Child Custody In Egypt (Slightly Off Topic)

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

You're right. I accept my weakness and admire that you pointed it out.

Thank you.

I think if your stomach burns and churns , go with your gut. Its disgusting whats shes doing and if you feel sick watching it happen , you dont need a consensus of whether something is morally wrong or not. If it sounds nuts to your 75 year old grandmother or your next door neighbor its nuts. If conspiring to take a child away from the only mother hes ever known to go live with a mom who has no kids and hes never met doesnt make your hair fall out, then you need some help..

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

You're right. I accept my weakness and admire that you pointed it out.

Thank you.

Its not weakness to find something offensive or bad. Its not a weakness on your part.. however any one wants to spin it , it still sucks and for something to be planning child custody with someone they havent actually met in person is, well NUTS..spin

[~ameriptian~ 54]

Isnt your husband Egyptian? Where is their mother from? Is she Egyptian or American? The best thing you could do for those kids is to be kind to their mother and even if shes made mistakes, help them have the best relationship they can have with her.

Who told you that I already don't??!!

Visitations are not an "only" thing. They are critical. Of course if your husband is Egyptian, you may very well feel that like your husband, its not such a big deal to pull full custody from a mother. As a mother, I find all of this very scary. I also have American friends who have kids overseas that they cannot see or have contact with because they signed over custody with a lot of promises that they would have access to their kids.

Here we go again....!!

Obviously, you know nothing about our immigration case or personal life... But, you still go on with assuming if my husband is Egyptian, I may very well feel like him that it is ok to pull away children from their mother??! Who mentioned any children getting pulled away from their mother anyway?? Ever occurred to you some women are lame-excuse-for-mothers and they abandoned their children, and the courts grant the father full-custody??!

You seriously need to get over your personal issues!

I think its important to not shout down or vilify anyone. I also don't think that taking away a mothers child just because Daddy wants to is always the best thing for a kid nor is a ready willing and child free step mom egging it on good thing either.. Half the time its to ingratiate herself to the dad and not in the best interest of the kids ( surely not your situation)

Again, you need to get over your personal issues!

Edited June 25, 2011 by ~ameriptian~

[~ameriptian~ 54]

I think if your stomach burns and churns , go with your gut. Its disgusting whats shes doing and if you feel sick watching it happen , you dont need a consensus of whether something is morally wrong or not. If it sounds nuts to your 75 year old grandmother or your next door neighbor its nuts. If conspiring to take a child away from the only mother hes ever known to go live with a mom who has no kids and hes never met doesnt make your hair fall out, then you need some help..

Yes, it does suck.. But, guess what??!! This is an online forum! You can only give/take advice and share stories and experiences.. Real adults make decisions in REAL LIFE.. Yes, some people actually happen to have lives!

Edited June 25, 2011 by ~ameriptian~

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Yes, it does suck.. But, guess what??!! This is an online forum! You can only give/take advice and share stories and experiences.. Real adults make decisions in REAL LIFE.. Yes, some people actually happen to have lives! :rollseyes:

Very true

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Yes, it does suck.. But, guess what??!! This is an online forum! You can only give/take advice and share stories and experiences.. Real adults make decisions in REAL LIFE.. Yes, some people actually happen to have lives!

The boards also lack the nuances of real conversation or the intenseness of knowing each other in real time situations. That goes for internet relationships as well

I guess I have a different opinion on child custody situations. I think that even if a father has full custody, the less that can be done to vilify the mom and the more that can be done to build up her strengths in the kids eyes the better. When that doesnt happen, parental alienation is taking place. She may be immature, have mental health issues etc but often as new spouses, you dont understand the dynamics of why she wanted out of the relationship in the first place. Some women are not ready to have kids and the kindest thing they can do is be a good absentee parent. This has nothing to do with the original poster.. I havent really had to deal with my children living away from me but I did have a child free girlfriend about 7 years ago ( not arab by the way) start pushing me around and I was the custodial parent. Its very important that in ANY situation that whatever we do , its the best thing for the kids

Even though she perhaps was a "bad mother" the shock and terror of being separated from her kids together with arab social stigma if she was arab maybe got to her AFTER she relinquished custody as it often does when moms make that choice.. even if it was the best choice for the child to live with the other parent. Even marginal moms miss their kids and as custodial parents, or step parents, as hard as it is to be kind , its important for the kids sakes.. Just my opinion..

Even here in the US, moms can lose custody even if they are good mothers due to lack of financial ability to provide a home. I am sure its worse in Egypt . A girl on her own in Egypt with 2 kids has little chance of ever starting her life again so in her defense you dont know what shoes she walked in with your ex ( the mom)

In conclusion, without even moral judgements, they havent met, the kids dont know her and its crazy to talk about custody away from a mom whos a decent person... ( not your case of course)

[sandinista! 1,816]

Isnt your husband Egyptian? Where is their mother from? Is she Egyptian or American? The best thing you could do for those kids is to be kind to their mother and even if shes made mistakes, help them have the best relationship they can have with her.

Visitations are not an "only" thing. They are critical. Of course if your husband is Egyptian, you may very well feel that like your husband, its not such a big deal to pull full custody from a mother. As a mother, I find all of this very scary. I also have American friends who have kids overseas that they cannot see or have contact with because they signed over custody with a lot of promises that they would have access to their kids.

I think its important to not shout down or vilify anyone. I also dont think that taking away a mothers child just because Daddy wants to is always the best thing for a kid nor is a ready willing and child free step mom egging it on good thing either.. Half the time its to ingratiate herself to the dad and not in the best interest of the kids ( surely not your situation)

And the fact that this thread is again a real life example of how morals get thrown under a bus in the search for companionship speaks for itself

you're off the bleeping rails here. you don't know the first thing about her, or her family's situation, and nothing she's posted invited yr clueless commentary. i have to give props, i thought i'd seen crazy from the likes of you, but this garbage yr dumping on aya is a new low. amazing.

[sandinista! 1,816]

The boards also lack the nuances of real conversation or the intenseness of knowing each other in real time situations. That goes for internet relationships as well

I guess I have a different opinion on child custody situations. I think that even if a father has full custody, the less that can be done to vilify the mom and the more that can be done to build up her strengths in the kids eyes the better. When that doesnt happen, parental alienation is taking place. She may be immature, have mental health issues etc but often as new spouses, you dont understand the dynamics of why she wanted out of the relationship in the first place. Some women are not ready to have kids and the kindest thing they can do is be a good absentee parent. This has nothing to do with the original poster.. I havent really had to deal with my children living away from me but I did have a child free girlfriend about 7 years ago ( not arab by the way) start pushing me around and I was the custodial parent. Its very important that in ANY situation that whatever we do , its the best thing for the kids

Even though she perhaps was a "bad mother" the shock and terror of being separated from her kids together with arab social stigma if she was arab maybe got to her AFTER she relinquished custody as it often does when moms make that choice.. even if it was the best choice for the child to live with the other parent. Even marginal moms miss their kids and as custodial parents, or step parents, as hard as it is to be kind , its important for the kids sakes.. Just my opinion..

Even here in the US, moms can lose custody even if they are good mothers due to lack of financial ability to provide a home. I am sure its worse in Egypt . A girl on her own in Egypt with 2 kids has little chance of ever starting her life again so in her defense you dont know what shoes she walked in with your ex ( the mom)

In conclusion, without even moral judgements, they havent met, the kids dont know her and its crazy to talk about custody away from a mom whos a decent person... ( not your case of course)

i lack the words to emphasize how completely nauseated it makes me to hear you attempt to lay a guilt trip on this woman, who you continue to spout inaccurate information about, when i can attest to reading some of the most blatantly ugly comments i've ever read about arab women in your past postings. you are not a champion of downtrodden arab women. sick sick sick.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

O. dear. Heavens!

Kat ... please dont give Aya any advice, shes one girl that definitely got her head on her shoulders and knows how to handle her own business and take care of her children/family.

Morena, its not necessary to get upset and uptight about someone elses situation that you dont know 100% about. You havent been around VJ long enough and frankly no one at this moment knows the outcome of the OPs future but GOD alone. Just chill a bit on this whole subject.

Edited June 25, 2011 by ~PalmTreeGurl~

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

i lack the words to emphasize how completely nauseated it makes me to hear you attempt to lay a guilt trip on this woman, who you continue to spout inaccurate information about, when i can attest to reading some of the most blatantly ugly comments i've ever read about arab women in your past postings. you are not a champion of downtrodden arab women. sick sick sick.

I dont think I said anything inappropriate and I dont think this has anything to do with being arab or not. If it was the other way around I would say the same thing. If it makes you sick sick sick to listen to me state my opinion, block me and you will never have to read what I have to say. I really give a ####### whatt you think

O. dear. Heavens!

Kat ... please dont give Aya any advice, shes one girl that definitely got her head on her shoulders and knows how to handle her own business and take care of her children/family.

Morena, its not necessary to get upset and uptight about someone elses situation that you dont know 100% about. You havent been around VJ long enough and frankly no one at this moment knows the outcome of the OPs future but GOD alone. Just chill a bit on this whole subject.

Head on her shoulders or not, I am just talking to her, not condemning her

And Morena. Keep stating and having your own opinion. Its normal to have a queasy stomach over this.

[~ameriptian~ 54]

The boards also lack the nuances of real conversation or the intenseness of knowing each other in real time situations. That goes for internet relationships as well

I guess I have a different opinion on child custody situations. I think that even if a father has full custody, the less that can be done to vilify the mom and the more that can be done to build up her strengths in the kids eyes the better. When that doesnt happen, parental alienation is taking place. She may be immature, have mental health issues etc but often as new spouses, you dont understand the dynamics of why she wanted out of the relationship in the first place. Some women are not ready to have kids and the kindest thing they can do is be a good absentee parent. This has nothing to do with the original poster.. I havent really had to deal with my children living away from me but I did have a child free girlfriend about 7 years ago ( not arab by the way) start pushing me around and I was the custodial parent. Its very important that in ANY situation that whatever we do , its the best thing for the kids

Even though she perhaps was a "bad mother" the shock and terror of being separated from her kids together with arab social stigma if she was arab maybe got to her AFTER she relinquished custody as it often does when moms make that choice.. even if it was the best choice for the child to live with the other parent. Even marginal moms miss their kids and as custodial parents, or step parents, as hard as it is to be kind , its important for the kids sakes.. Just my opinion..

Even here in the US, moms can lose custody even if they are good mothers due to lack of financial ability to provide a home. I am sure its worse in Egypt . A girl on her own in Egypt with 2 kids has little chance of ever starting her life again so in her defense you dont know what shoes she walked in with your ex ( the mom)

In conclusion, without even moral judgements, they havent met, the kids dont know her and its crazy to talk about custody away from a mom whos a decent person... ( not your case of course)

So you are not ok with alienating a female parent, but you are ok with alienating a male parent from a child? lol

A bad parent is a bad parent no matter what their gender is! And, nobody mentioned alienating any parent out of any child's life anyway...

I love how you build imaginative scenarios and build stories and opinions over them

FYI, moms in the US don't lose custody just for the lack of financial ability, there any many programs for struggling mothers in every state...

[sandinista! 1,816]

you continue to be completely oblivious to the fact that you do not know aya, and do not know the first thing about her family. yet you chose to spew ####### and judgement and condemnation on her on a public forum, even though you obviously don't know a thing about her, and continue to assert things about her that are patently false. it's wrong, and disturbing, and i'm sickened that aya's enjoyment and use of this forum has been tainted by yr targeting her. it's abusive.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

O. dear. Heavens!

Kat ... please dont give Aya any advice, shes one girl that definitely got her head on her shoulders and knows how to handle her own business and take care of her children/family.

Morena, its not necessary to get upset and uptight about someone elses situation that you dont know 100% about. You havent been around VJ long enough and frankly no one at this moment knows the outcome of the OPs future but GOD alone. Just chill a bit on this whole subject.

And to let you know, I couldnt tell it was Aya based on what I read...knowing that still wouldnt have made me tell her to be venoumous towards an ex wife. In real life despite how I flip off here and talk, I am very kind and gracious to most people.

Anyone that knows me in real life knows I have more experience in MENA including living in Palestine in the 1980s and when I talk, I am not pulling it out of the air. I have seen alot and have lived alot and as unfortunate as it is, many Americans just simply do not understand what a person can be driven to do when they want out of a bad situation and just how different our cultures are. If you can blend into it and give up alot of your own identity and traditions, then you can be with a close minded person. If you are an American fortunate to marry a man with an open minded and more secular family, you can retain, as an American, alot of yourself. You cant find that out online. You cant find that out in 2 weeks. You find that out over a long period. If you got it right, its wonderful. If you married the wrong person and brought them here, its hell on earth. There is a girl on the other board, mystic who has a restraining order and right now has absolutely no idea where the person she sponsored is as she fears for her safety. Is that somehow a misunderstanding on her part or could it be when you bring someone from a completely different culture here, that things can go every which way but loose? Does this girl need to waste 4 years of her life on this project? And possibly tear apart another womans life in the meanwhile? I dont think so.

This girl has been communicating with this guy while he was still married to his Arabic wife. They still havent met yet and somehow she is being roped in to some idea of bringing his kids over here, one not even living with his family and discussing custody. The inital reaction was shock and horror and then after a while, the familiar people starting popping up and saying lets not makea big deal out of this. The problem is that everyonce in a while, you cant spin the messes away. There are going to be cases that will make you think, make you reevaluate everything you think about our culture, their culture and the whole cross cultural things. This whole situation is wrong on so many levels that it makes me question the morality of people who do not question it.

Say what you want, but its ok to defend people or cultures as long as you can find the fault in them as well. This whole situation is morally depraved and I hope to God that this girl makes the right choice. For her sake and for the sake of that innocent little kids trapped in the middle

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

So you are not ok with alienating a female parent, but you are ok with alienating a male parent from a child? lol

A bad parent is a bad parent no matter what their gender is! And, nobody mentioned alienating any parent out of any child's life anyway...

I love how you build imaginative scenarios and build stories and opinions over them

FYI, moms in the US don't lose custody just for the lack of financial ability, there any many programs for struggling mothers in every state...

Do you have children of your own? I do not think so.

Secondly, its very possible in the United States to lose custody or primary custody to a spouse with more resources. Happens every day.

I dont think that I could imagine anything more weird than the original post.

I dont think taking a child away from his mother or calling her a loser is anything to be proud of frankly. I think if you had a child of your own, you could understand that hard heartbreaking pain of being away from your child, no matter how ill equipped you are to parent

[~ameriptian~ 54]

I dont think I said anything inappropriate and I dont think this has anything to do with being arab or not. If it was the other way around I would say the same thing. If it makes you sick sick sick to listen to me state my opinion, block me and you will never have to read what I have to say. I really give a ####### whatt you think

Head on her shoulders or not, I am just talking to her, not condemning her

And Morena. Keep stating and having your own opinion. Its normal to have a queasy stomach over this.

I do think you said something inappropriate... Assuming my husband is Egyptian he is pulling children away from their poor/screwed up mother, and I am just going along with it... That's messed up, IMO.. Who are you to keep spilling the bitterness of your opinion on a whole culture (an opinion I believe not appreciated very much on this particular forum)...

Exactly, Morena, keep working yourself up over a complete stranger's (who happens to be an adult)situation...after you've already given her your opinion, remind her not to mess up every day, tell her that she is up for a failure, and keep this thread going on and on..