trying to be upbeat

[GLJ1322 5]

called the embassy. They approved the Visa, Plus printed and issued the Visa on Wednesday. So we are going to check with 2go to see where it is. It may beat us back to her village. :thumbs:

wow, I hope my interview will go smooth as well. I'm really happy that Gretchen and Darren will be together and married soon I'm sure Darren you're feeling way relieved knowing the visa is on transit or issued now. God bless to the rest of your journey.

[Ran4jenny 3]

Congrats. Your aplication will be at NVC in 2 weeks. Then move to the embassy. You will have her in the USA in just a few more weeks. Best wishes to a speedy journey from here.

Thank you. You are still on your journey though. Just the next phase, get her here and see her discover this new place we call home in usa Enjoy her Enjoy each other!

[gretchen_darren 67]

hehe, I hope things go well. Just waiting to see. We got back to butuan today. Just as I expected the Dad asked for money to go home. Leave me and Gretchen at the hotel thinking I am "tired". HEHE, me ready to go all night....Also, right after lunch the mom disappeared, seems she went to get her hair done right after we landed, checked into the hotel, and ate lunch. Just wonder about the money. Wonder how much gretchen has left of the 7,000 php I gave her earlier this week. Or maybe it is other money from her weekly allotment. The family is concerned about something in the village. they are very concerned over the people and things I will be seeing. This week is me seeing the village and how the fmaily and others are interacting. I am checking many, many things this week. today, has raised some questions for me in light of some past things.

(Gretchen's mom is a "loaner", Gretchen's mom took out a loan for a new "entertainment center" in the house. Just after I sent them money to assist getting blocks for building a new kitchen. I had encouraged Gretchen not to borrow any money for anything. Not knowing her mom was a "loaner". So I am going into the hornet's nest. I am going to see everything going on. My concern is the village has flooded 2 times this year already to their doorstep both times. One major typhoon, and their house will be wiped out. Just concerned they are investing in things which will not be good. they are not investing in things to make them more productive or building a house in a better location. Nor do they seem to save money. These things bother me. but that is just because of my teaching from my parents and grandparents from the "great depressions era". My biggest concern is if the bank knows Gretchen is leaving . the Bank could call the family's loan to be paid or Gretchen cannot leave. At that point, I would have a hard decision. Because I have bills at home to pay, and I have no idea how much the fmaily owes. They say everyone in the village has loans. To which I pointed out to her, not everyone is leaving the village for the USA either. So far there has not been problems. But the week at home in the village is still young. they know I will be coming to the village one way or another. they cannot stop it. they also know a person with who there has been contention is like a sister to me since I am good friends with her mom and step-dad back home. My car is at their house. This will be an interesting week.)

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

HEHE, me ready to go all night....

Ready to go where? Where can you go "all night"?

Wait a Sec!!

Eeeeewwww....you didn't have to share that. Too much information Mr. Grodie.

(I'm gonna get some coffee and reply to the rest of your post. Be back in a bit. I need to think of something else so I an get that visual outta my mind...I'm thinking ergonomics. OK..coffee time.)

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

My biggest concern is if the bank knows Gretchen is leaving . the Bank could call the family's loan to be paid or Gretchen cannot leave. At that point, I would have a hard decision. Because I have bills at home to pay, and I have no idea how much the fmaily owes.

First off...The family's credit score and relationship with the bank / lender should / has improve(ed). 2 reasons. 1) Your relationship with their daughter and 2) money transmittal receipts. Don't sweat it. (Maybe ask the banker if payments are being made on time. Banker is probably ready to make more loans. )

Edited September 10, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

My biggest concern is if the bank knows Gretchen is leaving . the Bank could call the family's loan to be paid or Gretchen cannot leave.

(I'm starting my second cup of coffee and this suddenly hits me.I'm gonna use caps...)

DARREN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! ARE YOU SNIFFING AIRPLANE GLUE?! YOUR FIANCEE IS LOAN COLLATERAL?! WHY COULDN'T SHE LEAVE?! WHO WOULD STOP HER FROM LEAVING?! Phew...too much with the caps...I don't like to use caps but you need to wake up. Well...maybe it's the coffee. Regardless...are you drunk? Sheeeeesh.

At that point, I would have a hard decision.

Awwwww jeeeez....here comes the caps again....

DARREN! DO YOU REFLECT ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE POSTING BEFORE YOU HIT SUBMIT?! I'M FEELING EMBARRASSED FOR YOU!! STOP IT!!

ok...that's it...no more caps...sorry 'bout that but c'mon...a hard decision?! Who are you trying to fool? Are you role playing some kind of tricky negotiation tactic or what? Snap! snap! snap!...that's my fingers snapping in front of your eyes. Wake up.

they know I will be coming to the village one way or another. .... This will be an interesting week.)

Darren...chillax...you're not the messiah nor are you a mafioso. How 'bout you try a face of humility and grace.

Edited September 10, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[B_J 2,752]

hehe, I hope things go well. Just waiting to see. We got back to butuan today. Just as I expected the Dad asked for money to go home. Leave me and Gretchen at the hotel thinking I am "tired". HEHE, me ready to go all night....Also, right after lunch the mom disappeared, seems she went to get her hair done right after we landed, checked into the hotel, and ate lunch. Just wonder about the money. Wonder how much gretchen has left of the 7,000 php I gave her earlier this week. Or maybe it is other money from her weekly allotment. The family is concerned about something in the village. they are very concerned over the people and things I will be seeing. This week is me seeing the village and how the fmaily and others are interacting. I am checking many, many things this week. today, has raised some questions for me in light of some past things.

(Gretchen's mom is a "loaner", Gretchen's mom took out a loan for a new "entertainment center" in the house. Just after I sent them money to assist getting blocks for building a new kitchen. I had encouraged Gretchen not to borrow any money for anything. Not knowing her mom was a "loaner". So I am going into the hornet's nest. I am going to see everything going on. My concern is the village has flooded 2 times this year already to their doorstep both times. One major typhoon, and their house will be wiped out. Just concerned they are investing in things which will not be good. they are not investing in things to make them more productive or building a house in a better location. Nor do they seem to save money. These things bother me. but that is just because of my teaching from my parents and grandparents from the "great depressions era". My biggest concern is if the bank knows Gretchen is leaving . the Bank could call the family's loan to be paid or Gretchen cannot leave. At that point, I would have a hard decision. Because I have bills at home to pay, and I have no idea how much the fmaily owes. They say everyone in the village has loans. To which I pointed out to her, not everyone is leaving the village for the USA either. So far there has not been problems. But the week at home in the village is still young. they know I will be coming to the village one way or another. they cannot stop it. they also know a person with who there has been contention is like a sister to me since I am good friends with her mom and step-dad back home. My car is at their house. This will be an interesting week.)

Their village flooded due to the enormous amount of rain, didn't it? I wouldn't worry too much about typhoons because I don't think she lives in a typhoon area, so the "only" worry would be about being safe from too much rain.

Do you plan to send money each month? I think you need to make it clear that the amount you send is all you can send each month. Perhaps when Gretchen gets there and sees how your finances really are then that will make it easier. You've already spent a lot of money on them, (probably too much but it was usually for good reason) and it's given everybody the impression that you're the area ATM. I think a set monthly limit can fix that problem for you.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I found this on another thread...Darren, what's going on?

You try your best to verify before the trip to the USA. But sometimes you just don't see things until it is too late. Believe me, I am in the last stages of my journey of bringing my girl to the states. Right now I am really watching things big time. This is a major step and I am trying to watch the family big time right now.

Seriously, do you need to discuss something? Is there something happening in regards to your "agreement"?

Edited September 10, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[tmma 467]

Darren- Your post is making it appear that Gretchen has become ' collateral' at the bank for her folks loan and an exchange for a new boat for her dad. It makes me want to cry for the poor teenager. Really. She's a commodity apparantly and what's she getting out of it? Oh yeah- 'all nighters' with you. Lovely.

I am praying for Gretchen and that the impression you are giving is only your writing style.

[paul_kay 31]

Seriously??? Just as I thought this story has ended good already now another chapter begins...

[yhang 20]

hehehe,,I guess they thought you have all the money in the world. I wouldn't be surprised if they thought so. You're always talking about all the money you're spending for your 'girl' and her family in this website. After all, you're DA MAN, right? I am actually expecting a scanned copy of all the receipts from you after that TGI Fridays dinner with her family.

You talk too much. I am hoping you are getting all the attention that you desperately need - whether it's good or bad - it's still attention, right? And you are obviously in need of it.

Goodluck to Gretchen.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Guys, let's don't be too much of a KJ. Let "Da Man" enjoy his delusions of grandeur. The guy enjoys bragging how many pennies he spends for his little girl and the family. Let him be.

Btw... TGIF sucks!

[rlogan 2,036]

whether it's good or bad - it's still attention, right?

I think people see this as obvious, yes. The less obvious thing to be looking for is manipulation by the "victim" regarding money in particular. We are accustomed to the story of the Filipina who manipulates her Americano for money, and some of it may be pertinent in this situation, but insight into the reverse is important too.

When you observe someone saying they are bringing them to Manila on the red carpet ride in order to show them how frugal you are, and putting all this thought into what their next "move" is given your last move - then you have crossed a couple of important lines. The first line is about open communication: you sit people down and explain what you are doing, and make agreements with them. If it is a budgeting 101 exercise, you sit down with a calendar and the regular bill schedule, along with the father's weekly masonry salary and work up a plan. If it is a trip then you chalk up the travel, lodging, and walk-around money. The easiest thing to do, and which shows a little more respect to them, is to just give a sum and say "that is for the trip to Manila" and give them the dignity of making their own decisions.

If there is any ambiguity in your position - then you have to ask who is "testing" or manipulating whom? When the alleged lesson is planning and budgeting then why has that very thing not been made clear? It is impossible to teach it without showing them how to do it. So this is one of those "what's wrong with this picture" moments. Which is the second line crossed: doing the opposite of what you are saying. If your lesson is in scrupulous frugality and personal responsibility then you do not go to Manila in the first place. You do not bring the family to Manila. You do not take taxis and planes, you take ships (economy class), jeepneys and buses. Better still, the girl demonstrates the aptitude and maturity to do it herself. Of course, we like to play the white knight on the horse rescuing the poor helpless little waif, but we have to be honest about how much respect it shows for someone if we keep acting like she's a helpless baby.

Laying out the red carpet when the picture is supposed to be frugality means they see you as someone who does the opposite of what they are saying. To us, this kind of money is not such a big deal. But to a poor Filipino you have to multiply by a hundred to appreciate the gravity of the lesson. When someone sees more money being pissed away in a week than they have seen their whole lives then that's what they remember about you, not that you are frugal. They see you are a money spigot and furthermore are unclear about how the spigot works because the words do not match the actions. Therefore the most rational thing to do is watch actions instead of listening to words. They hear "Don't ever ask me for money because blah blah blah..." and then they ask for money because every time they ask, you give a long-winded speech and give them the money anyway.

I can't come down on Darren and say this as a mark against him as a person, my God nobody is better than anyone else. I hope we look inside ourselves instead - we who have more money - and think carefully about how we interface with our spouse's family over it. Money can do more harm than good when it is applied wrong. It isn't any wonder why some families are corrupted by lazy greed. If we teach them to burn money like cigars, isn't that a lesson a little too easily learned?

[Tahoma 2,291]

darren:

The main thrust of the trip is finishing the Embassy interview plus spending time together before she comes to America.

Tahoma:

Whatever you say !!!

tmma:

but it's 'not the main thrust' of the trip.....

Tahoma:

Darren's fiancée might be surprised to hear that !!!

darren:

ok... wrong choice of words.

...the main thurst of the trip is what DOES she want?

tmma:

...please stop saying thrust.

darren:

Either this will work out, or will be one of the worst train wrecks.

Markieboy:

Expect the latter. Prepare accordingly.

darren:

this week is the one week I really get to show them EXACTLY how I am.

angel7407:

Goodluck...to Gretchen.

~happyndinlove~:

Poor little girl

GLJ1322:

Good luck to Gretchen

darren:

HEHE, me ready to go all night

Crashed~N2~Me:

Eeeeewwww....you didn't have to share that.

~happyndinlove~:

He's an IDIOT....

tmma:

Oh yeah- 'all nighters' with you. Lovely.

I am praying for Gretchen...

yhang:

You talk too much.

Goodluck to Gretchen.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Let him be.

no.

Edited September 10, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me