What did I do wrong?

[renecherubs 18]

Sounds like you came from a good family. You may consider yourself poor in some things, but it sounds like you are rich in other things.

Some of those observations are from my wife's family, and they are crazy, her whole family, both sides. Maybe that is what drew us together. My family is not normal either.

thank you for the comment. but same as everyone else my family is not perfect. no family is perfect. we have our ups and downs too.

gud luck with the married life. a trick i learned from my parents, always be humble, always say sorry, and never ever consider breaking up. it's not an option. don't choose the easy way out which is separation. don't even think it's possible. the road to success is a hard way but very rewarding.

and before i forget... forget about pride. pride is considered a sin. this advice is not mine. they're from my parents. and they're married for almost 45 years.

[sunandmoon 450]

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

Damn, I missed the reply from the OP. This has gotten WAY

And if you want to see sad, you should see the children here in Afghanistan that we carry to the hospital... they have hot oil poured over them, or dipped in boiling water when they mess up. It's sad. But it's the way of their culture. Personally, I would take 20 rice sacks with bamboo sticks over just one does of boiling water.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Damn, I missed the reply from the OP. This has gotten WAY

And if you want to see sad, you should see the children here in Afghanistan that we carry to the hospital... they have hot oil poured over them, or dipped in boiling water when they mess up. It's sad. But it's the way of their culture. Personally, I would take 20 rice sacks with bamboo sticks over just one does of boiling water.

You are not the first person I know from Afghanistan to spend time in the Philippines. I have a friend that teaches English in Kabul that built a house in Puerto Galera.

[rlogan 2,036]

Someone observed that tampo is universal across humans and is independent of culture per se, and there is at least one reason why. When humans are subject to abuse of one kind or another - physical or mental abuse - they fight back covertly. This rule spans all human relations, and it is important to point out it is a principle of warfare, not a principle of cooperation. When there is asymmetric power, the lesser force chooses guerilla warfare. To fight openly is suicide. You have to fight dirty.

There are some saying tampo is "being quiet"and it is better than the option of screaming at your spouse. That is a false dichotomy. Those are not the only two ways to interact with your spouse. Communication between spouses is always paramount for cooperation. If you need to cool off from a heated discussion or think about your response for a while - then that is what you tell your spouse. You don't lie to them and sulk around, saying "nothing is wrong" when your actions are loudly saying something is wrong. You don't refuse to explain what is going on. If it is merely needing a little time, then you don't keep that a secret. Instead you urge your spouse to please understand you just need to think for a bit. Reasonable people understand that perfectly and will give you some time. So let's make sure we are distinguishing between two spouses communicating openly and clearly vs a spouse fighting back against perceived abuse of some kind.

I say perceived abuse because it may be real abuse, or it may be that the person actually is like a narcissistic child. It is immature or a lack of character when people lie, conceal, and otherwise manipulate their spouse - the books on personality disorders talk about this in the context of people who have an impaired conscience. Almost all children will grow out of this behavior in the right environment. But people in abusive environments learn to fight covertly. In the US we would call it giving someone the silent treatment. It is a form of mental abuse.

This behavior is never considered healthy by mental health professionals. Someone already did mention that the Filipino society is one in which more abuse of women is found, and this is how they fight back. Regardless of whether that is true, we should not cherish the woman's guerilla war against the abusive husband. We should just eliminate abuse from everyone and work cooperatively as a team in marriage. If you aren't going to do that, then what is the point of being married.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

always be humble, always say sorry, and never ever consider breaking up. it's not an option. don't choose the easy way out which is separation. don't even think it's possible.

Yet another reason why I love my husband so dearly...

Edited July 21, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~

[sunshinearizona 21]

It's not something that can be reasoned with. It's like a switch gets thrown, and it will eventually reset itself, once she starts to reevaluate her situation. In the meantime, apologies from the husband are the only things that will accelerate the process. Trust me. I have been through it, and I have seen others go through it. If you don't like drama, don't marry a Pinay.

ETA: Grammar error bothered me.

this is the best thing you have said so far!

[Dan and Judy 614]

Hey! I'm going to move to Texas! Wait...............I'm already in Texas!!! Whoooopi!!!

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Does that include consenting adults?

[Dan and Judy 614]

Does that include consenting adults?

as long as it is in a public school, it's ok

you just have to sign in first

[TiklingGuy 211]

I think in North Carolina it's still law that on Sundays you are allowed to take your wife to the court house steps and beat her. Not sure about the hours though.

[SMOKE 1,426]

What did I do wrong? How can I fix this? And how can I get her to let me help her?

marc if this isn't resolved...gimme a call. i still have the same #. pm me if you lost it.

[Gumbolette 58]

First of all: What an ungrateful #######. She wouldn't be well and fully functional in the long run if not for your handwork.

However; I can see where she is coming from. You have embarrassed her in front of a friend and I would more and likely feel the same way if my husband shows no sympathy for our laughter while with a friend. Like what others have said, its common to all Filipinas. If the drama last for more than 5 days, you have look at different angles of this story. Was this the first time she had this episode? Or was that the first time you heard her say those pretty lame words " I don't love you anymore". If the answers were Yes, well then I must say she was just pretty upset of what has happened and it surely pass by. Or it just from the range of emotions that time. We all say words we hardly mean. But if she has had few episodes of break down, I'd still strongly suggest a deep, mature conversation, and confrontation of what she has been truly feeling for the past months.

I don't want you to be one of those lonely victims of "stepping stones" to the United States. If you know what I mean.

Good luck!

[Karee 4,190]

It sounds like Filipina women are a lot like Vietnamese women.

Laugh. I was gonna say the same thing about Thais.

[Gumbolette 58]

Laugh. I was gonna say the same thing about Thais.

what can I say, they all came from same continent.