am I cheap?

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Stockholm Syndrome?

More like the Pinay version of blowing hot and cold: Lambing and Tampo.

[Purple Turtle 17]

No, I was referring to his defense against her actions. It's a syndrome where you take the side of the erring person and defend them. But I'm well aware of that lambing and tampo. I do that sometimes :rofl:

More like the Pinay version of blowing hot and cold: Lambing and Tampo.

[A and T 82]

You set yourself up for this, your first mistake

"So my package was paid before going to the phi. I took in cash to the Phil.($3,500 dollars for a week) just to spend. And we spent it all. I don't carry money there. I let her carry it."

You spent $3,500 in a week! She think you are rich beyond belief considering how most people live on that for an entire YEAR in the philippines. So she has taken advantage of you now

So what has happened is you went twice and spent money like you had an endless supply, now she think she is rich and expects it .

Stop being ruled by her, you are the man put your foot down and put the money in your own personal account.

[devastedme 2]

Stop being ruled by her, you are the man put your foot down and put the money in your own personal account.

Easy to say hard to do!!

[B_J 2,752]

Thanks for all the suggestions. I have a lot of things to think about. One person said something that made me think.

This is one of the strangest threads. Every single person, except one, agrees with what is going on; but only one person said anything to make the OP think. Well, I honestly hope every other person on here is wrong and that other person is right. Good luck.

[hisprincess 2]

take it from a pinay who loves her american guy unconditionally DUMP HER!!!

There are a lot of us here fine pinays who never treat their man like a walking atm machine

[And<3Jhe 0]

I'm just curious How old are you and what state and How old your fiance?

Edited May 2, 2011 by And<3Jhe

[Steve&Fe 13]

This is only my opinion as a woman, send her nothing! See her reaction, if she has a hard time with it then you know she's not worth it. Love comes from the heart, not the wallet.

I am Fe (Steve's wife) I agree with 'moroccogirlny'

I am a Filipina and like other Filipina Ladies here met their fiance/husband online, having an online/long distance relationship before seeing each other in person. I never demand nor asked money from him. He did sent money to me but of his own freewill and I was always grateful. I survive in my own for 32 years without him (now my husband) sending money, why I demand? If she truly love's you MONEY SHOULD NOT BE AND ISSUE.

My husband is not RICH but he have a big heart and he loves me with all of his heart. We love each other and we deal the financial matter together. We've been together for almost 3 years here in PH and now planning to go back to USA.

I hope you still have enough time to re-think if you will continue this relationship...at least you are not yet married to her. She is the typical Filipino who thinks that a foreigner specially American is a "walking ATM machine". You're the one who know her better but as far as what I've read from your post she is not worth of your love.

[Steve&Fe 13]

Asawa ko pointed out this thread to me.I probably shouldn't respond cause I have a tendency to be blunt...but I'll be brief.

Either the op is posting a 'not very funny trollish joke' or he deserves everything his sweet little Filipina dishes out. Love is blind and, sometimes, incredibly stupid. You think its expensive now..wait for the divorce in two years when she no longer 'needs' you to remain in the US. Good luck..your going to need it!

Edited May 2, 2011 by Steve&Fe

[rheanick 42]

This is one of the strangest threads. Every single person, except one, agrees with what is going on; but only one person said anything to make the OP think. Well, I honestly hope every other person on here is wrong and that other person is right. Good luck.

I have an idea of that one person. Birds of the same feather stick together.

[Gumbolette 58]

I believe you are a great man, with soft heart. Upon evaluating your post, I am certain that this lady is not the right one for you.

There are a lot of pinays out there who has great intentions why they would marry an american guy. This lady clearly is not marrying you out of love but she wants to marry your money and have someone who will give her all her luxury.

When you are not around, she is probably bragging to her friends and family that she has sugar daddy that provides her with what she desires and can be easily manipulated.

Because of her ,we filipinas has bad reputation resonating the globe in terms of wedding a foreign man.

Based from her personality, she is a type of person who will truly bring her real colors to life when she gets to the U.S.A and feels so highly of herself. Once you marry this person, she will take everything you have which you as a "MAN WHO IS JUST PAYING HIS BILLS" worked hard will only go to this gold digger, One who will want to provide everything to her family back home, send everyone to school with your money! Then If you disagree, she will threaten you for divorce because she is unhappy ( for not having her weekly shopping and all that).

Save yourself for more heartaches. She will only get worse because you allowed her to.

[HotPinay-KoolKano 10]

WOW! she is a gold digger! sorry to say but as i read your story i can jump into a conclusion that she is a real gold digger! that's ridiculous! wow! I feel pity for you..I am a Pinay but never did things like that to my Fiancee,,and she is coming? i can see what the future holds! you should not have petitioned her when you saw & felt that something was really wrong about the financial aspects A man like you deserves a Pinay who is faithful and sensitive and not a stupid spender like her! She looks for money at all. and you are blind..try to have some research about PI...sorry to hear your story. I agree from above comment here! Run! Run! Run! never marry her when she arrives! There are a lot of Pinay worthy of your love...i have some friends who are educated enough and looking for real LOVE. There's a lot of Pinay out here...take the advice of people from here dude...you deserve someone else. God Bless..

[locomoco 0]

Hi Guys,

I know I should not be posting this personal information about my relationship with my fiancee but I am getting a bit worried. Let me give you some details about the situation so that you can understand me. Okay?

First of all I am not a rich guy. I have mortgage, car's payment, etc to pay. I am the only person generating income in my house, hint, I live alone. I always tell her, listen Mary, I am not a rich guy. I am just a regular guy who works to pay bills and save very little. She does not registered that. What part of "I am not rich she does not understand" ?

Back to the topic:

"SHE ALWAYS CALL ME CHEAP. ALWAYS."

Break down:

trip #1.

I bought a package that included hotel and plane tickets. So my package was paid before going to the phi. I took in cash to the Phil.($3,500 dollars for a week) just to spend. And we spent it all. I don't carry money there. I let her carry it.

Total cost for 1 week: about $5,600 including the package.

Trip two:

Same thing....same amount spent in cash in 1 week. We spent it all.

Total cost for 1 week: about $5,300 including the package.

In between:

She wanted latest Blackberry, dslr camera, new laptop, money to pay her rent, money to shop, money to eat out,, etc. We spent $600 dollars for her kid birthday in the phil about $1,200 dollars for her birthday,. I know it is not a lot for some of you but for me it is. If the kid needs to go to Jolibee, I send $100 or so for her kid to go to jolibee not often though. But every now and then.

Sometimes when I need to send budget for her niece, who is going to college, and by mistake by sending 500 to 900 extra, (because of conversation mis-calculations error) I tell her give that extra to your kid for an ice cream or so, she accepts it as if I am sending the kid a penny.

She went back to the Phil. and I am supposed to budget for it. The total amount came to be roughly 154,000 PHP. I sent 152,000 pesos. Guess what? she called me cheap. I know we agreed that I am supposed to send 154,000 but 2,000 less that is like 50 dollars. Guys the problem is when I use the conversation rate, I always screw up with that. Either extra or less.

*Do not forget all the visa fees, medical, and so forth for Mary and her kid"

If I add up the total amount it is about: $25,0000 - $30,000 dollars in less than a year.

Conclusion:

Each time she asks me to send her something, If I don't send the right amount she calls me cheap and that she thinks our relationship will not work because we already have budget problem.

I already told her I can not spend money at this rate. I really can not afford this any more . Jobs are so hard these days. I am working today but we don't know what tomorrow will bring. At this rate my saving will be gone soon . I left out many many more details about.

Am I cheap from what I explained? am I doing correct thing by letting her know I am not a rich guy? I think it was the right thing to do. Well, sometimes I do give her a hard time before I send but it is not because I am cheap. It is because I can hardly continue spending like this I am not shy to say it and I told her just like that.

She has her visa on her hands to come to USA. I am so nerveouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!

Comments are welcome.

That part where "she has her visa on her hands to come to USA." scares me ...So what now?Let her experience the financial situation you have and put her to work or can you just kick her to the curb before she leaves to the USA.?Hmmm....

[tripod 0]

my husband is noo wayyy richhh like you!i truly understand him he pay house mortgage, car, credit card much more saving to see me and visa fees..he always tell me before he is not rich but will work for whatever i desire blah blah i say just make sure we will eat 3x a day i don't ask money except when the internet bill arrived. we started involving money to our lives when we started preparing our wedding and when he insisted to pay the internet. i wish i could ask a lot lol like ur fiance, she's pretty fancy huh . esp they said that his money is my money since we are already married.but i dont have da guts to tell him hey buy me this and that.i'm a shy pinay i guess:) And your fiance is what we called makapal or thick face haha.but anyway sorry to tell you this, she's just natural plain gold digger! men should not initiate opening up about sending money coz there will be tendency that women will think oh i can fool this guy blah blah.. then U should hold ur money ur too, right before coming to the Philippines u should know how to use it.even u trust your wife/fiance if u know how to value what you've work for, every OT u do then start learning our money.dont act like as if ur a santa coz in the end ur the one who will be left out with nothing in the wallet.

no money?? then no honey-- gold digger

[Kevin- 13]

I usually suggest a much softer and more forgiving approach. Not this time. The fact that she's already got the money and visas makes me wonder these things: Are you actually sure about her getting the visa? Do you have notifications or other actual proof that she has them? This sounds to me exactly like stories I've heard where the lady keeps on scamming the guy right up until he's waiting for her at the airport, and she never arrives.... because she never actually obtained the visa and never bought a plane ticket. Unfortunately, you need to test her. I would not suggest lying about anything, you can test her and still be honest. You also don't have to say "this is a test", of course. One test is telling her you can't send more money now. Another is the prenuptial agreement. You also need to be much more assertive. Tell her it bothers you very much when she calls you cheap, and ask her why she says it. $325 for 10 pieces of lingerie.... sounds like the prices I would expect to see in Greenbelt Mall, Makati. Which is probably in the top 5 most expensive places to shop in the Philippines. As others have said, a "good girl" will not generally ask for money, and will especially not spend money like this. When Bel has needed money, she had such a hard time bringing it up, she was very shy about it. I can't imagine sending $100 for her kid to eat at Jollibee. That's like eight weeks worth of kid's meals (1/day). As in FIFTY-SIX fast food meals. I could go on, but I hope you get the point by now. I'm not saying to break it off immediately, but you need to solidly verify that you're not being scammed (not all scams result in the lady not showing up in the US, many continue after the "marriage").