a kid... you are welcome to use with those that don't embrace your happiness. "Go take a flying _ _ _ _ at a rolling donut!"

[sunandmoon 450]

It’s not real. I would be truly happy to see you be the honorable man I know you can be and find true happiness with an equal partner and soulmate. ..... It appears that you will live your life without any connection to your family. I choose not to pretend anymore that we are family.

Well, not sure if this translates to others in the family, but really, since the divorce I expected a disassociation from most of the fmaily anyway. got to think on a response to my sister.... How to open a mind without closing the communication.

that should be an esay one to give a reponse. as far as part of the family, I'd just let her know you'll always be there as her brother and she's welcome into your family when she's ready to accept Gretchen as your wife.

[gretchen_darren 67]

how do you respond to this: I have known since last year that you were trying to import a mail order bride. I assume that you have accomplished it since you are now married. I wish that I could congratulate you but since this is a purely business transaction, I cannot.

[sunandmoon 450]

how do you respond to this: I have known since last year that you were trying to import a mail order bride. I assume that you have accomplished it since you are now married. I wish that I could congratulate you but since this is a purely business transaction, I cannot.

you don't respond to that. you respond with your heart of your feelings for Gretchen. if she doesn't accept it, there's nothing you can do.

[gretchen_darren 67]

I am writing a response to my sister. I am also sending to my brother and my parents. so they know as well. Gretchen is going to read and edit with her comments and thoughts. I have written my heart to my sister. Now I will let my wife say her part.

[Laser1 63]

Pushing your sister to acceptance may not work well. Involving your other family members in activities may work better. Generally family members act like sheep... they respond to be led by others, not pushed.

Edited December 23, 2011 by Laser1