am I cheap?

[TravellingNomad 12]

OP, you are not cheap for being responsible for your financial obligations. i know how you feel about working to pay bills with just enough to be able to set aside for savings (but it's not much really). your fiance is already playing you. having the latest electronics....these are not necessities. they are for her to show to whoever wants to listen to her that she has the latest and greatest devices. and the nerve of this woman to ask you to pay for her niece's college and then ask for more?!?! $100 to go to a fast food burger joint is too much. tell her you're putting your foot down and if she thinks you are a cash cow...then tell her you don't see the relationship going any further. if she still does not change after you tell her that...then cut your losses and go find yourself a much more deserving filipina. there are a lot out there that will not look at you like you are a tree that bears the money fruit year round.

[Ironman140 45]

Dump her fast. I have seen your future, and it is not pretty.

I agree with SOG

Kick her to the curb and keep looking took me 40 years but the right lasswill come along

[jrmejia 31]

Sorry but I have to totally disagree on this one.

If the OP did not want us to make any assumptions or conclusions about his girl, then I suggest he lessens shared information and just give, oh I don't know, a tamer situation? Not something that will make us feel like he's a fish nibbling on a bait casted by the girl. Given the situation, we extremely FELT bad for him. Just because he asked us if he's cheap or not doesn't mean we'll answer it with a Yes or No. Again, with the sitch that he gave, of course we'll give an advice/answer and back it up with the obvious reason why. If he's the type who's just waiting for someone to tell him what he just want to hear, then this isn't the perfect place for that, I'm afraid.

What is up with that 2nd job thing too? He's going to break his back just to fulfill her shopping appetite? Redonkulous!

You are allowed to disagree with me. Yes, I do believe he is spending a bit too much. But I don't see anything wrong with that. I still hold my position not to call that lady "the kind of names you guys/gals" are calling her.

Maybe she just want to feel pretty or whatever that stuff some cute princess feel.

To the OP:

If that is what it takes to make her happy. Be it and hope both of you are having a great time.

Those are my 2 cents.

[jrmejia 31]

having the latest electronics....these are not necessities. they are for her to show to whoever wants to listen to her that she has the latest and greatest devices.

I know this message was addressed to the OP but I see nothing wrong with the above. In fact, I find it cute. In a way.! When some one finds a princess that is the price that person has to pay for her. Good thing she is showing him the FINE PRINT ahead of time. Many of us don't see that until late in the relationship.

My 2 cents (I almost forgot to give 2 more cents)

Edited May 2, 2011 by jrmejia

[B_J 2,752]

I already told her I can not spend money at this rate. I really can not afford this any more . Jobs are so hard these days. I am working today but we don't know what tomorrow will bring. At this rate my saving will be gone soon . I left out many many more details about.

To the OP:

If that is what it takes to make her happy. Be it and hope both of you are having a great time.

Those are my 2 cents.

JR: I agree with you to an extent. There's nothing wrong with showering your loved one with gifts. However, the most important part is what he said in his first post. He can't afford it. They are not both having a great time. She is having a great time and he is going broke. If she can't understand that there is a limit to his money; then there is a real problem.

[tallcoolone 102]

Please Post some pics of your girlfriend, It will help me decide the correct answer........

[devastedme 2]

Hello,

I am taking a lunch break. I need to clarify few things. I feel I created the situation. Let me give you a bit of a background. I met her on Yahoo last year. One of my friend has friends in the Phil. and he goes there just for fun. He is married here in USA. I asked him for advice and one of the advice he gave me was to give her the money as soon as I go there. He said Phil. is a dangerous country and they always think Americans always carrying money with them. Before I went to visit her, I repeated to her many times that I am not a rich guy. I work to pay my bills. She said she has no problem with that.

When I came back, I think that is when I started the situation I am in now. I think I made her addicted to this. The first thing I told her was listen Mary I gave you a engagement ring but I don't like the way it matches with the rest of your jewelry. Can you please try to find matching jewelry so that it goes well with the engagement ring? she said sure. She quoted me $1,300(dollars) for a reckless and earrings. (white diamond). I did not argue with her because it was my fault for asking her in the first place to go and search for jewelry.

She is not the most beautiful person in the world but so hard to resist her charm. I feel like giving everything I can afford. But I think I went to far.

Now whenever she needs something and I don't give her the right amount, there she goes calling me "Cheap guy" and later moody.

I really don't have the gut to blame her for everything. I did not know how to handle her charm and maybe I lost my head. Now I am paying for it.

I believe it is a 50/50 situation. But regardless, I don't like when she calls me cheap. I don't know why. I feel she does not appreciate anything. Not only my heart but material things also.

Edited May 2, 2011 by devastedme

[John&Juvy 36]

Hello,

I am taking a lunch break. I need to clarify few things. I feel I created the situation. Let me give you a bit of a background. I met her on Yahoo last year. One of my friend has friends in the Phil. and he goes there just for fun. He is married here in USA. I asked him for advice and one of the advice he gave me was to give her the money as soon as I go there. He said Phil. is a dangerous country and they always think Americans always carrying money with them. Before I went to visit her, I repeated to her many times that I am not a rich guy. I work to pay my bills. She said she has no problem with that.

When I came back, I think that is when I started the situation I am in now. I think I made her addicted to this. The first thing I told her was listen Mary I gave you a engagement ring but I don't like the way it matches with the rest of your jewelry. Can you please try to find matching jewelry so that it goes well with the engagement ring? she said sure. She quoted me $1,300(dollars) for a reckless and earrings. (white diamond). I did not argue with her because it was my fault for asking her in the first place to go and search for jewelry.

She is not the most beautiful person in the world but so hard to resist her charm. I feel like giving everything I can afford. But I think I went to far.

Now whenever she needs something and I don't give her the right amount, there she goes calling me "Cheap guy" and later moody.

I really don't have the gut to blame her for everything. I did not know how to handle her charm and maybe I lost my head. Now I am paying for it.

I believe it is a 50/50 situation. But regardless, I don't like when she calls me cheap. I don't know why. I feel she does not appreciate anything. Not only my heart but material things also.

Speechless..............

[HotPinay-KoolKano 10]

Poor you and very poor advice. A friend of mine married a Filipina that spends $4000-$5000 every month while she was still in PI. She always promise her that she will change, she will not spend money anymore, etc etc. She came here in the US, guess what??? She alone is spending $4000-$5000 every month and is always demanding money from the guy to send money home(take note: BIG AMOUNTS!) There goes the line: my brother needs this, my sister's baby needs that, my parents will have those, my other sister will need blah blah blah... never ending money money money. Forced(I may say MANIPULATED) the guy to buy her a very expensive watch(R...x for $4000...hehehe). Then all of a sudden went to an exPensive store and just bought a $2000 necklace! Not only that, will just withdraw money from their account(like 3K and if asked, oh, I needed to pay something...and this happened 3 times...just withdrew and the guy knew after.) In relation to your post, the guy has two very high paying jobs. But guess what???? He feels like a robot working sooooooo hard just to keep up with her spending and the money for Philippines. Too bad because he is like the OP, always makes excuses for her actions and always give her chances...and she always promise to not do it again. It's been almost 5 years since they married, PI and US situation is still the same. Poor, poor guy... Now he is complaining that he is overused, he feels sooooo tired having to work 80+ hours a week, and is sooooo confused. All the wife does is shop everyday...isn't it great???? And the most funny thing? He spent all those money while she was still in PI, but he did not even receive any card or gifts in the mail from her. When she was here, she spent all those money too, but never thoughtful during special occasions. So, where the money went? Well, just for her and her family back home. That is just the tip of the iceberg of their story. A lot of things going on, but poor guy he cannot let her go. He is suffering in so many ways emotionally, but he's too weak and has a very low self-esteem, same reasons: I wanted to make her happy. Here is the clue: TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!

To you Sir, your opinion is way out there. Instead of saving a person from more damage and stress, instead of saving a person from much more manipulation happening, you asked him to do it more??? And even asked him to get another job just to satisfy her whims??? Do you think it will not end up that this guy will not become a milking cow? Not only that, what will happen to this guy's personality? He will allow somebody to abuse or manipulate him in any way? So, tell me is that a good way to teach a person (to the OP and from the OP to the fiancée) to grow up and be mature? To work together for the benefit of their relationship? Not work as a job I mean, but to make the relationship out of any abuse form. If I have to ask a question, why is the guy writing that they are coming to US and he is so nervous? And take note, it's not only one "u" in nervous word that he put, but a looooooooot, meaning the feeling is very intense and he is very scared. Because what the woman is doing is very ok with this guy, then he will not write here and would not write that way. There are people who will just really allow somebody to "use" them emotionally, psychologically, mentally and especially financially.

THIS IS MY REPLY TO jrmeia's post. IT'S MESSED UP BECAUSE IM USING MY PHONE TO REPLY.

I agree with you...i am a filipina and for sure i am not jumping into a conclusion, we are stating here what might the future holds for them basing on the facts that this man gave to us, his advice shocked me!haha at least u angel try to elaborate ur idea or ur advice. Good job!

[Tim/Mav 305]

Hello,

I am taking a lunch break. I need to clarify few things. I feel I created the situation. Let me give you a bit of a background. I met her on Yahoo last year. One of my friend has friends in the Phil. and he goes there just for fun. He is married here in USA. I asked him for advice and one of the advice he gave me was to give her the money as soon as I go there. He said Phil. is a dangerous country and they always think Americans always carrying money with them. Before I went to visit her, I repeated to her many times that I am not a rich guy. I work to pay my bills. She said she has no problem with that.

When I came back, I think that is when I started the situation I am in now. I think I made her addicted to this. The first thing I told her was listen Mary I gave you a engagement ring but I don't like the way it matches with the rest of your jewelry. Can you please try to find matching jewelry so that it goes well with the engagement ring? she said sure. She quoted me $1,300(dollars) for a reckless and earrings. (white diamond). I did not argue with her because it was my fault for asking her in the first place to go and search for jewelry.

She is not the most beautiful person in the world but so hard to resist her charm. I feel like giving everything I can afford. But I think I went to far.

Now whenever she needs something and I don't give her the right amount, there she goes calling me "Cheap guy" and later moody.

I really don't have the gut to blame her for everything. I did not know how to handle her charm and maybe I lost my head. Now I am paying for it.

I believe it is a 50/50 situation. But regardless, I don't like when she calls me cheap. I don't know why. I feel she does not appreciate anything. Not only my heart but material things also.

Your on a good start to waking up. Do you have any idea how much $1,300.00 is in the Philippines. The Brain is a 50/50 situation as well, the right side and the left side but that don't mean they work together. I suggest you talk to her about this and clarify your position and hers. I seen lots of good posts from Pinays.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Hello,

I am taking a lunch break. I need to clarify few things. I feel I created the situation. Let me give you a bit of a background. I met her on Yahoo last year. One of my friend has friends in the Phil. and he goes there just for fun. He is married here in USA. I asked him for advice and one of the advice he gave me was to give her the money as soon as I go there. He said Phil. is a dangerous country and they always think Americans always carrying money with them. Before I went to visit her, I repeated to her many times that I am not a rich guy. I work to pay my bills. She said she has no problem with that.

When I came back, I think that is when I started the situation I am in now. I think I made her addicted to this. The first thing I told her was listen Mary I gave you a engagement ring but I don't like the way it matches with the rest of your jewelry. Can you please try to find matching jewelry so that it goes well with the engagement ring? she said sure. She quoted me $1,300(dollars) for a reckless and earrings. (white diamond). I did not argue with her because it was my fault for asking her in the first place to go and search for jewelry.

She is not the most beautiful person in the world but so hard to resist her charm. I feel like giving everything I can afford. But I think I went to far.

Now whenever she needs something and I don't give her the right amount, there she goes calling me "Cheap guy" and later moody.

I really don't have the gut to blame her for everything. I did not know how to handle her charm and maybe I lost my head. Now I am paying for it.

I believe it is a 50/50 situation. But regardless, I don't like when she calls me cheap. I don't know why. I feel she does not appreciate anything. Not only my heart but material things also.

Are you stating that all of your expenditures were spontaneous, impulsive and volunteered by you? She never requested anything?

I think it is time for you to purchase some "instant manipulator repellent spray"!

Bring in the "Logan".....OP needs to start the "manipulation" schooling! ASAP!

Edited May 2, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~

[sunandmoon 450]

you mentioned she has visa in hand. she told you things will change when she comes here. use the time before she comes here to find out how she reacts if you stop sending money for ALL unnecessary expenses.

[HotPinay-KoolKano 10]

which has us shaking our heads more in disbelief, the situation the OP is in or one piece of advice given to the OP...

the advice given to the OP. it really shakes my head.

Edited May 2, 2011 by Leo&Rea

[jrmejia 31]

When I came back, I think that is when I started the situation I am in now. I think I made her addicted to this.

Hello? Can you hear me? You are just a poor guy in love. Hey!! nothing wrong with that. Read the Book "Romeo and Juliet". They gave something more valuable. "LIFE"!

She is not the most beautiful person in the world but so hard to resist her charm. I feel like giving everything I can afford. But I think I went to far.

I really don't have the gut to blame her for everything. I did not know how to handle her charm and maybe I lost my head. Now I am paying for it.

I think you still have a time to undo what you did. I bet you have a winner !!

[TravellingNomad 12]

I know this message was addressed to the OP but I see nothing wrong with the above. In fact, I find it cute. In a way.! When some one finds a princess that is the price that person has to pay for her. Good thing she is showing him the FINE PRINT ahead of time. Many of us don't see that until late in the relationship.

My 2 cents (I almost forgot to give 2 more cents)

so you don't see anything wrong with him having to spend all the money he could be putting in a bank saving for their rainy days or future...for her to get the greatest and latest electronic devices because she just has to have them? having a serious relationship is hard work. it's not about buying your partner's affection. why even fall in love if you are buying the other person's affection? yeah i agree...nothing wrong with spending money on your spouse/partner. but to be forced to spend the money...otherwise you are insulted for not giving in to that person's whim?...that is just plain wrong. stop being naive...would you let your wife go on asking you for thousands of dollars just so she can be happy at having the latest blackberry?...the latest digital camera? $1200 so that she can celebrate her birthday? for god's sake, my wife celebrated her bday and all it cost me was $50! and she told me she even had some left over so she asked me if it was ok for her to use it to buy me a card! wake up...you are giving OP bad advise by telling him to keep enabling his fiancee to treat him like a cash cow.

my 2 cents.

Hello,

I am taking a lunch break. I need to clarify few things. I feel I created the situation. Let me give you a bit of a background. I met her on Yahoo last year. One of my friend has friends in the Phil. and he goes there just for fun. He is married here in USA. I asked him for advice and one of the advice he gave me was to give her the money as soon as I go there. He said Phil. is a dangerous country and they always think Americans always carrying money with them. Before I went to visit her, I repeated to her many times that I am not a rich guy. I work to pay my bills. She said she has no problem with that.

When I came back, I think that is when I started the situation I am in now. I think I made her addicted to this. The first thing I told her was listen Mary I gave you a engagement ring but I don't like the way it matches with the rest of your jewelry. Can you please try to find matching jewelry so that it goes well with the engagement ring? she said sure. She quoted me $1,300(dollars) for a reckless and earrings. (white diamond). I did not argue with her because it was my fault for asking her in the first place to go and search for jewelry.

She is not the most beautiful person in the world but so hard to resist her charm. I feel like giving everything I can afford. But I think I went to far.

Now whenever she needs something and I don't give her the right amount, there she goes calling me "Cheap guy" and later moody.

I really don't have the gut to blame her for everything. I did not know how to handle her charm and maybe I lost my head. Now I am paying for it.

I believe it is a 50/50 situation. But regardless, I don't like when she calls me cheap. I don't know why. I feel she does not appreciate anything. Not only my heart but material things also.

stop making excuses!!!! ok fine...you may have told her at one time this did not go with that...so go find something that will match it. but that did not mean it was a green light for her to just think that you have money to spend. c'mon...$350 for 10 pairs of lingerie? where did she look...victoria's secret?!?!?! there are plenty of locally made lingerie that costs way way cheaper than that! let me ask you something. if you said you are working to pay bills and only having a small amount to save afterwards....how the hell are you coming up with all these money you are sending to her and her extended family? surely if you only have enough to pay bills and set aside a few dollars for savings...where is the thousands of dollars you said you have sent (and will continue to send, with the way you're going) coming from? even though you keep telling her you are not rich, but then turn around and keep sending the amount she tells you, she's thinking that you're just lying to her.

then if this whole attitude of your fiancee started because of your own doing...then undo it by stopping the sending of money for things she does not need. yeah she told you all the spending gets expensive because of the visa processing. but i did not see anywhere in the processing where the beneficiary must have the latest and greatest electronic devices for the petition to be processed or approved. you already know the majorly excessive spending is not right...but you keep making excuses for it...maybe you do deserve what you're getting after all. sorry to be so blunt and insensitive.

love makes a person give in to a point that it hurts. and having someone to love is the best thing in the world. but the person we give all that love to has no right to abuse it.