Need Advice..

[Ning 619]

Ning, why do you keep on insisting people who have different from yours are telling him how the will parent her. No one is even inplying that. What people here are saying is for both of their sake, she will need to take the initistive. To learnto do things in her own. I think you are the one inplying how he should parent her

You for one have said

" A lot pf people in the Philippines send their kids to Universities in the Philippines away from home, away fr her comfort zone. A lot of these kids are 16 or 17

She will really need to be independent because in the interview and medical, it is usually only allowed in the premises. More so the OP is less familiar with the local culture, all the more she need to learn to be independent".

Isnt that what a parent would tell her?

Read the OP again which I copied above. That is what he wants to know about. Not how to send her alone at 18 to see if she can survive the experiance.

Honestly would you send your 18 year old daughter to Manila & just tell her its time to be independent? Is this the time & place to remove all support?

[Kang 22]

So it is an exclusive parent statement? Anyone could give that advice.

I sense that you are hostile to people who have different view from yours like you are even the OP

[Tahoma 2,291]

She is just 18 years old and is very worried about doing anything.

They also have never been to Manila or outside of iloilo they pretty much never leave their home area.

she would be terrified, intimtated, alone & lost...

Here is just one of many examples where your posts are overly dramatic. Where did Paul say that his fiancée would be terrified, intimidated, alone, or lost?

By the way, don't you mean "intimidated"?

Culture? This isnt the culture of any Asian country that I know of.

Thank you for pointing out that you don't know anything about Filipino culture.

Do you really believe that this 18 year old that has never experianced anything even close to this situation will become independent during the plane trip?

He said he cant go there to help her & wanted ideas of how to help her.

Correction: The family has been to Iloilo. If they can handle Iloilo, they can handle Manila.

Correction: Paul said he can go there.

@Paul.......Ann Marie and Leo are right. It would be a stretch for your fiancée to complete her medical, her interview, her CFO, and receive her visa within two weeks...even if everything went smoothly.

No matter what you decide to do, I think it would be a good idea to have your fiancée's parents go to the CFO seminar with her since she's only 18 and will need parental consent. A letter giving parental consent may not be enough.

Also, if your fiancée has internet access in her village or at her local internet café, she can learn about the process and ask questions here on VJ. If she is more comfortable posting in Tagalog, it's no problem. There are many Filipinas here who would be happy to help her. It takes a lot of the worry away when you know what to expect.

[Kang 22]

Just because one tells someone it is time to learn to be independent, you are removing all support? What some people here are saying she will have to learn to stand on ber own feet and do things for herself, that does not mean removing all support. One can give an uplifting moral support and encouragement that she can do things on her own. Do not automatically equate it to removing ALL support

[TeapotGirl 66]

PaulnUsa, the OP: Money is tight

Fiancee: Naive and has never been to other place outside Ilo-ilo and nobody could help her.

Situation: More and more paper work, OP isn't physically needed. If fiance flies here, there will be unexpected expenses. Fiance can stay in the Philippines for 21 days and keep on extending but has to pay the immigration of course. Money are all going out and nothing is coming in.

SOLUTION: Have at least one of her parents to accompany her. I am sure someone would love to go with her. Parents support this because they know that they'll have a KANO son-in-law in the future. Even is it's fiance's expenses but at least he is still working in the US and the cash flow is continued. Fiancee will eventually learn how the process works. She may be intimidated at first but later on she will learn how the game works. She won't be totally alone but she needs to have a share of thinking. As PaulnUsa says

Very stressed here, and like to have her here in the USA ASAP.

Don't you all think that if this girl will work on the internet for research as how she found this guy online will both benefit them? The OP is stressed out, the burden is all on him.

Edited October 22, 2011 by teapotgurl1983

[TeapotGirl 66]

The girl has an access online. That's how they communicate. Why won't she log in to VJ, ask questions and search "Ways to get to Manila from Guimaras, Ilo-ilo?"

[MI.PI 7]

I’m sorry but I don’t understand why Ning’s post/s is being scrutinized here in such an unfriendly manner. It doesn’t matter where one is from to show a genuine concern about someone so young and naïve to go through the K-1 process on her own. His/Her original post stated just that but people started making reactions that led to prejudice and unnecessary contention. I don’t think Ning made the post with the purpose of slighting the Philippine culture or the intellect and capabilities of Filipinas. There are times when people are not able to express themselves in the best manner that they wish to be and I think somehow that’s what is happening here. Bottom line is we want to be able to help the OP decide on the best possible option given his and his fiancee’s situation, and I believe we can all do this without having to go through squabble.

Paul, there are a lot of good advice that has been said here already and I am sure you will be able to figure out what's best to do in your situation.

Good luck.

[Tahoma 2,291]

I see that Paul has started another thread here on the Philippines forum. It's good to see that he is trying to learn more about the process. The more he learns about the process, the more comfortable he will be with it. Then he can pass on the information along to his fiancée so that she can become more comfortable with it too.

I really hope Paul's fiancée will check out VJ herself. Regardless of whether she goes to Manila alone or not, VJ is a wonderful resource for her. I think she will find that the Pinay here are very helpful and supportive. She could learn a lot.

[Ning 619]

I’m sorry but I don’t understand why Ning’s post/s is being scrutinized here in such an unfriendly manner. It doesn’t matter where one is from to show a genuine concern about someone so young and naïve to go through the K-1 process on her own. His/Her original post stated just that but people started making reactions that led to prejudice and unnecessary contention. I don’t think Ning made the post with the purpose of slighting the Philippine culture or the intellect and capabilities of Filipinas. There are times when people are not able to express themselves in the best manner that they wish to be and I think somehow that’s what is happening here. Bottom line is we want to be able to help the OP decide on the best possible option given his and his fiancee’s situation, and I believe we can all do this without having to go through squabble.

Paul, there are a lot of good advice that has been said here already and I am sure you will be able to figure out what's best to do in your situation.

Good luck.

This is exactly correct & well said. The reaction to what has been said in an effort to help is incredible. To me it also shows why she would need help. Just a slight misunderstanding throws her situation into a total disaster.

Lastly It would be good to read his O P again. He didnt ask anyone to judge the young girl. He didnt say she was helpless ect. This all went wrong with people saying she needed to grow up & do this alone to prove something.

[TeapotGirl 66]

He didnt ask anyone to judge the young girl. He didnt say she was helpless ect. This all went wrong with people saying she needed to grow up & do this alone to prove something.

Her being helpless and a need to grow up are a fact. We are all helpless once in our lives. People could take it as insult but that's the fact (as of the moment).

Now if they could do baby steps at a time and fiancee will do her share of reading and reasearch, then it will both benefit them. Paulnusa doesn't have to come here and he could use his precious time earning bucks for their future when she arrives in the States instead of tailing the GF on the things that she could do herself.

As majority of the suggestions here advises him NOT to come just to accompany the fiancee.

We are Filipinos know how things work here, we know how things are done here, we know what are the things she could handle herself- from personal point of view and from experiences.

Edited October 22, 2011 by teapotgurl1983

[Kang 22]

I have no problem with Ning's view but the thing about him is that his stretches some other advices here that does not jive with his. He assumes that people saying that it is best if she learn to stand up on their own feet automatically means she is left by her self. Another thing, he doesn't seem to consider the financial constraint the OP is facing. There is an alternative to that as mentioned by one poster here: for her to take someone with her, a friend or a family member, to Manila. It is more cost effective that way than having him to fly to the Philippines. It is a sound compromise about the conflicting advices here. She gets someone with her to go to Manila, at the same time, she will have to stand on her own once she enters the embassy as non-US citizens other than the interviewee are not allowed inside the premises.

You do not learn things by just watching or having things done for you. You learn by by doing it yourself. Accept it as a challange to build character.

Now, how is that for an arrogant foreigner thinking his inputs are better than others. We all can give inputs but it is up to the OP what he should do. So stop stretching things out.

[Ning 619]

I have no problem with Ning's view but the thing about him is that his stretches some other advices here that does not jive with his. He assumes that people saying that it is best if she learn to stand up on their own feet automatically means she is left by her self. Another thing, he doesn't seem to consider the financial constraint the OP is facing. There is an alternative to that as mentioned by one poster here: for her to take someone with her, a friend or a family member, to Manila. It is more cost effective that way than having him to fly to the Philippines. It is a sound compromise about the conflicting advices here. She gets someone with her to go to Manila, at the same time, she will have to stand on her own once she enters the embassy as non-US citizens other than the interviewee are not allowed inside the premises.

You do not learn things by just watching or having things done for you. You learn by by doing it yourself. Accept it as a challange to build character.

Now, how is that for an arrogant foreigner thinking his inputs are better than others. We all can give inputs but it is up to the OP what he should do. So stop stretching things out.

Here is a copy of my first responce to the O P:

"I know this is a difficult situation for you but if money is this tight I suggest you proceed with caution. I havent seen too many if any people getting an NOA 2 in 3 months or a visa in 6. Especially from the P I.

The Manila embassy is known to be tough & slow. I am sure they are very busy. Its coming up to the U S holiday period which affects all embassies. Any holidays in the P I will affect the embassy as well.

It would be a good idea to see if there are people that can advise you as to how to help her do some of what has to be done without you being there. It might be cheaper to hire an agency to guide her when the time comes rather than you going there.

There have been cases reported here on V J from the P I where the person had to wait a long time to even be issued the visa after the interview. Review the experiances of some people that have been thru this in Manila".

Now try to concentrate on what been said after that. See if you, in your ignorance & arrogance can figure out who twisted the info into what you think you understand. Try re-reading the first sentence for example.

Stretching things out? You mean as you have in every way possible? Like assuming I am male ect.

Arrogant foreigner? LOL . Arent you from the P I ? Thinking the inputs are better than others? Isnt that you again? I doubt your own ignorance will allow you to understand the actual situation.

[Dan and Judy 614]

I think Darren is the VJ resident expert on this situation.

[BJZags 17]

Another thing, he doesn't seem to consider the financial constraint the OP is facing. There is an alternative to that as mentioned by one poster here: for her to take someone with her, a friend or a family member, to Manila. It is more cost effective that way than having him to fly to the Philippines. It is a sound compromise about the conflicting advices here. She gets someone with her to go to Manila, at the same time, she will have to stand on her own once she enters the embassy as non-US citizens other than the interviewee are not allowed inside the premises.

In thinking about this, I'm not so sure it is cheaper to finance family members to accompany her to Manila, especially if your considering footing the bill for both parents. Extra tickets, extra meals in restaurants, extra transportation, etc. all times two, it will add-up fast. It might be for the best if the OP does come to Manila to "help" her through the process, both from a tour guide type standpoint, but also from the emotional support standpoint. If the visa isn't released in a timely fashion by the embassy, he'll likely have to return without her, but by then the fiancee will have the "experience" necessary to fly to America on her own.

[Tahoma 2,291]

@Paul.......

How much time off can you get for a trip to the Philippines?

Is your time off paid, or is it unpaid?