Serious Stress...

[baron555 934]

It's not suffering, but there's stress. I'm surprised at how JUDGEMENTAL people are on here. Every relationship has ups and downs, I'm not going to defend my relationship to you.

Seriously people, I'm not in a competition of how stressful it is, I don't doubt that people have had more/less stressful situations. Does anyone actually read what my question is?! Man alive...

OK, it's obvious you are under a lot of stress.....chill out. Remember many have been through this and they have gotten through it. And you work so many hours, how will things be different when he is here? Your stress level will raise more after that because how you will have to actually help him out, etc.

Anyway....we used Skype virtually every day and continued to talk about all aspects of her life here and what we would do concerning the little one's schooling, her continued education, etc, etc. We did such a good job such that when they arrived, there the transition was seemless. We both understood that the stress would challenge our relationship and we met that head on and used that to our benefit and our relationship was strengthed by it. Do the same and use the stress for productive means.

Unless you have a weird case, you WILL be approved and he will eventually BE here.

[TheSantamarias 0]

Thank you all for your kind words!! I love the reading together idea. We need to do more of that. I get so sick of talking, honestly. I love him with everything in me, but I just want to BE. I completely understand what Ellie said!! Such great suggestions and honestly, things I didn't think of doing before!!

[faust-yusov 103]

It's not suffering, but there's stress. I'm surprised at how JUDGEMENTAL people are on here. Every relationship has ups and downs, I'm not going to defend my relationship to you.

It seems to be the stock response among VJ filers to suggest that one struggling with the imposed dedomiciling of the K-1 process is perhaps engaged in a relationship lacking some sort of fortitude, or one worthy of suspicion.

It's a rather banal, odious, entrenched Western sensibility that you're quite right to disdain.

[Nik+Heather 121]

Echoing Ellie,

Do what you can in the way of distraction and keep in mind that this is temporary, and before too much longer it will be a distant memory. Keep your eyes on the prize!

I'm replying, because I would actually have never asked for a friend or family member to try to influence my case as has been suggested in this thread. Here's why: when I was a teenager and I worked my first job at a retail store, I had a few friends who would repeatedly ask me for "favors" because I worked there. Would I give them the employee discount or just punch in a "sale" while they were checking out (grounds for termination) or if I was working the snack bar, I could surely just slip them an extra cookie (also grounds for termination). It made me extremely uncomfortable because although they may seem like little things, they weren't honest things. I would never dream of putting someone I loved in that position. The only efforts we made to "expedite" our case were to make sure that we met all of the requirements in our original submission and replied ASAP when it was back to us again with Packet 3 etc.

[Mariye & Ky 172]

I'm not discounting what you went through, you musn't be so judgemental, dear.

Also, I think if you were in the situation where a parent/relative of your significant other worked in a higher position in USCIS you would MOST DEFINITELY see if they can help you. I'm sure that even tho you probably have outstanding morals/principles, NO ONE would say, "You know, I'm sure there are probably tons of other people waiting so just send mine to the bottom of the pile." We all want our cases processed right away. I get it that its a small drop in the bucket but I asked for ideas on dealing with the stress of it all, not for you to be rude and snotty to me.

I'm sorry OP and not to sound harsh but Barbara J wasn't being snotty or rude. She's stating facts. And the fact of the matter is, that anyone who files a petition for their beneficiary KNOWS the USCIS goal time is 5 mos+. You're not even there yet and it gets very exhausting seeing this kind of whining on the threads when the WHOLE WORLD BESIDES YOU is waiting too. In our case, my fiance is on a military base in Iraq. Not only are we 10 hours difference, but we are hugely limited in our communications; such that, 3-5 mins on the fone signals and its sketchy and hard to hear most of the time. Sometimes, we don't get to talk for 3-5 days. You have no idea what WAITING means to me when those days of silence happens due to his being in the Green Zone. And now? He was suppose to go back home few days ago, and they EXTENDED HIS CONTRACT for at least another MONTH! Try 4-6 mos of this and I'm sure you'll see that ONE HOUR difference much more appreciated. This NOA2 wait means nothing to me if something happens to him.

And as far as your Father inlaw to be working for the USCIS? Why should you get any more special treatment then those who have waited some 5-7 mos now? You assume some of us would 'take cuts'... that's calling the kettle black, isn't it? Instead of watching the clock, why don't you get your NOA2 packet ready (beneficiary info) so you two are ready for his Interview? Sometimes it takes a while to get foreign documents . But what I can't understand is if you read the USCIS website and your Father inlaw to be works for them too? Why couldn't you get the fact that your wedding date would be an absolute TIME SQUEEZE since it's in June?! I'm sure your parents are reasonable enough people to know that time is of the US Gov't essence and it could be until July or August before he's here. Sorry, but that's what seems to be the trend at the USCIS for now. But Hey! Maybe, you'll be one of the lucky ones who gets their NOA2 within the first 1-4 mos! If you do, I'll still congratulate you.

For your sake and sanity, I wish you luck.

Mari

[TheSantamarias 0]

Echoing Ellie,

Do what you can in the way of distraction and keep in mind that this is temporary, and before too much longer it will be a distant memory. Keep your eyes on the prize!

I'm replying, because I would actually have never asked for a friend or family member to try to influence my case as has been suggested in this thread. Here's why: when I was a teenager and I worked my first job at a retail store, I had a few friends who would repeatedly ask me for "favors" because I worked there. Would I give them the employee discount or just punch in a "sale" while they were checking out (grounds for termination) or if I was working the snack bar, I could surely just slip them an extra cookie (also grounds for termination). It made me extremely uncomfortable because although they may seem like little things, they weren't honest things. I would never dream of putting someone I loved in that position. The only efforts we made to "expedite" our case were to make sure that we met all of the requirements in our original submission and replied ASAP when it was back to us again with Packet 3 etc.

I can appreciate your reasoning. The general population, however, would see it differently. I appreciate your different perspective. As for my future father in law, he works for USCIS and couldn't even expedite his OWN case! He met his wife while on a trip to the Embassy in China and now they've been married about 3 years. It's so interesting how this all works, I guess.

It's been really encouraging to see these suggestions and see a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

[TheSantamarias 0]

I'm sorry OP and not to sound harsh but Barbara J wasn't being snotty or rude. She's stating facts. And the fact of the matter is, that anyone who files a petition for their beneficiary KNOWS the USCIS goal time is 5 mos+. You're not even there yet and it gets very exhausting seeing this kind of whining on the threads when the WHOLE WORLD BESIDES YOU is waiting too. In our case, my fiance is on a military base in Iraq. Not only are we 10 hours difference, but we are hugely limited in our communications; such that, 3-5 mins on the fone signals and its sketchy and hard to hear most of the time. Sometimes, we don't get to talk for 3-5 days. You have no idea what WAITING means to me when those days of silence happens due to his being in the Green Zone. And now? He was suppose to go back home few days ago, and they EXTENDED HIS CONTRACT for at least another MONTH! Try 4-6 mos of this and I'm sure you'll see that ONE HOUR difference much more appreciated. This NOA2 wait means nothing to me if something happens to him.

And as far as your Father inlaw to be working for the USCIS? Why should you get any more special treatment then those who have waited some 5-7 mos now? You assume some of us would 'take cuts'... that's calling the kettle black, isn't it? Instead of watching the clock, why don't you get your NOA2 packet ready (beneficiary info) so you two are ready for his Interview? Sometimes it takes a while to get foreign documents . But what I can't understand is if you read the USCIS website and your Father inlaw to be works for them too? Why couldn't you get the fact that your wedding date would be an absolute TIME SQUEEZE since it's in June?! I'm sure your parents are reasonable enough people to know that time is of the US Gov't essence and it could be until July or August before he's here. Sorry, but that's what seems to be the trend at the USCIS for now. But Hey! Maybe, you'll be one of the lucky ones who gets their NOA2 within the first 1-4 mos! If you do, I'll still congratulate you.

For your sake and sanity, I wish you luck.

Mari

By stating my current situation, I'm not discounting yours. I think that the situation your in sounds heartbreaking. I posted this in a moment of weakness. This is supposed to be where I can find support and encouragement, right?

As for my wedding date, I ended up changing it this morning to late fall. Nothing else I could do.

And as for my father in law. Call it what you want, but I was being honest. I said exactly what I was feeling at that moment. If you're so tired of whiney threads, I suggest taking a break from VJ. That last thing that I would do on here is take someone that is already down and then kick them just a little bit harder than the last person.

[B_J 2,752]

I am a generally patient person I think but this is driving me mental... How do you guys deal with your stress? The wait is taking its toll on our relationship. It's hard to spend all this time on the phone and online and keep up a normal schedule.

This month the time changes here in Wisconsin and I will be an hour AHEAD of Carlos in El Salvador and that makes it even harder!! I work 6a-2:30p and 10 hours of mandatory overtime per week.

The worst part about this whole thing is his dad is the Deputy Chief of the USCIS Forms Center West and he can't even help us expedite anything.

Give me your ideas on how to get thru this trying time...

I have no advice on how to deal with the stress because I'm having difficulty with it also.

And I think it would be very wrong for your father in law to help expedite your petition. However, if you could convince him to help a total stranger, like me , I think that would be great.

[TheSantamarias 0]

I have no advice on how to deal with the stress because I'm having difficulty with it also.

And I think it would be very wrong for your father in law to help expedite your petition. However, if you could convince him to help a total stranger, like me , I think that would be great.

LOL - I'll put in a good word for you

[Mariye & Ky 172]

By stating my current situation, I'm not discounting yours. I think that the situation your in sounds heartbreaking. I posted this in a moment of weakness. This is supposed to be where I can find support and encouragement, right?

As for my wedding date, I ended up changing it this morning to late fall. Nothing else I could do.

And as for my father in law. Call it what you want, but I was being honest. I said exactly what I was feeling at that moment. If you're so tired of whiney threads, I suggest taking a break from VJ. That last thing that I would do on here is take someone that is already down and then kick them just a little bit harder than the last person.

Um.... sorry to have offended you if you felt kicked when I spoke about a whiner on the threads. However, you also offended me when you stated anyone who had a friend or family in the USCIS would ask the same favour and did not admit it? They are lying. Not so. I have friend(s) in the USCIS who are in upper positions and I still would not ask them to expedite our case for few reasons: WE DO NOT QUALIFY IN THE USCIS CRITERIA ,THERE ARE MANY IN LINE AHEAD OF US, and IT WOULD PUT THEIR JOBS IN JEOPARDY.

Maybe you should take a break from reading VJ & the wedding plans for a day. Go for a chick flick, spa treatment, or even have a girl day with friends and get some "retail therapy" in. That always seems to work for me.

Cheers!

Mari

[amesa 9]

We had a 5 hour difference and that was bad enough. 16 must be very stressful!

How did we cope? Well, I have to admit, during the period of wait I had no life outside of work and David. On weekdays, I would get home from work, eat....and then retire to my bedroom to talk with him. On weekends, I would use the time difference to my advantage and get everything done I needed to do before he woke up. Then, we would spend all day talking, watching movies together (1,2,3...then press play!) he would read me to sleep, leaving my video open whilst he went about his business. We lived and breathed for one another, spending every second we could.....talking, laughing, FIGHTING!!, all the normal stuff. Sometimes I resented him being so far away and having no independence during the long wait. Mostly, I just could not wait for the day when we could just sit in a room together. Not talking. Just being together.

In fact, when I first arrived, I told him not to talk to me anymore. We'd talked enough!

That seems so far away now. The key seems to be to look to the future during the wait. I know him better than any man I ever spent time with because of the time spent talking. It doesn't matter that people tell you this, because the visa wait is like purgatory.....but once on the other side, you'll tell others during their wait that......it. will. be. okay.

And the record, I would have used every family connection I had to speed up the process. The other side of the coin is that.....the wait strengthened our relationship and to this day makes us realize just how much we love each other even when we are biting each others heads off. Many relationships do not endure the visa process. Ours did. Life is gooooooood......full of the stresses of all relationships.....and goooood!

How do you watch movies together online? I would love to know how to do this...

[san diego 407]

OMG I have heard it all now. I was in Australia and I had a damm 16 hour difference in time with my now husband.And with daylight saving we had 14 hours. Gee you have 1 hour aaww I am sorry but this infuriates me and you are upset because you can't get his Dad to expedite because he works for USCIS.

Somer people on here wait months and some years and they keep their relationship going because they love one another and want to be together. the time apart is a small drop in the bucket on the large scales of things when you will be together for the rest of your lives. Yu need to keep positive is all I know it is hard but it is worth it.

I think this is somewhat judgemental remark. I already have NOA2 and it did take me 5 months. However, I would not hesitate to expedite my case if I could. All of us are in great stress while waiting for NOA2 and I am sure that if you could you would not hesitate to expedite it. So, I would not make a judgement of people based on their desire to expedite their case by all possible means. I would really like to hear ANYONE telling me on this site who is involved in K1 process that if they could they would not expedite their case.

[TeddyHoney 42]

Sorry but you have all of 1 hour time difference to contend with? Try 7 or 8 hours!

Before we were together in the US, we spent almost 2 years being long distance. Our minimum time difference was 7 hours, maximum 8 hours. We still managed to keep in touch every single day: we would video chat on Skype (I would get up early, he would stay up late), we would talk on the phone, email and text each other. Yes, it was difficult being apart - it is for any couple - but love is what gets you through it. We knew the waiting would pay off, and it did.

I sympathise with you because I remember all too well how difficult it was to be apart (it's only 6 months since I moved to the US) but I don't think a 1 hour time difference is really that big of a deal! Most people on this forum would love to only have a one hour time difference!

As for your fiancé's dad working for USCIS and not being able to expedite anything for you... well, that's just tough. It's not fair of you to expect special treatment - everyone else in this situation has paid the same filing fees as you, and some people have been waiting a lot longer than you for their NOA2 (e.g. people waiting since August and September). You just have to hang in there, I'm afraid.

Try 12 and 13 hours difference. I'll take 1 HOUR anytime. To me that's like no time difference.

TeddyHoney and SqueezyBear

(Derrick and Ritchie)

[TheSantamarias 0]

Try 12 and 13 hours difference. I'll take 1 HOUR anytime. To me that's like no time difference.

TeddyHoney and SqueezyBear

(Derrick and Ritchie)

I don't doubt that's terrible.

Congratulations on your kidney transplant, btw. My dad had one 4 years ago.

[TeddyHoney 42]

If your future father-in-law was Deputy Chief for USCIS would YOU ask for help? If you say no, you're lying. Sorry for being so blunt but EVERY SINGLE person on this site would.

I don't understand why everyone seems so shocked and appauled that I would even mention it. Come on...

Couldn't that relative get fired or worse for manipulating the system? My sister used to work at the bank in the load department. I never asked her to push my loan app through because I knew if she got caught she would be fired and could possibly be charged with a crime.

No if I had a friend or relative at USCIS - a government office I would not ask them to jeoprdize thier job just for me.

I don't doubt that's terrible.

Congratulations on your kidney transplant, btw. My dad had one 4 years ago.

Thanks and I'm glad he's doing great!

TeddyHoney and SqueezyBear

(Derrick and Ritchie)