Waiting..... Waiting

[southcalhog 43]

How was Gretchen, who came from a family with very limited resources able to find you on the internet? One of you had to have been looking. Do you think her family was providing her pocket money to spend time online at an internet cafe in hopes of finding a Kano? What were her ambitions or goals prior to the two of you meeting online?

Hummmmmm Good Question!!!

[Laser1 63]

Something i am writing is: "Sis, you know I tried to make my first marriage work. However, when my oldest son came to me and said you and mom argue all the time. this is an agrument house. then my ex asked to leave. I had to weigh if we were setting a good example for the kids for their futures. It was hard to accept facts as they came. it was even harder in talking to multiple pastors and hearing the same thing, to accept the divorce. In courting Gretchen, and bringing Gretchen to America, yes, I did not tell the family. I was trying to be conscious of Grant and Jared. Show Grant and Jared a loving caring Christian home. i want to set a good role model of a family to my sons. Gretchen also wants this as well. Gretchen encourages us to go to church and get involved. did you know the Bible word for "helpmate" actually translates to "ally" and "shield". Helpmate refers to God as much as it refers to God presenting Eve as a helpmate to Adam. Watch the video of the wedding. I found many things me and Gretchen had talked about referenced in the wedding without the pastor knowing those references. the marriage is a union of being the ally and shield to the other. Although there may be a huge age difference. I have yet to find the maturity Gretchen possesses in women twice her age. Gretchen is a true helpmate to me. I only hope you give her a chance to get to know her as I do.' then I go into other things about her arguments and the truth regarding the arguments.

I think its best to not write a letter back. Even if your letter is gracious, if you write back, she will likely write back, starting a crazy back-and-forth exchange.

[southcalhog 43]

I think its best to not write a letter back. Even if your letter is gracious, if you write back, she will likely write back, starting a crazy back-and-forth exchange.

I Agree....I wouldnt write a letter to her at all if it was me and I agree all it does is start a Back and forth between you and her....Forget it!

[sunandmoon 450]

I think its best to not write a letter back. Even if your letter is gracious, if you write back, she will likely write back, starting a crazy back-and-forth exchange.

If you decide not to listen to advise not to respond to your sister and do it anyways, are you then willing to let it go?

[sunandmoon 450]

How was Gretchen, who came from a family with very limited resources able to find you on the internet? One of you had to have been looking. Do you think her family was providing her pocket money to spend time online at an internet cafe in hopes of finding a Kano? What were her ambitions or goals prior to the two of you meeting online?

I think the answer lies in the " village family" here that Darren has referred to a couple of times.

[gretchen_darren 67]

If you decide not to listen to advise not to respond to your sister and do it anyways, are you then willing to let it go?

If I write back to my sister. I honestly:

1) do not expect her to read it.

2) Do not expect her to even think about accepting me married to a "child bride"

3) Do not expect a reply.

4) If I get a reply, do not expect anything worthwhile in it.

5) Expect to be called a sinner no matter what I say.

6) Expect to be told I am setting a bad example.

7) Expect to be told i that I should have trusted the family.

Believe me, I am thinking long and hard about going to see the family plus writing a reply. Once I talk with my parents tomorrow night and my parents plus brother on Sunday I will know more of what should be done.

[TiklingGuy 211]

Hey Darren, i believe your marriage is ordained before God. It is a holy covenant that should not be broken. The bible says to honor your Mother and Father. I believe that honoring your mother and father means to always at least try and keep the lines of communication open with them. Which you are doing. I have never read anything about honoring your sister. I would tell that self-righteous judgemental sister of yours to take a long walk off a short pier. You dont owe your sister a damn thing. No explanations for your actions. No christmas cards. No happy birthday wishes. You and gretchen is between you too and God Period

I would send her a bunch of pictures of you too living it up having the time of your lives.

[southcalhog 43]

Hey Darren, i believe your marriage is ordained before God. It is a holy covenant that should not be broken. The bible says to honor your Mother and Father. I believe that honoring your mother and father means to always at least try and keep the lines of communication open with them. Which you are doing. I have never read anything about honoring your sister. I would tell that self-righteous judgemental sister of yours to take a long walk off a short pier. You dont owe your sister a damn thing. No explanations for your actions. No christmas cards. No happy birthday wishes. You and gretchen is between you too and God Period

I would send her a bunch of pictures of you too living it up having the time of your lives.

:thumbs:

[gretchen_darren 67]

How was Gretchen, who came from a family with very limited resources able to find you on the internet? One of you had to have been looking. Do you think her family was providing her pocket money to spend time online at an internet cafe in hopes of finding a Kano? What were her ambitions or goals prior to the two of you meeting online?

I was talking to Asian girls, Filiinas to see the difference between russian girls and Asian girls on dating and friendship. i was getting tired of the "princess" complex. Gretchen and a couple of her friends were looking for foreign guys to talk to and date. for her birthday, Gretchen was given money to spend time online to find a guy if she wished. All I was doing was talking to girls in different locations. I had no idea about where Gretchen lived or about the area. (I did not know she was a province girl or the difference in a province girl from a city girl in the Philippines. At the time, I did not know much about Filipino food.) We met a couple of days before Christmas and started talking. I was looking at the girls profiles who were online. If the girls picture interested me, and her profile was interesting, I contacted the girl to learn more about her. Some girls just fizzled. Some girls were too aggressive. Some girls just did not click with me. I contacted Gretchen. the person supplying the laptop/internet there in the village. Was surprised someone from Phoenix was contacting a girl there. They told Gretchen, yes to talk with me when she asked advice. About 3 hours after talking online, we jumped off the website and started talking on webcam face to face. This continued day after day. they started pushing me to contact the "village family" here. i was concerned about our age difference, and told her I wanted to know her parents were ok with us talking. (I did not know how serious a matter it was asking for a parents blessing at the time.) During new year's eve. Her dad said it was ok. He gave Gretchen his blessing for me. I had no idea what it meant. All I knew is I felt better knowing her parents were ok with us. I met the "village family" in mid-january, we talked fomr 3 pm until midnight at the first meeting. Everything just started getting serious from then on. The "village family" adopted me as one of their own here. I started learning all about the village and the food. Shortly after this, I started making plans to go see Gretchen in February. Gretchen's dad only had one mandate for her, Gretchen was to talk with me everyday. The only time we missed talking was for my work. I started sending her money to get her passport (I wanted to know she was serious), to pay for internet load, plus provide food for the family. I have been learning more and more each day since then....

[OnMyWayID 1,489]

Hey Darren, i believe your marriage is ordained before God. It is a holy covenant that should not be broken. The bible says to honor your Mother and Father. I believe that honoring your mother and father means to always at least try and keep the lines of communication open with them. Which you are doing. I have never read anything about honoring your sister. I would tell that self-righteous judgemental sister of yours to take a long walk off a short pier. You dont owe your sister a damn thing. No explanations for your actions. No christmas cards. No happy birthday wishes. You and gretchen is between you too and God Period

I would send her a bunch of pictures of you too living it up having the time of your lives.

Antagonizing his sister accomplishes nothing except convincing her she was right. There is no set of words that is going to fix this for him in the short term. He needs to take the high road - over time she will come around or she won't... Do not try to win an argument or sway her opinion.... It won't work. Just live your life and be a good person and be open to communication..

[gretchen_darren 67]

hehe: so I should just tell my sister: my "child bride" just had a birthday and she is still not a teenager. it only cost me: her winning santacruzan 2011, a fishing boat, plus helping build a kitchen, paint the house, and provide plywood to make separate rooms besides 3 trips to her village. God and her parents gave me a beautiful, elegant, wonderful, sweet, God -fearing virgin as a wife who believes loving her husband with all of her is her witness as a Christian. Sis, do you have any idea how many liberalists, N.O.W., ACLU, and other organizations are completely mad at us???? Having you mad at us means we have both right-wing and left-wing mad at me and my wife which places us somewhere near normal....

hehe: Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. -- I timothy 5: 1-2 and I timothy 3:12-- I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.

The only warning regarding age in marriage is to avoid marrying someone young for lustful purposes, and avoid marrying someone older for money. “Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12).

Question: Is there anywhere in the Bible that says anything about "age difference" between a man and a woman in a relationship? What is biblically accepted or not?

Answer:

There are laws regarding marriage in both the Old Testament and the New Testament. They are:

1). People should not marry next of kin. (Leviticus 18:6)

2). A man should not marry a woman without her consent. (Genesis 24:58)

3). A Christian should not marry a non-Christian. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

4). The man should have sufficient means to care for his family. (1 Timothy 4:8)

5). Paul, in I Timothy 5:14, said it is a good idea for women to marry young, but no reference is made of a specific age.

6). Older women are to set an example for the younger women. (Titus 2:3-4) We could infer that older couples should set a godly example for younger couples, which would imply that couples who marry would be close in age.

there is nothing in the Bible that speaks directly about age difference in considering a marriage.

There was an age difference between Ruth and Boaz, though we don't know exactly how much, only that Ruth was seen to be attractive to young men and Boaz was an older man. "Then he said, "Blessed are you of the LORD, my daughter! For you have shown more kindness at the end than at the beginning, in that you did not go after young men, whether poor or rich"" (Ruth 3:10). "There was a relative of Naomi's husband, a man of great wealth, of the family of Elimelech. His name was Boaz" (Ruth 2:1).

Also, did you know King david married a young wife in his old age. He did not know her, but she cared for him and kept him warm. I kings 1:1-5,15.

I may just send these things to my Dad and mom to counsel my sister versus dealing with her. I do not know yet as to the right and proper way. i just know we have discussed many many items and many things.... but yet nothing seems apparent to me as to the proper way yet. The one thing which seems appropriate is to only answer her issues in a way which is not causing her to react as being attacked.

[Tahoma 2,291]

Hey Brandon, what do you think? ^^^

This doesn't sound entirely functional.

That's what I'm thinking too.

[TeddyHoney 42]

My sister doesn't like the idea that i married a filipina. I am 32 and monreal is 20. She thinks i got a child bride and i only brought her here to clean my house and follow my orders to the letter. So since she feels that way i just have fun with it. I told my sister that Monreal is 12 years old and that i paid 1,000 dollars to her family to have her. I take pictures of her doing the dishes and send it to my sister with comments like "see, she is doing what i paid her family to do". Monreal thinks its hilarious and so do my parents.

I know your situation is way deeper than mine, but i kind of relate with you on the sister thing. I would just say have fun with it. If she doesn't like it then tell her to kiss you were your butt cheeks meet in the middle.

John

LOVE THIS!!! I never had such problems with family or friends or whatever with my first filipina wife and expect even less with my fiancee. But if I did I would probably do things along these lines!

[Hank_ 9,174]

- what about gloating and being boastful?

[tmma 467]

hehe: so I should just tell my sister: my "child bride" just had a birthday and she is still not a teenager. it only cost me: her winning santacruzan 2011, a fishing boat, plus helping build a kitchen, paint the house, and provide plywood to make separate rooms besides 3 trips to her village. God and her parents gave me a beautiful, elegant, wonderful, sweet, God -fearing virgin as a wife who believes loving her husband with all of her is her witness as a Christian. Sis, do you have any idea how many liberalists, N.O.W., ACLU, and other organizations are completely mad at us???? Having you mad at us means we have both right-wing and left-wing mad at me and my wife which places us somewhere near normal....

hehe: Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. -- I timothy 5: 1-2 and I timothy 3:12-- I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.

The only warning regarding age in marriage is to avoid marrying someone young for lustful purposes, and avoid marrying someone older for money. "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity" (1 Timothy 4:12).

Question: Is there anywhere in the Bible that says anything about "age difference" between a man and a woman in a relationship? What is biblically accepted or not?

Answer:

There are laws regarding marriage in both the Old Testament and the New Testament. They are:

1). People should not marry next of kin. (Leviticus 18:6)

2). A man should not marry a woman without her consent. (Genesis 24:58)

3). A Christian should not marry a non-Christian. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

4). The man should have sufficient means to care for his family. (1 Timothy 4:8)

5). Paul, in I Timothy 5:14, said it is a good idea for women to marry young, but no reference is made of a specific age.

6). Older women are to set an example for the younger women. (Titus 2:3-4) We could infer that older couples should set a godly example for younger couples, which would imply that couples who marry would be close in age.

there is nothing in the Bible that speaks directly about age difference in considering a marriage.

There was an age difference between Ruth and Boaz, though we don't know exactly how much, only that Ruth was seen to be attractive to young men and Boaz was an older man. "Then he said, "Blessed are you of the LORD, my daughter! For you have shown more kindness at the end than at the beginning, in that you did not go after young men, whether poor or rich"" (Ruth 3:10). "There was a relative of Naomi's husband, a man of great wealth, of the family of Elimelech. His name was Boaz" (Ruth 2:1).

Also, did you know King david married a young wife in his old age. He did not know her, but she cared for him and kept him warm. I kings 1:1-5,15.

I may just send these things to my Dad and mom to counsel my sister versus dealing with her. I do not know yet as to the right and proper way. i just know we have discussed many many items and many things.... but yet nothing seems apparent to me as to the proper way yet. The one thing which seems appropriate is to only answer her issues in a way which is not causing her to react as being attacked.

OMG. A purchase?

Darren we are living in the year 2011.......Not the year 11.

p.s I don't think anyone is 'mad at us' ( you & Gretchen).

Speaking for me, I'm not mad at you and of course not at Gretchen. If I were to search for the description for it after reading your post above....disgusted would sum it up.

Edited December 29, 2011 by tmma