am i the only one

[Stann 3]

My post should have started with we married in 2004 and moved to UK in 2007, then moved back to US in 2010.

[foobaz123 39]

I understand your reservations, but I think you're not seeing the reality as it is about money issues in the US. People who have to work 24/7 to join both ends are usually huge spenders, with a dreadful credit (not all of them of course, but a lot). If you start your life there without debt (student loan or big fat mortgage), and if you're not an avid consumer, you'll be really fine. You can fulfill your basic needs with a handful of bucks: food, gas, electricity, etc... all that is SO much cheaper in the US than in Europe!

The lack of medical insurance is an issue, but that's the thing worth investing into if your job doesn't provide one. You'll be saving money on other things compared to your life in the UK. Plus wages are high, I don't know compared to the UK, but compared to France, it's quite unbelievable : a brand new teacher with no exprience gets paid more than a French teacher will make after 20 years. The median salary is uncomparable. Yat my in-laws get shocked when they come here and they see how high prices are.

As for the work culture, I thought the same, and then visited my in-laws a few times, just to discover that somehow, they all make it home a lot earlier than me every evening... The 2 weeks vacation sounds awful when I have 9 now, but there's a lot of holidays.

When you're sick, you can use a sick day without necessary having to go to the doctor : in France, you need a doctor note from the first day, and legally your employer doesn't have to pay you (unless branch agreements require it). Etc, etc...

What I'm more concerned about is rampant violence and so many guns being around, but making enough for a living, absolutely not. The job market is more flexible and if you want to work, you can find something.

Since other things have been responded to elsewhere I'll respond to your last concern. Where in the States will you be heading?

Contrary to media reports the level of violence in the US, especially compared to the UK, is practically non-existent. There are shootings and murders and such but they tend to be concentrated in certain areas and not wide spread. There are tons of guns around, I own several my self, and the odds are that in most States you'll be sharing the roads and sidewalks with some people who are carrying them too. That said, it still isn't a concern as the overall level of violence is extremely low.

Here's a story the BBC did on the subject sometime back: http://news.bbc.co.u...ent/7359513.stm

It was done a few years ago but the general conclusions are still true.

In short, I wouldn't be too concerned about that issue. Welcome to the US

[Blondie-CO 8]

You're right, moving to a different country IS a scary experience! My fiance holds many of the same reservations -and will also be leaving a great job. Many of his/your concerns I think are simply stereotypes about America and definitely depend on where you will be living (religion, violence, politics, guns, lifestyle, education etc). He will be moving to Boulder, CO to be with me, which is more politically alligned with Sweden than the rest of the country, very very low crime, healthiest lifestyle in US and most PhD's per capita (among other incentives). Give it more thought, but my advice it to move to the US until you get citizenship, then you can change decide to move elsewhere, with the possibility of always returning.

Good luck!

[ndu26 114]

My post should have started with we married in 2004 and moved to UK in 2007, then moved back to US in 2010.

Not to worry...I kinda guessed that by looking your VJ joined date

[Adriene H 89]

Eric , your not the only one. My wife wants me to move to USA but i am nervous. I know how my wife lives, She constantly needs to keep working and she barly gets by. Everthing cost soo much in US , specially food.

America's cost of living is a lot lower than the UK's

[Blondie-CO 8]

Also, I've found that the jobs are very flexible, unemployment is lower than the Nat. Avg. -people go hiking before coming to work, many (including myself) ride our bikes or walk to work, we have flexible vacation time and can make our own work schedule. I didn't read in the thread where you will be moving to, but perhaps you both can research a place that is more alligned with yuor lifestyle and goals and has career opportunities for you both. Perhaps it's best for you BOTH to experience new things together at the same time

It sounds like you could both use a change of scenery... fresh start

[Silverberry1331 25]

Hi Eric,

Thank you so much for your post. I think it takes alot to admit that you are uncertain. The unknown is a frightening thing. America, and what it consists of, cannot be fully judged until one lives in it. Movies, newspapers, even the subjective experiences of native borns won't tell the tail. Only after you get here and live it, will you be able to make your evaluation. People don't like uncertainty so, it is easy to be tugged this way and that on the issue. England is safe. It is what you know. You have an embedded social history there--not to mention family and support networks. It is nerve-wrecking to leave that behind. Just remember---it is not gone and it won't be when you move here.

I say, take the plunge. You don't know what will happen. It may be the best, the worst, or the most indifferent thing you have ever done. However, once you get here--the uncertainty will be eliminated, regardless of the outcome and the fear (the understandable fear) I "hear" in your post will disappear.

If you want my opinion, I say talk to your wife and your family about your hopes and fears. Ask them straight out for reassurance that no matter what the outcome is, they will support whatever decision you will make. Speak to your wife, in particular, dialogue about the potential joys and challenges you face and how you will handle them. For example, Faisal and I are talking about how to handle his home-sickness when he comes here. We both agreed that when he goes through a rough patch that I will not take it as a personal failure to his happiness. We agreed that we would visit his home country as often as we are able. He agreed that he would try to keep an open mind and open dialogue with me about his experience. In return, I promised that if he absolutely hates it here that we would find a solution such as: a) moving to his home-country together b) moving to a new country entirely or c) try to split our time here and there.

Creating these safety nets are important. It will make you feel better about walking the immigration tightrope across the pond. It will put you more at ease to know that you have options. Good luck.

Edited December 8, 2011 by Silverberry1331

[Laure&Colin 557]

Since other things have been responded to elsewhere I'll respond to your last concern. Where in the States will you be heading?

Contrary to media reports the level of violence in the US, especially compared to the UK, is practically non-existent. There are shootings and murders and such but they tend to be concentrated in certain areas and not wide spread. There are tons of guns around, I own several my self, and the odds are that in most States you'll be sharing the roads and sidewalks with some people who are carrying them too. That said, it still isn't a concern as the overall level of violence is extremely low.

Here's a story the BBC did on the subject sometime back: http://news.bbc.co.u...ent/7359513.stm

It was done a few years ago but the general conclusions are still true.

In short, I wouldn't be too concerned about that issue. Welcome to the US

I'll be moving to San Diego, CA, which looked pretty safe actually.

I guess I might be influenced by the news. Oh and my husband was born and raised in Oakland, CA, which has one of the highest crime rates in the US! When we visited his mom, he was afraid to let me go to Safeway by myself...

I don't like the idea of everyone owning firearms

I wouldn't say France is safe, it is really not in fact, the risk of being attacked or molested is probably not lower than in the US, but the risk of being shot is close to zero. In the worst case scenario, you might get stabbed which seems a little less bad

On the other subjects my opinion is very close to Staceyfreeman's!

[kelly11anne 6]

I HAVE THOUGHT THE SAME THING!!! My husband is from Ecuador and I am the American and I sometimes wish we had stayed in Ecuador. There are things about my own culture I don't like (I work 24/7) and he will have a hard time finding a job here(language and profession). I don't want to rock the boat, but this is a serious topic you should consider. I want to write more but I have to go!!! I have a very strong opinion on it!!

[foobaz123 39]

I'll be moving to San Diego, CA, which looked pretty safe actually.

I guess I might be influenced by the news. Oh and my husband was born and raised in Oakland, CA, which has one of the highest crime rates in the US! When we visited his mom, he was afraid to let me go to Safeway by myself...

I don't like the idea of everyone owning firearms

I wouldn't say France is safe, it is really not in fact, the risk of being attacked or molested is probably not lower than in the US, but the risk of being shot is close to zero. In the worst case scenario, you might get stabbed which seems a little less bad

On the other subjects my opinion is very close to Staceyfreeman's!

San Diego, I've lived there, is pretty safe as such things go. I'm not sure I'd be that worried in Oakland, however Oakland can be pretty bloody rough.

The firearms thing is a very European (or maybe just non-US?) way of looking at it. The good news is that your odds of getting shot, while slightly higher in San Diego than some other random places, is still really really low. Far lower than the media may make one think.

Like I said, I wouldn't be even slightly concerned with that.

[wee carrington 33]

San Diego, I've lived there, is pretty safe as such things go. I'm not sure I'd be that worried in Oakland, however Oakland can be pretty bloody rough.

The firearms thing is a very European (or maybe just non-US?) way of looking at it. The good news is that your odds of getting shot, while slightly higher in San Diego than some other random places, is still really really low. Far lower than the media may make one think.

Like I said, I wouldn't be even slightly concerned with that.

I completely understand your anxiety about guns, I think most Europeans inherently feel that way. My mother and father-in-law are petrified of the gun thing with GH moving to the US.

EDIT: WRONG QUOTE! Meant that for Laure&Colin

Edited December 8, 2011 by Mrs GH

[Roe 3]

What I'm more concerned about is rampant violence and so many guns being around, but making enough for a living, absolutely not. The job market is more flexible and if you want to work, you can find something.

I am a Virginia Tech alumni... and yes... the rampant violence and Guns are my concern!

[David79 7]

You guys are nuts for giving up the UK for the USA. Do you realize that USA has no social health care? And how difficult it is to find a job , and then have to pay for a healthcare plan monthly that constantly covers less. You will never have time off in the usa to work compared to the UK.

Your spouse should be thankful for the chance to live in the UK , not everyone gets such amazing opportunities.

Spoken like someone who has no idea that there is no such thing as a free social service, including health care. I agree the US health care system needs fixing, but if you look at the European economy right now you will see the effects of their endless spending which drove many of the countries into massive debt (and the US is following suit for that matter). I'm not making this a "we are better than them" or that we don't have problems to fix, but I just hate it when people seem to think social healthcare is just the best thing ever. By the way, if you look at the programs run by the US government you will see they are VERY inefficient and are generally subject to massive waste and fraud. I have no idea why people think a program as huge as a fully socialized health care would be any different. Yes we need health care reform so we can have more affordable health care, no we don't need social health care where people who do not want to work get just another free ride.

Sorry if this was off topic a bit from the OP, but being a person who sees a good chunk of his paycheck go to taxes and social programs every month (including Social Security which I may not even see when I retire) I think people are very naive in thinking we can just "make" free health care for everyone.

[David79 7]

The media sensationalize gun violence because it makes a good story. I've lived in Tennessee, Georgia, Washington, and California and known plenty of people who own guns. I've never had anyone threaten me with a gun or seen one used violently. I'm not saying it never happens, but it is definitely not "rampant" as some people imagine. I understand some people do not want to use guns and that is their right, but I'm not sure why they are so afraid that everyone who has a gun will just use it on a whim if they get mad. My only question for people who want guns banned is if you would not use a gun inappropriately, then why do you assume everyone else would?

[intx13 5]

Anybody who likes widely-available health care, increased personal safety, and sending a third of their income to the Queen will be disappointed at the opportunities for personal well-being afforded by residence in the US. Anybody who likes low taxes, self-reliance, and walking through the grocery store armed to the teeth would feel under house arrest in Europe.

The question is "Is it normal to worry about these issues and should that have a bearing on my decision to immigrate?" Which is ethically better is a good question too, but I wouldn't put it ahead of being with your loved ones. There will be plenty of time to complain about the government and consider moving to Europe when you've got your green card; that's what half of us citizens spend our days doing anyway!