trying to be upbeat

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

darren:

The main thrust of the trip is finishing the Embassy interview plus spending time together before she comes to America.

Tahoma:

Whatever you say !!!

tmma:

but it's 'not the main thrust' of the trip.....

Tahoma:

Darren's fiancée might be surprised to hear that !!!

darren:

ok... wrong choice of words.

...the main thurst of the trip is what DOES she want?

tmma:

...please stop saying thrust.

darren:

Either this will work out, or will be one of the worst train wrecks.

Markieboy:

Expect the latter. Prepare accordingly.

darren:

this week is the one week I really get to show them EXACTLY how I am.

angel7407:

Goodluck...to Gretchen.

~happyndinlove~:

Poor little girl

GLJ1322:

Good luck to Gretchen

darren:

HEHE, me ready to go all night

Crashed~N2~Me:

Eeeeewwww....you didn't have to share that.

~happyndinlove~:

He's an IDIOT....

tmma:

Oh yeah- 'all nighters' with you. Lovely.

I am praying for Gretchen...

yhang:

You talk too much.

Goodluck to Gretchen.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

My biggest concern is if the bank knows Gretchen is leaving . the Bank could call the family's loan to be paid or Gretchen cannot leave.

Where did you get this BS info? I wonder...

This will be an interesting week.)

It has been since day one. Thanks for the entertainment.

[GLJ1322 5]

Leave me and Gretchen at the hotel thinking I am "tired". HEHE, me ready to go all night....

Nyahh ha ha and ha what the don't wanna think about that gezzz..

[Edrotar 8]

I really believe the K1 process should include psychological evaluations for both Petitioner and Beneficiary. Case in point!

[Dan and Judy 614]

Can I get free tickets to American Idol?

[paul_kay 31]

Can I get free tickets to American Idol?

No need tickets for American Idol. This thread alone is more entertaining than that.

[maria6 4]

hehehe,,I guess they thought you have all the money in the world. I wouldn't be surprised if they thought so. You're always talking about all the money you're spending for your 'girl' and her family in this website. After all, you're DA MAN, right? I am actually expecting a scanned copy of all the receipts from you after that TGI Fridays dinner with her family.

You talk too much. I am hoping you are getting all the attention that you desperately need - whether it's good or bad - it's still attention, right? And you are obviously in need of it.

Goodluck to Gretchen.

You're right...he is very arrogant...yet, he has ignorance also

[TJ01212011 47]

I suggest to the OP to better stop the bragging, he just making himself sound and looks like a C -C ........

[sunandmoon 450]

and the whammy's just keep on coming...

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

and one post removed for a personal insult. last warning as the next time there will be thread banned or worse.

[calibob 73]

Charles, that "or worse" might be a blessing for this thread as the OP keeps digging himself deeper. The thread is like a trainwreck.....can't help but look.

Bob

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Where did you get this BS info? I wonder...

Sweetheart, good question. You might be on to something. Afterall, Dad is in, on the "agreement".

soooooo, where is Darren getting the impression that his fiancee can't leave if the bank calls the loan?

Dad? Mom? ...Gretchen?! and...since when does a "bank" loan money for a home entertainment system?

Could Darren be very naive? He tries to give an "I could write a book" impression.. but..well...no1's buying it bcoz it's full of flaws.

UHOH...introduced by her Aunt...met on Xmas eve...chatted (only) 3 times and dad "blesses" the courtship...gets engaged and makes a boat deal on the first trip...is already sending money (maybe even enough to buy the boat before she arrives in USA)...the queen thingy...money for a new kitchen unused....hmmmmm...and now...his "biggest concern"...she can't leave if the bank calls the loan.

I'm wavering. Who should I pity?

( btw...I told you that post was a personal attack and sure enough...Charles pulled it and issued a warning. Post by post...you exonerate me. You are indeed...the meaner. but it's OK baby, I got your back...let's be mean 2gether, but within the TOS)

Edited September 11, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[the good knight 2]

This thread is like a very good book, it makes you laugh, cry and question all the characters, I just hope when Gretchen gets to America she can find a batch of Filipina's who can help her get quote unquote "americanized" and she can become a strong and independant filipina, Lord knows my wife sure did...lol,,,but I sure do love her 7 years since we met and still going strong...

good luck gretchen and darren........

[rlogan 2,036]

(Gretchen's mom is a "loaner", Gretchen's mom took out a loan for a new "entertainment center" in the house. Just after I sent them money to assist getting blocks for building a new kitchen. I had encouraged Gretchen not to borrow any money for anything. Not knowing her mom was a "loaner". So I am going into the hornet's nest.

Secretly borrowing money is a play called the "double bind" in manipulative literature. The best plan is to come to you on the evening before some horrible thing is about to happen because they have not paid it off. The youngest daughter is going to be eaten by the bank president. They will say they were "too shy" to ask for the money before, but now they have no choice. Oh golly, look how you happen to have money. It would be your fault if the daughter is eaten by the bank president.

The double bind is the two bad choices: if you don't pay, the daughter is eaten and it is your fault. If you pay, you have been blackmailed. They call it emotional blackmail. It is important to the manipulator to never position the mark as being owed something in return for his money. A person wants to feel gratitude from helping someone, but this play is designed to rob him of any gratitude: it was his obligation. The whole point is to be on the receiving end of the money conveyor belt without ever being obligated for anything in return.

The other thing about borrowing money secretly at the same time you are giving money for something else is the feeling you get of "it's never enough". Every emergency you pay for has another one right on its heels. This debt will come due, and it will be an "emergency" because they had no means to pay it back when they borrowed it. They have many other "emergencies" in the works too, and the only way they can be engineered as "emergencies" is to keep them all secret from you.

What a person has to appreciate is how carefully this kind of evil plan is thought through before they pull it on you. They know when they borrow the money that you are the collateral. Secrecy is paramount. Because if they tell you they are borrowing money, your first question is how they are paying it back. They will have no answer because of course the plan is for you to pay it back. They know you will not agree to it. You will tell them to work. They want to sit around idle, while knowing the loan is coming due. They're going to blackmail it out of you. So why work?

So keep thinking about every day going by with the perpetrators knowing they are going to ambush you with this blackmail about the loan coming due. They might put on an act with everyone showing worry, and make you drag it out of them: "What's the problem? Why is everyone so scared?" They pretend they didn't want to tell you. They were afraid. But it is all just a big act being played by everyone on the stupid Americano.

I had no idea how important this emotional warfare was and how vicious it is until I read all this stuff. The manipulator needs to keep you in a constant state of stress and emotional turmoil. It keeps you weak and vulnerable. One of the first things clinicians look for is the drama. We're chalk full of it in this thread. Events that should be somewhat routine with getting visas approved has all this drama. Going to her village? All the sinister undertones about what might be discovered.

We don't make good decisions when we are on that emotional roller-coaster. That's why they put you on it. You can make them yourself too if you are a drama queen, but you will still be making bad decisions. You want to make decisions from a position of strength, calm, and the confidence born out of good planning.

Nor do they seem to save money.

Well of course not. The principle is to spend every peso that comes in as fast as you can, and borrow even more. Because the faster you spend it, the sooner you can have your hand out for more. This is the same double-bind being played like a broken record. You absolutely must not have money set aside for sickness or funerals or emergency travel, etc. - you need to have zero. Because if you have zero then the Americano can be blackmailed for it.

I have no idea how much the fmaily owes.

Excellent. That way they can borrow more. When everyone is manipulating every one else, of course you don't know even the most basic information like how much they are going to ambush you with.

They say everyone in the village has loans.

Exactly so. Most of them owe at least three billion pesos, so equity demands they should owe the same, or maybe twice as much since you are here.

But the week at home in the village is still young. they know I will be coming to the village one way or another. they cannot stop it. they also know a person with who there has been contention is like a sister to me since I am good friends with her mom and step-dad back home. My car is at their house. This will be an interesting week.)

It's all about communication in healthy relationships. There aren't any mysteries, no hidden agendas, no doing things opposite of what we say, no warning bells going off or red flags, no feelings about something being wrong. No stress. No drama. The village and things at the house are exactly as related to you when you arrive.

Oh well. I don't want to laugh at it because ultimately children are the result of marriage, and they wind up being on the receieving end of it.

[Jim N Augie 16]

Depends on the policies where you work but for many places days off are not set in stone but vacations are sacred. I would keep emphasizing even though vacation time is being used it is much more than a vacation and a fairly major life event. Or in other words if this was your actual wedding date and honeymoon coming up would work consider canceling that too? Jim.

Edited September 11, 2011 by Jim N Augie