Marriage Advice

[B_J 2,752]

Since we've been married for an entire month now, I feel I am qualified to offer marriage advice to everybody. This advice should be especially useful to those who are on their K1 journey and still miles apart from each other.

1. Don't worry too much about planning what you'll do when you're finally together. I had a list of things we'd do and places we'd go when she finally got here. But now that she's here, we're just happy being together and most of my list has been ignored.

2. Once you're together, take time to remember the journey. Think back about waiting for the NOA2, getting picked for the stupid sputum test, the nervousness about the interview, and even waiting impatiently the last few days for the visa to arrive. Remember all the hurdles you've made it over and it will make you even more thankful for finally being together.

3. Last but not least, the most important marriage advice I can give is this: Never ask, "Are you still mad?" I've found that, if I still have to ask, then she's still mad.

Good luck to everybody who is still on their journey. It is definitely worth the wait.

[Hank_ 9,174]

- better marriage advice.

Spend twiced as much time planning the marriage as you do the wedding!

After that acceptance and respect ~ failure is not an option.

[Ben&Romeliza 2]

Thanks for the words of wisdom

[rlogan 2,036]

3. Last but not least, the most important marriage advice I can give is this: Never ask "want to do it again"

Fixed it for ya. Because if you ask, she knows it really means "do I have to"?

Think down the road when you are on the street, huddled against the cold dirty bricks with cardboard for a blanket and clothes you picked out of the dumpster, pan-handling coins and eating food thrown out of McDonald's - think back to the times you had this beautiful, nubile wife in your bed: she's wanting more, but you just want to fall asleep. Get up and soldier on. You signed up for this program, and now you have to do the work.

The mathematics are invincible here because orgasm releases oxytocin in women. The more you screw her, the more oxytocin is released in her brain. Oxytocin is known as the "bonding" chemical, and its addictivity is connected with the evolution behind her monthly egg cycle. Her brain is also wired to be attracted to a man she believes is bonded to her because that represents security for the little eggs she is producing. She's going to be peaking once a month and you need to pay attention to that cycle: a combined chemical and psychological cycle.

The psychology cannot be stressed enough: she has to feel wanted. Here's a handy article:

Physiology of orgasm in women

Consider the opposite road, which is this:

What happens then if a woman does not feel cherished, respected, and connected to her partner after sex? Fascinatingly enough within approximately a day or two later as her oxytocin levels diminish a woman will suddenly experience a cortisol dump. Cortisol is the chemical that is released during stress. It is also the chemical that causes us to age and potentially gain weight. Worse, after she gets the cortisol dump a woman has a high risk for entering into a state of depression. That is why so many women feel hurt, confused, angry, and traumatized after sex. It is also why that orgasm that just felt so good, can suddenly feel so bad causing rapid mood swings (a fact about women that confuses and frustrates men). Biologically it is time to realize once and for all then that women, unlike men who can biologically disconnect easier, are not designed for sexual liasons that only last a time or two.

If you want her to age quick, gain weight, look unhealthy, become depressed, have wild mood swings, ie become the wicked witch of the west - then ignore her. If you want her to look young and healthy, be in a great mood, even-tempered or more accurately in a constant dream state, your little shadow - then screw her regularly, and screw her good, especially if she is asking for it at her peak. You notice how she's like a little puppy when she is getting laid regularly? Has that healthy glow about her? Don't forget bonding with her after you do the deed. You are giving the double-barrell: oxytocin and the psychological shot of feeling needed.

You aren't doing this job to be manipulative and cruel. It is the opposite: to make her deleriously happy and contented. You are up against millions of years evolution. You cannot fight it and win.

So what's it going to be, champ? Shall we give her a big shot of oxytocin, or is it going to be the cortisol dump? You are so much more productive with her on your team. But she is equally or even more proficient in destroying you if she is made to be your enemy. So this represents the guy shivvering under the cardboard on the street: hoping tomorrow someone leaves a biggie french fry for you to eat in the McDonald's trash, and that you find it in the dumpster before the other bums: divorce, financial implosion, job loss from the stress, and there you are on the streets.

Edited December 20, 2011 by rlogan

[one...two...tree 2,762]

BJ, have you two met any Filipinos in your area yet? Any luck finding Asian markets that sell Filipino items? Those two things might seem minor, but IMO, they can be a huge help with the homesickness.

[B_J 2,752]

BJ, have you two met any Filipinos in your area yet? Any luck finding Asian markets that sell Filipino items? Those two things might seem minor, but IMO, they can be a huge help with the homesickness.

We've had pretty good luck finding Filipinos. We've found churches, stores, and restaurants. You're definitely right about those being a huge help. She really loves going to the little Filipino store and finding some of the same brands that they had back home.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

3. Last but not least, the most important marriage advice I can give is this: Never ask, "Are you still mad?" I've found that, if I still have to ask, then she's still mad.

Just don't go to bed angry. Resolve any issues before you both go to sleep, and you just might enjoy some make-up sex.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

BJ, have you two met any Filipinos in your area yet? Any luck finding Asian markets that sell Filipino items? Those two things might seem minor, but IMO, they can be a huge help with the homesickness.

Can be good, and can be bad. If more than five Filipinas are in the same room together, then factions will develop, and you, the poor Kano, will have to endure endless gossip, and hourly battle reports.

We've had pretty good luck finding Filipinos. We've found churches, stores, and restaurants. You're definitely right about those being a huge help. She really loves going to the little Filipino store and finding some of the same brands that they had back home.

Have you bought a deep fryer and a rice cooker yet?

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

And an electric blanket, and of course, a tabo, soy sauce, vinegar, and fish sauce. Start building that mud kitchen right away, and don't let her play with matches.

[B_J 2,752]

Just don't go to bed angry. Resolve any issues before you both go to sleep, and you just might enjoy some make-up sex.

Words of Wisdom

Have you bought a deep fryer and a rice cooker yet?

And an electric blanket, and of course, a tabo, soy sauce, vinegar, and fish sauce. Start building that mud kitchen right away, and don't let her play with matches.

We went shopping her first day here, so she's had most of those from day one. Every once in a while, I do something right.