Fiance changing decision

[InHisTime 110]

Hello! Thank you for able to find this site. I don't have questions about paperwork as the rest of you here. I just need your thoughts on my case. Can anyone please help me out? I'm bit confused of my situation. Fiance keeps changing his decision if me and kids have to go to the states. K-1/K-2 visa are on hand and will expire next year. We prayed for this but now it looks he is not happy. What could be the best thing to do? As far as plane ticket expenses there is no problem we can buy anytime. He has a full-time job, single and no kids. I have a bachelor degree and good work experiences. I will bring some cash to get there to help me and my kids start life.

I feel very confused now. He is very negative of our future. We should have thought this even before filing. Already spent a lot of money, time and efforts. He is afraid I might end up miserable in the states not getting the job for me as I have a very good and stable job here. He always mentioned on the problems on job market and economic issues. I know these problems. I'm a simple woman, smart and have initiatives. I would be fine to have an entry level job. I love him that is the main reason I wish we could get together soon. We've been long distance for more than 3 years.

Anyone could advise me, please. Will I be Ok if I go there first and leave behind my kids? What would happen to the kids visa we do have same expiration. Just in case the kids visa expired can I still bring the kids later -- how ? I love my kids too and I will be missing them. Is the situation is the US really hard ?

I'm confused why we can't move forward. He plans to stay and live in the Philippines, I'm fine with this but it will take a couple of years again waiting. He wants to come soon for another visit. What is really best for us? Do I have to give up on him for his very changeable mind? very negative thought? It's hard as I do love him, but this is really frustrating. Please share your thoughts ! Please pray for us. Thank you all in advance and have a great day.

[TeapotGirl 66]

1. He has 6mos to make up his mind

2. End it now. Do not feel bad about 3yrs you have spent with him if you know that the future isn't bright.

3. Fly there alone, get round trip tickets and see how it works within 3mos.

4. Just stay in the Philippines and build business.

5. Grab the wheel and make the decision for all of you.

If he has a change of heart about marrying you, better not get married. However if it's just purely economic thing, then there are other ways to survive.

Edited November 14, 2011 by teapotgurl1983

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Hello! Thank you for able to find this site. I don't have questions about paperwork as the rest of you here. I just need your thoughts on my case. Can anyone please help me out? I'm bit confused of my situation. Fiance keeps changing his decision if me and kids have to go to the states. K-1/K-2 visa are on hand and will expire next year. We prayed for this but now it looks he is not happy. What could be the best thing to do? As far as plane ticket expenses there is no problem we can buy anytime. He has a full-time job, single and no kids. I have a bachelor degree and good work experiences. I will bring some cash to get there to help me and my kids start life.

I feel very confused now. He is very negative of our future. We should have thought this even before filing. Already spent a lot of money, time and efforts. He is afraid I might end up miserable in the states not getting the job for me as I have a very good and stable job here. He always mentioned on the problems on job market and economic issues. I know these problems. I'm a simple woman, smart and have initiatives. I would be fine to have an entry level job. I love him that is the main reason I wish we could get together soon. We've been long distance for more than 3 years.

Anyone could advise me, please. Will I be Ok if I go there first and leave behind my kids? What would happen to the kids visa we do have same expiration. Just in case the kids visa expired can I still bring the kids later -- how ? I love my kids too and I will be missing them. Is the situation is the US really hard ?

I'm confused why we can't move forward. He plans to stay and live in the Philippines, I'm fine with this but it will take a couple of years again waiting. He wants to come soon for another visit. What is really best for us? Do I have to give up on him for his very changeable mind? very negative thought? It's hard as I do love him, but this is really frustrating. Please share your thoughts ! Please pray for us. Thank you all in advance and have a great day.

I am so sorry to hear that, dear. One of my girl friends had situation like you before. The difference is she was single, no kids, and ready to leave her excellence job for this man that she knew more than a year. But, this guy had such dark side mentality and pessimistic of life. My girl friend kept crying and called me everytime this man let her down.

One sided part that this man (or some men) don't know that women who truly love someone would do everything to make it works. She did desperate and trying to call quits of the engagement. But, she could not. If people not put yourself in your shoes, they would say as an easy one to do this. But, I know how hard that way. But, OMG, after went through some counselings, she joined yoga class, meditation, and outdoor activities, that I suggest to her before, she finally left him behind. I was surprised but I guess this is will work for different case. She will going to marry another American guy soon. They both are looked happy.

Last time I heard, this guy wanted to come back. I told her, " remember the way he treated you so bad. This guy doesn't deserve you". Sometimes, the difficult part comes from the way how we are thinking. I told her to watch The Secret's movie and Abraham Teaching by Esther Hicks. That's why I would rather away from negative people. It will effecting our selves and our mentality for sure and that's truly destructing. If he wanted to be self-destructing, he shouldn't involved innocent people. Follow your heart and you'll find the answer. Best of luck.

[TeapotGirl 66]

- Spousal visa does not necessarily take couple of years to finish. Some can get approved in 9mos.

- or fly there alone get married if the economic is really that bad then come back in the Philippines and start up your own business.

But again if your question is a constant change of heart about marrying you, then better not proceed.

[maning 36]

Hello! Thank you for able to find this site. I don't have questions about paperwork as the rest of you here. I just need your thoughts on my case. Can anyone please help me out? I'm bit confused of my situation. Fiance keeps changing his decision if me and kids have to go to the states. K-1/K-2 visa are on hand and will expire next year. We prayed for this but now it looks he is not happy. What could be the best thing to do? As far as plane ticket expenses there is no problem we can buy anytime. He has a full-time job, single and no kids. I have a bachelor degree and good work experiences. I will bring some cash to get there to help me and my kids start life.

I feel very confused now. He is very negative of our future. We should have thought this even before filing. Already spent a lot of money, time and efforts. He is afraid I might end up miserable in the states not getting the job for me as I have a very good and stable job here. He always mentioned on the problems on job market and economic issues. I know these problems. I'm a simple woman, smart and have initiatives. I would be fine to have an entry level job. I love him that is the main reason I wish we could get together soon. We've been long distance for more than 3 years.

Anyone could advise me, please. Will I be Ok if I go there first and leave behind my kids? What would happen to the kids visa we do have same expiration. Just in case the kids visa expired can I still bring the kids later -- how ? I love my kids too and I will be missing them. Is the situation is the US really hard ?

I'm confused why we can't move forward. He plans to stay and live in the Philippines, I'm fine with this but it will take a couple of years again waiting. He wants to come soon for another visit. What is really best for us? Do I have to give up on him for his very changeable mind? very negative thought? It's hard as I do love him, but this is really frustrating. Please share your thoughts ! Please pray for us. Thank you all in advance and have a great day.

Your situation is probably best handled by you and your fiance, we can only offer suggestions. You need to assure him that you will be happy just being with him and content on living a simple life once you get there. I guess he's worried about your futures and feels that his situation in the USA is not suitable for your and your children at the moment. He may also feel guilty of letting you go of your career and having to start over in a new country. He can also be afraid of the level of commitment he will have once you're there. We don't know and the best thing you need to do is talk to him on why he's feeling this way and confront it.

As for me, I would not leave my kids behind. You say you can afford their tickets and I'm assuming your fiance makes above the 125% poverty level to support everyone, then why leave the kids behind? That's another process you will have to face sooner or later if you decide to leave them behind because you will have to process everything all over again.

You have 3 months to decide what to do when you arrive in the US on your K1, if you feel that your situation is better served by staying in The Philippines, you can simply move back before your K1 expires.

[InHisTime 110]

1. He has 6mos to make up his mind

2. End it now. Do not feel bad about 3yrs you have spent with him if you know that the future isn't bright.

3. Fly there alone, get round trip tickets and see how it works within 3mos.

4. Just stay in the Philippines and build business.

5. Grab the wheel and make the decision for all of you.

If he has a change of heart about marrying you, better not get married. However if it's just purely economic thing, then there are other ways to survive.

Thank you so much for your replies. Honestly, your suggestions are great and this is what I thought of doing, but it is really easier said than done. I love him so deeply and he always still say that he loves me but have so much on mind. Today he will say that he won't give up, but tomorrow comes he talks different way. He wasn't like this before though. He has some fears of uncertainty. This frustrates me a lot. I don't want to go there also to live life unhappy.

[Leatherneck 693]

Much of what you post is personal and only you and your fiance can decide what is best or if your relationship will work out. But if he has cold feet now at this point when you have the visa (s) in your hands, that doesn't bode well for a smooth relationship once you're here.

This is the moment all the waiting and effort was for, so for him to have doubts now, that really should alarm and concern you..

If the visa for your children expire, you have to get new visas.

[TeapotGirl 66]

Is the situation is the US really hard ?

From what city and state is he from?

What does he do for a living?

How much does he make?

Does he pay a lot of stuff?

Does he have any kids?

Does he have any financial contract from the previous wife?

As what other said, you two are the only people who could figure this out. Let's just get an idea if it's just purely economic reason.

Edited November 14, 2011 by teapotgurl1983

[az110965 252]

Is the situation in the USA difficult right now? Yes. Will it get better? Yes...

I am sorry to see the problems you are having, but the simple fact is that there will ALWAYS be problems in our lives. Today can be financial, tomorrow can be health related. So, what I've learned is that life is very short and to live it as each day mattered.

It seems like your USC fiance is having cold feet for some reason. I know he discusses moving there to live in your country, but financial opportunities for your family are better here and will continue to be better. Also - your children's education will be better here than in the Philippines.

I suggest you and your fiance have a heart to heart discussion and find out what the REAL issue is. He can not put your life and your children's lives in limbo just because he can not make a decision and keep his word. This process does not just affect his life, but also yours and yoru children's.

Is this the life you envisioned when you fell in love with this man?

Good luck.

[MalaysianGirl 26]

I honestly don't think you should listen to ANY of us, dear OP. Whatever we say will be conjecture. I pray that you will able to work things out with your fiancé because this is a very huge thing you're both dealing with. I hope that you make the best decision based on your circumstances and knowledge of your relationship. Please don't give up!

[TeapotGirl 66]

Today he will say that he won't give up, but tomorrow comes he talks different way.

My fiance has the same tendency, it took 4.5rs for my fiance to come here because his visit here was put in a back burner. His house was almost foreclosed, his daughter got a lot of issues, he wants to sell the house, It's just it's all over. He can't focus on saving too that time so I did the thinking for him. I "forced" him to wire money into my account every month so he'll accumulate funds and got something to save when he comes here so that's what we used when he came here in June. He stayed here for 3mos. That time we didn't know what to do. He had planned on staying in the Philippines, talked with real state people and even paid the down payment for the condominium unit, made deals about appliances for the house then he changed his mind. Then decided to K-1 route. If he can't make up his mind, I grab the wheel and decide. He leaves major decisions to me.

Mine may be a terrible procrastinator but one thing is for sure, we are together no matter what.

Edited November 14, 2011 by teapotgurl1983

[Hank_ 9,174]

I understand his jitters, all of us at one time or another "wonder" but he seems to be letting it over power him. Like others have said - you Fiance is who you need to have a serious conversation with.

Like others here have said, we will all have opinions but none that matter.

[InHisTime 110]

I really appreciate all for taking time to share your thoughts. I believe that we can still work out on this. I just need to listen to some thoughts out here before I / we could finally decide as this is a serious matter. I don't wanna make a decision that I would regret later. There was no problem with my Fiance before then just recently he felt so much pressures. He is just the type of person who wants to be prepared all times. He has an excellent credit rating as he is financially responsible. He is a good man and we do have a very good communication. I just think we just have to delay or take time for now. Time is running fast for our visa expiration but in the essence it is best to pray and ask God for guidance. I trust God to take care of us. Hopefully whatever outcomes we have it would be for our mutual benefit. I'm very optimistic that this situation is just temporarily and that things happened for a reason. Thank you all for sharing wonderful thoughts and God bless everyone Bye !

[InHisTime 110]

From what city and state is he from?

What does he do for a living?

How much does he make?

Does he pay a lot of stuff?

Does he have any kids?

Does he have any financial contract from the previous wife?

As what other said, you two are the only people who could figure this out. Let's just get an idea if it's just purely economic reason.

He works in the government (state worker), got a good paying job, no kids and no previous wife. Of course he has to pay utility bills and credit card for his trips coming here. He has no vices, home buddy type, works everyday. He is just worrying of nothing. Thanks Teapotgurl

[Leatherneck 693]

I really appreciate all for taking time to share your thoughts. I believe that we can still work out on this. I just need to listen to some thoughts out here before I / we could finally decide as this is a serious matter. I don't wanna make a decision that I would regret later. There was no problem with my Fiance before then just recently he felt so much pressures. He is just the type of person who wants to be prepared all times. He has an excellent credit rating as he is financially responsible. He is a good man and we do have a very good communication. I just think we just have to delay or take time for now. Time is running fast for our visa expiration but in the essence it is best to pray and ask God for guidance. I trust God to take care of us. Hopefully whatever outcomes we have it would be for our mutual benefit. I'm very optimistic that this situation is just temporarily and that things happened for a reason. Thank you all for sharing wonderful thoughts and God bless everyone Bye !

You're difinitely the person that know's best and is capable of making the right decision for you, your children and your relationship.

Good luck.

Edited November 14, 2011 by Leatherneck